I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[StormShaun]

I am a virgin and I don't feel ashamed at all. I mean sure there are the whores out there that do all the screwing because they want to...and honest to God I find them...revolting. I mean there is more to sex then just...SEX.

I'll get rid of my virginity when I find the right parter/true love/whatever thank you very much.
This must of been the reason I was hated in high school...I didn't drink, party, have sex, smoke or do drugs.

Ahaha sucks for them because I am a better person then them!

 

[Thaluikhain]

It makes perfect sense. Think about this way: if you have a key that can open lots of different locks, you would have to say that's a pretty damn awesome key, right? But if you have a lock that can be opened by lots of different keys, well, that's a pretty shitty lock. Amirite?

Your analogy is bad and you should feel bad.

it's almost like with how women are supposed to be "sexy".i blame the media.
the media want women to be incredibly sexually attractive and men to be incredibly sexually active. and since most the people who watch show who deliver these messages [footnote]jersey shore, big brother and miss(insert your country here) to name a few[/footnote] usually aren't bright enough to understand that everything on TV is real. there for they take the ideas of this to the public. then scripted shows look out over the public and parody the "virgin-shame" in to their shows. just a little theory i have.

Sounds reasonable.

not to mention. humans are really just animals with bigger brain, we still got the animal instincts. when we find something that feels go we wanna do it 24/7. and males are more aggressive then females sooooooo..... i guess there could be something to that

Sounds less reasonable. There's no proof that males are inherently more aggressive than females, rather than it being a result of social conditioning.

 

[DazBurger]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

That doesn't make any sense. Unless not eating ice cream is the best thing ever?

 

[Spinozaad]

Is this really a thing, except for teens?

It might be because of the milieu I move in, but I don't think it is much of an issue. Although there is a sad kind of empathy for 25+ year old male virgins, because:

A) Chances are you'll have sex with someone who's more experienced, and you'll completely screw up the first time. That might be really awkward because she (or he, if you're into that) will probably expect you to be more competent.

B) You haven't had sex yet, and that's, like, totally a shame. Because sex is awesome.

But "shaming" because they're virgins? Pffft, nobody has time for that.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

The kind of people that care that much tend to be douchebags that are worth ignoring anyway. Amongst my friends, I think there's two of us that are still virgins, and whilst we do tease them a little about it, it's nothing serious (and we do try to be damned good wingmen).

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

I'd say I agree with this guy really. It's not that much of a big deal, but don't knock it until you've tried it.

 

[Zeke_warhammer]

Natural design aside. We are not monkeys anymore and I think a slut is a slut, a guy who had his thing in 100 different girls is still disgusting in my opinion.
Especially ones first time should be special, as sex is not just a physical thing and the right feelings make all the difference.

BTW I find people sad who just fuck around and dont know how awesome sex can be if you have the right partner and not just any partner.

But how do you find the right partner without searching through others in the first place? It's easy to place emotional value in somebody, but that doesn't make them the right person.

Typically, from what I know of it, male virgin shaming comes from the assumption that the man is unable to attract a partner rather than chooses not to. Any attempts to defend the latter are usually met with ridicule and accusations of making up excuses. Honestly, I think it's a right of passage for everyone at some point, male or female. Sex feels good, there's no doubt about it, it's common for people of both sexes to feel this way and seek out ways to have sex more often. It's the retarded idea of social standing imo that labels girls as easy/slut/etc to try and put themselves over another person.

On a somewhat related note, I cannot stand women using sex as means of manipulation. As a guy, It's really frustrating to be lead along for months with hope of having sex with a girl being dangled in front of you, when in reality they're just using you to get things they want and once you can't give it to them they just dump you for the next wallet full of cash to be spent on them. I'll take a 'slut' over a manipulative ***** any day

 

[blackrave]

Because by most people (man and women alike) male virgins are considered as losers who can't get laid
While it it is true in some cases, mostly it is choice not inability
And for some reasons plenty of people can't grasp this concept
Weird I know :/

So I'm going to be the first one in this thread to admit it's inability. And I'm also going to guess that in a lot of those cases where it's choice, really it's inability

Not exactly
Maybe in most cases it started as inability, but later it turned into choice
I know it's my case- in the high school all girls were into athletes, artists or simply older guys
So no luck for math/IT geek who instead of partying was working (PC gaming isn't cheap )
Later in college I was more busy with studying, training and eventually working, than partying and getting laid
Now I'm busy with finding another job and preparing for my next education (medicine- next september)
It may seems that it is inability (due to time), but I have free time, I prefer spend it on games, movies and hanging out in Escapist
Inability is long time gone, and I learned to cope with the urge of sex, so I don't NEED it anymore
I just don't see point in simply getting laid
When I find a girl that I could live with I would make a move, but jumping through the hoops just to stick my penis couple of times into a girl isn't worth it

captcha: tear us apart
Let me guess it started with "You" and ended with "Lisa"?

 

[katsabas]

People who think that they are somebody just cause they stuck their dicks somewhere or just cause they were found with their legs open one too many times are just too thick to realize the concept of patience. I can't blame them, opinions are made to differ but if one berates you and is in your cycle of friends, you need to tell him/her to take a hike.

I am a virgin but never had it being a taboo. Except that one time. This guy was telling me that I couldn't get a date because I was too normal. You know, on top of the fact that he only knew me for 2 months, he was 30 yrs old and had never been on a serious relationship while changing girls like socks. Sex is all the better with the right person. This kind of people miss out on the best that sex has to offer. Ironic, right ?

The only reason something like this is brought up is because the one that decided to bring it up saw that there is someone that who could without sex until he was at certain age. People always try to get the drop on others. I know, I do it too. Not on this field though. Why ?

Cause sex is not something that everyone has an equal chance to come across. Some are more lucky than others. Guys tend to look for sluts with tits like basketballs and girls tend to look for guys with cars and biceps like tire tracks. That is in the countries I am from. The exceptions are rare but they do exist. Instead of hearing to anyone who has demeaned you for being a virgin, go out and do something about it. To quote Durden, get out of your apartment and meet a member of the opposite sex. Anyone and I mean ANYONE can do it. You will pickup things on the way to...wherever.

I also went through all the posts and the ones that made the most sense are these ones:

I know from experience many women find virgin guys hot. Sort of like unopened presents I guess or something.

I've heard this too.

That there's a certain appeal to 'deflowering' your partner for the first time.

Thats exactly it, I saved myself till I was 21 and during those years I learned real quick that women love sex as much as men. I had one absolutely pissed that I wasn't putting out after 6 months in a relationship.

It felt like an accomplishment.

-----

Anyway seriously good things do happen to those who wait.

There is so much truth in these posts it's not even funny.

 

[loc978]

The shaming, that I only understand cerebrally, and it makes me rage a bit. I've got a couple of friends who have been shamed into near basement-dwelling seclusion by such, and it's an ugly thing to witness from the perspective of one for whom casual, responsible sex has been an incredible joy.

I've seen reasons run the gamut, but most often the thing keeping a virgin a virgin (male or female) is fear (of rejection, embarrassment, or physiological/financial consequences)... or impossible standards (usually caused by too much media, too little human interaction. Real people tend not to fall into perfect archetypal roles)... or a wacky religion. Damn those things are creepy.

All the advice I can give is: those who would shame you are insecure douchebags who require someone to look down upon to make up for their own deficiencies. Sex doesn't turn you into one of them, and it really can be among the greatest things you ever do for yourself and for your partner... if done right, for the right reasons. Don't deny one of your most basic biological drives forever due to the actions of a few selfish, insecure morons.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Apparently it has something to do with their penises not being good for opening doors, because then if you get locked out of your house there's not much you can do. But vaginas are good as long as they are exclusive because then you can stick stuff up there for safe keeping.

On a somewhat related note, I cannot stand women using sex as means of manipulation. As a guy, It's really frustrating to be lead along for months with hope of having sex with a girl being dangled in front of you, when in reality they're just using you to get things they want and once you can't give it to them they just dump you for the next wallet full of cash to be spent on them. I'll take a 'slut' over a manipulative ***** any day

Perhaps if you stopped treating women as objects that dispense sex if you put enough money in, and tried to form meaningful relationships instead, you wouldn't run into this problem.

 

[Zeke_warhammer]

Perhaps if you stopped treating women as objects that dispense sex if you put enough money in, and tried to form meaningful relationships instead, you wouldn't run into this problem.

That's funny, I'm currently in a meaningful relationship with a girl and have been for the last 5 years. What I'm getting at is that women can and do use sex as a means to an end to get the things they want (kinda why prostitutes exist). Some just use the idea of sex while some are more literal I guess.

 

[Something Amyss]

I still wonder why this exists in the first place.

Because males are "supposed to" want to spread their seed around. Indiscriminately, it seems.

Men are depicted as and expected to be aggressors, being sexually aggressive is the "proper" way to be a man. If you aren't, then you are looked down upon by other men. On the off hand, women who have sex with lots of men are seen as disgusting sluts, so really that makes no sense. Men have to be having sex with someone, right?

Here's the thing, though. Yeah, they have to be having sex with someone, but they don't really care that women are required because women are treated as a consumable.

also they Idea that if you don;t get sex then theres somthing wrong with you,

Hell, just the fact that you're not in a relationship is enough to invalidate someone. I mean, I have a girlfriend, but am I any more worth people's time now than I was a year ago? Am I any less dysfunctional?

Apparently if you're a female virgin, you're some sort of holy grail.
Whereas if you're a male virgin, you must be some basement-dwelling, neck-bearded, social outcast.

It's one of the best examples of modern-day sexism.

I see you've got a few replies on this, but I'll mention something similar:

Women actually walk a pretty fine line in this instance, because a virgin is only a prize as long as you're not ready to have sex with her. Women are treated as a prize for "you" to achieve, not someone else. And since the aquisition is all that matters, you can discard her after. But on the flip side, a woman who won't have sex with "you" is a prude, frigid, a lesbian, or one of several other "terrible things."

Virgins are considered a prize only as long as you have a chance to "win" them.

I think this is a very important distinction.

Female purity only really exists as an issue because women are treated as property. Maybe not as much now, but the sentiment still lingers, and the resulting attitudes are pervasive. Virginity, especially, is treated like property; women lose half their value when driven off the lot. Unfortunately, if you can't "unbox" a woman, it's more like sour grapes.

I used a lot of "quotes" here. I feel "dirty."

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

I'm fine with nonsexual relationships, but relationships require commonalities. If you aren't on the same page, then things won't work. Whether or not you understand why sex is important to a lot of people, you should understand that it is. Your position seems rather inconsiderate, calling it unfair that other people interested in something that doesn't interest you treat you unfairly for not wanting to be in a relationship (something with a partial basis in sexual chemistry).

Honestly, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

 

[charge52]

Edit: And in case my ice cream comparison wasn't good enough. It would be like a friend telling me he was too afraid to go bungie jumping. Yeah it's scary, but totally awesome and worth it.

Bungie jumping might be awesome and worth it if say, you don't have a crippling fear of heights.
Same to your previous statement that not all experiences are equal and your example was Sky diving VS taking a shit. Because it is impossible for someone who has a crippling fear of heights to rather take a shit than jump out of a plane.
Stop acting like your experiences and preferences rule the world, not everything you think is a great experience is something everyone should do. You may think say, going to a spider museum is an experience that cannot be missed, but anyone with arachnophobia wouldn't feel that they are "missing out" on anything.

 

[Something Amyss]

Perhaps if you stopped treating women as objects that dispense sex if you put enough money in, and tried to form meaningful relationships instead, you wouldn't run into this problem.

Women? As people? Forming bonds?

What sort of radical thinking is this? Witch! Witch!

...Sorry.

 

[Something Amyss]

On a somewhat related note, I cannot stand women using sex as means of manipulation. As a guy, It's really frustrating to be lead along for months with hope of having sex with a girl being dangled in front of you, when in reality they're just using you to get things they want and once you can't give it to them they just dump you for the next wallet full of cash to be spent on them. I'll take a 'slut' over a manipulative ***** any day

Thisis the price we pay for the lack of honesty in relationships. This sort of thing is easily solved if people are honest and open. Unfortunately, we have a culture where both genders play manipulation and hate the other side for it.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

From my personal experience (and that of people I know) sex can also push you further away from someone. People can sometimes experience resentment (or even betrayal) once the buzz goes away, particularly if they weren't sure about it to begin with or feel they were pressured into it.

I guess it's a lot like the idea that having kids with someone makes you closer. In reality, it'll either bring you closer together or push you further apart. At least with sex no one else suffers if it turns out to be the latter!

The chemical bond that forms through sex is A) temporary (needs refreshing...think of it as a "we fucked!" buff) and B) not really potent enough to fully overwhelm more conventional bonds, such as friendship or even basic compatibility. Which is how we end up in weird situations like relationships we hate but find it hard to leave because "the sex is good". I'm not suggesting that having your dick in someone makes for a storybook ending, obviously. But sex is pretty important for relationship health. And health health. What's the stat on sexually active adults vs not sexually active adults, in terms of lifespan? 7 years? 10 years? Basically being sex starved is worse than being a heavy smoker in terms of your health. All those hormones are pretty awesome for you, as it turns out.

Anyway, oxytocin isn't an "idea", it's an actual thing that actually gets released.

Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around the mate. Many studies have already shown a correlation of oxytocin with human bonding, increases in trust, and decreases in fear. One study confirmed a positive correlation between oxytocin plasma levels and an anxiety scale measuring the adult romantic attachment.This suggests oxytocin may be important for the inhibition of the brain regions associated with behavioral control, fear, and anxiety, thus allowing orgasm to occur. Oxytocin also functions to protect against stress. Meta-analyses conducted in 2003 demonstrated that oxytocin can alleviate mood and reduce stress with alarming efficiency.

It's sort of the "love drug", believed to be responsible for what we ephemerally categorize as the romantic emotions. Next time someone asks you "what is love", instead of "baby don't hurt me" you can reply with "Oxytocin!".

 

[Something Amyss]

I want an M2F Transgender girlfriend... They are always so nice, but always so taken X3.

As a M2F transgender, I can safely say we're not all nice. I know a lot of crazy ones.

I also kind of find it disconcerting that now we're being held up as sort of a holy grail. Especially when you consider "transgender" is something nobody really wants to be.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

In the world today we are all encouraged to be, "liberated self-actualising people." What that means in effect is that we are supposed to embrace certain accepted lifestyles that are promoted by popular culture and role models. Almost all the popular ones that we have for men are based in large part around sex and relationships. Even, no, especially the gay ones.

So to be not interested in devoting a large part of your "lifestyle" to chasing sexual partners you are defining yourself as someone who deliberately stands outside the accepted norms. In effect you have failed to self-actualise yourself into one of the accepted moulds that society recognises. You have failed to become a real person where "real" is an illusion created by the mass media. In the same way that Call of Duty is hugely popular due to it's supposed realness.

 

[Playful Pony]

I want an M2F Transgender girlfriend... They are always so nice, but always so taken X3.

As a M2F transgender, I can safely say we're not all nice. I know a lot of crazy ones.

I also kind of find it disconcerting that now we're being held up as sort of a holy grail. Especially when you consider "transgender" is something nobody really wants to be.

Haha, I know. Transgender here *puts hand up*, but I've never met one that wasn't a really open, friendly and pleasant kind of person. I guess I've been as lucky with transgenders as I've been unlucky with boyfriends X3.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Perhaps if you stopped treating women as objects that dispense sex if you put enough money in, and tried to form meaningful relationships instead, you wouldn't run into this problem.

That's funny, I'm currently in a meaningful relationship with a girl and have been for the last 5 years. What I'm getting at is that women can and do use sex as a means to an end to get the things they want (kinda why prostitutes exist). Some just use the idea of sex while some are more literal I guess.

It's not really funny. Sexist people can have meaningful, long term relationships- otherwise humanity would have died out long ago. "I'm not sexist because I have a girlfriend" is the equivalent of "I'm not racist because I have a black friend".

Frankly, if you're going to describe women's promises of sex as being "dangled in front of you" one could be forgiven for thinking that you view them like pieces of meat. After all, you're not lamenting the fact that there are women who lie about loving you, only to leave when you stop being convenient. You are upset that they don't deliver the sex even after you "pay" for them.