Ideal partner: Smarter, dumber, or about on your level?

[Mimssy]

I prefer someone on the same level as me, but we don't have to specialize in similar knowledge (no one likes 2 academics from the same field bickering).

 

[Nouw]

I'm pretty smart so I guess my own level. Although the girls I liked/like are smarter >.>

Same level would be preferable. Smarter would be cool if they didn't mind that I was dumber than they were. Dumber than me though... if it's rather significant then yeah. Don't think I would get along with them too well. But then I haven't really been in a relationship to tell if other things might make it tolerable.

Where is your avatar from? Kinda freaks me out...

 

[sumanoskae]

I'd say about my level or smarter, either way.

I'd have to be able to relate to them and share with them some of my more complex philosophical issues.

If I can't honestly bare my soul to them and get the same in return(Either to dumb to understand me, or to cold to relate to me), then I can't forge an emotional bond

EDIT: It's not so much a question of intelligence as it is maturity. If someone dumber then me is willing to listen and learn from me, then I can deal. If someone smarter then me is willing to bear with me and help make me wiser, that works to

 

[Omikron009]

On my level preferably, but I'd settle for somebody smarter. I could never sustain a relationship with someone who was noticeably dumber than me. I don't suffer fools.

 

[Kortney]

And here we have two individuals who have either neither experienced an adult relationship, or fear that they're the "dumb" one in theirs.

And here we have an internet psychologist. Oh yay. Fun.

Relationship psychology - how you feel about your partner's intelligence (and personality in general) will measure how you fit with them.

Sorry, but I call bullshit. How I feel about other people's intelligence has no bearing on how well I fit with them. I've already stated that I know some people who would be described as "stupid" yet I'd be very happy in relationships with them. The point I was making is that "stupid" or "dumb" are ugly words. Especially in this community, "stupid" people are the ones who aren't involved with academia or have trouble with it. That doesn't make someone stupid nor would it effect my relationship with them. Who are you to tell me otherwise? Some armchair psychologist? Yeah. Go away.

Some like to feel like equals, others to nurture or be nurtured.

And what does this have to do with intelligence? Do you not feel like an equal if someone knows more about academia than you? Heh. I do. I feel like an equal around 99% of people I meet.

Once again feeling nurtured has nothing to do with the topic in this thread either. These two concepts are entirely different to how "smart" someone is. It is possible to be nurtured by someone of less intelligence to you and vice versa.

If they don't meet your criteria, your expectations will not match reality and the relationship will fail unless they change. It's not sexist, demeaning or unrealistic to have a "type."

Sexist? When did either of us mention that?

Anyway. I think posting on an internet forum talking about "how you couldn't dare to be with a stupid person!" is nothing short of elitism. I do not care if someone is more academic than me in a relationship. I don't have to have academic discussions with my partners. It's not a priority to me. It may be to you, so good for you. Just don't go around acting like a wanker because I think differently to you.

It's the reality of attraction.

So you know the reality of attraction now? Attraction is a completely random thing I can't control. It may not be for you - maybe you like to pick apart other people and anaylse them and see if they are compatible but I don't work that way.

Intelligence is nothing more than another feature we pick and choose our partners from, and if anything, I respect picking a partner by intelligence more than I do picking by hair colour, body type, skin colour, or any other widely accepted factor.

Intelligence is a feature you pick and choose your partners from. It's not for me. If it is - it is entriely sub conscious.

Personally, my first girlfriend was smart enough to be in my courses at college, but for some reason her behaviour had me feeling like a teacher, and I struggled to respect her because of it. One in the middle was on par with myself, but had to act superior. We'd have clashes of opinion and rather than polite debate, she would act as if I couldn't possibly understand her, and she must be right. This included her trying to debate material from my own degree, which she had never studied. A lot of that came down to her nature (she was rather rebellious against the "norm," including being vegan), and the differences between us (she was 9 years my senior).

That has little to do with intelligence. It's personality. Some people have that personality type where you feel like you have to "teach" them. In my opinion, it's a sign of emotional immaturity - not a lack of intelligence.

I know many people who wouldn't be able to do my course at University. It doesn't mean:

A) That I'm smarter than them

or

B) That if I was in a relationship I'd feel like a teacher to them.

My missus fits me perfectly. She's smart, and willing to tell me I'm wrong, but never rudely, and to take criticism if she's wrong. We both teach each other things, I never look down on her or up to her. Equality in both actuality and how we treat each other is what works for us.

Good for you! Really. I just don't work that way.

 

[jumb]

From experience: it doesn't matter as long as you agree on your ranking. If you disagree on who is smarter then problems occur.

 

[conflictofinterests]

I really enjoy people who are more socially intuitive than I am, so as far as that aspect of intellect goes, the smarter the better.

Honestly, I haven't met anyone who was just plain out of my league of comprehension in the more typical measures of intellect, so I couldn't say if I prefer them or not. But I really can't stand being around people who I can't explain things to, which is fairly rare, thankfully.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

I think my ideal type of girl is somewhere between at my iq or above. As long as we can hold a decent conversation(of whatever sor) and enjoy what ever we're doing Im good

 

[The-Bad-Blooded]

hmmmm, people smarter than me are usually incredibly rude, and I have zero patience when it comes-to people much lower on the intelligence ladder... Imma have to say someone on my own level or slightly smarter than me...

 

[SimuLord]

I prefer someone on the same level as me, but we don't have to specialize in similar knowledge (no one likes 2 academics from the same field bickering).

Complementary fields of expertise with sharp intellects on both sides means lots of learning for both parties.

(or it makes me realize how worthless my expertise is in conversation since nobody wants to hear some corporate dumbfuck prattle on about finance or accounting standards.)

 

[Mimssy]

I prefer someone on the same level as me, but we don't have to specialize in similar knowledge (no one likes 2 academics from the same field bickering).

Complementary fields of expertise with sharp intellects on both sides means lots of learning for both parties.

(or it makes me realize how worthless my expertise is in conversation since nobody wants to hear some corporate dumbfuck prattle on about finance or accounting standards.)

It doesn't even need to be academic (no one wants to hear me ramble about ancient Greek grammar). Being able to speak without having to dumb down every little thing I say is important. It may not be a subject I understand or they understand, but giving each other a one sentence explanation then continuing with an on par discussion is nice.

 

[glyphseeker]

yeah about the same i dont wanna feel like im with the only person in the world who does know how to work a VCR (younger ppl look it up[god i feel old]) and a person smarter than me will make me feel dumb and im too arrogant to accept im wrong and she'll just be intimidating

 

[BarbaricGoose]

I'm an idiot, so unless we're forming a comedy duo, they damn well better be smart, or at least on my level.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Look at my Avatar... Now imagine him female, yeah best partner evar!

 

[GrimTuesday]

I like females who have intellects that are at the very least close to mine. It's mostly due to the fact that I can't stand it when I have to walk people through what I'm saying because they don't understand it. I would also say that with intelligence has to come confidence. If a girl is smart but isn't willing to debate with me and tell me that I'm wrong, then I'm not really into that.

 

[MellowFellow]

I think I would prefer a girl who is smarter than me because well, I do not think I am that intelligent. A smart girl probably could get me to try to at least fix some of my flaws. I don't know really, I just have a feeling having a dumb girlfriend would annoy me a lot, she should at least be as smart as I am, hopefully smarter.

 

[Dynamite Headdy]

Usually, I automatically break the matter down into a set of strengths and weaknesses that usually balances out. Someone might be my intellectual and social superior in every way except they suck at math or laundry or ethics or something.

In relationships where there is a stark contrast of some sort, I suspect they usually boil down to the student idolizing the teacher while the teacher is constantly waiting for the Pygmalion Effect to kick in. It would be an honor to be the student in the relationship, but I would feel useless and guilty for weighing my mentor down. An ego-stroking admirer is tempting, but somebody who is completely vapid in every aspect of their lives would be grating after a while if they do not catch up.

That said, I would be very surprised if I were to end up in a relationship where I was the dominant personality. It would be a creepy spiral of uncomfortable silence half the time.

 

[Kitteh]

SLIGHTLY smarter. I am what you might call unwilling to learn things I don't give a shit about.

 

[Sebenko]

Smarter, since I'm pretty stupid.

 

[Bugerion]

Same or smarter because I want someone who can understand my jokes and what I'm talking about not just stair like a retard and laugh if everyone else laughs