Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

Master Taffer

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Aug 4, 2010
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I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
 

darthdenim

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Jul 10, 2014
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Why is hating on that awful Catwoman movie "smug and self righteous", but it's okay for you to constantly talk about how much you hate the Amazing Spiderman movies?

Those movies aren't even as bad as Catwoman.
 

lord canti

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May 30, 2009
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I actually enjoyed the movie. It was by no means a great movie at all, but it certainly wasn't bad. With the exception of a couple of Mikey's horndog lines all the turtles personalities were in tact. The lowest point of the film was Megan Fox as April shockingly enough. Although the plot was pretty stupid I feel that for the most part they were very true to the turtles personalities.
 

exobook

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Sep 28, 2011
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erttheking said:
exobook said:
So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.
We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.
I think its a couple of reason. Firstly the internet fan meta is dominated by 30 something's that grew up with the originally in the 1980's and 90's. TMNT 2003 is a bit beyond their time and nostalgia goggles kick in. The other problem is TMNT 2003 has never received a major DVD release (This seemed to have happened with a lot of stuff from the early 2000's. Too new for nostalgia, too old for current consumption), its hard to have a community around something when they can't watch it. The final issue is the series later series, that weird magic one half of which was never broadcasted in the UK, Fast Forward (more interesting if you look at it as cyberpunk for children), and finally 'Back to the Sewer'. What every you think about them they radically changed the show, 3 times which probably put off a lot of fans of the original format.

The series will probably be vindicated by history with the fan base especially if the franchise shifts to be around the movie-verse.



Actually now that I think about it the bay movie actually may be using the 2003 series as its primary inspiration over the rest of the adaptations. The idea of the foot clan as a military style operation is more in like the post-shredder purple dragons and the idea of the shredder operating under the guise of a legitimate businessman. The series also provides the idea of the turtles as large and bulky (though the film obviously goes much more taking stuff from the dark turtles). Hell even the visuals seem to have been stolen from this and the TMNT film of 2007.
 

lord canti

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Master Taffer said:
I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
You should check out Doug Walkers reviews. Not only is he a better critic in my opinion, he also tears movies apart with out insulting the people who enjoy it.
 

Darth_Payn

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Aug 5, 2009
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The hate is strong in you, Bob. My friends saw this last night (I couldn't go, I had work this morning) and said it's good, but now I'm not so sure. Listening to that plot synopsis made my eyes cross and my brain hurt, like it was trying to eject itself from my skull. So I guess if I see this (BIG if), I shouldn't go alone. Or sober.
 

JimB

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darthdenim said:
So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?

Gotcha.
When a cinematic equivalent of Mickey Rooney's role in Breakfast at Tiffany's or the entire run of Amos n Andy puts a person of color in the role of a white person just for the sake of enforcing racial segregation in Hollywood, then you can claim all acts of racial inversion are equivalent. Until then, the context just isn't there.
 

LaughingAtlas

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Nov 18, 2009
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"R.I.P.: Being Nice To Micheal Bay, 2014-2014"

No one can say you didn't try, Bob. I had hoped that with the Shredder looking kindof like he did post-ooze mutation at the end of TMNT 2, he might at least be a fun, intimidating villain, but this sounds more like just another mook with fancier pants. And more blades than would be remotely practical to wield.
 

KisaiTenshi

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Mar 6, 2014
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marscentral said:
Sadly I think everyone saw this coming. Unfortunately the "it's a kids movie so it's okay if it's crap" mentality has been way too prevalent in Hollywood for way too long. The nostalgia based franchises like Transformers and TMNT should be the best of films because they know they can appeal to kids and their parents and make a tonne of money from family viewing. Instead you have rubbish like this where the kid will walk out of the cinema and turn to his or her parents and ask, "You really liked this when you were my age?"
"It's a Kids Movie, it's okay to be crap" mentality is because we treat kids like they are idiots. Given a lot of "dumb" kids are easily entertained by TV shows like "SpongeBob Squarepants", it's no surprise that films that promise a nostalgia trip end up being horrible, because we only saw the older version through those "dumb" glasses.

The problem I find is that since "all kids are dumb" is what studios go into when they produce films and tv shows, we end up with this slippery slope of bad films that are closer to something produced by the Asylum.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_Forever , here's what a nostalgia trip gone wrong looks like. I watched this and went "wait, were the 80's turtles always this dumb?"

So when you think about it, it's fine to reboot a series, but it's not fine to make the characters worse than the last version [that made money.]
 

The Great JT

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Oct 6, 2008
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Yeah, who saw this coming except everyone? And yet somehow they're going to make a sequel.

Maybe someday Bebop and Rocksteady will show up to put things right. They are the heroes we deserve, and the heroes we need.
 

otakon17

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Jun 21, 2010
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God.FUCKING.dammit.BAY YOU RAT BASTARD! I know he didn't direct but Goddammit everything he touches that he didn't make himself seems to turn to shit. Also, what the FUCK turning Michelangelo into a horndog? Please, give the R34 artists more bait like April's ludicrous bust from the 80's show wasn't enough(you know what I'm talking about dammit, you just didn't realize until puberty hit!). I was thinking of catching this along with Guardians of the Galaxy but I think I'll just catch GotG now and stay far away from this mess of a movie.
 

lord canti

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Master Taffer said:
lord canti said:
Master Taffer said:
I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
You should check out Doug Walkers reviews. Not only is he a better critic in my opinion, he also tears movies apart with out insulting the people who enjoy it.
I watch Doug on occasion, yeah. Problem is he doesn't review recent releases and his taste in movies is a bit skewed from mine.

In the past my two reviewers were Roger Ebert and Bob Chipman because the two of them were fairly close to my personal tastes in movies. I could rely on both of them on whether or not I should see a movie that weekend. If one of them was way off, I could usually rely on the other to inject a sense of sanity into the proceedings. Examples being when Roger completely lost his shit over Kick Ass (gave it one star and called it reprehensible) Bob tended to be a bit more sane in reaction. Meanwhile when Bob lost the plot with Amazing Spider-Man 1, Roger gave it 3.5/4 stars. There's no way in hell Bob could possibly be sane on the movie when Roger Ebert, a self professed Spider-Man fan, was giving the movie 3.5/4 stars.

Unfortunately Roger Ebert passed away, so I'm left with Bob Chipman. Also unfortunately Bob has turned into a juvenile and petty little troll who's chosen to veil his own insecurity and childish behavior behind a mask of intellectual superiority. At least with Ebert if a movie was bad he acted like a disappointed father rather than a petulant teenager and then moved on from it. I truly miss Ebert, who never submitted to cynicism and had a genuine love of his medium. Bob's just turned into a snide prick over the past few years.
He does do reviews with his brother on their show Sibling Rivalry, but like you said their taste in movie might not align with yours. That being said, Bob always has had a sort of prickish side to him, but it hasn't been until recently that it has become unbearable. I understand not liking a movie, but he acts like someone just spit in his mothers face when a movie is bad.
 

Sanunes

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Mar 18, 2011
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lord canti said:
He does do reviews with his brother on their show Sibling Rivalry, but like you said their taste in movie might not align with yours. That being said, Bob always has had a sort of prickish side to him, but it hasn't been until recently that it has become unbearable. I understand not liking a movie, but he acts like someone just spit in his mothers face when a movie is bad.
I think it changed when people started to call him biased when he would voice concerns, for I started to notice a change to "I don't care what you say" when people started with the biased comments with Amazing Spider-Man 2 when he was saying he was concerned with the direction of the film and the comments started with "biased already" or "you hated the first one, so its natural you hate this already, you're biased".
 

C.S.Strowbridge

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Jul 22, 2010
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darthdenim said:
So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?


Gotcha.
One increases diversity and the other decreases diversity. Of course you should treat the two instances differently.
 

TheDrunkNinja

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Jun 12, 2009
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nima55 said:
TheDrunkNinja said:
*Clicks play on video; footage from Amazing Spider-man*

"I'm not bias... and everyone who disagrees is a fanboy."

*Immediately stops video; shakes head vigorously*

.....

*Resigned sigh; clicks on comment section*
*doesn't acctully comment in a meaningful way*
Truly, t'would be far more meaningful for me to affect Mr. Chipman's attitude of fervently continuing his vice grip upon the made-up reality where this obsession he spouts regularly could not possibly be considered bias or unreasonable.
 

darthdenim

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Jul 10, 2014
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Doug Walker has problems of his own.

Like how he likes to detract points from a movie if ANYTHING he considers "unoriginal" happens in it.
 

Arcane Azmadi

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Jan 23, 2009
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Oh wow, even worse that I expected. It's a good thing that, unlike Bob, I wasn't holding out hope that this film might be good or else I might be disappointed. Instead I just roll my eyes and sigh.
 

faefrost

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Jun 2, 2010
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Honestly, if you are feeling Nostalgic, and want to experience a GOOD reboot and new take on the TMNT, take the price of 2 tickets to this movie in grab the DVD's from the first 2 seasons of Nikolodeon's current TMNT instead. Solid good funny writing that doesn't talk down to you. Logical connections between characters. An engrossing overarching story. Actual character growth and development, especially April. Bob says today's kids deserve better... But they have better... They have a better take on the Turtles than we ever could have imagined... It's just that it is on TV, not this Michael Bay licensed crapstorm. Here's hoping that this CGI shift fest doesn't damage or cancel the good television show.
 

V4Viewtiful

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BigTuk said:
Dear God... Bob... you actually thought this movie made Next Mutation look good? My god. Didn't think that was possible...
The Next Mutation was good before Venus and the Shredder was cool too.