Healing a broken heart

[Arkhangelsk]

(I'm fully aware that I'm asking for love advice on a game forum and that I'm just 15, teenage thing bla bla bla, and that you're probably sick of it, but I had to)

So here's the deal. I've been having a huge crush on a girl I know for some time. I get all nervous and such when I'm around her. We're pretty close friends and we enjoy each other's company. But, I just found out, that she's just got a boyfriend. Obviously this feels like a fucking stab in the gut. And I just don't know what to do. She's one of the few persons that knows me really well, we have almost everything in common. And now, I feel crushed. What do my fellow Escapists think?

I'm 14. I've experienced this, I have shared your paid, and I know this isn't what you need, but experience has told me:

There is nothing you can do.

She's probably insanely in love with her boyfriend, filling her head with the delusions that his a nice guy and that he won't break her heart and leave her crying body on the floor. Then, she'll cry on your shoulder. Once she's bled out, she'll ignore you and find another boyfriend. Honestly, never become "good friends" with someone if you want to date them. For the most part, it's a disaster. Sorry, I'm a bit too negative.

I want to be more than friends with her, but I still value the friendship. We have so much in common, we enjoy being with each other. She just doesn't know how I feel. Or maybe she does? The point is, that if I can't be with her as a boyfriend, there's nothing wrong with being a friend, she's a great person who understands me.

 

[Spitfire175]

-snip-

You're 15, and a thing like that will feel like it has crushed your entire world. It hasn't. There WILL be many, many more chances for you to have a girlfriend.

I should know, when I was your age(14 years ago, old(ish) person rant!) I was the worst, the most hopeless romantic in the world. I fell in love with nearly every girl I met and nearly always something went wrong; they were already dating, I was too scared to make a move, there were a million reasons it didn't work out. And it's not like I would have been an asshole or anything, many times everything could have gone smooth and cool, a few times it did. Mostly however, I just silently waited for the feeling to pass and did nothing. Somehow I manged to get myself together time after time. So it's not the end of the world, you'll get over it.

My advice is just to try to move on. Try to forget hopes of a relationship, at least for now. It will be difficult and painful, but that's just life. The world of a 15-year-old is so small and there are so few people that a single setback seems to have an effect on everything. Once you'll get older, meet new people and widen your perspective(trust me, it will happen), you'll see it wasn't that terrible. /partonising.
I didn't mean to sound like 15-year-olds would be ignorant and short-sighted, I just happen to know things will change.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Start drinking. I did at 15 and I turned out fine, not a borderline alcoholic with escapism (ironic huh?) issues at all.

That's a horrible way to get over this. I had plenty of crushes before, im 14 and even i realise at this point that most highschool crushes and Gf's don't count for shit. I look back and go "Why did i get so crazed up about it?". Etc.

I'm too sensible for alchohol, i don't see the appeal.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

-snip-

You're 15, and a thing like that will feel like it has crushed your entire world. It hasn't. There WILL be many, many more chances for you to have a girlfriend.

I should know, when I was your age(14 years ago, old(ish) person rant!) I was the worst, the most hopeless romantic in the world. I fell in love with nearly every girl I met and nearly always something went wrong; they were already dating, I was too scared to make a move, there were a million reasons it didn't work out. And it's not like I would have been an asshole or anything, many times everything could have gone smooth and cool, a few times it did. Mostly however, I just silently waited for the feeling to pass and did nothing. Somehow I manged to get myself together time after time. So it's not the end of the world, you'll get over it.

My advice is just to try to move on. Try to forget hopes of a relationship, at least for now. It will be difficult and painful, but that's just life. The world of a 15-year-old is so small and there are so few people that a single setback seems to have an effect on everything. Once you'll get older, meet new people and widen your perspective(trust me, it will happen), you'll see it wasn't that terrible. /partonising.
I didn't mean to sound like 15-year-olds would be ignorant and short-sighted, I just happen to know things will change.

Yea, I've been trying to convince myself the same thing. Somehow it sounds more true when heard from someone outside.

 

[shwnbob]

Murder! Nah just kidding I'd say just keep yourself busy until you forget about it. Like me, I run track at school everyday the pain my legs feel makes me forget everything else for awhile.

 

[Broady Brio]

Hmmm... I'm 16, girlfriendless, unkissed, but yeah I've gotten by quite happily, if you go college, there's plenty of people to see, or is it are you only attracted to this person only? Otherwise just as others have said, wait until she breaks up and make your move.

 

[UAProxy]

In all honesty, just move on. I had the same lovestruck dilemma when I was 17. And though she never had a boyfriend, my crush never had much interest in me above being a close friend. You'll feel bad for a while, maybe even a year or two as I was. You may hate her, or yourself, or her newfound boyfriend. Take it in stride, don't do anything too rash, and move on.

Also, feel free to have a small stab back, it may make you feel better. Said girlfriend of mine denied me a date to a dance, so I turned around and convinced four of my female friends to go with me at once. I flaunted them for a bit and went about my merry way, saying something about how I had planned on dumping all of them for her but I knew when no meant no. Contrary to my normal 'wouldn't hurt a fly' demeanor, the look on her face was something that I found utterly priceless at the time.

 

[L3m0n_L1m3]

(I'm fully aware that I'm asking for love advice on a game forum and that I'm just 15, teenage thing bla bla bla, and that you're probably sick of it, but I had to)

So here's the deal. I've been having a huge crush on a girl I know for some time. I get all nervous and such when I'm around her. We're pretty close friends and we enjoy each other's company. But, I just found out, that she's just got a boyfriend. Obviously this feels like a fucking stab in the gut. And I just don't know what to do. She's one of the few persons that knows me really well, we have almost everything in common. And now, I feel crushed. What do my fellow Escapists think?

If she tells you she likes you back, but is still with her boyfriend, DO NOT continue to like her. Somehow her boyfriend will find out and force her to never talk to you again.

Just stay friends with her for the time being. If she breaks up with her boyfriend and tells you she likes you, it's all good. But don't tell her you like her if you're not certain she likes you back, that can ruin your friendship completely.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure falling in love was the dumbest thing I've done in my life. And I've done shitload of dumb thing in my life.

Oh, you're back... HI!

OT: You probably should go out with someone else and that will make her jealous and she'll come begging you for your affections.

Read what I said again. I'm the one with the crush. She only likes me as a friend.

Highlighted that bit.

If she's actually said those exact words to you my friend - walk away. "I like you as a friend," is woman-speak for "I am not attracted to you and will take advantage of our friendship until you realise this and move on."

To continue is to make yourself a slave to your own frustration and her will. You will become the guy she cries to when she's having a bad day, the male friend that she uses as protection from sleeze's when she's available and a man-manual when she's not. If you were planning to take advantage of that position, for the sake of some gratifying but ultimately hollow one-time sex then that would make sense. But it sounds to me like you're actually earnest, in which case you're setting yourself up for a long time of heartache and waiting, all for naught.

Sorry, I phrased myself wrong. She never really said that, but she does give that impression somewhat. And she's not that kind of person that she would do that. That may sound narrow-minded, but I know her, she's one of the nicest persons I've ever met. And if she needs comforting, I'm not one to be biased and hateful for not being together with her.

 

[Antlers]

Take solace in the fact that you'll be the 'male friend'. Boyfriends HATE the Male Friend. The Male Friend is that guy their girlfriend insists is just-a-friend, but the boyfriend knows that he likes her and is constantly wary. Eventually, the Male Friend drives a wedge between the two.

Sadly though, you are just-a-friend. But you can at least piss off her boyfriend.

On another note, can boys and girls ever be in a truly platonic friendship? I don't think so. Not truly platonic. I think at one point or another at least one of them will have thought about "it". I've yet to be proven wrong.

 

[Sparrow]

DON'T ASK A GAME SITE FOR YOU'RE LOVE ADVICE!

Ahem. This is a forum full of mainly dateless, loveless and unattractive people (I still love you all though!). Not a great place to ask for love advice. Oh, except for...

Time, its all you have. It may feel that way now, but later on you will wonder what the big deal was. So just give it time, stay busy, learn from it and move on. If youre going to dwell on it and torture yourself then umm yea dont bother. These things come and go, specially at your age, i know they all feel special but youre 15. Its all a learning experience.

...Metatr0n. He's one sexy fellow.

 

[johnman]

Issues

Im two years older and I've been in an even worse position than you for over a year. Same story with girl but just as we got close some prick came and swooped her away from me. I felt like a dick for letting it happen and crushed for losing her. But at our ages relationships end at the drop of a hat, and now we are closer again and hopefullly by the end of the week we will be dating.

 

[Spitfire175]

Yea, I've been trying to convince myself the same thing. Somehow it sounds more true when heard from someone outside.

True. I know the feeling better than well.

 

[GrinningManiac]

Wander around in a sad montage.

Then, it will turn out the boyfriend's a douche

Then, you will say you love her

Then, she will shun you

Then, after bf is a douche EXTREME, you will prove your love for her in front of a massive crowd, most likley a sporting event

I've seen it in half a million movies, so there must be some truth in it. I mean, it's not as if directors just copy each other 'cus they're unimaginative, right?

 

[Antlers]

Take solace in the fact that you'll be the 'male friend'. Boyfriends HATE the Male Friend. The Male Friend is that guy their girlfriend insists is just-a-friend, but the boyfriend knows that he likes her and is constantly wary. Eventually, the Male Friend drives a wedge between the two.

Experienced that first hand before I married. She was still going to school and I rocked up at her place, and I hadn't met this 'friend' of hers yet. He was there, just being friendly, but when I locked eyes with him he knew he would have no chance. It was like I could see his hope/dreams die.
There were 2 other 'friends' as well, but both were no contest. One was grossly unfit and the other seem to fit the 'platonic' bill perfectly. A little too perfect...

On another note, can boys and girls ever be in a truly platonic friendship? I don't think so. Not truly platonic. I think at one point or another at least one of them will have thought about "it". I've yet to be proven wrong.

I agree. I do not believe, except for rare circumstances, that men and women can be truly platonic. There's always a thin veil of tension, and speaking for myself I can say that I have 'imagined' myself with almost every woman I've met. It's pretty much a cursory thing, almost like checking the traffic lights.

I had a boyfriend who had a female friend. It was fine until he started ringing her for a chat after I'd driven an hour to hang out at his house. They were not 'just friends'. But now I'm the female friend of someone in my class. I have no interest in him, and i'm quite sure he has no interest in me (aside from aforementioned constant very slight tension that will always be in male-female friendships) but his girlfriend hates me. I try so hard to be nice to her. And I try to avoid them if we're out. But the hatred remains. I don't want him!

 

[are.you.the.god.its.me.vader]

We've all been there...

Just be emo for a while.

 

[MrBirdy]

I know you're 15, but deoderant is necessarry on purpose(I'm 16 btw). Just some on your arm pits, and if you want to smell nicely use a cologne. I could recommend a few depending on what you personally like, but my all-time favourite is Jean-Paul gaultier , the one in the form of a male body. I never really liked a girl in a way most people describe, i just see them as a way of having fun at school/clubs or to make other things more easy to get through.

And what I've read from other people, woorking on your body does not necessarily get you a bigger self-esteem, but the compliments will. I was a huge fattie on elementary school, but in high school i wanted to change and you get compliments for putting in effort in yourself. And a good healthy body is always nice to have .

 

[Craig FTW]

Time, its all you have. It may feel that way now, but later on you will wonder what the big deal was. So just give it time, stay busy, learn from it and move on. If youre going to dwell on it and torture yourself then umm yea dont bother. These things come and go, specially at your age, i know they all feel special but youre 15. Its all a learning experience.

"If youre going to dwell on it and torture yourself then umm yea dont bother."

That's what emos are for! (joke)
but seriously, I'm the same age, and I don't just move on, I more or less wait it out, try to meet a new girl, and if she ends up single, go from there. If you're single too.

 

[Craig FTW]

Take solace in the fact that you'll be the 'male friend'. Boyfriends HATE the Male Friend. The Male Friend is that guy their girlfriend insists is just-a-friend, but the boyfriend knows that he likes her and is constantly wary. Eventually, the Male Friend drives a wedge between the two.

Sadly though, you are just-a-friend. But you can at least piss off her boyfriend.

On another note, can boys and girls ever be in a truly platonic friendship? I don't think so. Not truly platonic. I think at one point or another at least one of them will have thought about "it". I've yet to be proven wrong.

btw I agree here, I've been not liked as the 'male friend' it's fun as hell =D
I think it's the other way around for me though, my best friend's girlfriend doesn't like me.
The 'Male Friend' of The Boyfriend. how odd.

And also I have never thought about 'it' with this one not-totally-friend I know. although she bugs me, and seems like she thinks about "it" much more than I would(even though I wouldn't)

 

[Antlers]

Take solace in the fact that you'll be the 'male friend'. Boyfriends HATE the Male Friend. The Male Friend is that guy their girlfriend insists is just-a-friend, but the boyfriend knows that he likes her and is constantly wary. Eventually, the Male Friend drives a wedge between the two.

Sadly though, you are just-a-friend. But you can at least piss off her boyfriend.

On another note, can boys and girls ever be in a truly platonic friendship? I don't think so. Not truly platonic. I think at one point or another at least one of them will have thought about "it". I've yet to be proven wrong.

btw I agree here, I've been not liked as the 'male friend' it's fun as hell =D
I think it's the other way around for me though, my best friend's girlfriend doesn't like me.
The 'Male Friend' of The Boyfriend. how odd.

And also I have never thought about 'it' with this one not-totally-friend I know. although she bugs me, and seems like she thinks about "it" much more than I would(even though I wouldn't)

Oh the girlfriend often doesn't like her boyfriend's friends. Same goes the other way.

And your "friend"... Well my point is still proven. She's thought about it with you, i.e. not completely platonic.