I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[Ranorak]

Well I would never mock people for being a virgin, I do feel a bit sorry for them.
Not because I think they are social-less losers, or lack the ability to find a girl, I don't.

But simply because I would feel sorry for someone who hasn't gotten on an awesome roller-coaster, or seen an awesome movie.
Sex is a wonderful feeling and I wish that everyone could experience it.

It's kinda like hearing this awesome song, and wishing that other people could enjoy it too.

And hey, if someone decides not to have sex without even trying it, I'd say the same as I said to my friend who's convinced he doesn't like sushi even though he never had any; don't judge before you try.

But again, mocking and shaming is not cool, bro!

 

[Bat Vader]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

You cannot be serious.

You think it's unfair that people end relationships with you when they realise that there isn't going to be any sex?

You can be as asexual as you want, but expecting non-asexual people to just give up on one of the most powerful biological imperatives they have because you're not interested is nothing short of ridiculous. And I mean that word literally, as in "worthy of ridicule".

In that situation, surprise surprise, they're going to drop you like a hot rock and go looking for someone who's interested in the same thing they are.

You and I disagree about a lot of things, but this isnt one of them. This is going to sound harsh to a lot of people, because it is, but losing your virginity is a requirement for becoming an adult. Its hard to describe the feeling of being wanted, and eventually needed on that kind of level. There is no greater motivation in life.

I don't believe that. There are greater motivations in life. My goal to become an author is a greater motivation for me than sex ever will be. My goal to write a script, sell it, and get it made into a film is a greater motivation for me than sex ever will be.

If losing my virginity leaves me that vulnerable than I have no need for sex nor do I want it. I don't want to be needed either. As I said before in a earlier post I will never trust anyone enough to get that close to someone and I don't want children and remaining a virgin makes that a 100% achievable goal.

If people don't want to acknowledge me as and adult for not losing my virginity, I am fine with that. I have better things to do with my time than worry about what the world thinks of me.

 

[Chicago Ted]

I could give zero fucks. I was crazy into girls when I was 14 but then I just realised "Whats the point? Why am I chasing after these shallow creatures?"
So I'll probably stay a virgin for at least another year (I have a bet with friends that I can turn 20 and still have it. The pots up to £30 now) but even then I'll be not chasing after it. Call me sad but I prefer my games, my 40k miniatures and a good laugh with mates to female company. Sure I can talk to them but if I'm not drunk then I just give them cold indifferance most of the time.

People can point how how sad or how I'm missing out all they want but my life is mine. I don't want to share it with anyone.

I will not call you sad for preferring to play games and hang out with friends. No, I instead see you as that for harbouring such warped misogynistic view point.

To refer to females as "shallow creatures" is perhaps one of the most disgusting things I've seen when reading over most of this thread. Just because they are of another gender, does not make them inherently bad. I'm going to lay on one earth shattering thought for you now in the idea that "Women are people too". There are a good number of them that do not want to pursue you, or to have you pursue them, and who are instead more interested in hanging out, shooting the shit, or just being friends. Just because they're female, doesn't mean they don't enjoy a good game, or just sitting back and enjoying wasting the time away with good company. While all might not share the same interests as you, I can say that there are going to be just as many men who probably don't as well. To have such an aggressive stance against their general existence like that, is something that would make me as a person not want to associate with you. I feel like I have to drum out the most basic lessons taught to you in pre-school here that ?Everyone is a person?.

Seriously, you?re the one referring to them as shallow creatures, yet you sit there from your pedestal judging all as being not worth your time, and not even giving the decency of being polite to them. Do you not see the hypocrisy you create? I do hope you remain a virgin for as long as you keep these views, not out of spite for you, but because I have far more pity for the girl who would wake up beside you, and sees your true colours.

As for an OT view, I do not shame other males for their virginity, UNLESS they speak of sex frequently, but never seem to pursue it themselves. To give context, in one of my social circles, we have one friend, who frequently talks about getting a girl, screwing, and other things similar, but when the time comes he never steps up. When he makes comments or questions on my sex life not being as active as some others (I?ll step aside to highlight that this is of choice, out of that group, I am the one with the lowest sex drive), I?ll follow up by ragging on him for still being a virgin. That I feel though is more due to the fact that he?s the one opening up the box, and trying to tease about it in the first place, so he opens himself up for it.

 

[wolfyrik]

What worries me is that this pressure to be sexual is being piled on women, too. Youger girls are being made to feel ashamed at being a virgin, the way that boys, which seems like a the tip of an iceberg in a very disturbing narative that runs through much of western culture these days. It's like someone's trying to turn the tables on feminism and equality, through the very means by which women have freed themselves over the last 60 or so years.

Being a male virgin does seem to be less of a stigma these days, tho still an issue. It seems to be walking hand in hand with the rise of geek culture.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

And there's entire ideological movements built up around stopping that shit.
But I don't know about you, but I don't remember seeing any "Virgin walks" recently.
That problem is being addressed, this one is not. So sit down please.

**blinks**

And I don't recall reading about any Male Virgins being raped because they were dressing "like virgins."

Now, before this turns into which group has it worse, my point was that these two problems stem from the same pile of outdated bullshit. Fixing one will help to fix the other.

These problems are two sides of the same coin - illogical expectations that men must sleep around while women must protect their chastity. It creates an unhealthy society where men are constantly trying to "invade" a woman because they have to prove their virility while we are supposed to make our legs a fucking fortress.

So no, I will not sit down. And neither should you. Only by working together will we fix both problems, because at their root they are the same problem.

 

[frizzlebyte]

I know from experience many women find virgin guys hot. Sort of like unopened presents I guess or something.

I've heard this too.

That there's a certain appeal to 'deflowering' your partner for the first time.

And...that's no less creepy than a guy who's all hot over a virgin female. I just don't get it. If it's a religious thing, I could understand it, but not as a fetish thing. That's just...ick.

 

[Fluffythepoo]

Not having kids is failing your species

There's plenty of us on this planet, I think we'll be fine if someone doesn't decide to pop out a few more babies.

OT: It pisses me off too. Sure I joke about it with my boyfriend (I took his virginity and his sign happens to be Virgo), but I really don't think less of him because he was one.

Some people have higher standards than fine

...Do those standards involve rampant overpopulation?

can you cite evidence of overpopulation? or are you just throwing around words under the assumption youll be able to fact check wikipedia afterwards?

Okay, let's set out the basics here.

1: The population of the Earth is increasing at a steady, significant rate. That's common knowledge.

2: The Earth's resources are finite.

Now, the conclusion of putting these two facts together is that sooner or later we will have more people than we have resources for. Which is not to say that the world is about to implode the next day because of too many people on it, but it's an inevitable conclusion of birth rates at the level they are now.

As a specific example of overpopulation, I think it's fair to say the one-child birth policy in China wasn't put in place for fun. Now chances are you don't live in China, but it demonstrates that overpopulation is a very real possibility. I'm curious though, what do you think the big benefits of people breeding more would be?

So the evidence to support overpopulation is bad math that contradicts UN projections and a failed chinese policy thats undergoing the process of repeal (because its a bad idea that doesnt work).. you might want to consider reading more than just the basics next time

And if were looking at life in the context of its "benefits" were wasting our time, though one benefit would be a solution to "the whole aging population thing" (which as it turns out is kind of a big deal)

 

[dashiz94]

Hey! Hey everyone! Can you reaffirm my social anxiety by telling me that being a virgin is totally okay?! Please?! God I'm so lonely...

Sarcasm off, fuck these kinds of threads. I'll admit that I'm a virgin but it's not by choice, I just have more difficulty picking up women compared to my friends. And you know what? I'm working to fix that. I'm getting into shape more to become attractice physically, and I'm getting involved in clubs around my campus as well as personal interests (bass, reading, writing) to make myself intellectually appealing. If you're a virgin and all you do about it is mope that society "doesn't understand you" then stop what you're doing, assess what you're doing wrong, and try to find a partner rather than ***** at the world about it.

Christ the persecution complex in this thread is staggering.

 

[dashiz94]

Oh, come on.

It's not that bloody complicated.

The vast majority of male virgins are virgins because for one reason or another they have failed to attract a mate. (They will of course deny this with the ferocity of a thousand blazing supernovas, but they're not fooling anyone.) So they are made fun of for their failure in the same way others are fun of for theirs.

Then they get together in the musty corners of the internet and claim not to understand what anyone's talking about and reassure each other that, no really, they're just not focussed on relationships right now and society just doesn't understand.

...

It's obviously not a nice thing to do to people, but that's why it happens.

Sometimes I feel like you're the only rational person on this site, great point and a lot less hostile than mine.

 

[AgentNein]

I could give zero fucks. I was crazy into girls when I was 14 but then I just realised "Whats the point? Why am I chasing after these shallow creatures?"
So I'll probably stay a virgin for at least another year (I have a bet with friends that I can turn 20 and still have it. The pots up to £30 now) but even then I'll be not chasing after it. Call me sad but I prefer my games, my 40k miniatures and a good laugh with mates to female company. Sure I can talk to them but if I'm not drunk then I just give them cold indifferance most of the time.

People can point how how sad or how I'm missing out all they want but my life is mine. I don't want to share it with anyone.

Honestly, with your outlook on women I'm betting on you staying a virgin for a tad bit longer than a year.

 

[Ieyke]

Dunno. I stopped expecting humans to make sense.

I'm only genuinely interested in 3 women that I've ever met, so I'm fighting pretty astronomically long odds.
I don't care about the rest, so I don't know how the hell me not sleeping with them at random is somehow a bad thing.

There's a friend of mine who's completely into me, but I'm not at all interested....soooo I'm not going to sleep with her.

Right now I'm in a terrible quandary related to this:
Girl 1: Loved her forever, pretty generally the best person I know, and now it appears I may actually have a chance with her. If I get her to go out with me, she has a tendency to have very short relationships, if the relationship lasts, she's uber busy and has very little time for anything but school and work, and she's the no sex til' marriage type. I had no doubts about asking her out until yesterday.

Girl 2: She and I have been in a very complicated flirtationship for a couple years, and we're pretty much best friends. Basically, she knew I loved her, and she told me she loved me too, BUT the problem is that she was in a relationship and therefore we had limits. Nonetheless, her boyfriend was a douche, so I didn't feel bad about undermining him.
Finally, they got engaged, so I decided that that was that and I should let her be happy.
I backed off and fought my way down to a "just friends" mindset.
Then, yesterday, she tells me her fiancé dumped her (long distance relationship since he's in the Marines).
Now....I dunno what to do.

Girl 1 would be like catching a unicorn. IF I could pull it off, it'd still be a supreme test of my patience and willpower, but the reward would be legendary. Seriously, I've loved this girl for almost a decade.
Girl 2....would be soooo effortless since we have had to fight to keep apart in the first place...but I fought so long and hard to move past her and had finally mostly succeeded...

If Girl 1 had been free so that I could ask her out in person, I would've....but between her two jobs, school, and various other obligations....I can't catch her when she has time.


I dunno..... I just can't figure what to do here. I can grind this logic in terrible circles forever.


So, you tell me - is it somehow a bad thing that I WON'T simply go for Girl 2 just because I know sex is easily within reach with her?

Is it somehow bad that that's only a secondary consideration for me?

 

[AgentNein]

Dunno. I stopped expecting humans to make sense.

I'm only genuinely interested in 3 women that I've ever met, so I'm fighting pretty astronomically long odds.
I don't care about the rest, so I don't know how the hell me not sleeping with them at random is somehow a bad thing.

There's a friend of mine who's completely into me, but I'm not at all interested....soooo I'm not going to sleep with her.

Right now I'm in a terrible quandary related to this:
Girl 1: Loved her forever, pretty generally the best person I know, and now it appears I may actually have a chance with her. If I get her to go out with me, she has a tendency to have very short relationships, if the relationship lasts, she's uber busy and has very little time for anything but school and work, and she's the no sex til' marriage type. I had no doubts about asking her out until yesterday.

Girl 2: She and I have been in a very complicated flirtationship for a couple years, and we're pretty much best friends. Basically, she knew I loved her, and she told me she loved me too, BUT the problem is that she was in a relationship and therefore we had limits. Nonetheless, her boyfriend was a douche, so I didn't feel bad about undermining him.
Finally, they got engaged, so I decided that that was that and I should let her be happy.
I backed off and fought my way down to a "just friends" mindset.
Then, yesterday, she tells me her fiancé dumped her (long distance relationship since he's in the Marines).
Now....I dunno what to do.

Girl 1 would be like catching a unicorn. IF I could pull it off, it'd still be a supreme test of my patience and willpower, but the reward would be legendary. Seriously, I've loved this girl for almost a decade.
Girl 2....would be soooo effortless since we have had to fight to keep apart in the first place...but I fought so long and hard to move past her and had finally mostly succeeded...

If Girl 1 had been free so that I could ask her out in person, I would've....but between her two jobs, school, and various other obligations....I can't catch her when she has time.


I dunno..... I just can't figure what to do here. I can grind this logic in terrible circles forever.


So, you tell me - is it somehow a bad thing that I WON'T simply go for Girl 2 just because I know sex is easily within reach with her?

Is it somehow bad that that's only a secondary consideration for me?

Jesus, I'm usually good with this Dear Abbey bullshit but this one's tough. I have no good answers for you. It really depends on what you're looking for. Good luck?

EDIT: Ooh ooh I DO have some advice. Just make sure you remember that both relationships will likely end in failure, and make sure you're okay with that happening whoever you choose to pursue.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I dunno..... I just can't figure what to do here. I can grind this logic in terrible circles forever.

So, you tell me - is it somehow a bad thing that I WON'T simply go for Girl 2 just because I know sex is easily within reach with her?

Is it somehow bad that that's only a secondary consideration for me?

Dude, only you can decide which girl you want to pursue more. How on earth can anyone else really weigh in on that? Just from reading this it sounds like you're over-idealizing Girl #1 (probably because she's "hard to get") and taking Girl #2 for granted (for similar but inverse reasons), but hey...that's a lesson we all have to learn at some point.

 

[Levethian]

Surely people are naturally wired to fulfill our biological imperative: to breed. The failure to do so is tantamount to nature selecting certain genes for extinction, and understandably causes the base reaction of ridicule or rejection within others.

It's total bollocks of course. Our stupid animal nature can't hope to adapt with how quickly we're engineering our natural environment that may well indicate that not breeding is now the smartest route. I mean, we STILL clamor to eat sugar. We're all getting fat. Pesky evolution telling us to accumulate calories. Our nature doesn't make sense for us any more!

illogical expectations that men must sleep around while women must protect their chastity.

From an evolutionary standpoint, these expectations are totally logical. Males 'need' to spread their seed as often as they can on the off-chance that some of their offspring survive, while females save themselves for the 'fittest' mates and later nurture their young.

It would be lovely to wave our hands and update these hard-wired natural processes to apply to the modern day, but we're basically still cave-people. The gushy-squishy innards of stoopid beasts.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Not having kids is failing your species

There's plenty of us on this planet, I think we'll be fine if someone doesn't decide to pop out a few more babies.

OT: It pisses me off too. Sure I joke about it with my boyfriend (I took his virginity and his sign happens to be Virgo), but I really don't think less of him because he was one.

Some people have higher standards than fine

...Do those standards involve rampant overpopulation?

can you cite evidence of overpopulation? or are you just throwing around words under the assumption youll be able to fact check wikipedia afterwards?

Okay, let's set out the basics here.

1: The population of the Earth is increasing at a steady, significant rate. That's common knowledge.

2: The Earth's resources are finite.

Now, the conclusion of putting these two facts together is that sooner or later we will have more people than we have resources for. Which is not to say that the world is about to implode the next day because of too many people on it, but it's an inevitable conclusion of birth rates at the level they are now.

As a specific example of overpopulation, I think it's fair to say the one-child birth policy in China wasn't put in place for fun. Now chances are you don't live in China, but it demonstrates that overpopulation is a very real possibility. I'm curious though, what do you think the big benefits of people breeding more would be?

So the evidence to support overpopulation is bad math that contradicts UN projections and a failed chinese policy thats undergoing the process of repeal (because its a bad idea that doesnt work).. you might want to consider reading more than just the basics next time

And if were looking at life in the context of its "benefits" were wasting our time, though one benefit would be a solution to "the whole aging population thing" (which as it turns out is kind of a big deal)

Well let's take a look shall we? From a United Nations Press Release:

"World Population to reach 10 billion by 2100 if Fertility in all Countries Converges to Replacement Level"

See, that's close to 50% more humans within the next 90 years, if the birth rate reaches a replacement level which is, planet wide, a decline. That's quite a lot, and that's just the comparatively nice and safe medium-variant.

No, I didn't say that the Chinese policy was good or effective, it's obviously riddled with problems. My point is that they had to confront the problem at all, not that they had the right idea.

Yes, the Aging Population problem is a big deal, but you didn't specify that. You said, and I quote again, "Not having kids is failing your species". Not failing your country, or causing the Aging Population, you said failing your species. You made a really simplistic, sweeping statement and now you're trying to change it into something defensible by retroactively adding specifics. Perhaps you should change it to "Not having kids (or having too many kids) is failing your species"?

Oh, and I'm not looking at life in the context of benefits, I'm asking about the benefits of making everyone who can possibly have children do so.

 

[Ieyke]

Incidentally, the whole "I'd rather hang out with my friends than chase these shallow creatures" thing.....WTF is THAT nonsense?!???

I'm a guy who's big, tough, strong, shoots guns, collects swords, plays D&D, is going to school for video game design, watches Top Gear, drives a big lifted Jeep Wrangler, geeks out about superheroes, Warhammer 40,000, etc etc etc etc.

4/5 of my best friends and favorite people in the whole world are women. All of them are pretty damn attractive (including one being the most attractive female I've ever encountered IRL), and not a one of them seems out of place hanging with me and "the guys".

I don't know what the hell sort of notion it is that "hanging with your friends" is somehow the opposite of interacting with women, but I'm pretty gorram sure you must be doing it COMPLETELY wrong.
Hell, I'm sort of an alpha wolf. A lot of the time I don't really get along with guys all that well.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

Well, if you genuinely haven't had sex because you're either a) too young or b) because you really do want to save yourself and have therefore turned down lots of offers or c) are asexual then more power to you.
But...
If you're a virgin despite trying, because you really do suck at talking to the opposite sex... I kinda find it hard to have too much sympathy for you. You're a much younger me, and younger me sucked. He was shy to a ridiculous degree, completely oblivious to most popular culture and also failed to find a footing in any subculture, plus he was boring. If you're that guy, then stop moaning and sort it out. It isn't that difficult.

...

Might as well do the female counterpart bit too-

I feel ambiguously about female virgins. You have to be more gentle with them so if you're inclined toward being completely wild in the bedroom it isn't exactly great. On the other hand, if you're patient then it's potentially a lot more rewarding, because you get to take on the role of guide. There's some vicarious thrill in that. Plus the fact that anybody has chosen you for a first time is a compliment in itself.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

It's because too many men take their social cues from SpikeTV and AXE commercials. ¬__¬