Is this a healthy attitude to have about female friends?

[ImBigBob]

I don't know any girls that I could honestly call a close friend. Not for a lack of socialization - I go out plenty of times, and I make new guy friends all the time. But when going to more nerd-centered meetups, it swings hard on the male side of things, and generally any females there already have boyfriends.

And...that's the problem. I'm a single guy. If I meet a girl who is cute, interesting, and likes the same dorky things I do, why wouldn't I be attracted to her? But if she has a boyfriend, then I don't want to be that "nice guy" that hangs around her all the time hoping she'll come over to me. As a result, I spend more time talking to guys, just because I know it'll be less awkward for me.

It's not like I shun girls. If a friend has a girlfriend, I'll treat her just like one of the guys. But I never seem to have meaningful interactions with members of the opposite sex. Is this mentality halting chances of meeting girls, or is it helping me avoid harsher problems?

 

[Powereaver]

My current best friend is a girl and EVERYONE thinks we are a couple but we are only friends and have determined this from early on in the friendship which is 100% with me. You really need to start accepting women into your life as just friends and not just a future partners because in the end after a few years a friend might turn into something more.. but id say get all the awkwardness out of the way early on and determine where you want it to go in the future.

 

[Vuliev]

I was like you, once (more or less.) Then I ended up having my first (and hopefully only) panic attack when things went south with the girl I'd wanted, and I learned my lesson the hard way.

You can't isolate yourself from the opposite sex--it's unhealthy, and will hurt your confidence when you're trying to make things happen with otherwise unattached ladies. At the same time, though, you have to be able to know when to pull yourself away when things start headed in the "unrequited love" direction.

As an example, one of the first people I met at the beginning of my year abroad was an English girl that happened to live in the apartment next to mine. Things got rolling pretty quickly, but then she met an amazing German guy and went nuts for him, and I immediately went "whoa, I need to steer myself into friendship, or history is going to repeat itself." As it turns out, we've become pretty close as simply friends, and my life has been all the better for it.

So you just need to find a balance, and know when to push forward for romance or back off for friendship.

 

[ImBigBob]

How exactly do you "get all the awkwardness out of the way early"? Because if I meet someone and my first impression is really awkward, I tend to not want to be around them any longer.

The other point about accepting women into my life as friends makes more sense, but it's not like I have a switch in my head that makes me no longer attracted to them. Like I said in my first post, if a girl is cute, funny, interesting, and has a lot in common with me, why WOULDN'T I want to date her?

 

[ResonanceSD]

Yup, I'm pretty much the same, except one of my best friends is a girl, whenever we hang out, it's slightly awkward, because I just *know* that people look at us and assume we're a couple XD

 

[drudail]

I certainly wouldn't say you should isolate yourself, but be careful when they are together with your friends. Here's the problem: If you manage to steal the girl away, you will probably isolate yourself from ALL of your friends, after all, how could any of them trust you? If they break up and you hook up with the girl later, still no bueno. It's that old unwritten rule.

I myself fell into an awkward trap once, fell in love with my best friend's girl. Thankfully I was able to back out of the situation without completely damaging my friendship with him. I eventually realized that she was not so perfect that it was worth completely isolating myself for her.

Best bet is to simply continue to treat these girls like one of the guys...just be friends with them. Try to really think of them as guys, it might make it easier to avoid sexualizing them and creating the fantasy. It can be very helpful to have female friends, too. Very often they have other female friends. Open up to the girl, let her see that you are a cool and genuine guy and maybe she'll be the conduit to a meaningful relationship with will not result in you being excommunicated from your social network.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

You might get that when you first meet them, but unless you genuinely fall in love with them you get over it. I've got female friends that I just don't see in that way, my brain just... doesn't. I just treat them like I treat my male friends.

 

[aestu]

Do what you want. If you prefer the company of men, have fun.

This whole male guilt trip thing is just feminism run amok, trying to instill guilt, fear and doubt in men.

 

[Doclector]

I know that feel. It's like the more I hang around, the more danger there is of me doing something stupid and making a move. There is no possible good outcome there, and yet I fear at some point, my mind may take a lightyear-wide jump away from all logic. L-word's a b**** like that.

 

[Random Argument Man]

Dude, it never hurts to have a female friend. They'll always have the opinion or ideas that your male friends don't.

 

[game-lover]

I think my problem is sorta opposite yours. Or rather, I guess I'd be the girl in your scenarios.

Recently, it's occurred to me that for a friendships to form, it's gonna be a sort of natural forming. We happen to be near each other and hang out and stuff.

In my experience, guys who are clearly interested in me come forward and basically "ask" to be my friend. And I'm iffy. I was quite so in high school and then tried to relax by college. Telling myself that just because a guy approaches me doesn't necessarily he's interested in me in that way.

But while I was there, all the guys that approached me that way, were interested. The guy friends I've got, we just met randomly. Sat at the same table in the cafeteria, were classmates, stuff like that. It was a natural forming.

 

[Vault101]

Kind of have a darker version of where you are going with this thread. After all, I find most women to be boring and uninteresting. Really see them as nothing more than backround noise.

thats because arn't actually people....theres at least 20% zombie in all females...

[quote/]Not that I am agianst women, [/quote]
*snrrrrrk*....no sorry..continue

[quote/]just don't really see them adding much to a conversation. [/quote]
I know right? with all the talk of rom coms...diets....uhhh...girl things...no amtter what your talking about!

its like hey! what do you think of EA and girls come in and are like "EA? omg! my boyfreind was talking about that when I was trying to ask him if I looked fat in his dress and he was totally acting like it was a big deal!"

[quote/]I have been around a few girls that changed my mind, but they acted like tomboys.[/quote]

whats your Idea of a tomboy and why is that a bad thing?

[quote/]Very pissed off when I have to hang around my friends girlfriends, or wives. I am not here to see you, I am here to hang out with the guy banging you. Nothing more fun than having to watch what you say because a girl is around.[/quote]
what is this? 1950?

[quote/] Eventually figured out that if you want women to leave, just start talking about about vulgar shit like buttsex, or blowjobs.[/quote]

oh boy..riveting and intullectualy stimulating conversations you must have

 

[ImBigBob]

I think my problem is sorta opposite yours. Or rather, I guess I'd be the girl in your scenarios.

Recently, it's occurred to me that for a friendships to form, it's gonna be a sort of natural forming. We happen to be near each other and hang out and stuff.

In my experience, guys who are clearly interested in me come forward and basically "ask" to be my friend. And I'm iffy. I was quite so in high school and then tried to relax by college. Telling myself that just because a guy approaches me doesn't necessarily he's interested in me in that way.

But while I was there, all the guys that approached me that way, were interested. The guy friends I've got, we just met randomly. Sat at the same table in the cafeteria, were classmates, stuff like that. It was a natural forming.

Actually, that makes a lot of sense. I've made female friends through other friends, and because we were part of the same social circle and I wanted to avoid drama, it was easy to sort them into the "friend" folder. When I go to social gatherings where the entire point is to meet people, I don't really know anybody, so I'm more likely to ask a girl out since there's no repercussions. (though I have yet for a girl to actually respond with a "yes"...)

 

[Vault101]

Can't take my opinion on women, to bad. Are you going to change my mind, hell no. Realize that some people don't think like you, probably yes. Need to jump in on someone when their opinion is dark, hell yes you do. If you like women as friends, then go right ahead. Very last sentence was to make them go away. Now here is the part where I bow out. Even though it may not be graceful, some views are dark, if you can't handle it, you better stay in the light.

can't handle it?....*checks face*...hmmm..no tears, no signs of distress

no, on the flip side I'd say [b/]you[/b] can't handle people challenging your veiws, you throw a tantrum if somone comes along and questions you "THIS IS JUST WHAT I THINK SO SCREW YOU!!"

I'm not trying to change your mind, I'm just pointing out what seems kinda rediculous, from the little I can gather (we are online after all) I see some....issues...to say the least you say you not anti women? pffft..bullshit, I'm calling you out

[quote/] don't know what you would consider to be 100% great conversation, but I am guessing it involves pointless bullshit as well.[/quote]
what a deep and insightful assumption...you trully do know me, freind

or [i/]"go away! your being mean!..you suck![/i]

if you want to know I consider a great conversation anything remotly interesting...

 

[burningdragoon]

So... whenever you meet girls you end up being into them? Sounds like you need to just meet more and more girls until that's not the case. Or maybe at least get to know them better so you can actually you know, know them, and that might make your interest in them at least more defined than 'cute girl with similar interests = like'.

[quote/]just don't really see them adding much to a conversation.

I know right? with all the talk of rom coms...diets....uhhh...girl things...no amtter what your talking about!

its like hey! what do you think of EA and girls come in and are like "EA? omg! my boyfreind was talking about that when I was trying to ask him if I looked fat in his dress and he was totally acting like it was a big deal!"
[/quote]

its like hey! what do you think of EA and girls come in and are like "EA? omg! my boyfreind was talking about that when I was trying to ask him if I looked fat in his dress and he was totally acting like it was a big deal!"

I was trying to ask him if I looked fat in his dress
his dress

That would be pretty interesting, actually, to see a girl talking about wearing her boyfriends dress. >.>

 

[Vault101]

That would be pretty interesting, actually, to see a girl talking about wearing her boyfriends dress. >.>

and he gets all...like...defensive if I bring it up in front of his buddies and I'm like "babe! it's just who you are! don;t listen to those assholes" and he's all like "you wouldn't understand" and I'm like "HOW CAN YOU HIDE YOUR FEELINGS FROM ME" and then I cry and watch the notebook which always makes me feel better cuz ryan goslin is haaaaaaawwwt and I;m like "babe! why can't you be like ryan gosling" and he's like