I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[Zack Alklazaris]

I hold sex so sacred that I physically am in capable of performing such an act. I sometimes wonder what I missed out on.

It's never too late. There's someone out there for everybody.

[

It is when your married lol. I don't know I'm quite happy with what I have, but at the same time people seem to look at me weird when I say I'm married and have had only 2 partners. Perhaps there is a healthy middle ground between us.

It's considered manly to have sex, it is generally expected that, as a man, you want to have sex, so if you have yet to have had sex, the general assumption is that you are incapable of seducing a woman.

Or gay... sigh. I'm married you'd think that would be enough for people.

 

[chiggerwood]

snip.

First things first I take umbrage with you saying that I "blasted virgin shamers" and was projecting my insecurities on them. I didn't call them all assholes. That was just one option out of five. Mostly my claims centered on immaturity which from what I've experienced is usually the case, just simple immaturity.

I will admit the phrase what it means to be a man is very broad, I should have clarified that it has to deal with maturation and understanding about what adulthood is and what really matters in life (keeping a roof over your head, taking care of your business, maintaining a job, dealing with your problems, letting go of childhood, so on and so forth).

I stand by my insecurity claim because that has actually happened to me several times.

The reinforcement of static gender roles also has to deal with maturity and the insecurities of both the individual and society as a whole so my list still applies to an extent, a small extent, but still an extent. However you do make a good point, and you did point out something that I missed.

It is not PTSD in any way shape or form, I am an Asexual. I do however admit that I have some hang ups which come from my brothers trying to get me laid against my wishes, but I genuinely do find sex extremely unappealing for myself. I don't mind a sex scene in a movie, or a book (my favorite book is Snuff for fucks sake) or someone else having a sexual relationship as long as doesn't involve me.

I'll admit I should have detailed things better, but you took what I said VERY wrong made a lot of bold assumptions and you completely misrepresented what I said.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

Well IMO extremes on either end of the spectrum are never good. If you have sex with anything that moves you'll likely to get STDs even if you were condoms, if you never have sex you're going to be pretty bad at it once you do meet someone you really like and they might not stick around.

Whatever you do do it as safe as possible, no harm in saying that you both should get tested before things go further.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

First things first I take umbrage with you saying that I "blasted virgin shamers" and was projecting my insecurities on them. I didn't call them all assholes. That was just one option out of five. Mostly my claims centered on immaturity which from what I've experienced is usually the case, just simple immaturity.

You presented us with five options, all of which presented a very dim view of the individual in question. I'm no fan of anything shaming, but neither am I fan of the "well they must be idiots then" school of thought when it comes to people who think differently from me. It's just a different kind of tribalism. You're nominating an outsider and demonstrating how they are deficient. Assholes! Immature! Thank god we're not like that, huh?

I will admit the phrase what it means to be a man is very broad, I should have clarified that it has to deal with maturation and understanding about what adulthood is and what really matters in life (keeping a roof over your head, taking care of your business, maintaining a job, dealing with your problems, letting go of childhood, so on and so forth).

I don't care for the phrase "be a man" in any capacity, most particularly because it's often used as a coda to reinforce some extremely broad gender stereotypes. However, I'm not really fussed about you using it, I'm just demonstrating a point. Most people are profoundly blind to their prejudices. I'm a pretty fucking liberal guy, raised by liberal parents, and even I lapse into some very basic stereotypes sometimes. You're raised in and by a culture, you're going to absorb some of that culture's values, especially when those values are prompted by basic human biology. You don't have to LIKE it. You can attempt to educate people about it and point their noses at their blind spots. But hand waving people as "assholes" or immature isn't particularly helpful.

PS - I particularly dislike "maturity" since the definition of that word trends towards the extraordinarily subjective, making it virtually useless.

It is not PTSD in any way shape or form, I am an Asexual. I do however admit that I have some hang ups which come from my brothers trying to get me laid against my wishes, but I genuinely do find sex extremely unappealing for myself. I don't mind a sex scene in a movie, or a book (my favorite book is Snuff for fucks sake) or someone else having a sexual relationship as long as doesn't involve me.

Fair enough, you would know better than I.

I'll admit I should have detailed things better, but you took what I said VERY wrong made a lot of bold assumptions and you completely misrepresented what I said.

I'm not attacking you, just discussing/debating what you said. My goal here is not to misrepresent you, nor cast you as a villain. You don't need to defend yourself because there is no attack. If I misinterpret something you say, just clarify.

 

[Pink Gregory]

Just another reason for someone to flex their adolescent superiority complexes, people will latch on to anything because they're insecure themselves.

Not saying that's an excuse, they don't have to do that, but such are the state of young minds in that environment.

 

[Patrick Buck]

I understand it. It's wrong, but I can understand it.
Basically people say you're less of a man because you can't "pull a girl".

 

[CrimsonBlack]

This seems to be quite the popular topic.

If you like having lots of sex with different people, then do so by all means. As long as you're happy with yourself. Being a virgin of either sex only becomes an issue if you let it define you.

Personally my desire for sex has waxed and waned over the years. I've had good partners, and bad partners. I've been the good partner, and been the bad partner - I don't kid myself, I'm not an Adonis with amazing sex techniques. I've found that regardless of how good or bad the sex is, I've never really been all that attached to having it; I get somewhat bored of it quite quickly.

Virgin shaming is only an issue between the ages of 14 to ~20 or so. After that you generally become more comfortable in your own skin and don't have to care about what others think of your virginity/promiscuity. You have to make up your own mind about how important sex is to you, and how important (not) being a virgin is to you.

By all means, if you're "keeping yourself" or remaining voluntarily(as opposed to involuntarily!) celibate, then do so. It doesn't make you a better or worse person than someone who sleeps around, so don't go all holier-than-thou on sluts. Sex isn't all it's made out to be; when you first have it you don't suddenly level up or evolve to the next stage like a pokemon. Biological imperative aside, see sex for what it is: a physical act between two people who may or may not be emotionally involved with each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[Smolderin]

I've made the life choice of basically never attempting to seek out a partner, because with me, I do not see the point of it all. I see all these relationships my friends are having and it does nothing to help them, it just brings more drama and bull-crap into their lives that I have come to the conclusion that having a girlfriend at all is more trouble than it's worth. Plus I absolutely hate kids so remaining a virgin is the best way to make sure that I do not have to take responsibility for one.

I'm rather up-front when someone asks me if I ever had a girlfriend...the answer is always no. When they ask why, I simply answer with, "I never made the effort to get one", and more than most of the time..the ridicule begins to happen. I don't necessarily take it to offense because in the end they are basically idiots, but what they don't understand is that they are disrespecting a life-style I choose for myself. I really can't help but ask the question on why people can't be more understanding of people's life choices but in the end that is another discussion entirely.

 

[Something Amyss]

Haha, I know. Transgender here *puts hand up*, but I've never met one that wasn't a really open, friendly and pleasant kind of person. I guess I've been as lucky with transgenders as I've been unlucky with boyfriends X3.

That doesn't make it any less disturbing or stereotyping.

 

[DRTJR]

Because, being a virgin means your probably going to a teribad lay, and every step has ended in failure.

 

[Savryc]

Meh, let the idiots rabble. I'm not sticking anything in the local girls around here, there isn't enough scorn in the universe to make me feel bad about not liking this chavscum, call me judgmental all you like, try living with them for 8 years, it's like they're genetically engineered to make me run away screaming NOPE! If there are girls I can relate to in my area then they're doing a damn good job of hiding.

 

[Fluffythepoo]

Not having kids is failing your species

There's plenty of us on this planet, I think we'll be fine if someone doesn't decide to pop out a few more babies.

OT: It pisses me off too. Sure I joke about it with my boyfriend (I took his virginity and his sign happens to be Virgo), but I really don't think less of him because he was one.

Some people have higher standards than fine

 

[IamLEAM1983]

It's really just an affect of popular culture. It's not as rampant as it seems, but it's there. You've got the obnoxious douchebag who doubles as a wastrel and who can't understand commitment to save his life, and then you've got the sort of stuff Chick Lit and Chick Flicks regularly go to for an easy hookup. That's the previously hurt and gently tormented kind masculine soul who's just waiting for the right touch to cause him to bloom - all the while sheltering a kind of quiet virility.

So, basically Ted VS any male Nicholas Sparks novel protagonist. Virginity is seen as representing a lack of self-confidence or excessively sheltered habits. Or worse, sexual deviance. It's a lot more complex, of course, but people do tend to generalize. It feels comfortable. It's a lot easier to think of neckbeards and other relatives to the Comic Book Guy as virgins than it is to consider that some guys might not be too interested in casual and disposable sexual encounters.

What I tend to be more concerned by is the self-imposed virgins out there. If you're of the mind that you're waiting for someone special for emotional reasons, that's fine. I can respect that. If you're of the mind that Little Baby Jesus frowns on premarital sex, however - get a life. This is 2012, and intercourse should ideally be a representation of love. At this point, it's the opposite problem that becomes troubling. Shaming sex in general is just as serious as shaming virgins. If you're not being vapid about it, if you're responsible and you genuinely care for the girl you slept with - even if you don't stay together that long - then I figure it's okay to have some fun in bed.

 

[Lt._nefarious]

As a male virgin, and someone who is probably going to keep being a virgin for a while, I ain't ashamed that teenage girls that I don't really enjoy being around the first place aren't going top be the ones I lose "it" to. Honestly, I'm actually kind of glad.

Fun fact: Last person who tried "virgin shaming" me as I was a nerd and women "don't make chicks wet" like he apparently does, was later garroted with a pair of earphones...

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

The importance of sex again reinforces my idea that 90% of the 1st world is populated by idiots from the stone age.

There is no importance; it relates back to said ages when humans were sparse and had to reproduce as much as possible to build up large & strong societies, that along with a fear of anything different to you is why the world is still as fucking stagnant(socially) as it is.

It's the same when a couple is constantly questioned as to why they still don't have kids at age x; there's no reason to reproduce so early, as we live in a world populated by about 7 billion other people.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

It's the same when a couple is constantly questioned as to why they still don't have kids at age x; there's no reason to reproduce so early, as we live in a world populated by about 7 billion other people.

The longer you wait to have kids, the chance of said kids being born with birth defects rises exponentially.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

It's the same when a couple is constantly questioned as to why they still don't have kids at age x; there's no reason to reproduce so early, as we live in a world populated by about 7 billion other people.

The longer you wait to have kids, the chance of said kids being born with birth defects rises exponentially.

True, but in my case, I was talking about when my brother was pestered by my mother that he wasn't thinking about having kids at 30.

EDIT: Probably should've mentioned that^.

It can still get a bit annoying

 

[CrimsonBlack]

Not having kids is failing your species

There's plenty of us on this planet, I think we'll be fine if someone doesn't decide to pop out a few more babies.

OT: It pisses me off too. Sure I joke about it with my boyfriend (I took his virginity and his sign happens to be Virgo), but I really don't think less of him because he was one.

You took his virginity?

That wasn't very nice of you. Give it back to him, you big meanie.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

I simply don't care. And I don't get ridiculed over it either. Because I know exactly why I haven't had any intimacy, and it has nothing to do with the girl.

 

[Ishal]

And OT: Biology is why male virgins are "shamed", I would imagine. Guys are hard wired to spread their genes as far and wide as possible.

Correct.

Since I happen to be educated in this realm of biology I'll expand upon this further. What we are discussing here might fall under the realm of fitness of individuals. Though biologically speaking, fitness usually is referring to a trait common among a group rather than a few individuals. The allele that grants red coloration of the feathers found on the male birds head that makes female birds go absolutely bonkers for.

Male individuals gain fitness by having as much offspring as possible with as many partners as possible, but they only gain fitness when those offspring have offspring of their own.

Females gain fitness in a different way. They cannot gain fitness by having as many offspring as possible as it would be detrimental to their health. Instead, since as described above males are always looking for partners, the females gain fitness by acquiring a mate that they believe has the best traits and having its offspring.

That is the concept in the animal kingdom. It gets understandably more complicated when applied to humans and you have biology vs sociology/psychology in conflict.