How do you break up with someone?

[Mr. Google]

Honestly? Your method of breaking up with a girl seems far more douchey than your friend's. At least he has the balls to actually talk face to face with the girl he's leaving.

Seriously. Text messaging? That's pathetic.

A guy we know asked out his now girlfriend via text. We not only make fun of him for doing it but of her for being dumb enough to say yes in a text. Like seriously? who does that! Id rather get rejected in person anyways you can just easily walk away and say alright thats fine. But in a text you have to deal with 20 minute long responses and stuff. Its stupid and immature.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I guess it depends on the person and the situation you are in.

First off, you want to do it in person; no texting, email, phone call, or letter break-ups because it makes you look like a coward. Now depending on the individual you are dumping, you might want to break-up with them in private; if you know, or suspect, that they might get a little crazy upon being dumped, I suggest you break up in a public area (restaurant, store, park, etc.) so that they can't cause a scene or at least you have people around that could defuse any impending situation.

If the break up is neutral (both of you are just not into each other and want to move on), then just be honest and say that you don't believe that you two should not continue being a couple. Try not to sound smug or arrogant because the break up might seem like your own idea, hence, your fault that you break off the relationship.

If you want to break up because you are interested in someone else (and haven't cheated on your partner), again, go the honesty route. They might be heartbroken, but try to explain to them that you enjoyed being in a relationship with them and are just interested in what someone else might offer in a relationship. Don't list out things that made you choose another partner over your current because then they will make empty promises about being able to do those things or offer more of something for the sole purpose of remaining in the relationship. It's better off to just go your separate ways and that it is your decision and not theirs.

In terms of cheating, you may not want to admit to your partner that you have cheated on them, thus causing the break up. If you want to try and work through any form of cheating, you need to be honest; even if there's no possibility that they will take you back, the fact that you came clean will leave a lasting impression on you. Though you may not end up together, there might still be hope after you have both had some time apart.

If they cheated on you (and you know this to be a fact), then you break up with them stating that you know that they have been unfaithful. Same rules apply here; if they deny it, then you should move on because if you forgive them (or take them back too quickly), they will just be prone to cheat again. If they come clean, then there could be a possibility to salvage the relationship. If not, then you would at least know that they were at least honest to then end, and you can go on knowing that it was not your fault for the break up.

 

[quantumsoul]

I've only had to end things after the first date or two and at the end of the date I just say I'm not feeling it and want to be friends.

Otherwise it's me who gets dumped. Always for someone else.

 

[Sarah Frazier]

I've never broken up with anyone myself, but have heard of different ways it can be done.

The most direct way is to flat out say something along the lines of "You're great and all, but I don't love you". Direct, crushing, and leaves little room for delusions unless the person is some kind of crazy.

"We should see other people" is a kinder way of breaking up, but tells someone who's heard it before (or at least expects the worst) that you've already found a better person to be with and don't want them around to cause problems.

As for the actual method of getting the message across, texting is the most cowardly and likely to backfire. There's only so much space for context, no tone of voice, no body language, and they may not actually read the message for some time after you sent it. There are so many places for things to go wrong by breaking up through text.

By actually calling or talking face-to-face, you show that you're willing to take the verbal punishment from their real time reactions and even endure the treatment from their friends if they bring any along. It may be much less comfortable for everyone involved while it happens, but it'll be a bigger relief to have that personal touch and get any confrontation done with then and there.

 

[Doc Theta Sigma]

"I like you as a friend," "I think we should see other people," "I no speak English"... "I'm married to the sea," "I don't want to kill you but I will"... And if that doesn't work, six simple words: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn."

Cookie for the reference. But in all seriousness... Your method is worse than your friends.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Spectacularly.

Seriously, go all out. Completely, undeniably final and over-the-top.

 

[SillyBear]

I've never done it, but I'd do it as callously and heartlessly as possible. Anybody who enters a relationship with me is stupid, deluded or manipulating and malicious enough to deserve it.

Every single freaking post you make about relationships is so childish and illogically cynical.

You sound like fucking Quasimodo. No wonder you haven't been in a good relationship. No girl on Earth would be interested with someone with that sort of attitude.

 

[Chaos1228]

I've never done it, but I'd do it as callously and heartlessly as possible. Anybody who enters a relationship with me is stupid, deluded or manipulating and malicious enough to deserve it.

Self-fulfilling prophecy you know. Never try to open up, and you'll go nowhere

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

I've never done it, but I'd do it as callously and heartlessly as possible. Anybody who enters a relationship with me is stupid, deluded or manipulating and malicious enough to deserve it.

Anyway, I've broken up with someone once and honestly, I did it in the most pussy-ish way possible. I wanted to avoid a confrontation, so I started making up excuses not to go places, and paid less attention to her. Eventually, she asked me if something's wrong, but I said no...then I sent her a text an hour or so later and broke up with her. If I'm in that position again, I'll just be direct and face-to-face.

 

[Delsana]

You tell them the truth about your life and what you think.

That never fails for me... even when it's not even wrong.

 

[Everin]

I just tell them, not in a mean way, but you've been a couple so it's fair that you be honest with them. If that honesty means you have to tell them you don't want to be with them anymore, that's the best way to go. And I can't comment on breaking up over text or Facebook or something, cause it really depends on the circumstances, but face to face is how I do it. It's not a nice subject, and there's no easy way to do it, so you just face them and tell them how you feel. Probably list some reasons too.
And hope the next person you go out with you don't have to say those things too

 

[rufusser]

1. Be honest.
2. Be direct, don't bullshit.
3. Face-to-face in a public place. That way if they make an ass out of themselves, its also public humiliation for them and helps you not be swayed by emotional outbursts.
4. Even if you might love the person, there's a reason you want to break up so keep that firmly in mind and don't give in.
5. If you're a douchebag and have been:
a. Cheating
b. Lying to get in their pants.
c. Emotionally mistreating them.
Then you are not entitled to any sympathy when breaking up and as stated before are a douchebag.

6. Don't give them any signs of hope, because if it was going to work out, it would have before this point.
7. DO NOT GO AND DATE SOMEONE DIRECTLY AFTER BREAKING UP. This means you are a douchebag, untrustworthy and non-committal. Take time to appraise your situation of being single, enjoy it for as long as it takes to make you feel comfortable being by yourself. Breaking up with someone is not license to jump to the next relationship to make you feel better. It means most likely you are co-dependant and have issues that will prevent a successful relationship.
8. Don't be an asshole no matter how bad the person might have treated you. If you want to walk away being the better person, then BE the better person.
9. Don't try taking things you gave the person as gifts back from them, that also makes you a douchebag.
10. If there's money involved, write it off as a bad investment unless you think you can settle it in court (and want to afford a lawyer) or have any way of proving culpability of the other party. Otherwise, don't expect it back, because you'll be tied to that issue possibly for years on end.

Basically if the relationship is over, end it and don't try to walk away being friends. It doesn't usually work out well. Be an adult, know when its over and accept it.

i disagree with 7 and 9. Who's business is it if i or anyone else dates another person after breaking up , the point of breaking up is to no longer be with the current person , i don't see why this makes you a douchbag. Is it now wrong to date people when you are single?

Also, I'll be DAMNED if i give an expensive gift ( such as jewlery maybe even an engagements rings) have the person i gave it to break up with me and not get it back, the jewlery was a sign of love, and the love is gone, i want it back !

im sorry but doing those things does make u an idiot. unless u break up with her because she has sheated or something like that taking things back and start dating again right away is the meanest thing u can do to a girl after a break up
just had to say it.

my way if dumping guys it to be very clear why and that it is OVER and ofc do it in person

 

[Vault101]

I dont know its never plesant, only ever dont it once

and it went somthing like this

"comon you and I BOTH know that this isnt working, Im not happy, YOURE not happy, you would be better off with somone else....why are you crying? what do you mean "work at it"? what are we? married?...look you'll get over this eventually...see I'm ALREADY over it! its easy!"

hmm mabye not

 

[Vault101]

I've never done it, but I'd do it as callously and heartlessly as possible. Anybody who enters a relationship with me is stupid, deluded or manipulating and malicious enough to deserve it.

Every single freaking post you make about relationships is so childish and illogically cynical.

You sound like fucking Quasimodo. No wonder you haven't been in a good relationship. No girl on Earth would be interested with someone with that sort of attitude.

ignore him....he is a reverse troll or somthing

OR he actually IS quasimodo which would actually explain alot

 

[kypsilon]

Personally I would prefer to break up in person to her face, typically citing in as logically a way as possible the reasons why being together aren't going to work. That being said, any long distance relationship that is going into the gutter is going to be ended online via some kind of skype-like service. I'm not going to wait if it needs to end now. I won't put up some sort of pretense if I have no intention of continuing the relationship in any meaningful manner. Once it no longer works, it ends. Does that require a face-to-face or a message via the internet? Again, I'd prefer the face-to-face, but if it happens to be an internet thing, then that is what it is. Honestly, a clean break is better for everybody, even if they hate you for it.

 

[BGinsanity]

Personally, I believe that you should do it as respectfully and honestly as you can. There's no easy way to do it, especially if you really cared about the person. Ultimately its up to your own judgement of the situation. If your partner did something really fucked up (like cheating)I wouldn't blame you for doing it maliciously. Explain to your partner why you feel the way you do, but be assertive and don't second guess yourself if that's truly what you want,

Best of luck friend.

 

[ColorfulObscurity]

The only way I've done it and the only way I'll ever do it is by arranging a meeting face to face and honestly telling them why I want to break up with them.

 

[manic_depressive13]

First time was by phone call. I believe I said something along the lines of "Here's hoping you don't like me very much, 'cause I don't really like you." The second one I think I dumped via instant messenger.

You could argue that it was juvenile, but both "relationships" were in high school and didn't last very long. Anyway, if I were to get dumped, I'd want it done by text message. I'd be pretty pissed if I went out to lunch or dinner with someone only for them to fucking dump me. I'd rather just be notified so I could get back to HoN. I suppose a phone call would be fine as well.

 

[TerribleAssassin]

Breaking up with someone is easy, breaking up with someone without upsetting said person is... difficult
Indeed it's a case to case thing, mostly one how he/she will take it.

With a shotgun and a very hollow piece of land and some deodorant, and maybe a lighter.

Kill Bill 2, do I win something?

As I made that up when I posted, and as I've never watched any Tarentino movies, you win nothing!

 

[similar.squirrel]

On;y had to do it twice. First time, I lied about what was wrong [wasn't attracted], second time was a mutual decision based on incompatible personalities.