I don't understand male virgin shaming.

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Zanderinfal

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thaluikhain said:
Cause society has some fucking stupid ideas sometimes.
Hey, let me fix that for ya.
thaluikhain said:
Cause society is fucking stupid... all the time.
Yep, that outta do it.

OT: I think it's a load of shit. Who cares if you had sex with a girl? Alot of people do that, and just because you do doesn't mean you rub it in peoples faces. At least, unless you are being paying someone to rub something in their faces (Every girl you guys have ever slept with, i might add), but I digress.

This is horseshit and people have to learn that or society is going to make no progress at all.
 

VeneratedWulfen93

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Ieyke said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
Ieyke said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
Chicago Ted said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
I could give zero fucks. I was crazy into girls when I was 14 but then I just realised "Whats the point? Why am I chasing after these shallow creatures?"
So I'll probably stay a virgin for at least another year (I have a bet with friends that I can turn 20 and still have it. The pots up to £30 now) but even then I'll be not chasing after it. Call me sad but I prefer my games, my 40k miniatures and a good laugh with mates to female company. Sure I can talk to them but if I'm not drunk then I just give them cold indifferance most of the time.

People can point how how sad or how I'm missing out all they want but my life is mine. I don't want to share it with anyone.
I will not call you sad for preferring to play games and hang out with friends. No, I instead see you as that for harbouring such warped misogynistic view point.

To refer to females as "shallow creatures" is perhaps one of the most disgusting things I've seen when reading over most of this thread. Just because they are of another gender, does not make them inherently bad. I'm going to lay on one earth shattering thought for you now in the idea that "Women are people too". There are a good number of them that do not want to pursue you, or to have you pursue them, and who are instead more interested in hanging out, shooting the shit, or just being friends. Just because they're female, doesn't mean they don't enjoy a good game, or just sitting back and enjoying wasting the time away with good company. While all might not share the same interests as you, I can say that there are going to be just as many men who probably don't as well. To have such an aggressive stance against their general existence like that, is something that would make me as a person not want to associate with you. I feel like I have to drum out the most basic lessons taught to you in pre-school here that ?Everyone is a person?.

Seriously, you?re the one referring to them as shallow creatures, yet you sit there from your pedestal judging all as being not worth your time, and not even giving the decency of being polite to them. Do you not see the hypocrisy you create? I do hope you remain a virgin for as long as you keep these views, not out of spite for you, but because I have far more pity for the girl who would wake up beside you, and sees your true colours.

As for an OT view, I do not shame other males for their virginity, UNLESS they speak of sex frequently, but never seem to pursue it themselves. To give context, in one of my social circles, we have one friend, who frequently talks about getting a girl, screwing, and other things similar, but when the time comes he never steps up. When he makes comments or questions on my sex life not being as active as some others (I?ll step aside to highlight that this is of choice, out of that group, I am the one with the lowest sex drive), I?ll follow up by ragging on him for still being a virgin. That I feel though is more due to the fact that he?s the one opening up the box, and trying to tease about it in the first place, so he opens himself up for it.
I know full well they are people however, in my experience, I havn't had a worthwhile conversation with a woman ever. During my early teens I had alot of conversations but they were just bullshit and meaningless.

I guess I just don't get on with girls that well. Theres like 3 girls in my college class who i'll occasionally so hello to and I work with a girl who won't shut her mouth about her science course. They never talk about anything interesting ever.

To be honest I came very close once but I couldn't go through with it because it was my friends sister.

Anyway, I don't walk around the place giving every woman a horrible look or swerving to avoid them in the street. Cold indifferance. I'll answer if they talk to me but not say anything beyond that. I don't often openly rage about them, I mostly just...ignore them.
For the record, you need to talk to more women. Not to date them or whatever, but just to know the other half of your species AT ALL, it would seem.

Women are in all seriousness just as different from each other as men are.
Hell, the differences between men and women, aside from the obvious physical differences, is almost COMPLETELY nonexistent on a fundamental level. If not for stereotypes modifying men and women to behave differently, I'm pretty damn sure we'd both behave the same.
If you can't find an interesting, compelling, friendly, down to earth, woman to talk to or be friends with, that's JUST because you haven't talked to the right ones, the same way that if you went and talked to 90% of guys you wouldn't want to be friends with them either.

For example, my "twin", being the person I know who happens to think and act EXACTLY like me, to the point that I refer to them as "alternate reality me", is Emily, a hot Swedezuelan (half Swedish, half Venezuelan) girl who's a couple years younger than me.
Just behind Emily in being JUST like me, are 3 more women, 1 guy, and my brother.

Until July of last year, I had a pretty damn huge group of friends, and they were mostly guys. I eventually got so fed up with their petty bullshit that I exiled basically all of them from my domain. You know who I kept from that group? One girl, because she was the only reasonable one.

The only person I personally know, who I genuinely admire, completely respect and trust, and whose wisdom I will follow over even my own? A girl a mere 17 days older than me.

As of right now, my collection of real friends consists of 5 guys and 5 girls.

For every dumb girl out there who won't shut her mouth about some stupid crape you don't care about there is a guy who won't shut the hell up about sports or cars, or whatever.
For every vapid, stereotypical, sorority girl/cheerleader out there, there's an equally vapid frat boy/bro.
For every chick that is obsessed with her classes or job, there is a dude equally obsessed with the same.
For every slutty barely dressed chick there is some douchbag guy with a popped collar.
For every intelligent guy there's an intelligent girl.
For every guy geeking out over comics, or video games, or whatever, there is a girl doing the same, or girls who would love to do the same if their society didn't make them feel somehow ashamed for wanting to do so.

That's part of the whole problem between guys and girls not seeing each other as people fully capable of sharing interests - there's still this big nebulous vague societal view that girls are somehow wrong for acting like guys or liking what guys like, even if that's completely natural to them. A lot of girls consciously or subconsciously shy away from stuff like that and just find something else to do.
As a result, it's a lot harder than it should be for men and women to realize that we're pretty much exactly the same, and "gamer girls" (I.e. girls who don't give a crap about stereotypes, and who will simply do whatever they like regardless of what anyone thinks) become like gorram magical unicorns to guys who think that they're a genuine rarity.

I guess I'm real fortunate to have a wider perspective in this stuff, since from 5th grade to 12th grade I had a group of guys and girls who stuck together through anything and everything and pretty much raised each other, in a cultural sense, so we sort of existed beyond any awareness or perception of stigmas. And that has lead those girls from our group to finding more girls of the same sort who THEY were friends with, and as a result I know them too. And it lead all of the guys from that group to approaching other women without the notion that they might not like the same stuff we do, and therefore an awful lot of women open up to us and feel comfortable being themselves around us, and as a result we have a pretty extensive group of men and women we KNOW from personal experience are just like us.
You'll occasionally see me reference the fact that I have several, close, ridiculously attractive, female friends, or that one of my best friends is also the hottest woman I've ever seen in real life.....this is why. They're all girls who we treat with the same assumptions as we treat guys, and they treat us as if we 're just like them. Some of them just happened to grow up to be smokin' hot.
We regularly discuss games, politics, history, books, movies, tv shows, work, school, personal lives, etc etc etc, just the same as I'd talk to another guy friend or as they would talk to another female friend.


When I see people on the Internet flipping out about some "gamer girl" or saying crap like how women are shallow creatures who they can't be bothered to deal with....it makes me sad. It also makes me occasionally wonder if maybe Houston is just some sort of bizarre secret paradise where all the good ladies occur, but then I cruise around the Internet some more and see that CLEARLY they're not all here, and my friends will travel around the country and almost effortlessly find women just like the ones we know, so it HAS TO be a matter of how you approach them. It's the only explanation that makes any sense.
Talk to women with a negative preconception of them, and they probably won't bother to waste the time dispelling your delusions.
Talk to women with a mind set towards treating them as you would want to be treated, and a lot of them may very well respond in kind, and suddenly you'll find women you can relate to and be friends with.
.
.
.
You know, this all REALLY just boils down to that ancient Golden Rule of treating people the way you want to be treated.
It's not rocket science, even though an awful lot of people seem to have it in their heads that it somehow IS.
Well that would make sense...if i didn't live in Newcastle. Ratio of shallow ***** to interesting person is 10:1 here. I know this because I used to drink heavily from when I was 14 to 16 (I still drink heavily actually) and I spent those two years getting drunk, talking to everyone and generally socialising. I felt like I wasted those two years. I got with girls but it never went far and then next week it was on to try again. It was an eternal circle that would never end, that and the fact that drinking dulls my ears and mind to normally what pisses me off.

11 months and after I win my £30 bet I propably soften up a little but it won't do anygood. There are 4 girls in a class of 60 on my course and none of them are particularly interesting.
You know where a good place to meet the type of girls worth talking to ISN'T?
Out where people are getting wasted.

Coincidentally, also a terrible place for women to meet guys who are worth a damn.
Ironically, when i'm drunk is the only time I can stand them and maybe even like them. All my willpower just flies away and I hate myself for it, even more now since it might lose me money.

Once again I must stress: Newcastle. Geordie Shore may go over the top but still when I was at 6th form 90% of the lads only cared about 'pulling birds' while the lasses just kept trying to see who was wearing the shorter skirt.
 

crimson sickle2

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The process is seen as a rite of passage to turn into a true man for some. Having sex literally raises your testosterone levels, so it does produce a slight physical change. From what I've heard, the idea behind the respect isn't that the man will have sex with anyone at all, but rather he can have sex with anyone. Because getting it is seen as a difficult task, the man getting laid every day is said to accomplish a great feat.

I'm against such praise personally, but those are the reasons I've heard.
 

Angie7F

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I think it is just pure peer pressure.
It is always nicer to be with the majority.
 

Brainsaw

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My answer to the thread. Because some people truly have no other way to make themselves stand out and because they are human, will use anything to make themselves feel better in comparison, even if it's the fulfillment of humanity's most base instincts.
 

sumanoskae

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I'll say it again, virgin shaming is stupid, slut shaming is stupid. What mature, consenting people do with their free time is their business, don't be a narrow minded, dogmatic jackass.

We should all cease these ridiculous, invasive and obnoxious practices.

Why do people do this? because people do things for no reason at all, this is the way it's been done for a while and they never think to question it.

They're either too intellectually lazy an/or apathetic to even consider the issue, too stupid to know any better, crazy enough that it actually makes sense to them, or their lying an/or pursuing some ulterior motive.

Hopefully, at some point enough of us will find it more trouble than it's worth for whatever reason, and we'll abandon it.
 

bleys2487

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VeneratedWulfen93 said:
bleys2487 said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
GunsmithKitten said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
I could give zero fucks. I was crazy into girls when I was 14 but then I just realised "Whats the point? Why am I chasing after these shallow creatures?"
So I'll probably stay a virgin for at least another year (I have a bet with friends that I can turn 20 and still have it. The pots up to £30 now) but even then I'll be not chasing after it. Call me sad but I prefer my games, my 40k miniatures and a good laugh with mates to female company. Sure I can talk to them but if I'm not drunk then I just give them cold indifferance most of the time.

People can point how how sad or how I'm missing out all they want but my life is mine. I don't want to share it with anyone.
I can understand not feeling the need to pursue a relationship, but for cripes sake, does that require you being a jerk to the opposite gender all around?
Its the best thing to keep them away from me. I can be nice to them when I can be bothered with thier bullshit.

Let's just hate on an entire gender because god forbid one of them was mean to you at some point in time. Clearly they all must be shallow creatures. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your generalizing point of view of them. It's clearly all their fault and every single one of them for the way you feel.

/sarcasm off

As a woman, I wouldn't understand why any woman would want to be around you in the first place. Let alone deal with your 'bullshit', especially if you're just going to generalize us all as 'shallow creatures' and not human being simply because we were born with a vagina.

Grow up.
I'm not generalising because one was mean to me. Be it man or woman I can't stand idiots, people who don't think about anything past the next weeks booze or what clothes they are wearing. I can handle people being mean to me, believe me, especially women. I spent two years chasing drunkingly after them and then stopped because it became boring and felt like a grind. Tell you what, I'll talk to a girl if she can tell me the full title of Ulthwe, knows what Brisingr means, knows how many shots a DMR takes to drop a Spartan then I'll consider talking to her. Because she will have somehow defied stereotype and even thenit would be genuine interest but then she'd be just me and I don't want to go out with me.

As I said to someone else I don't walk around like some patriarchal tyrant and verbally beat on women. One word answers if I can't be bothered and feign interest with a smile if I can. Except its gonna be all cold, one word answers this year and general feedback from the thread shows me that people get riled up even when I describe my attitude. I am not paying out £30 because I got lax.

On a side note, notice how my avatar is a woman? Just pointing that out. Idranel is cool as shit. She's mystical and can see the future and is nowhere near boring.
1. Ulthanash Shelwé?

2. Fire? (4th book sucked, loved the other three)

3. 5 shots? Assuming one is a head shot? I haven't played Halo while I've been away at the University for the past year. That's what I remember it being though. Depends on the spartan's shield too.

Anyway I tried. Didn't look the answers up either. Won't lose any sleep if you don't believe that or not. Some of the answers might be wrong. Chances are that they are. But, hey. I gave it a shot just off of memory.

Have fun with your thirty euro.

p.s. maybe you shouldn't have drunkenly chased after them. Like attracts like, sir. Give it another go.

And yes. I'm a girl. I speak three languages. I like sci-fi fantasy. Warhammer is awesome. I led an alliance in AoR with 200+ in it. I drive a stick 2011 camaro (actually drive, not like the idiots on the road today). I am trained in krav maga. I'd rather sit in vent with my friends around the world than go out any day of the week and play games on steam or mmos.

Not trying to show off. But, not every woman out there is a babbling, talkative, self centered *****. Yes, I know they are aplenty. I'll apologize on behalf of my gender for them. We're not all like that. People just notice the loudest ones.

There are other women like me too, on this forum. There are probably women here (no doubt in my mind) that know all these answers for sure and don't have to go on memory. There are women here who could easily trump me.
 

Harrowdown

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Oh, come now. I don't do it, and I don't like it, but surely it's obvious why the shaming takes place. Men who are sexually proactive are, in evolutionary terms, the strongest males of the species. Being able to attract a woman and propagate the species is the sign of a genetically 'superior' male. Like I say, I don't go around judging virgins (i'd be a hypocrite if I did), but i'm not going to pretend that the stigma is entirely irrational.
 

Vegosiux

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Harrowdown said:
but i'm not going to pretend that the stigma is entirely irrational.
"Rationality" is something specific to us, and it doesn't exist as such elsewhere, at least not as we percieve it. Therefore, there's nothing "rational" about evolution and genetics. Hell, if there was anything rational about it, we'd have lost our appendixes and wisdom teeth by now at least! That'd be the rational path to take.

So yeah the virgin shaming is just about as rational as slut shaming is, and the degree of rationality is around zero.
 

Atmos Duality

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Pfft. Fuck social scrutiny and "being a real man".

I mate for fun, not making children or conquering women.
The world has more than enough whiny mouths already (present company included).
 

Harrowdown

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Vegosiux said:
Harrowdown said:
but i'm not going to pretend that the stigma is entirely irrational.
"Rationality" is something specific to us, and it doesn't exist as such elsewhere, at least not as we percieve it. Therefore, there's nothing "rational" about evolution and genetics. Hell, if there was anything rational about it, we'd have lost our appendixes and wisdom teeth by now at least! That'd be the rational path to take.

So yeah the virgin shaming is just about as rational as slut shaming is, and the degree of rationality is around zero.
Evolution isn't conscious or super-efficient, but it still has a logic, in that the traits that work are valued and passed on. The process isn't so fine-tuned that we can choose a specific 'path' and weed out all the bad genes. It's cause and effect. And i'm not trying to judge, or to justify frat boy assholes, or to say that virgins or sexually passive men are inferior or whatever, but I am saying that there's a reason why sexually able men are lauded within society; plain and simple, it's a positive evolutionary quality, and we're hard-wired as animals to value it. Society is bigger and more complicated than it was in the primal days, and you don't have to be an alpha male to be useful, but we're a species like any other when it comes down to it. Slut shaming is an entirely different issue, and not one that I support in any way, so please don't lump me in with that stupid crowd.
 

Vegosiux

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Harrowdown said:
Evolution isn't conscious or super-efficient, but it still has a logic, in that the traits that work are valued and passed on. The process isn't so fine-tuned that we can choose a specific 'path' and weed out all the bad genes. It's cause and effect. And i'm not trying to judge, or to justify frat boy assholes, or to say that virgins or sexually passive men are inferior or whatever, but I am saying that there's a reason why sexually able men are lauded within society; plain and simple, it's a positive evolutionary quality, and we're hard-wired as animals to value it. Society is bigger and more complicated than it was in the primal days, and you don't have to be an alpha male to be useful, but we're a species like any other when it comes down to it. Slut shaming is an entirely different issue, and not one that I support in any way, so please don't lump me in with that stupid crowd.
You still failed to explain how virgin shaming is "not irrational". Because there's nothing rational about being "genetically hard-wired" for anything, there's nothing rational about an instinct.

Yes, I'm aware it has its own reasons, but that doesn't make it "not irrational".
 

freaper

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Apr 3, 2010
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Colour-Scientist said:
And OT: Biology is why male virgins are "shamed", I would imagine. Guys are hard wired to spread their genes as far and wide as possible.
Pretty much this, though I don't condone name-calling or shaming of a person because he/she had difficulty overcoming the hurdle that is "the first time".
 

Harrowdown

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Vegosiux said:
You still failed to explain how virgin shaming is "not irrational". Because there's nothing rational about being "genetically hard-wired" for anything, there's nothing rational about an instinct.

Yes, I'm aware it has its own reasons, but that doesn't make it "not irrational".
It comes down to the old mantra, 'survival of the fittest'. The strong are valued, whilst the weak are shunned. An inability to find a mate is weakness, in basic evolutionary terms, and a society that wants to survive is obliged to weed out weakness to improve its chances. It's base and instinctive, but it's still rational. Again, I want to insist that i'm not judging. Like I said, society is bigger now, and strength isn't all about hunting and fucking. However, we still put a lot of stock in those basic traits and abilities that allow us to survive, and for good reason. I never actually suggested that their was anything particularly logical about instinct. Certainly, there's no conscious logic to it. However, there is a certain logic in the maths of it; if you hear a sound in the night for example, and it's most likely to be nothing more than the house settling, you still experience a rush of adrenaline, because on the off chance that it's an intruder, it's best to be prepared when you stand to lose your life. That kind of paranoid instinct has kept people alive, and has thus been passed on genetically. Logical frameworks like maths and physics are observable in the universe, not just figments of human imagination.
 

Gregory McMillan

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Hap2 said:
Gregory McMillan said:
SinisterGehe said:
Gregory McMillan said:
SinisterGehe said:
As Asexual I cant understand this at all. I think it is admirable if someone who has sexual impulses is able to control them completely to the point that hes is conscious about hes needs/desires but wont act upon them until he and hes partner wants.

I am myself completely unable to understand how does the fact that I am Asexual make me a less of a man. Yes I am a virgin in hes 20's and I don't give a fuck about fuck (pardon). But if I look at the mirror and my DNA I see a man.

The shaming in my opinion comes from men who are driven by their desires and are unable to understand if someone is able to control them. They feel that those people are different and as we know most people are afraid of that what is different.

I think those men that make fun of male virgins are the lesser men. Manhood is not defined by your masculine needs, but by your ability to control those needs.

But who am I to say anything about this subject - I am broken human after-all.

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.
Well you have to understand that relationships are really the polite beginnings of making babies and starting a family. It might not be at the forefront of our minds but it's hardwired into our DNA. We've civilized and romanticized sex and family building. Attraction is mostly based on finding a mate. Indeed sexuality isn't a permanent thing. So might think your asexual now, but maybe in a couple years your nature might kick in and you'll take an interest in sex.
Yeah sexual development starts around the age of 11-13 I am over 20 now (I don't care for you to know my exact age, it is irrelevant). It is nice to see that you are able to understand my whole self-being and ego along with my sexual identity based on few short posts on a Internet forum.
Far as I know, according to psychology - I as a male should be in my sexual prime and full development now.

- You should become a developmental psychologist...

/No offense, but don't try to equalize world views without getting to know the person a bit better beforehand.
I wasn't claiming to know you, I was putting out a general assertion that applies to the majority of relationships. I had once claimed asexual, but that is over. I was just relating an experience. I don't need to get to know you to understand your perspective. I was just sharing mine to hopefully help you better understand the situation.
Actually it was likely your assertion SinisterGehe was responding to: "Indeed sexuality isn't a permanent thing. So might think your asexual now, but maybe in a couple years your nature might kick in and you'll take an interest in sex."

That statement has very negative implications, even if you were not aware of them:

1) That having no intrinsic desire for sex must be unnatural.
2) Asexuality is a phase.

Speaking as somebody who has struggled with his own asexuality through much sexual experimentation and self-reflection, I can understand how such implications may come across as offensive to some; especially to older asexuals, who have had the experience and time to self-reflect on their sexuality. For some people, their sexuality is a very permanent thing beyond their control.

However, I do not disagree with you that for some people, they may not be permanent asexuals. Only that your wording could be seen as problematic.
Ah then my apologies for an offense I may have given.
 

Pieturli

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I guess it's pretty obvious why it happens. I don't like it, but then again I never see it. Ever. What mature person does that sort of shit?

That being said, I also think its pretty hilarious that people try to bullshit themselves and others by saying its a choice. I mean, yeah, for some tiny percentage of people it is a choice, but I can absolutely promise you that for the vast majority of people over 16, its definitely involuntary (virginity that is). I had sex for the first time just before my 18th birthday, but I never once claimed that before that, it was "my choice" to be a virgin. I would have given both of my arms to get some.
 

Something Amyss

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Playful Pony said:
Zachary Amaranth said:
That doesn't make it any less disturbing or stereotyping.
Never said it did. We all stereotype based on the people we meet, right?...
I treat people as people. I really didn't know this was such a radical idea until I was already in my mid-20s.
 

Jenvas1306

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Zachary Amaranth said:
Playful Pony said:
Zachary Amaranth said:
That doesn't make it any less disturbing or stereotyping.
Never said it did. We all stereotype based on the people we meet, right?...
I treat people as people. I really didn't know this was such a radical idea until I was already in my mid-20s.
Im Tg and I want people to acknowledge that I can be an ass or ***** as everyone else.
well I'm mostly quite nice, but thats has nothing to do with each other