Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Syndrome Conundrum

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Feb 13, 2008
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The military is under equipped and, with all due respect to Commander Root, horribly incompetent.
We sent them on a fortnights training course to be witty but they only managed a week before the Goblin's attacked, SAH!

Ebekem the alligator
There's a Name level Alligator? Jeez....


Still manage to get the groin shot in though, good good.

Commander Root put in an order for steel spears to be produced several weeks ago, but nobody has gotten around to doing it yet.
Suggest using some spears for training sir. Thoughts of a Danger Room?
 
Feb 12, 2011
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A shame there is that wall upon either side of the bridge, else you could build a chamber above it to drop water upon incoming entities to flood them off the bridge and into the moat... or a creature drop. Not sure the flooding effect would work too well however, may be more trouble than it is worth at the moment. Alas depending on a single lever-pull for that length of bridge doesn't seem to be faring very well. Really a pity some dwarf decided to walk out onto the bridge during this whole affair.

I would recommend something like this:

Apparently some kind of gatehouse is needed, with a door upon either side, so you can better lock your dwarves inside (when needed) so they can't wander out to the bridge. IMO if you want to drop things to their death from the bridge, it needs to have its length extended. One way to do that, without expanding the size of the moat, is to twist the bridge itself from a straight line across to a pattern that forces entrants to walk suspended over the moat for a greater period of time.
 

Volstag9

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Well first my dwarf throws a random party in the middle of a lock down and now this... not sure what could top that, but i sure cant wait to find out.

I love this LP.
 

Double A

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You should try burrows. [del]Most[/del] All of your recent deaths are due to civilians being asstards.
 

Internet Kraken

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Double A said:
You should try burrows. [del]Most[/del] All of your recent deaths are due to civilians being asstards.
Burrows are being used. I can't imagine playing without them. It's just that dwarves, being dwarves, will sometimes ignore them for whatever reason and do something incredibly stupid.
 

Double A

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Internet Kraken said:
Double A said:
You should try burrows. [del]Most[/del] All of your recent deaths are due to civilians being asstards.
Burrows are being used. I can't imagine playing without them. It's just that dwarves, being dwarves, will sometimes ignore them for whatever reason and do something incredibly stupid.
What if you just keep the bridge up at all times?
 

Internet Kraken

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Mar 18, 2009
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Double A said:
Internet Kraken said:
Double A said:
You should try burrows. [del]Most[/del] All of your recent deaths are due to civilians being asstards.
Burrows are being used. I can't imagine playing without them. It's just that dwarves, being dwarves, will sometimes ignore them for whatever reason and do something incredibly stupid.
What if you just keep the bridge up at all times?
When you're doing work outside that's not really an option.
 

Internet Kraken

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Chapter 66: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul

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5th Moonstone, 1055, Early Winter



Yeah, no surprise there unfortunately. I don't get why he didn't just come into the fort. There's nothing we can do now though. I wonder what the goblins next move will be. There's nothing left for them to kill outside, and unless I lower the bridge again they can't get back in. Even if I did though I can't imagine them ordering a charge with only 3 soldiers left. Hopefully they'll just retreat.


8th Moonstone, 1055, Early Winter



Oh what a happy day! Wolfe gave birth to an adorable little baby boy!



Isn't he just lovely? I hope he lives a happy and fulfilling life here in Reveredtour. Unlike the other children...speaking of which Goden has been spending a lot of time with SamuelT and Woots lately. I never figured her to be good with children, but she says it's important that she teach them certain things. Since both of them lost their parents (excluding SamuelT's drunken father) to tragedy, it's good that Goden is teaching them. Otherwise they wouldn't have anyone to learn from!

9th Moonstone, 1055, Early Winter

Though the goblins still patrol the wastes surrounding Reveredtour, the threat they post to the fort is greatly diminished. Therefore I have shifted my attention away from them towards other matters. The merchants had been ready to trade for quite some time, so I figured I should address them first.



Despite our recent hardships it seems we still have a great deal of respect! Actually he could have just been saying that to garner my favor, but that just seems so shady. I'm sure he wouldn't lie like that. Anyways, I bought all the booze from the caravan to solve our current alcohol shortage. Unfortunately, they didn't bring as much as I had hoped for. So I also bought a large amount of plump helmets to be brewed locally. The merchants had brought along several pieces of steel equipment, which I also purchased to help bolster our militaries strength. The forge masters are still lagging behind on their production quota, and there isn't much I can do about at the moment but seek to acquire equipment from other sources when possible.

The price for all these goods was rather high, but with the large number of crafts that have been produced it was still easily met. I even gave them a large profit because I felt like being generous! I'd say the trading went well!



10th Moonstone, 1055, Early Winter



Oh dear, it seems that another fight broke out. This time it was between a wood carpenter and a farmer. Luckily the scuffle didn't result in any injuries, but it still represents a serious problem; with no law enforcement, some of the dwarves feel that they can do whatever they please without fear of repercussion. I want to give Goden the authority to prevent this, but I'm sure the second I reassigned her she would beat me to a pulp. There has to be a way around this...

14th Moonstone. 1055, Early Winter



Another dwarf couldn't handle the stress brought on by our circumstances and has been reduced to a weeping mess. There really isn't anything you can do about this, so sadly we have no choice but to simply watch the dwarf crawl around weeping for the next few days before they either starve or commit suicide. Such a sad sight to watch...though at least this time it wasn't an innocent child. I should probably try and keep this dwarf from coming into the sight of the traders. They don't need to see...this.

18th Moonstone, 1055, Early Winter



The merchants are leaving now. Hopefully the goblins won't give them any trouble on the way out, but I'm sure their caravan guards could handle them. Their guards have nice steel equipment, which makes them very hard to kill. If only our military had nice steel equipment. Sadly, no matter how many other tasks I restrict, the forge masters refuse to make anything. It's like they think the crafting shop is haunted or something. Oh god, maybe it is haunted? I never thought about that! I should build another one just to be safe!

19th Moonstone. 1005, Early Winter

Okay, I guess my comment about the workshop being haunted was hasty...and kind of stupid. One of the forge masters finally decided to make those steel spears. Commander Root was quite pleased to finally have a decent weapon, though she then made a comment about having to choose between a shield and a spear. I asked why she couldn't simply use both, when I found out that she's missing an arm!



I don't know how she lost one of her arms, but now she's just like Commander Cowabunga. I probably would've noticed earlier if it weren't for her...unique method of protection. See, since we lack armor at the moment she has decided to improvise, and is using blood as armor. Several thick layers of coagulated blood and other splatters of grime and filth.



Yeah...I don't get how this works but I'm not going to question her judgment. She is the commander after all and if she says covering herself in a dozen layers of blood helps then I guess it must...somehow.
__________________________________________________

Root actually has several dozen more pages of blood coverings than what I listed. It's pretty ridiculous, and I'm not sure how she managed to get covered in so much filth.
 

TheHaunted

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Nov 25, 2009
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The blood seems to come from nearly every kill that the fort has ever had, so I think there may be a puddle of all these contaminants lying somewhere along the way to the training room that managed to wash out when someone was exiting it. Either that, or Root has been playing around that well where everyone washes themselves enough to get all the filth on her yet has not ever had enough time to wash herself off.
 

Aidinthel

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That was hilarious until I started thinking about the implications of my dwarf being Root's husband. On the bright side, I'm sure all that training will keep her busy in the barracks.
 

SamuelT

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Hmm. Didn't SamuelT have trouble with words?

I'm sure Goden'll teach her how to use them properly.

Kill! Stab! Gods!
 

Cowabungaa

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Internet Kraken said:
I don't know how she lost one of her arms, but now she's just like Commander Cowabunga.
How awesome is that! It's like we're some super special awesome supersoldier team! And we both still live! Root, we're awesome.

Also, Goden teaching those kids things? That can only mean one thing; when they grow up, do not under any circumstances make them sherrif or any other important position involving dishing out corporal punishment. She must be like some Mr. Miyagi from Hell.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Cowabungaa said:
Root, we're awesome.
When I say I work through Blood, Sweat and Tears, I MEAN it. ;)

Who needs two arms anyway? I'm thinking of having a spear instead.

Aidinthel said:
That was hilarious until I started thinking about the implications of my dwarf being Root's husband.
And if I hear one word about sammiches, you're ending up in one. ;)


I wonder if her Dwarven name means "Carrie" [http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mpBGa4P5jUo/Sqo8dyYq27I/AAAAAAAADsU/0yNSAQdWULc/s400/carrie1.jpg]?
 

Double A

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Aidinthel said:
That was hilarious until I started thinking about the implications of my dwarf being Root's husband. On the bright side, I'm sure all that training will keep her busy in the barracks.
DWARVES REPRODUCE BY SPORES.
 

TheHaunted

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Nov 25, 2009
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Double A said:
DWARVES REPRODUCE BY SPORES.
I was kind of hoping that with the .19 update, dwarfs would begin laying eggs like other animals. It'd be easier to stop baby body armor incidents and fresh danger room paintings after every military birth.
 

Internet Kraken

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TheHaunted said:
Double A said:
DWARVES REPRODUCE BY SPORES.
I was kind of hoping that with the .19 update, dwarfs would begin laying eggs like other animals. It'd be easier to stop baby body armor incidents and fresh danger room paintings after every military birth.
For those wondering why I don't use the danger room to train, there are many reasons. This being on of them. Those repeating spikes, even when made out of wood, have tendency to injure pets and babies. As you might recall, the reason Momuz tried to kill everyone was because his pets got killed by goblins due to an idiotic swimming room incident I couldn't possibly have seen coming (NOT MY FAULT).