Normally I hate the escapist forums and everyone on them but seeing as this is genuine universal issue that the majority of men at least know of (if not know personally) I'll give some genuine advice.
Be a challenge. Not necessarily an asshole, a challenge.
My own success in Love (as few and far between as they were) actually did sort of come out of how I approached the issue of women and love from a young age. Simply put, I just never talked to them, I was a bit of a loner and thought alot, and assumed, after some self analysis and much self deprecating, I would never be some girl's Boyfriend and made peace with that (as much as the loneliness stung) And more often then not I did not approach the girls I had an interest in overtly outside of the odd hello or the casual conversation in the lunch hall. Naturally of course I'd say many of those of you who've been in the friend zone have had something similar to this in your experience, but I bet most of you have also went with the desperate Nice Guy approach. Here's what I did differently. While I definitely gave a shit about the girls in my friend circles problems and listened and gave advice I was not soft. I told them when they were fucking shit over, being an idiot and generally being forceful and told them they were wrong when, for all the world they were wrong. (This happened both with girls I had an interest in and those I did not) The result? I got a surprising amount of respect on the playgrounds and as I got older, the school in general. Although I would later learn I was oblivious to it, alot of girls did seem to take an interest in me but that they were nervous of me, an odd feeling I can tell you. This even happened in my first job at a factory where a Polish woman who didn't even speak English took a fancy to me, and I was obese at the time. That should tell you something about attitude and assertiveness in compliance with your nice guy mentalities.
Women like strong men, strong in character if not in physicality (although that is a highly desirable bonus) but in my own way, event he ones I was interested in I did not ask out for two reasons, the first being I still had a rather crippling self doubt behind the assertiveness and a firm belief in never being boyfriend material and two, I realised I didn't really want the women all that much. As much as I found being a challenge for women is what makes them attracted to you, I found very few (ok most of the time, none of them) were really a challenge for me. Now of course I'm something of a moralist thanks to my Conservative Roman Catholic world view on pretty much fucking everything so even if I wanted a relationship, I was not looking for sex, and a sexually active woman would actually put me off. And with that said, even during my horny teenage years I did not want a relationship for casual sex (as much as my body really really wanted to), in fact the idea of casual sex cheapened the relationships of those in my friend circles as far as I could see, seemingly vindicated by the absurdly high break up ratios or the amount of relationships that just became emotionally abusive for both parties. I wanted none of that shit. So while pretty looks and a nice body were a highly desirable bonus, that was not what I was looking for, what was it then, personality? alot of girls I knew certainly had that, good ones too, and funny ones. But they either caved or clammed up when challenged when important issues on politics and society came up (like homosexuality or something similar was being discussed) They either changed their tone uncharacteristically to appease me in a discussion or they became fanatical about the subject and nearly broke the friendship off right there because how DARE anyone disagree with them on something like this.
I advise all you guys it is worth sizing up a girl's emotional and psycological health as well as gauging her opinions on at least some widespread social concerns (like abortion, contraception and some of the bigger political concerns) even if you don't agree with each-other to the point of a fight, the important thing is you find a girl who THINKS. If nothing else, it leads to better friendships. So much better friendships. I have several girls, (one a socially conservative yet politically and economically liberal from Canada and one other who is the epitome of an American Liberal Democrat from the west coast, I am best friends with both despite being an irredeemably morally and socially conservative absolutist monarchist from Ireland. (No, really)
So that's why I spent nearly all of my time single (and in that time only say one girl I knew asked me out), she was funny and didn't agree with me on everything, and I was interested in her at the time, but she had just gotten out of a bad relationship were the guy she was with, a whiny mother fucker, cheated on her and I wasn't going to move in, (because I like to think not being an opportunistic dick is a positive, moral, character trait) to my surprise a bunch of my friends informed me she was really taken by me (I had no idea the feelings were mutual) so I confronted her about it (a reminder: I was still socially awkward despite my bearings) I could've asked her out then and there but I wanted to be intellectually honest about it as she had been confessing her feelings to our mutual friends whereas I had not so I gave her the opportunity in a conversation we had, where I goaded her into confessing directly to me and giving her obvious OBVIOUS hints she should just go right out and ask me out. Before you ask, yes it was like pulling teeth, but she did it and we lasted for little over a year before the relationship broke down due to the converging forces of bad luck, parental abuse from a long dead mother, psychological problems and her feelings of inadequacy and clinginess as well as negotiating a miasma of circle jerking of her and her female friends and their respective emotional baggage and bullshit which pretty much cost me every other social circle I was in. She broke up with me a few days after her dad died in a car crash and proceeded to be involved in THREE destructive relationships over the following 4 weeks, which I only found out about after the fact.
Happy thoughts right? Anyway, hope my stories help.
Be a challenge. Not necessarily an asshole, a challenge.
My own success in Love (as few and far between as they were) actually did sort of come out of how I approached the issue of women and love from a young age. Simply put, I just never talked to them, I was a bit of a loner and thought alot, and assumed, after some self analysis and much self deprecating, I would never be some girl's Boyfriend and made peace with that (as much as the loneliness stung) And more often then not I did not approach the girls I had an interest in overtly outside of the odd hello or the casual conversation in the lunch hall. Naturally of course I'd say many of those of you who've been in the friend zone have had something similar to this in your experience, but I bet most of you have also went with the desperate Nice Guy approach. Here's what I did differently. While I definitely gave a shit about the girls in my friend circles problems and listened and gave advice I was not soft. I told them when they were fucking shit over, being an idiot and generally being forceful and told them they were wrong when, for all the world they were wrong. (This happened both with girls I had an interest in and those I did not) The result? I got a surprising amount of respect on the playgrounds and as I got older, the school in general. Although I would later learn I was oblivious to it, alot of girls did seem to take an interest in me but that they were nervous of me, an odd feeling I can tell you. This even happened in my first job at a factory where a Polish woman who didn't even speak English took a fancy to me, and I was obese at the time. That should tell you something about attitude and assertiveness in compliance with your nice guy mentalities.
Women like strong men, strong in character if not in physicality (although that is a highly desirable bonus) but in my own way, event he ones I was interested in I did not ask out for two reasons, the first being I still had a rather crippling self doubt behind the assertiveness and a firm belief in never being boyfriend material and two, I realised I didn't really want the women all that much. As much as I found being a challenge for women is what makes them attracted to you, I found very few (ok most of the time, none of them) were really a challenge for me. Now of course I'm something of a moralist thanks to my Conservative Roman Catholic world view on pretty much fucking everything so even if I wanted a relationship, I was not looking for sex, and a sexually active woman would actually put me off. And with that said, even during my horny teenage years I did not want a relationship for casual sex (as much as my body really really wanted to), in fact the idea of casual sex cheapened the relationships of those in my friend circles as far as I could see, seemingly vindicated by the absurdly high break up ratios or the amount of relationships that just became emotionally abusive for both parties. I wanted none of that shit. So while pretty looks and a nice body were a highly desirable bonus, that was not what I was looking for, what was it then, personality? alot of girls I knew certainly had that, good ones too, and funny ones. But they either caved or clammed up when challenged when important issues on politics and society came up (like homosexuality or something similar was being discussed) They either changed their tone uncharacteristically to appease me in a discussion or they became fanatical about the subject and nearly broke the friendship off right there because how DARE anyone disagree with them on something like this.
I advise all you guys it is worth sizing up a girl's emotional and psycological health as well as gauging her opinions on at least some widespread social concerns (like abortion, contraception and some of the bigger political concerns) even if you don't agree with each-other to the point of a fight, the important thing is you find a girl who THINKS. If nothing else, it leads to better friendships. So much better friendships. I have several girls, (one a socially conservative yet politically and economically liberal from Canada and one other who is the epitome of an American Liberal Democrat from the west coast, I am best friends with both despite being an irredeemably morally and socially conservative absolutist monarchist from Ireland. (No, really)
So that's why I spent nearly all of my time single (and in that time only say one girl I knew asked me out), she was funny and didn't agree with me on everything, and I was interested in her at the time, but she had just gotten out of a bad relationship were the guy she was with, a whiny mother fucker, cheated on her and I wasn't going to move in, (because I like to think not being an opportunistic dick is a positive, moral, character trait) to my surprise a bunch of my friends informed me she was really taken by me (I had no idea the feelings were mutual) so I confronted her about it (a reminder: I was still socially awkward despite my bearings) I could've asked her out then and there but I wanted to be intellectually honest about it as she had been confessing her feelings to our mutual friends whereas I had not so I gave her the opportunity in a conversation we had, where I goaded her into confessing directly to me and giving her obvious OBVIOUS hints she should just go right out and ask me out. Before you ask, yes it was like pulling teeth, but she did it and we lasted for little over a year before the relationship broke down due to the converging forces of bad luck, parental abuse from a long dead mother, psychological problems and her feelings of inadequacy and clinginess as well as negotiating a miasma of circle jerking of her and her female friends and their respective emotional baggage and bullshit which pretty much cost me every other social circle I was in. She broke up with me a few days after her dad died in a car crash and proceeded to be involved in THREE destructive relationships over the following 4 weeks, which I only found out about after the fact.
Happy thoughts right? Anyway, hope my stories help.
R, If you were right for this girl then you wouldn't be acting as though you're just trying to bait a particularly stubborn fish by tending to it's every need. If she's worth the huge amounts of time you spent on her, then she must be worth your respect. So give it to her, instead of treating her like some kind of commodity that you're attempting to "win". 
