Kameburger said:
KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime said:
Personally I like what you're doing, and while I never felt uncomfortable with trans-individuals conceptually speaking, I do feel like there is a gap in how I see trans-folk and how they might see themselves.
So my question is this. Why use the word trans at all? I feel like I know many people who come out as trans but I suppose it's easier for me to wrap my head around the idea that you simply just are what you are. If you feel like you are a man inside and you want to be that man that you feel you are, then I'm going to treat you like a man, end of story. If you feel like you're a woman then I don't see anything weird about treating you that way. But I feel like trans doesn't accurately define someone to me as an identity and I don't quite get it. This may sound stupid and irrelevant but you wouldn't call a Caterpillar in a cocoon a trans-butterfly. I guess my point is: doesn't basing an identity around the transformative process rather then the persons own identity undermine the concept of wanting to be who you feel on the inside and instead solidify yourself as an "other" so to speak? I'm sorry if this seems offensive but this is seriously what not just myself but a few others I know are thinking and it's not easy to ask this kind of a question.
First I have to address this: Thank you for being so open in terms of treatment. You'd be shocked how many people treat me as my birth sex, instead of my identified gender. Usually for bullshit reasons too, like not believing in transgenderism. That doesn't make it any less rude to make it my problem.
Simply, it's a classification, a term used to define something. It's also part of any trans person's identity, meaning we're different, it's something that makes us different than most people. As a term it gives our situation meaning, allows us to identify it. Also trans people aren't going to burst from a cocoon as the sex we identify as, it'd be nice if that happened, but alas it doesn't.
Leon Royce said:
Hi KyuubiNoKitsune. Could you tell us what your family situation was growing up? Were any parents absent, violent, abusive? What about school?
Thanks.
Sure. I had both my parents present, though I was missing a grandparent on each side.(For those curious, my mom's dad and dad's mom passed before I was born. Then again the first was nuts, the latter had Alzheimer?s. So I may have been better off not having met them in such states.) I wasn't abused, or subject to any violence, well except for spankings, that I richly deserved. Seriously, I killed a TV once with windex at like age 7, I earned that spanking.
School wasn't much of an issue. I was taught karate, akido, judo, and kendo from an early age, so bullying was never an issue for me. Because when you can beat a bully senseless, the rest avoid you like the plague. On the administrative side... Well my mom once threatened to sue my grade school because I was being discriminated against, for liking to wear girl's clothing, which apparently was against dress code. My mom was a scary person when she was mad too, not physically, but she could literally say things that made you wish you were never born, and hate yourself at the same time. Apparently word got around too, because I never had a problem related to being trans with teachers and other staff.
I could dive deeper into my family and school life, but that would make a long post horrifically long.
Ihateregistering1 said:
So, here's my question:
Notwithstanding XX Male syndrome (which is exceptionally rare), what would be your thoughts on a person whose attitude is this: "I have no problem with trans people, I acknowledge that Gender Identity Disorder is a real thing and that being trans isn't a choice, and I would never discriminate against nor harm someone for it. It's your body and you have the right to do whatever you want with it. However, chromosomes determine sex, and thus no matter how many surgeries you have or how many hormones you take, as far as I'm concerned you'll always be a man (or woman, or whatever the case may be)"?
In other words, how much does it matter that others acknowledge your identified gender even if it doesn't affect their behavior towards you?
Honestly? It's fine, I respect the position. Just if it comes to them referring to me as my birth sex instead of the gender I identify as, we're gonna have problems. If you see me as male because that's how I was born, that's alright. But making my life harder by not respecting my identity is not alright. Basically use the right pronouns and respect how I am, I'll do my best to reciprocate the gesture.
mrgerry123 said:
Without society defining gender roles and gender stereotypes would you, or other trans people, be transgender?
Following up, what made you aware that you were in a body you didn't identify with? I assume you didn't feel that way from birth since most babies are incapable of contemplating gender. Was it a singular event or a series of them?
Hope I'm not being too blunt/insensitive
There is an extent which gender is a natural state. So in society it's expressed. I think that if there were no concept of gender, then we'd have to be a mono-gender species to start with, which means transgenderism wouldn't exist anyways.
Personally? I've basically always seen my self as a female, I identify, and empathize better with girls, I like dolls, and girly clothing, and I've always wanted to be a mother. Those are just some examples. The realization came when I had a discussion with my parents about gender. But many trans people will have different experiences.
Also, no, having honest questions isn't too blunt, or insensitive.
Areloch said:
What does "othering" mean?
As for fufilling someone's request to use their preferred pronouns, and I'm seriously not taking the piss here on this when I bring it up, but where does that put the ...rather more 'unique' individuals like on tumblr that demand you utilize 'mermaid pronouns' or 'unicorn pronouns'?
It'd be incredibly rude to them to not acquiesce to their request, but it also has no logical foundation for you to be obligated to do so. So I guess the question becomes why would it really be different for people with gender dysphoria?
Again, really not picking a fight, but there's clearly some kind of line involved, and I'm curious what defines it.
Othering means making someone else the "other."
Now on the latter part? Well it's pretty simple to refer to someone using the gender pronouns that they prefer. Simple enough right? I'm not asking you to call me a dolphin woman, I'm asking you to use normal female pronouns regarding me. I'm not asking for special language, just every day language. My question to you is this: Is it really so hard to use regular words that match how I present my self?
klaynexas3 said:
Thank you for posting this, it's actually cleared up a good bit of my misunderstandings with transgendered people.
Though I'm still a little uncertain on the non-binary genders. I really don't even know where to start with that one, as the whole concept just sort of blanks on me, like I can't even comprehend the idea of it. It's just such an alien idea, what part of someone would make them feel like they do not belong to any sort of gender? I can understand with someone that feels like they want to be the opposite gender now, and there are even chemical reasons in the brain as to why someone would feel that way, is that the case for those that identify outside male or female? Or is that far more preference based, rather than an actual physical/chemical need to be something else?
Simply put? Some people identify more existentially than others. Some people identify as both genders, so it's not a stretch that others feel they don't fit in.
Snowfox_ said:
At the same time we have the freedom to not acknowledge an identity choice for our own conclusions, and I'm uncomfortable with trannies being allowed into bathrooms that don't match their biological sex.
First off, thank you for using a term I specifically stated isn't okay. Also would you be more comfortable if trans people were forced to use the bathroom that matches their birth sex? Cause it can be uncomfortable for everyone involved either way.
chuckman1 said:
How does it make you feel when someone is in to you but won't date you? I'd be pretty damn pissed in that situation, but id be one of those people, at least for now. Too much damn social stigma and risk of violence.
Disappointed, offended, possibly insulted. But at the same time I'll try to understand the other person's stance. I've had it happen to me in the past, it's upsetting, but understandable.
Areloch said:
Hm, an interesting point. Though relying on brain patterns to decide the, I don't know, 'validity' of acquiescing to someone's request of using non-standard pronouns seems weak to me. It also is something that's impossible to verify, for whatever that's worth.
After all, maybe that person does share lots of behavioral traits that cats do. Does it become more valid at that point? I have no idea. That's part of my problem with this sort of topic. It rapidly turns into one gigantic gray area with no way to define boundaries.
Simple. If you wouldn't call a woman a man, or visa versa, then the same rules apply. You're not being asked to use non-standard terms, you're being asked to apply the best term for the situation.
Now as it stands I can't focus on answering anymore questions. If I missed your question I apologize, but if I haven't gotten to it yet, be patient.