I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[Divine Miss Bee]

It makes perfect sense. Think about this way: if you have a key that can open lots of different locks, you would have to say that's a pretty damn awesome key, right? But if you have a lock that can be opened by lots of different keys, well, that's a pretty shitty lock. Amirite?

check your math, kid. your philosophy up there boils down to this: in order to make the numbers match up (men must have ALL the sex, females must have none!), we need to create a society of exclusively homosexual male couples. i admire the spirit of progressiveness and acceptance you're furthering, but girls have needs too. and we can (and absolutely should) satisfy those with no stigma attached. so, i can make keys to my house for a new resident or two, to borrow your metaphor, so long as it doesn't get too crowded for me personally. if my neighbor doesn't like it, he doesn't need a key and can do whatever he wants.

OP: male virgins used to just be an oddity to me. attractive guys can get pretty much any girls they want, i thought, so the ones who don't get sex either are unattractive or think they are. but then i foun out one of my most attractive male friends is still a virgin and is saving himself for marriage, so i reevaluated. male virgins and female virgins are the same as more sexually experienced males and females: they can both do whatever the hell they want with their bodies and nobody should care. but my original point of view probably has a lot to do with virgin shaming.

 

[Lieju]

It makes perfect sense. Think about this way: if you have a key that can open lots of different locks, you would have to say that's a pretty damn awesome key, right? But if you have a lock that can be opened by lots of different keys, well, that's a pretty shitty lock. Amirite?

check your math, kid. your philosophy up there boils down to this: in order to make the numbers match up (men must have ALL the sex, females must have none!), we need to create a society of exclusively homosexual male couples. i admire the spirit of progressiveness and acceptance you're furthering, but girls have needs too. and we can (and absolutely should) satisfy those with no stigma attached. so, i can make keys to my house for a new resident or two, to borrow your metaphor, so long as it doesn't get too crowded for me personally. if my neighbor doesn't like it, he doesn't need a key and can do whatever he wants.

S/he isn't talking about how it should be, but how the situation has been perceived throughout most of history.

Which obviously is a double standard.

 

[DayDark]

I've never understood the promiscuous female shaming.

 

[Kurt Cristal]

You know, I'm not even a virgin, but having been one for a larger part of my life; hearing this still going on is a huge kick the crotch every time someone does stuff like this. Really hurtful way of thinking, guys.

 

[srm79]

check your math, kid. your philosophy up there boils down to this: in order to make the numbers match up (men must have ALL the sex, females must have none!), we need to create a society of exclusively homosexual male couples. i admire the spirit of progressiveness and acceptance you're furthering, but girls have needs too. and we can (and absolutely should) satisfy those with no stigma attached. so, i can make keys to my house for a new resident or two, to borrow your metaphor, so long as it doesn't get too crowded for me personally. if my neighbor doesn't like it, he doesn't need a key and can do whatever he wants.

Read thread before posting, kid. I stated quite clearly after several posters jumped aboard the outrage bus that I said that with tongue firmly in cheek. And I'm well aware of the needs of both sexes, having been at it since last century!

S/he isn't talking about how it should be, but how the situation has been perceived throughout most of history.

Which obviously is a double standard.

See? This Escapist got it!

Happy locksmithing...

 

[Something Amyss]

Im Tg and I want people to acknowledge that I can be an ass or ***** as everyone else.
well I'm mostly quite nice, but thats has nothing to do with each other

I'm generally nice until provoked. Then I can be downright evil. <.<

 

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

Well, being a virgin is better than being infected with a range of STDs. Not to say that not being a virgin guarantees that will happen.. just things could legitimately be worse. So don't worry about it - captcha "sleep tight" - I guess that makes sense..

 

[Sandjube]

I've actually never really seen someone put down for it, so I guess I'm lucky.

 

[hooblabla6262]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

Not really. It depends on why your "missing out"
For your example with ice cream. What if they don't like it or the thought of it?
I will never have sex, the idea disgusts me. But that doesn't mean I'm missing out on anything. It just means that I have decided to not do something that apparently most people put a whole lot importance on.

I suppose. But I would still say you're missing out on something. Not that it's wrong to miss out on whatever it is you don't have interest in. I'm just a strong believer in trying everything, and most people would probably say I take it too far very often anyway. So don't listen to me.

It just bothers me when people have this bad impression of sex, cause I enjoy sex and therefore would like everyone else to enjoy it as well. Not because everyone should be like me, but because I like to share my joy with others. I think peoples negative views have a lot to do with societies public fear of sex and nudity, though I suppose for some it could be biological or past experience.

 

[DannyBandicoot]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

Sorry, I know this is a off topic but if you didn't warn your partner in advance that you'd never have any interest in sex then it's not unfair on you in any way considering you just wasted months of their life. You're the one that's being unfair in this situation (Provided I'm understanding you right but you did refer to them as your partner and say it was after the first few months so I'm fairly sure I've got it.)

 

[BringBackBuck]

It's an insult. And actually quite a good one. Bear with me for a second:

If you call someone a vulva or labia they will think you are odd.
If you call someone a pussy it implies that they are timid or weak.
If you call someone a **** that is really nasty and you are sure to end up in a fight. It's probaby one of the worst insults in our language.

Those nouns all mean the same thing though. As an insult, referring to someone as female genitalia doesn't make much sense because it's just a body part that half the world has and most of the other half are very interested in. That is a stupid insult when you think about it.

Calling someone a virgin implies that the person lacks the required social skills and/or physical qualities to find a mate. That makes it quite a good insult, and since both physical appearance and social skills can be improved through training it implies that the person has done something wrong to be a virgin, which makes it a heaps better insult than anything about a person's skin colour, ethnicity, or upbringing.

 

[viking97]

My my, people certainly get touchy about this.

The answer is pretty simple anyways; men are expected to want to fuck a lot, and if you "can't" for whatever reason then you are inferior to one who "can".

It's probably pretty likely that most people don't actually think this, but virgin shaming is just kind of the expected reaction, so i guess that's the real reason.

 

[Biosophilogical]

Every established culture has had some sort of theory on the right and wrong way to live life, with sex often getting special mention. You should wait, you shouldn't, you should only have it with someone you care about, you should only have it with one person, you shouldn't do it that often... really, just let people do whatever they want.
I'm a female virgin in college, and I've been told several times that there's something wrong with me because I don't desire intimacy (with any gender). I've been accused of having a hormonal imbalance or some psychological block, and it's just stupid. I don't like people judging me for my asexuality, so I'm certainly not going to judge anyone else for their sexual exploits (or lack thereof) no matter what the gender. It's not my business and I don't care enough to judge you for it. So long as it's consensual, I don't need to know what sex you're having, how often you're having it, or with whom.

I'm an asexual (male) in university, I've had a couple 'Psychological blocks', 'You're just nervous' kind of stuff before, but mostly it's just acceptance. We should clearly get together and have an asexuality party. Basically we meet up, don't have an orgy, then go home.

 

[comando0110]

Quite strange...inde...eed...

 

[DYin01]

Oh, come on.

It's not that bloody complicated.

The vast majority of male virgins are virgins because for one reason or another they have failed to attract a mate. (They will of course deny this with the ferocity of a thousand blazing supernovas, but they're not fooling anyone.) So they are made fun of for their failure in the same way others are fun of for theirs.

Then they get together in the musty corners of the internet and claim not to understand what anyone's talking about and reassure each other that, no really, they're just not focussed on relationships right now and society just doesn't understand.

...

It's obviously not a nice thing to do to people, but that's why it happens.

This is exactly what I wanted to say.

I would like to add that evolution obviously favours males who participate in the reproduction of the species over those who don't. It is embedded in us that that's the way it's supposed to be. If a male does not fulfill this expectation, he's essentially working against continuation of the species. That's a bad thing.

 

[AwesomeWunderbar]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

Not really. It depends on why your "missing out"
For your example with ice cream. What if they don't like it or the thought of it?
I will never have sex, the idea disgusts me. But that doesn't mean I'm missing out on anything. It just means that I have decided to not do something that apparently most people put a whole lot importance on.

I suppose. But I would still say you're missing out on something. Not that it's wrong to miss out on whatever it is you don't have interest in. I'm just a strong believer in trying everything, and most people would probably say I take it too far very often anyway. So don't listen to me.

It just bothers me when people have this bad impression of sex, cause I enjoy sex and therefore would like everyone else to enjoy it as well. Not because everyone should be like me, but because I like to share my joy with others. I think peoples negative views have a lot to do with societies public fear of sex and nudity, though I suppose for some it could be biological or past experience.

I understand, but you should refrain from calling it sad. It's a little offensive. And Honestly I do agree with you to a certain degree,but as a female I do understand why girls are reluctant to have sex especially for the first time. Sex for a girl can be very painful if the guy doesn't do it right and a lot of guys (Not every) either don't care or don't know how to make it enjoyable for them. And really societies view on sew isn't that it's bad. The media portrays it as some great wonderful thing that everyone should be doing.

 

[hooblabla6262]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

Not really. It depends on why your "missing out"
For your example with ice cream. What if they don't like it or the thought of it?
I will never have sex, the idea disgusts me. But that doesn't mean I'm missing out on anything. It just means that I have decided to not do something that apparently most people put a whole lot importance on.

I suppose. But I would still say you're missing out on something. Not that it's wrong to miss out on whatever it is you don't have interest in. I'm just a strong believer in trying everything, and most people would probably say I take it too far very often anyway. So don't listen to me.

It just bothers me when people have this bad impression of sex, cause I enjoy sex and therefore would like everyone else to enjoy it as well. Not because everyone should be like me, but because I like to share my joy with others. I think peoples negative views have a lot to do with societies public fear of sex and nudity, though I suppose for some it could be biological or past experience.

I understand, but you should refrain from calling it sad. It's a little offensive. And Honestly I do agree with you to a certain degree,but as a female I do understand why girls are reluctant to have sex especially for the first time. Sex for a girl can be very painful if the guy doesn't do it right and a lot of guys (Not every) either don't care or don't know how to make it enjoyable for them. And really societies view on sew isn't that it's bad. The media portrays it as some great wonderful thing that everyone should be doing.

I never meant to call it sad in that sense. I just meant that it made me sad to know that others were missing out based on fear or a misguided view of sex, which is why I had edited my original post some time ago to reflect my opinion more accurately.

And I can understand a girls reluctance the first time. Hell, I can understand a guys reluctance the first time as well. It's an important moment that will stick with you.
But life can be so mundane without risk and adventure, without sex and heartbreak, even without pain. And so I think it would be a shame to miss out on such a beautiful experience out of fear. But that's just me.

I find societies views tend to be one extreme or the other. You have the media who have spent billions of dollars selling us sex, telling us it is all we should think about. Meanwhile you have the parents who are so squeamish about sex that they leave it to the schools to teach it. And schools are the worst places to learn anything important.
We are an oversexed society who seem to fear talking about sex on any real level.

 

[Lonewolfm16]

I would say it is mostly since the all men are perverts assumption. Though I find it odd that in our society at least this seems to be somewhat true. Men do tend to desire sex more, or are expected to. Thus why the vast majority of prostitutes are female and male prostitutes tend to service gay men far more than female prostitutes service lesbians. Thus why there isn't really a common female equivilant to playboy, ect. I often wonder if this is because we have been indoctrinated to have men think of sex as "amazing, goal to accomplish, always seek." and have women view it as "shameful, reward to give men, protect virginity. It seems that with women it is a accomplishment to have resisted having a man push you into sex (according to popular culture it is always the man.) and a failure for a man to not convince a women to have sex.

 

[AwesomeWunderbar]

It's not wrong or bad to be a virgin. Just kind of sad.
The same way I'd be sad if you told me you'd never tried ice cream.
There is this incredible experience that some are missing out on.
And you supposedly only live once.

I get that some people are scared, or that they want the first time to be perfect.
Frankly, I blame poor parenting and sappy love stories.
They either end up making sex this frightening entity which must be handled with a hazmat suit, or they place it high up on a pedestal where no one can reach.

I used to be the type to idolize. Sex was my passion, and I hadn't even had sex yet.
After my first time, I still loved sex. Not to the point I had previously.
It became real to me, instead of some distant idea.

Oh, and don't give me shit for comparing sex to ice cream =P

Woah... Just... Woah... You think people can be happy while missing an experience?
you re acting like you have experienced everything there is to experience and there for can comment about people who haven't experienced things that you have? Ever heard of variety of life? Have you been at the bottom of the ocean ridges? On top of a volcano? swam with the sharks? had religious experience?

Do you know what experience you are missing for not being a virgin?
All experiences in life are equal!!! you can't say my life's experiences are worth any less than yours...

Take a deep breath and calm yourself. That wasn't at all what I was saying. At all. Like, not even close.
I think all experiences in life are important, and though I have lived through some pretty incredible ones, I have not nearly had even close to all of them.
But I have had sex. And I can honestly say that not having sex is missing out on a life experience, and a pretty big one considering even your pet dog is doing it. (I'm gonna assume you have a dog)

But please, enlighten me as to the experiences that I am missing from not being a virgin. Keeping in mind that I was born one, and had been one for 17 years.

Also, not all experiences are equal. I get that we live in an age where everyone spews the word equality, but it's all bullshit. Having a shit is not the same as diving out of a plane, unless you shit out something truly awesome.

Quick Edit: There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I just think you are missing out if you go your whole life without. Especially if it is out of fear.

Not really. It depends on why your "missing out"
For your example with ice cream. What if they don't like it or the thought of it?
I will never have sex, the idea disgusts me. But that doesn't mean I'm missing out on anything. It just means that I have decided to not do something that apparently most people put a whole lot importance on.

I suppose. But I would still say you're missing out on something. Not that it's wrong to miss out on whatever it is you don't have interest in. I'm just a strong believer in trying everything, and most people would probably say I take it too far very often anyway. So don't listen to me.

It just bothers me when people have this bad impression of sex, cause I enjoy sex and therefore would like everyone else to enjoy it as well. Not because everyone should be like me, but because I like to share my joy with others. I think peoples negative views have a lot to do with societies public fear of sex and nudity, though I suppose for some it could be biological or past experience.

I understand, but you should refrain from calling it sad. It's a little offensive. And Honestly I do agree with you to a certain degree,but as a female I do understand why girls are reluctant to have sex especially for the first time. Sex for a girl can be very painful if the guy doesn't do it right and a lot of guys (Not every) either don't care or don't know how to make it enjoyable for them. And really societies view on sew isn't that it's bad. The media portrays it as some great wonderful thing that everyone should be doing.

I never meant to call it sad in that sense. I just meant that it made me sad to know that others were missing out based on fear or a misguided view of sex, which is why I had edited my original post some time ago to reflect my opinion more accurately.

And I can understand a girls reluctance the first time. Hell, I can understand a guys reluctance the first time as well. It's an important moment that will stick with you.
But life can be so mundane without risk and adventure, without sex and heartbreak, even without pain. And so I think it would be a shame to miss out on such a beautiful experience out of fear. But that's just me.

I find societies views tend to be one extreme or the other. You have the media who have spent billions of dollars selling us sex, telling us it is all we should think about. Meanwhile you have the parents who are so squeamish about sex that they leave it to the schools to teach it. And schools are the worst places to learn anything important.
We are an oversexed society who seem to fear talking about sex on any real level.

True, I agree with you here. Awesome conversation! But I fear this is where it must end for I have nothing left to say. Great speaking to someone who nose how to speak there opinion without putting down others!

Farethewell~

 

[chiefohara]

The virginity thing being pursued as a taunt, is only generally only used by insecure teenage muppets. If you are in your 20's and you are still using this Shtick to annoy people with, then there is something seriously wrong with you.

As a grown man of 31 i couldn't give a damn about your sex life or lack of one. Same goes for nearly everyone else on this planet with the exception of the religious zealot or the chronically insecure who need to pass their insecurities onto someone else.

Anyone taunts you over this crap, tell them to get a life.