Ideal partner: Smarter, dumber, or about on your level?

[lacktheknack]

I would prefer the same. Too smart and she would judge me for playing video games instead of faggy reading. However, if she was smarter and not a judgmental ***** whore, I wouldn't really care. Slightly dumber, I'd feel good about. Much dumber, no thanks.

This works for everyone. /thread

In your case, anything beyond "slightly dumber" and you'd have to get her away from her social worker at the state Department of Mental Retardation. You could learn all about such things but that would involve "faggy reading". I hope for your sake that was sarcasm.

/zing

cool story bro. you should write that in a book, that way I wouldn't have to read it.

Your village called---they miss you.

I bet this is one of the many who failed to catch the satire in your "real gamers" thread.

OT: I really could work any way whatsoever. Provided they're not so dumb they can't cross the street themselves.

 

[lacktheknack]

defuse the situation

defuse the situation

before i go....and i couldn't resist....you kind of did this to yourselves.

defuse means to literally remove the fuse from something, something like a bomb. try diffuse next time you want to mellow out a situation. you guys better find some dumb girls if you wanna be the smarter half. know what i'm saiyan?

Did what to themselves? Diffuse means to "spread to lower concentrations", and I don't think we need a smug-yet-dumb troll anywhere else.

To "defuse a situation" is to remove the fuse, yes. So the situation doesn't get dramatically worse.

So... your correction was tragic fail. Wonderful.

 

[TimeLord]

I've found that anybody I know who is smarter than me can be very condescending when speaking about something I don't know much about.
Significantly less smart people are impossible to have an intelligent conversation with without them bringing up Eastenders or the X-Factor (again from personal experience)

So, on my level would be nice.

 

[Hader]

I think it is safe to say that any partner of mine wouldn't ask a question such as this in the first place. There is so much more to any relationship, not such petty grievances.

There is this weird recurring notion that I find kind of creepy about the Escapist. It sounds like you are looking for a new dog to own. Do I want my partner to be smarter or "dumber" than me? Wow. I don't care. As long as I can hold a conversation and (more importantly) as long as I can fall in love with them then the rest is irrelevant.

Some "stupid" people I know are incredibly beautiful people and some of the best company I could ever hope to have. Same goes for some "smarter" people. Something I definitely would not like in a parter, is the type that goes around judging other people's intelligence.

And here we have two individuals who have either neither experienced an adult relationship, or fear that they're the "dumb" one in theirs. Relationship psychology - how you feel about your partner's intelligence (and personality in general) will measure how you fit with them. Some like to feel like equals, others to nurture or be nurtured. If they don't meet your criteria, your expectations will not match reality and the relationship will fail unless they change. It's not sexist, demeaning or unrealistic to have a "type." It's the reality of attraction. Intelligence is nothing more than another feature we pick and choose our partners from, and if anything, I respect picking a partner by intelligence more than I do picking by hair colour, body type, skin colour, or any other widely accepted factor.

Well for starters, I am currently single. And without sounding like too much of a bigot or anything, my last 'partner' definitely cuts the cake when it comes to downright stupid behavior and poor life decisions. But that, I will not get into here.

I would not discount the fact that intelligence of your significant other plays into your attraction to them; more that the fact you might ask yourself, or your partner, that question in the first place, is what I would say is uncalled for and unnecessary. If there is attraction there in the first place, the general intelligence of the other person is a negligible factor. At least through my experience.

I do not set standards, nor do I have any definable expectations. I have learned to accept the surprises in someone's character as the best part about them, and that's good enough for me. Setting unprecedented standards only leads to tension, and a general bad time, for both involved. And hope based on those misplaced standards is only the first step down the road to disappointment.

snip

P.S. Hi Kortney!
*Hand signal...you know what to do*

 

[Mimssy]

I prefer someone on the same level as me, but we don't have to specialize in similar knowledge (no one likes 2 academics from the same field bickering).

 

[Nouw]

I'm pretty smart so I guess my own level. Although the girls I liked/like are smarter >.>

Same level would be preferable. Smarter would be cool if they didn't mind that I was dumber than they were. Dumber than me though... if it's rather significant then yeah. Don't think I would get along with them too well. But then I haven't really been in a relationship to tell if other things might make it tolerable.

Where is your avatar from? Kinda freaks me out...

 

[sumanoskae]

I'd say about my level or smarter, either way.

I'd have to be able to relate to them and share with them some of my more complex philosophical issues.

If I can't honestly bare my soul to them and get the same in return(Either to dumb to understand me, or to cold to relate to me), then I can't forge an emotional bond

EDIT: It's not so much a question of intelligence as it is maturity. If someone dumber then me is willing to listen and learn from me, then I can deal. If someone smarter then me is willing to bear with me and help make me wiser, that works to

 

[Omikron009]

On my level preferably, but I'd settle for somebody smarter. I could never sustain a relationship with someone who was noticeably dumber than me. I don't suffer fools.

 

[Kortney]

And here we have two individuals who have either neither experienced an adult relationship, or fear that they're the "dumb" one in theirs.

And here we have an internet psychologist. Oh yay. Fun.

Relationship psychology - how you feel about your partner's intelligence (and personality in general) will measure how you fit with them.

Sorry, but I call bullshit. How I feel about other people's intelligence has no bearing on how well I fit with them. I've already stated that I know some people who would be described as "stupid" yet I'd be very happy in relationships with them. The point I was making is that "stupid" or "dumb" are ugly words. Especially in this community, "stupid" people are the ones who aren't involved with academia or have trouble with it. That doesn't make someone stupid nor would it effect my relationship with them. Who are you to tell me otherwise? Some armchair psychologist? Yeah. Go away.

Some like to feel like equals, others to nurture or be nurtured.

And what does this have to do with intelligence? Do you not feel like an equal if someone knows more about academia than you? Heh. I do. I feel like an equal around 99% of people I meet.

Once again feeling nurtured has nothing to do with the topic in this thread either. These two concepts are entirely different to how "smart" someone is. It is possible to be nurtured by someone of less intelligence to you and vice versa.

If they don't meet your criteria, your expectations will not match reality and the relationship will fail unless they change. It's not sexist, demeaning or unrealistic to have a "type."

Sexist? When did either of us mention that?

Anyway. I think posting on an internet forum talking about "how you couldn't dare to be with a stupid person!" is nothing short of elitism. I do not care if someone is more academic than me in a relationship. I don't have to have academic discussions with my partners. It's not a priority to me. It may be to you, so good for you. Just don't go around acting like a wanker because I think differently to you.

It's the reality of attraction.

So you know the reality of attraction now? Attraction is a completely random thing I can't control. It may not be for you - maybe you like to pick apart other people and anaylse them and see if they are compatible but I don't work that way.

Intelligence is nothing more than another feature we pick and choose our partners from, and if anything, I respect picking a partner by intelligence more than I do picking by hair colour, body type, skin colour, or any other widely accepted factor.

Intelligence is a feature you pick and choose your partners from. It's not for me. If it is - it is entriely sub conscious.

Personally, my first girlfriend was smart enough to be in my courses at college, but for some reason her behaviour had me feeling like a teacher, and I struggled to respect her because of it. One in the middle was on par with myself, but had to act superior. We'd have clashes of opinion and rather than polite debate, she would act as if I couldn't possibly understand her, and she must be right. This included her trying to debate material from my own degree, which she had never studied. A lot of that came down to her nature (she was rather rebellious against the "norm," including being vegan), and the differences between us (she was 9 years my senior).

That has little to do with intelligence. It's personality. Some people have that personality type where you feel like you have to "teach" them. In my opinion, it's a sign of emotional immaturity - not a lack of intelligence.

I know many people who wouldn't be able to do my course at University. It doesn't mean:

A) That I'm smarter than them

or

B) That if I was in a relationship I'd feel like a teacher to them.

My missus fits me perfectly. She's smart, and willing to tell me I'm wrong, but never rudely, and to take criticism if she's wrong. We both teach each other things, I never look down on her or up to her. Equality in both actuality and how we treat each other is what works for us.

Good for you! Really. I just don't work that way.

 

[jumb]

From experience: it doesn't matter as long as you agree on your ranking. If you disagree on who is smarter then problems occur.

 

[conflictofinterests]

I really enjoy people who are more socially intuitive than I am, so as far as that aspect of intellect goes, the smarter the better.

Honestly, I haven't met anyone who was just plain out of my league of comprehension in the more typical measures of intellect, so I couldn't say if I prefer them or not. But I really can't stand being around people who I can't explain things to, which is fairly rare, thankfully.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

I think my ideal type of girl is somewhere between at my iq or above. As long as we can hold a decent conversation(of whatever sor) and enjoy what ever we're doing Im good

 

[The-Bad-Blooded]

hmmmm, people smarter than me are usually incredibly rude, and I have zero patience when it comes-to people much lower on the intelligence ladder... Imma have to say someone on my own level or slightly smarter than me...

 

[SimuLord]

I prefer someone on the same level as me, but we don't have to specialize in similar knowledge (no one likes 2 academics from the same field bickering).

Complementary fields of expertise with sharp intellects on both sides means lots of learning for both parties.

(or it makes me realize how worthless my expertise is in conversation since nobody wants to hear some corporate dumbfuck prattle on about finance or accounting standards.)

 

[Mimssy]

I prefer someone on the same level as me, but we don't have to specialize in similar knowledge (no one likes 2 academics from the same field bickering).

Complementary fields of expertise with sharp intellects on both sides means lots of learning for both parties.

(or it makes me realize how worthless my expertise is in conversation since nobody wants to hear some corporate dumbfuck prattle on about finance or accounting standards.)

It doesn't even need to be academic (no one wants to hear me ramble about ancient Greek grammar). Being able to speak without having to dumb down every little thing I say is important. It may not be a subject I understand or they understand, but giving each other a one sentence explanation then continuing with an on par discussion is nice.

 

[glyphseeker]

yeah about the same i dont wanna feel like im with the only person in the world who does know how to work a VCR (younger ppl look it up[god i feel old]) and a person smarter than me will make me feel dumb and im too arrogant to accept im wrong and she'll just be intimidating

 

[BarbaricGoose]

I'm an idiot, so unless we're forming a comedy duo, they damn well better be smart, or at least on my level.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Look at my Avatar... Now imagine him female, yeah best partner evar!