I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

It's the same when a couple is constantly questioned as to why they still don't have kids at age x; there's no reason to reproduce so early, as we live in a world populated by about 7 billion other people.

The longer you wait to have kids, the chance of said kids being born with birth defects rises exponentially.

True, but in my case, I was talking about when my brother was pestered by my mother that he wasn't thinking about having kids at 30.

EDIT: Probably should've mentioned that^.

It can still get a bit annoying

 

[CrimsonBlack]

Not having kids is failing your species

There's plenty of us on this planet, I think we'll be fine if someone doesn't decide to pop out a few more babies.

OT: It pisses me off too. Sure I joke about it with my boyfriend (I took his virginity and his sign happens to be Virgo), but I really don't think less of him because he was one.

You took his virginity?

That wasn't very nice of you. Give it back to him, you big meanie.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

I simply don't care. And I don't get ridiculed over it either. Because I know exactly why I haven't had any intimacy, and it has nothing to do with the girl.

 

[Ishal]

And OT: Biology is why male virgins are "shamed", I would imagine. Guys are hard wired to spread their genes as far and wide as possible.

Correct.

Since I happen to be educated in this realm of biology I'll expand upon this further. What we are discussing here might fall under the realm of fitness of individuals. Though biologically speaking, fitness usually is referring to a trait common among a group rather than a few individuals. The allele that grants red coloration of the feathers found on the male birds head that makes female birds go absolutely bonkers for.

Male individuals gain fitness by having as much offspring as possible with as many partners as possible, but they only gain fitness when those offspring have offspring of their own.

Females gain fitness in a different way. They cannot gain fitness by having as many offspring as possible as it would be detrimental to their health. Instead, since as described above males are always looking for partners, the females gain fitness by acquiring a mate that they believe has the best traits and having its offspring.

That is the concept in the animal kingdom. It gets understandably more complicated when applied to humans and you have biology vs sociology/psychology in conflict.

 

[Playful Pony]

That doesn't make it any less disturbing or stereotyping.

Never said it did. We all stereotype based on the people we meet, right?...

 

[TakerFoxx]

I am 25 years old and I am still a virgin. Personally, I don't care if people make fun of me for being a virgin. Their immaturity will just end up hurting them later in life. I plan on staying a virgin too. I will never trust anyone enough to get that close to someone. Plus, I don't want kids and remaining a virgin makes that goal 100% achievable.

Brofist, my friend. Brofist.

 

[scarfacetehstag]

cuz butthurt in this thread, I'll play devil's advocate.

It is more pleasurable fro the male to have sex with a female virgin, than for a female to have sex with a male virgin.
Thus female virginity is prized, and male is not.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

It is more pleasurable fro the male to have sex with a female virgin, than for a female to have sex with a male virgin.

It is?

I've had sex with both, and I can assure you the experienced girls were much, much, much better in the sack.

 

[Ryotknife]

this....this topic seems like one big pity party.

Is virgin shaming moral? no. But there is a reason for it. A reason that goes back to the fact that humans are still animals. A bird that doesnt want to reproduce would be pretty wierd.

 

[Charli]

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

It's one of the best examples of modern-day sexism.

...Boy I wish I knew this...

Should I write 'Female Virgin' on my forehead when I go out more often, will that help?
Because most of my friends still feel the need to trumpet their sex lives around me like it's the only thing life could possibly have to offer and continuously ask me why I'm not into it.
I've lost 3 friends that way because they ultimately couldn't win the ('non existent'/Didn't need to be discussed) argument and decided it was easier to become a bully and call me weird/frigid/*****/secret lesbo.

Thanks for informing me I had it ALLLL wrong.


I'm well aware there is GREATER pressure on males to copulate but don't glorify female virginity like the world flocks around them to stare in wonder, women are just as cruel if they think someone else might call them out or belittle them first, so they too pick out the minority and call attention to it.

 

[TehCookie]

I am 25 years old and I am still a virgin. Personally, I don't care if people make fun of me for being a virgin. Their immaturity will just end up hurting them later in life. I plan on staying a virgin too. I will never trust anyone enough to get that close to someone. Plus, I don't want kids and remaining a virgin makes that goal 100% achievable.

Only 5 more years til you become a wizard and gain great powers. I still got 10 to go.

Though virgin shaming doesn't happen to just guys either. I get it all the time.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Because society, each expects you to have a certain set of skills/experiences by age X and should you not reach said requirements you shall be looked down upon.

And so you understand that view point say you meet a perfectly normal human of 21 who couldn't drive a car, ride a bike, swim, read, do basic math, talk, walk, feed himself, never learned to use the toilet,...
I'm pretty sure you would be disappointed at one point, and that point would probably be close to your own level of experience.

Thus we come to social ineptitude, if you are one plagued by this then you will find seclusion perfectly normal and others who are out and about all the time will find it completely abnormal.

 

[Olas]

I've always found virginity to be a weird concept, like having had sex one time somehow changes you, or says anything about you. Should we have similar words for people who've never gone water skiiing, or eaten lobster?

I just don't see why it matters.

 

[Gregory McMillan]

As Asexual I cant understand this at all. I think it is admirable if someone who has sexual impulses is able to control them completely to the point that hes is conscious about hes needs/desires but wont act upon them until he and hes partner wants.

I am myself completely unable to understand how does the fact that I am Asexual make me a less of a man. Yes I am a virgin in hes 20's and I don't give a fuck about fuck (pardon). But if I look at the mirror and my DNA I see a man.

The shaming in my opinion comes from men who are driven by their desires and are unable to understand if someone is able to control them. They feel that those people are different and as we know most people are afraid of that what is different.

I think those men that make fun of male virgins are the lesser men. Manhood is not defined by your masculine needs, but by your ability to control those needs.

But who am I to say anything about this subject - I am broken human after-all.

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

Well you have to understand that relationships are really the polite beginnings of making babies and starting a family. It might not be at the forefront of our minds but it's hardwired into our DNA. We've civilized and romanticized sex and family building. Attraction is mostly based on finding a mate. Indeed sexuality isn't a permanent thing. So might think your asexual now, but maybe in a couple years your nature might kick in and you'll take an interest in sex.

 

[Mikejames]

As Asexual I cant understand this at all. I think it is admirable if someone who has sexual impulses is able to control them completely to the point that hes is conscious about hes needs/desires but wont act upon them until he and hes partner wants.
[snip]

Heh, I've found kinship in you. On one hand, I'm happy to look at affection as being something heart-felt, instead of a desire for sexual gratification (not to imply that people can't feel both mind you).
On the other, I'll need to accept how my general disinterest in the physical aspects hurt my chances if I ever seek a long-term commitment with someone (well, that, and my introverted/cynical demeanor).

 

[SinisterGehe]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

May you be 100 years old or just old enough to have your first thought by yourself. You know just as much about life as anyone else. Believe it or not, we are all as human regardless of our collective experiences that shape and define us.
Have you ever studied and understood philosophy at it's highest level? Studied the metaphysical being of everything? The atom of creation and being of every existing object. Do you have any idea what kind of revelations you have missed what kind of mental and "spiritual" experiences you have missed? Far as I know humans seek physical, mental and "spiritual" fulfillment in order to feel good. At least what my few courses in psychology taught me.

 

[SinisterGehe]

As Asexual I cant understand this at all. I think it is admirable if someone who has sexual impulses is able to control them completely to the point that hes is conscious about hes needs/desires but wont act upon them until he and hes partner wants.

I am myself completely unable to understand how does the fact that I am Asexual make me a less of a man. Yes I am a virgin in hes 20's and I don't give a fuck about fuck (pardon). But if I look at the mirror and my DNA I see a man.

The shaming in my opinion comes from men who are driven by their desires and are unable to understand if someone is able to control them. They feel that those people are different and as we know most people are afraid of that what is different.

I think those men that make fun of male virgins are the lesser men. Manhood is not defined by your masculine needs, but by your ability to control those needs.

But who am I to say anything about this subject - I am broken human after-all.

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

Well you have to understand that relationships are really the polite beginnings of making babies and starting a family. It might not be at the forefront of our minds but it's hardwired into our DNA. We've civilized and romanticized sex and family building. Attraction is mostly based on finding a mate. Indeed sexuality isn't a permanent thing. So might think your asexual now, but maybe in a couple years your nature might kick in and you'll take an interest in sex.

Yeah sexual development starts around the age of 11-13 I am over 20 now (I don't care for you to know my exact age, it is irrelevant). It is nice to see that you are able to understand my whole self-being and ego along with my sexual identity based on few short posts on a Internet forum.
Far as I know, according to psychology - I as a male should be in my sexual prime and full development now.

- You should become a developmental psychologist...

/No offense, but don't try to equalize world views without getting to know the person a bit better beforehand.

 

[Unsilenced]

Organic beings exist by reproducing, and males are expected to be the more aggressive in pursuing reproduction because it costs them considerably less effort to do so. Culturally this translates into an expectation that all males are trying to and want to have sex, so if one isn't having sex, it's presumed to be some sort of deep-rooted personal failure.

It's stupid, of course, but understandable. Personally I'm asexual. I've never wanted to or tried to have sex with any other person. I am perpetually losing a race I never had any intention of running.

 

[hooblabla6262]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

May you be 100 years old or just old enough to have your first thought by yourself. You know just as much about life as anyone else. Believe it or not, we are all as human regardless of our collective experiences that shape and define us.
Have you ever studied and understood philosophy at it's highest level? Studied the metaphysical being of everything? The atom of creation and being of every existing object. Do you have any idea what kind of revelations you have missed what kind of mental and "spiritual" experiences you have missed? Far as I know humans seek physical, mental and "spiritual" fulfillment in order to feel good. At least what my few courses in psychology taught me.

Well we are getting wayyy off topic. Oh well. That's cool, cause I like tangents.

I suppose you could say that I know just as much as anyone else, assuming that you are taking the stance that nobody really knows anything. I mean, I'm a strong believer in science and somewhat of a professional student. I've taken many university classes ranging from psychology to physics to philosophy. But I suppose I don't actually know if any of it is true.
I don't even know if you're real. Am I real?

And wait just one second. Why is it that someone such as myself, who takes the stance that everyone should push themselves to experience as much of life as possible, is considered to have missed out on spiritual experiences? Do only the fearful have "religious" experiences? (or whatever you'd like to call them)