Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Syndrome Conundrum

[Internet Kraken]

Wasn't the octopud an octopudi when Yara began chasing it?

Anyway, uh, why don't you have farms? And if you do, why don't you have plants?

Octopudi is the plural oif octopud. Octopre is the matured octopud.

Confusing? Yes! One of the things I need to touch up with my mods but have been to lazy to get around doing.

And yes, I do have farms but their output is rather low. I think I may need to make more farmers.

I am amazed at the length of time that the brave Ocapud managed to stay the hand of another Forgotten Beast. Seriously that was cool

Funny thing is that right after killing the octopud the forgotten beast chased after a pair of gorillas and a lion. If you're wondering why they were down there, I think it was because of some stupid idea I had earlier. They were slaughtered instantly. I guess that octopud was just amazing somehow.

 

[Internet Kraken]

Internet Kraken: "Well the blood bowl servers are down, so I might as well start working on an update, It may be early in the morning, but if I start now I might be able to put out a decent sized update. Yeah, this will work out great! Now I'm excited to get back to writing and-"

........

 

[Internet Kraken]

Chapter 58: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul

__________________________________________________

3rd Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Well I do have some good news! I figure I should focus on the positive right now. So I'm glad to say that the masons finished the second floor of my house!

It's pretty barren right now, but I'll fix that soon enough. I think I need to make it an office. Working in the dining room is pretty annoying due to all the vulture blood. I'd complain about no one cleaning it up, but by this point I think it's become part of the room. You'd need the best cleaners in the world scrubbing those table for 10 hours straight to clean off all the grime.

6th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

From what I can tell, Yara is just bumbling around aimlessly in the abyss. He seems to have forgotten about Reveredtour. Either that or he had dedicated so much time to killing that little octopud that upon doing so he experienced a hollow victory. He had accomplished his goal, but it was nowhere near as satisfying as he thought it would be. As a result he's confused, not sure what to do with his life now.

Wait, can horrifying beasts of the deep even experience emotions like that?

8th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Oh god I just had a horrifying thought! I need to find Goden!

Stinthad: "Goden! Goden!"
Goden: "What do you want? If this is about negotiating peace with the goblins, I refer you to our first conversation."
Stinthad: "No, I need you to inform the other dwarves about a new export ban."
Goden: "Oh, what is it this time? Armor stands?"
Stinthad: "No! Green glass items!"

Goden: "...you are aware we don't have any green glass, right?"
Stinthad: "But what if we get some? We can't risk losing it!"
Goden: "Why would we get any without you requesting it? And why would we export it?"
Stinthad: "BUT WHAT IF WE DID?"
Goden: "...fine. We shall no longer export the non-existent green glass items."

I don't know why, but I think she wasn't taking me seriously.

9th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

WHY DO YOU HATE ME AREL!??! ARE YOU SENDING THESE BEASTS HERE AS SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT?!? HAVE I NOT BEEN PRAYING ENOUGH?!? DO I NEED TO BUILD YOU A TEMPLE?!? I'LL BUILD A TEMPLE, JUST STOP SENDING THESE THINGS HERE!!!!

10th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Okay, now that my brief...metal breakdown is over, I can properly assess the situation.

Oh god we're doomed- NO POSITIVE THOUGHTS ONLY!!!

Okay, so this...thing is apparently a giant newt human covered in feathers. He likes to stab you with a tail that injects mystery venom into your blood. He also makes really disgusting sounds and is revolting in general. Yeah, I don't get how the this thing was created. It's right on the first cavern layer, so we have no choice but to fight it.

Oh yeah, its name is Quula. No fancy title or anything like that, so I guess he's the runt of the nightmarish abominations.

10th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Okay, so I've sent the military down to deal with Quula. Hopefully they'll exceed expectations and not end up with a horribly mangled soldier. Quula should be arriving soon. The goblins and Yara better not do anything while the military is busy down here.

11th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Wait, it's already dead? How? I wasn't paying attention! How did they kill it so fast? Did anyone get hurt?

...nobody got hurt. That's...surprising. Usually at least one soldier gets horrifically maimed. This is great! Who killed it anyways?

Root killed it? Well, she's proving to be immensely more useful than her husband.

13th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

It seems I spoke to soon about nobody getting hurt during the fight with Quula. He did manage to get a few hits in. Most notable is Cowabunga, whose injuries are quite severe.

In fact, his entire left arm was ripped clean off!

Yeah, he's going to need to spend some time in the hospital. I still think he'll be able to serve though. Logem is missing his left arm to, and he's still in the Steamy Tours.

14th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Uh, remember when I said our inability to brew more booze might be a problem?

Yeah, it's about to become one. But, I think we'll be okay. It's almost late summer, so we should have enough booze to last us right until the humans arrive. Then we can buy all the booze off their caravan and-

...oh yeah. The goblins.

...fuck.

16th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Today is a special day! Little Datan has grown old enough to do proper work in the fortress. At the wonderful age of twelve, a whole variety of different careers are available to you. The things you've dreamed of doing your whole childhood become a reality!

Unfortunately for her, current situation demands that she be drafted into the military.

20th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

What the hell Goden? What did I do to deserve this? Is this about the goblin negotiations? She just won't let that go. Okay, I was probably wrong, but you don't have to make...this!

Worms...I hate worms so much. They're so slimy and disgusting and just thinking about them makes me cringe. They're nothing like my lovely Ingiz.

22nd Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

Oh dear. The goblins seem to be moving towards Reveredtour. They've bunched together and the troll kill squad is following them closely. I don't know what they're planning, but it can't be good. I need to stay alert and keep an eye on them. I don't think they can get into Reveredtour, but maybe their scouts found something I didn't notice.

23rd Malachite, 1055, Mid-Sumer

AHHH WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?!?! THEY'RE SHOOTING AT THE PATIENTS!! WHY?!?! WHAT GOOD DOES KILLING CRIPPLES DO FOR THEM?!?!

Okay, don't panic just think for a moment...I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!! I can't send someone to rescue Erush! They'll just get shot! I can't send the military out, they're to weak to take on this force! I...I can't do anything!

How...how could they do that!??! What the hell is wrong with them!?? Erush wasn't hurting anyone!

Stop shooting the other dwarves! They're not even soldiers!

24th Malachite, 1055, Mid-Summer

No! Don't shoot little SamuelT! He's only a child!

That's it! I can't stand this anymore! We need to go into lockdown lockdown! Wait, does that even make sense? Who cares, EVERYONE HIDE IN THE FOODSTOCKPILE!!!!!

__________________________________________________

Why don't you just lock a dwarf in the room with the lever to the drawbridge? Let the goblins drown in that moat you took so long to make. Same effect as a ocean flooding labyrinth with none of the effort needed.

This sounds like a better idea, mainly because we are totally fucked at the moment. I assume they're are no objections to me fucking over the goblins with this plan?

 

[repeating integers]

It sounds so deliciously evil, I simply can't object.

 

[CD-R]

Considering all the limbs dwarves lose I'm surprised there isn't a way to make little mechanical prosthetics for them. If Ash from Evil Dead can make a metal hand in the Middle Ages then I see no reason why dwarves that can make pumps and elaborate traps can't make some badass metal limbs.

 

[SamuelT]

Oh gursh durnit.

Wounded at such a tender age, in a fort with a...less than competent doctor? Wait, there was a proper one at the moment, wasn't there?

Hope remains!

 

[vallorn]

god the goblins are good at this... Drown Em NOW!

 

[Cowabungaa]

Oh my, the goblins have discovered the magic that is arrows! I'm quite surprised that you haven't trained archers already, they suplement your moat so well.

Also, I see that I've been dwarf-fied in the last migrant wave. Care to show me my dwarf and his/her skills? Did he/she actually survive that surprise arrow volley into the fortress?

You've killed a titan and several goblins. You can kill a few pussy elves if it gets down to it.

In my experience, metal beats wood.

edit: I'm trying to get some chumps at a forum I post on to do a DF succession game. So far, I've interested 3 people who used to play and got 100 views. That's not a lot.

I posted a link Boatmurdered, but nothing seems to be working.

Well colour me interested! I'm not that good at it but I've got the basics and all under control. Just send me a link to the thread.

 

[Chal]

Oh, so that means the time you spent digging out the maze could have been used killing goblins before any damage was done.

Chal, fucking things up from beyond the grave since 2011 =D

 

[Double A]

Told ya to build walls!

... just not in the same context. Oh well!

You've killed a titan and several goblins. You can kill a few pussy elves if it gets down to it.

In my experience, metal beats wood.

edit: I'm trying to get some chumps at a forum I post on to do a DF succession game. So far, I've interested 3 people who used to play and got 100 views. That's not a lot.

I posted a link Boatmurdered, but nothing seems to be working.

Well colour me interested! I'm not that good at it but I've got the basics and all under control. Just send me a link to the thread.

Thread [http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=409902]

 

[Cowabungaa]

Watch Yara get killed by the Octopud.

You've killed a titan and several goblins. You can kill a few pussy elves if it gets down to it.

In my experience, metal beats wood.

edit: I'm trying to get some chumps at a forum I post on to do a DF succession game. So far, I've interested 3 people who used to play and got 100 views. That's not a lot.

I posted a link Boatmurdered, but nothing seems to be working.

what is the forum give me a link please. id definitely join it.

It's Civ Fanatics Center, if anyone is curious. Thread linkage [http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=409902]

Also, I posted in a wrongish section (forum games, not other games). There is more interest now. After I finish my half-page story for English I'll get started on Spring.

Ohhh it's on a different forum, I thought the RP and Forum Game forum here on The Escapist.

Fair enough, I'll register myself in a bit. I bet you'd find plenty of people here in a flash though.

 

[Double A]

I bet you'd find plenty of people here in a flash though.

Well, CFC is the most active forum I use besides the Escapist. And I only have four friends here. On CFC I know (or at least sort of know) about 20 guys, so it's a better choice for me if I don't want to go "Who the hell is this guy?" every time I'm reading someone's journal.

Although the Escapist does allow swears... gah.

 

[Cowabungaa]

I bet you'd find plenty of people here in a flash though.

Well, CFC is the most active forum I use besides the Escapist. And I only have four friends here. On CFC I know (or at least sort of know) about 20 guys, so it's a better choice for me if I don't want to go "Who the hell is this guy?" every time I'm reading someone's journal.

Although the Escapist does allow swears... gah.

Fair enough, though I hope they're lenient on the swearing thing in LP's. I mean, Boatmurdered had Al Swearengen run the place for a while. Can't do that without swearing.

Also, I haven't really written stuff before and English ain't my first language either. Hope I'll do okay. Oh and I have no freakin' idea how to deal with DF screenshots and all.

Oh and Internet Kraken, sorry for hijacking your thread a bit.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

21st Hematite, 1055, Early Summer

Okay the bolt plan was a failure. Momuz and some of the soldiers tried throwing some of the bolts at the goblins from across the moat. Rather than soaring into the skull of the goblin commander, they instead plunked pathetically into the murky waters below. This greatly amused the goblins who then began to taunt the soldiers. This also prompted another session of rock tossing, this time with both the goblins and our own soldiers. And yet somehow, the only person who got hit was me again!

Begone, or I shall throw bolts at you a second time!

I'm a bad person for laughing at that.

Spoiler: Forgotten Beasts? My Hubbies Slippers are worse than that.

 

[aTolyK]

lol'd at the computer-in-keyboard picture
so you're gonna try the bridge?

 

[Cowabungaa]

Spoiler: Forgotten Beasts? My Hubbies Slippers are worse than that.

Holy shit did you draw that?! That's freakin' amazing! Well it is regardless of who made it, but if you did it; damn, you're good.

Why don't you just lock a dwarf in the room with the lever to the drawbridge? Let the goblins drown in that moat you took so long to make. Same effect as a ocean flooding labyrinth with none of the effort needed.

This sounds like a better idea, mainly because we are totally fucked at the moment. I assume they're are no objections to me fucking over the goblins with this plan?

It's the dwarven equivalent of an Evil Scientist idea, of course we don't object!

Oh and erm *bats eyelashes* mind showing me my humble little dwarf and his professions? I wonder what use I have in this awesome fortress.

 

[Infernalistgamer]

That pic's from the Wizards of the Coast books. Dwarven cleric, as I recall.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Holy shit did you draw that?! That's freakin' amazing! Well it is regardless of who made it, but if you did it; damn, you're good.

Google-Fu for Female Dwarf, as Infernalist points out

I can't draw for toffee

 

[fanklok]

Right, haven't been following very well but in the bit I actually read nothing was killed by magma. And there where no needlessly complex contraptions that are more a danger to the dwarves operating them then anything their supposed to kill.

In short, your a terrible dwarf.