Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

[DTWolfwood]

yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol

See Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, etc, etc, etc.

Just found out the movie took about $120+million to make. which explains the dated CGI Bob was talking about. It'll break even and be profitable too (Smurfs made back their money 5 fold...) SO i take back everything. This is a terrible terrible kids movie.

Either way, why do they keep making movies where the title characters play second fiddle to everyone else?

You know what, Michael Bay just need to go back to making "original" titles and stop treading on old franchises. I hear Pain and Gain was actually kind of good, and I loved Armageddon when it came out who knows when ago.

 

[daxterx2005]

There is no way this movie can make Next Mutation look good, I don't believe it! It's impossible!

 

[JimB]

Tsk, that's a shame. In the last few weeks, as more commercials came out, I started getting warily interested in what I was seeing just because Michelangelo would probably get off one line per commercial that I find genuinely funny (I still laugh at the "It's just a mask!" bit). I was hoping this would be...well, not a big surprise, but a movie that is surprising for being better than the skunky-smelling puddle of suck we all expected. Oh, well.

Oh, and add my voice to the choir about the RIP stinger. That's funny as hell.

 

[TornadoADV]

Michael Bay is the new Uwe Boll.

 

[Callate]

I'm surprised, but only in as much as it was that bad. I was expecting "disposable bad", not "degrading the franchise and inspiring despair for the state of modern child-directed entertainment" bad.

I mean, TMNT hasn't exactly been swinging for the fences for some time, now...

 

[darthdenim]

So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?


Gotcha.

 

[direkiller]

This seems to be Michale Bay's attempt to defend his title as worst other franchise to movie adaptation ever. If he didn't already hold that title.

Not while BloodRayne and Uwe Boll still exists.

 

[AkatsukiLeader13]

What I'm getting out of this, is that my children would much prefer me to find some copies of the old 90's live action movies and project them on the side of the house.

Done.

You know what that still sounds more appealing this TMNT film.

 

[2xDouble]

I'm genuinely sorry this happened, Bob. Here, allow the Warp Zone to blind you to this with nostalgia: (don't worry, it's the good, non-parody version)


And for good measure,

Spoiler: Here's the Transformers too

Here's the Transformers too.

 

[VonBrewskie]

*waves smoke away from his monitor* Wow. That was a hardcore lashing Bob. I like what you said at the end about kids deserving better. I'm 33. We grew up with some great kids movies. Well written, characters that mattered and had great arcs, great scenery and practical effects that bled with creativity, all of that good stuff. That isn't to say it was all like that though. There were a ton of horrible movies I remember growing up. The turtles were a huge cash cow and I very much remember the original movies as not being that great. I still love them, don't get me wrong, but subsequent viewings have shown them to be what they are: not very good movies. The thing is, if what you're saying is true Bob, the new TMNT is missing the sole saving grace of the earlier films in that the earlier films were a blast to watch. (Yes even the 3rd one imo.) Fun seems to be running away from film and I for one am stoked that a movie like Guardians of the Galaxy exists because that movie, besides everything else that it is, is absolutely one of the most fun movies I've seen in recent memory. Kids do deserve better films than what they are currently getting. I'm worried that they are going to grow up thinking that sh** like this is the norm. Good review Bob. Thanks for the heads-up.

 

[Casual Shinji]

The downside is I now have to see this movie. Only because I have trouble believing anything could be this bad. This isn't a defense of Michael Bay (Who I dislike as a filmmaker/producer/anything that has him involved in entertainment) or the movie itself (which I fully expect does suck), just general disbelief. I literally cannot imagine a movie so horrible that it would border on a real-world "Springtime for Hitler" equivalent.

You mean you haven't seen Transformers 2?

I stopped trying to measure Bay's vileness after that, but I can't imagine anything being worse. That movie literally inserted shit into my brain.

 

[Adam Jensen_v1legacy]

Like there was ever any doubt. Michael Bay should stick to making Bad Boys movies. At least those are fun.

 

[VonBrewskie]

Wait wait wait...wait....wait...

Are you telling me that a movie that looked every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get nowadays actually WAS every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get these days?
Seriously, I was baffled by how many people were actually looking forward to this crap. Whether you're a TMNT fan or not (which I'm not), how anyone couldn't see this trainwreck coming from a mile away is beyond me.

I don't think many were expecting the film to be good at all, fans or not. The group you're directing your snark at doesn't exist bro. I think at best most people were cautiously optimistic about something they hadn't seen yet even though their gut told them that pessimism was wholly justified. The group are people like my friends with kids who didn't care if the film sucked or not. They just wanted something to distract their kids with for a couple of hours.

 

[walsfeo]

But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

Actually this is a great review. It explains not only that the movie is a big bottle of suck-o-la cola, but why.

Seriously, the world needs more reviews like this.

 

[Master Taffer]

I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.

 

[darthdenim]

Why is hating on that awful Catwoman movie "smug and self righteous", but it's okay for you to constantly talk about how much you hate the Amazing Spiderman movies?

Those movies aren't even as bad as Catwoman.

 

[lord canti]

I actually enjoyed the movie. It was by no means a great movie at all, but it certainly wasn't bad. With the exception of a couple of Mikey's horndog lines all the turtles personalities were in tact. The lowest point of the film was Megan Fox as April shockingly enough. Although the plot was pretty stupid I feel that for the most part they were very true to the turtles personalities.

 

[exobook]

So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.

We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.

I think its a couple of reason. Firstly the internet fan meta is dominated by 30 something's that grew up with the originally in the 1980's and 90's. TMNT 2003 is a bit beyond their time and nostalgia goggles kick in. The other problem is TMNT 2003 has never received a major DVD release (This seemed to have happened with a lot of stuff from the early 2000's. Too new for nostalgia, too old for current consumption), its hard to have a community around something when they can't watch it. The final issue is the series later series, that weird magic one half of which was never broadcasted in the UK, Fast Forward (more interesting if you look at it as cyberpunk for children), and finally 'Back to the Sewer'. What every you think about them they radically changed the show, 3 times which probably put off a lot of fans of the original format.

The series will probably be vindicated by history with the fan base especially if the franchise shifts to be around the movie-verse.



Actually now that I think about it the bay movie actually may be using the 2003 series as its primary inspiration over the rest of the adaptations. The idea of the foot clan as a military style operation is more in like the post-shredder purple dragons and the idea of the shredder operating under the guise of a legitimate businessman. The series also provides the idea of the turtles as large and bulky (though the film obviously goes much more taking stuff from the dark turtles). Hell even the visuals seem to have been stolen from this and the TMNT film of 2007.

 

[lord canti]

I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.

You should check out Doug Walkers reviews. Not only is he a better critic in my opinion, he also tears movies apart with out insulting the people who enjoy it.

 

[Darth_Payn]

The hate is strong in you, Bob. My friends saw this last night (I couldn't go, I had work this morning) and said it's good, but now I'm not so sure. Listening to that plot synopsis made my eyes cross and my brain hurt, like it was trying to eject itself from my skull. So I guess if I see this (BIG if), I shouldn't go alone. Or sober.