I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[370999]

Because the societal assumption is that men want sex. By not having sex they are failing to compete.

It's shallow, but this site judges people for watching The Big Bang Theory, so the desire to judge does seem to be routed in human nature.

 

[n00beffect]

Really? You don't understand why testosterone-fueled, horny males would boast after they've successfully entered 'true' manhood as approved by social standards, and have had a shot at procreating, thus broadening their gene pool, all in the name of evolutionary progress; and are now subsequently shaming those who have still not done so, and are now failing the evolutionary race and/or are trying to persuade other members of their 'pack' to do so? Gee, you're right, it's a mystery!

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I edited it out because I realized that by calling you an asshole I'm going a bit too far.

And there're no assumptions regarding your attitude when you WRITE IT DOWN. You pretty much said what your thoughts were, had your opinions be called stupid and then said "you're making assumptions. I never said any of that. I only explained why I think virgin males are shamed".

You may as well be writing "I'm not an asshole, but..."

Also, I can guarantee that no one here is feigning incomprehension in order to seek reassurance. People don't comprehend your opinion because it's both absurd, too widely accepted as a valid opinion and it shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is.

What YOU'RE doing is essentially calling people failures and losers over something as meaningless as being a virgin.

He didn't do any such thing. He attempted to clarify (which shouldn't really have been necessary, but given how much abuse he's taken in the thread apparently was) what he was driving at, and yet here you are, still attacking him for something he never said.

You cannot 'guarantee' that no one is feigning incomprehension in order to seek reassurance unless you are secretly Professor X, and I rather suspect you are not. This kind of thread is an analogue to the "I don't like popular thing X, I demand people tell me why X is popular" threads. People know damn well why, and if they were actually curious Google would be a far more compelling source of information on the topic than ye olde internet forum. I tend to agree with Zhukov on this. When you reach into a public forum for opinions on an issue like this, you are seeking commonality in your community. You want your perspective validated. You're looking for posts that say "hear hear!" and "such people are idiots, pay them no heed!".

 

[Jenvas1306]

I want an M2F Transgender girlfriend... They are always so nice, but always so taken X3.

As a M2F transgender, I can safely say we're not all nice. I know a lot of crazy ones.

I also kind of find it disconcerting that now we're being held up as sort of a holy grail. Especially when you consider "transgender" is something nobody really wants to be.

Haha, I know. Transgender here *puts hand up*, but I've never met one that wasn't a really open, friendly and pleasant kind of person. I guess I've been as lucky with transgenders as I've been unlucky with boyfriends X3.

Oh transgenders seem to tend to be rather righteous, I'm guilty of that aswell. The only advantage i see here is maybe that TGs arent as screwed up by how they have to be? Or some atleast...

 

[chiggerwood]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

As an Asexual as well this is why I avoid relationships like they're rapist plague rats with super aids. The idea of sex for me is beyond uncomfortable, it's skin crawling, and makes my stomach churn (if you like it that's fine knock yourself out, but for me no, no, no, and fuck no. If you're straight imagine someone of the same sex trying to jump your bones and you might get the level of uncomfortable I have with anybody).

I wouldn't mind someone to put my arm around, or to cuddle with, and to be with, but holy hell! It just can't stay emotional can it? Inevitably they're going to want to go for it, and dance the horizontal mambo, and like fuck I'm going to explain that sex makes me want to bathe in scolding bleach more than once!

As for the virgin shaming that's actually pretty easy, but comes with multiple options

(1) They're projecting their insecurities onto you, and if you're secure in yourself that will just make them more insecure.

(2) They're in the midst of puberty, have poor information and think that sex is the only way to achieve manhood.

(3) They're carrying the attitudes from puberty into adulthood due to a lack of maturation.

(4) They're immature faux-alpha males that don't know what it means to be man, and so they desperately cling to the easiest thing possible in order to keep from growing up and facing the real world.

(5) They're assholes.

 

[fenrizz]

Well.. To be blunt..

It implies that you cannot get laid, and thus is lacking the necessary social skills.
Right or wrong, that is how it is.

Anyway seriously good things do happen to those who wait.

This made me curious, care to elaborate?

 

[BloatedGuppy]

As an Asexual as well this is why I avoid relationships like they're rapist plague rats with super aids. The idea of sex for me is beyond uncomfortable, it's skin crawling, and makes my stomach churn (if you like it that's fine knock yourself out, but for me no, no, no, and fuck no. If you're straight imagine someone of the same sex trying to jump your bones and you might get the level of uncomfortable I have with anybody).

I don't know if what you're describing there qualifies as clinical asexuality. I may be incorrect on this, but my understanding of asexuality is just a total lack of interest/arousal when it comes to sex, not an active disgust/aversion. That sounds more like a PTSD reaction than a lack of arousal.

As for the virgin shaming that's actually pretty easy, but comes with multiple options

You're ignoring basic social/biological triggers in your haste to blast virgin shamers as the assholes you want them to be. The world is full of people who both consciously and inadvertently find themselves reinforcing the concept of static gender roles. We even have you, here, talking about "what it means to be a man", as if there could possibly be a textbook somewhere we could reference on the subject. You can demonize those people if it makes you feel comfortable, but you are just projecting your insecurities on to them as much as you believe they are projecting theirs on to you.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Well.. To be blunt..

It implies that you cannot get laid, and thus is lacking the necessary social skills.
Right or wrong, that is how it is.

Anyway seriously good things do happen to those who wait.

This made me curious, care to elaborate?

There are women out there whose ultra fantasy is taking an innocent sex ignorant guy and watching his eyes explode in surprise when he has sex for the first time and the fact that they caused that. That the guy is all theirs, untouched and clean.

Add to the fact that virgins generally are very self conscious of their inexperience and will do all sorts of things to make up for it. Not every guy will go down on a girl, but a virgin has a damn good chance too as well as many other things. This also opens up a realm of him wanting to try everything, because everything is new and exciting.

In the very basic of terms it makes things very passionate and exciting.

Of course this is based on my own experience as a guy and the women I have chosen to associate with, but I'm pretty damn certain I'm right. A lot of women seem to feel this way, but its not like I've taken a poll.

 

[srm79]

Ew, did you have to Captain Keydick the thread? =P

It was only a matter of time until somebody did it, I was just first away off the grid ;-)

no! no! NOOO!!! NOT THE KEYDICK METAPHOR!!! DAMMIT! ugggh I hate the fucking thing so much

It was done with my tongue lodged firmly in my cheek.

Your analogy is bad and you should feel bad.

I do. I truly do. And here's a bit of irony for you; after the relationship I referenced in my original post came to an end some years later, I turned into a bit of a man-whore. Seriously, I would sleep with literally any woman who was up for it. Truth be told I had a hell of a fun few years in between "serious" girlfriends.

But here's the kicker: I've recently met someone who has literally blown my mind. I've had a couple of serious girlfriends since that very first one (and in between the hedonistic man-whoring), but never anyone who I've connected with like this. And you know what? I am fucking dreading being asked about my sexual history, because I know now that the idea that a man is "supposed" to be promiscuous is bullshit. I've already had one close escape with that conversation, but not before finding out she has had one sexual partner. One!!! (She married at 18, got divorced last year and hasn't been with another man, for anyone that's wondering). And I have to choose between either outright lying (ain't gonna happen), or finding a way to make having had 25+ sexual partners sound less terrible.

Be careful what you wish for, and all that...

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Ew, did you have to Captain Keydick the thread? =P

It was only a matter of time until somebody did it, I was just first away off the grid ;-)

no! no! NOOO!!! NOT THE KEYDICK METAPHOR!!! DAMMIT! ugggh I hate the fucking thing so much

It was done with my tongue lodged firmly in my cheek.

Your analogy is bad and you should feel bad.

I do. I truly do. And here's a bit of irony for you; after the relationship I referenced in my original post came to an end some years later, I turned into a bit of a man-whore. Seriously, I would sleep with literally any woman who was up for it. Truth be told I had a hell of a fun few years in between "serious" girlfriends.

But here's the kicker: I've recently met someone who has literally blown my mind. I've had a couple of serious girlfriends since that very first one (and in between the hedonistic man-whoring), but never anyone who I've connected with like this. And you know what? I am fucking dreading being asked about my sexual history, because I know now that the idea that a man is "supposed" to be promiscuous is bullshit. I've already had one close escape with that conversation, but not before finding out she has had one sexual partner. One!!! (She married at 18, got divorced last year and hasn't been with another man, for anyone that's wondering). And I have to choose between either outright lying (ain't gonna happen), or finding a way to make having had 25+ sexual partners sound less terrible.

Be careful what you wish for, and all that...

Holy fuck 25? With the multiplier (average person has 3 partners) thats 25^3 that means your "sex social network" is around 15,625 people.

Of course that assuming everyone you've had sex with and everyone they have had sex with and so on have had 3 partners.

Maybe you can pull the girl card I've heard about where you divide your number of partners by half? -shrug- Just wow... in some ways I'm jealous. I hold sex so sacred that I physically am in capable of performing such an act. I sometimes wonder what I missed out on.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

And I have to choose between either outright lying (ain't gonna happen), or finding a way to make having had 25+ sexual partners sound less terrible.

Eh, 25+ is nothing. It's not like you're Wilt Chamberlain. That's still within a perfectly 'normal' range. I dated a girl who had slept with 90+ before. Her prolific sexual history didn't make her any less awesome as a person (mind you, she was a wee bit jaded sexually). Short of very practical concerns that can be remedied with an STD test, there's no reason the number of prior sexual partners should impact a relationship if neither person wants it to.

 

[talker]

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

It's one of the best examples of modern-day sexism.

Only the opposite way round!

 

[Dogstile]

Gonna stop trying to make this a pissing contest any time soon? What I'm getting at is that I do not like manipulative women, just like women don't like manipulative men. You sir, are now putting words in my mouth and I would appreciate it if you would kindly stop

I don't think I put words in your mouth. I merely responded to what you typed. If what you said wasn't what you meant then you may want to consider the implications of what you are writing in future.

Welcome to the Escapist.

You kind of did. Just because a person is looking for sex does not make them sexist, its a normal biological function. He said he didn't like it when people took advantage of this function, you called him sexist and accused him of treating women as machines who are meant to dish out sex after you put enough money in.

How the hell is that not putting words in his mouth? You're correct on one thing though. Welcome to the Escapist Zeke, this is what it's like here.

 

[srm79]

Holy fuck 25? With the multiplier[snip]

This bit actually made me laugh out loud. "Multiplier" makes it sound like some sort of game. Conquest, anyone...?

Maybe you can pull the girl card I've heard about where you divide your number of partners by half?

Not really an option, in as much as I'm a terrible and obvious liar for one thing, and for another I hold trust as the single most important thing in a relationship. If I lie at the start, I'm betraying one of my most dearly held principles. Can't do it.

in some ways I'm jealous.

Read the last sentence of my post - I never stopped to think at the time that were come a day where I actually regretted most of it.

I hold sex so sacred that I physically am in capable of performing such an act. I sometimes wonder what I missed out on.

It's never too late. There's someone out there for everybody.

Eh, 25+ is nothing. It's not like you're Wilt Chamberlain. That's still within a perfectly 'normal' range. I dated a girl who had slept with 90+ before. Her prolific sexual history didn't make her any less awesome as a person (mind you, she was a wee bit jaded sexually). Short of very practical concerns that can be remedied with an STD test, there's no reason the number of prior sexual partners should impact a relationship if neither person wants it to.

True, and I'm probably making a bigger deal of it in my head than it actually is. Guess I'll know soon enough, I can only dodge bullets for so long!

 

[The Lunatic]

I've been rather unlucky in finding a relationship to be honest.

I'm gay, so, basically, you're going from seeking in a group of over 50% of the population, to about 2-3% of the population.

And then trying being in a small town.

Yeah, I've met maybe 1-2 people who are gay. One was a prick. The other I've not seen beyond once.

And if you think "Gamer girls" are rare, try finding a gay guy who's got similar interests to you.

So, that puts a dampener on things a bit.

Not that I'm really all that interested in sex, to be honest. So, I'm really not all the phased, it'll happen when it happens.

I suppose for now I'm just looking for affection and care these days.

 

[Fluffythepoo]

Not having kids is failing your species

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Mathematics of Modernity:

Life = doing what you want to do (let = X)
If X = sex,
then if X=0
Then Life=0

 

[chaos order]

Oh, come on.

It's not that bloody complicated.

The vast majority of male virgins are virgins because for one reason or another they have failed to attract a mate. (They will of course deny this with the ferocity of a thousand blazing supernovas, but they're not fooling anyone.) So they are made fun of for their failure in the same way others are fun of for theirs.

Then they get together in the sadder corners of the internet and claim not to understand what anyone's talking about and reassure each other that, no really, they're just not focussed on relationships right now and society just doesn't understand.

...

It's obviously not a nice thing to do to people, but that's why it happens.

Except it isn't. And you're exactly the kind of person the OP is talking about.

I get along great with girls, however if any of my female friends were to ask me out, I'd say 'no'. If it were a drunken one night stand then my judgement might change, however I really can't stand people who feel the need to insult and mock others simply because they want to feel good about themselves.

EDIT: the reason I'd say no isn't because I claim to be asexual or any of that nonsense. It's simply because I can't stand to be around judgemental dipshits 24/7 when I have much more important things to attend to. You know, like trying to get by?

Throw around your "you're just kidding yourself" and "you're just trying to reassure yourself that you're not a loser" comments all you want. If you're that stupid as to think so little of every virgin then you're obviously even less of a person than them.

You seem to have edited out that one part where you called me an asshole.

Anyway, you're making a great deal of assumptions regarding my attitude. Heh, it's actually kind of funny, considering.

I don't despise male virgins and I don't approve of mocking people for their failures. It's needless and cruel.

However, I will mercilessly point out when people are feigning incomprehension in order to seek reassurance. We all know perfectly well why male virgins receive ridicule. We don't have to approve of the situation, but we all understand it just fine.

i think people are having strong reactions to your posts simply because you call them "failures". you could have easily made your point stating that you believe that male virgins are people who havent found someone without lack of trying and dont understand why. you simply come off as abrasive or patronizing to male virgins.

 

[Idlemessiah]

I am 25 years old and I am still a virgin. Personally, I don't care if people make fun of me for being a virgin. Their immaturity will just end up hurting them later in life. I plan on staying a virgin too. I will never trust anyone enough to get that close to someone. Plus, I don't want kids and remaining a virgin makes that goal 100% achievable.

YES! Somebody else! I'm actually going to show this to a 'mate' of mine who's been trying to get me laid for like, 2 years now. Maybe then he'll believe I'm not a total nut job for not wanting to fuck.

 

[Naeras]

I'm going to take it further and say that I don't see why people give a shit about other people's sex lives in the first place, even less how they bother judging people based on it.