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SmartyShorts

New member
Aug 6, 2011
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I want. To go. To college.

I had so much going for me with scholarships and crap. I was going to a nice place in Florida next week. But my goddamn back keeps swelling up like a balloon (fibromyalgia) and I'm stuck at home for at least one semester. Here I was, one of the youngest people to be so far ahead of the game, and now nothing. I feel like my life is like a cop drama where the main character gets killed off in the episode before the season finale. I wanted to get away from this town and now I'm stuck here for another 6 months at least.

And then there's my back. It's like a balloon that I just want to fucking pop. I can't even sit up straight because it hurts so much. I get why I have to stay home and get better but ugh!!!
 

SuperSuperSuperGuy

New member
Jun 19, 2010
1,200
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I have a few things that I need to get off of my chest, if you don't mind me writing a long post. This may be rather depressing, so strap in.

I always feel empty inside. I'm never excited or passionate any more. That's not to say I no longer like or enjoy things; the feeling's just been really blunted by something. I no longer enjoy playing video games as much as I used to. The truth is that I'm just not happy most of the time, despite how cheerful I might seem. I'm just naturally goofy and a bit flighty when I'm around friends.
I can't see myself living past the age of 25, maybe 30. It's not because I'm dying or going to die for any reason that I can foresee. I just don't know what do with my life at all and how I'm going to spend it. It bothers me quite a bit.
That pretty much sums it up. My life seems pretty great at a glance, but I don't feel like I belong. I don't feel like I have anywhere to go. I guess this ties in to the previous topic a bit.
I am extremely unsure of myself, my sexuality in particular. I'm not debating whether I'm homosexual or not; I am actually kind of repulsed by men. It's not a particularly serious repulsion, nor something that would stop me from getting to know anyone. I just feel far more comfortable in the company of women. In addition, I find men in general physically unattractive, myself included. It's more of a gender identity crisis. I identify with female characters in fiction far better and I love to play RPGs as a girl. I prefer anime with a primarily female cast because they make for far more interesting characters with far more appealing visual design (I don't mean fanservice, either). It's kind of embarrassing to say, but it's REALLY been bugging me: I've always wanted to crossdress, just to see if I could be, y'know, beautiful... I don't know if this makes me weird or normal or what.

On the topic of sexuality, I'm also quite conflicted about my feelings about fanservice. It goes like this every time: I see a suggestive image, I stare at it, I look away in awe, I feel horrible about myself. Every time, it happens like that. In addition, the idea of sex repulses me. I get turned on just like most other people, but the thought of actually participating in the act makes me feel terrible. Sexual jokes and references are almost always in bad taste to me, unless they're subtle and clever.
My parents, siblings and friends think I need to get a girlfriend. The problem is that I don't know if I want one. Frankly, I just want some companionship and someone to share my thoughts and emotions with, as well as someone to know the true me with all of my secrets. I'm kind of scared that I won't be able to get the kind of relationship that I want because I've never really met anyone who fits my tastes (besides one, but that's not what's bugging me). I also have trouble getting close to people because I either bottle up too much or overwhelm the listener with stuff, thus scaring them off. I'm not a normal person, either, so that tends to turn people away. I guess it's not that I don't want someone to spend my time with. Instead, I'm afraid that I won't be able to get the right one.
Damn, that was a lot of writing. Still, it feels good to get this stuff out there. I don't know why, but I'm always to open on the internet. I guess the anonymity helps. :D

PS: This was a wonderful thread idea! I feel much better now!
 

NellNell

New member
Feb 11, 2011
181
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Saltyk said:
I'm tired of being single! I can't find any interesting girls and it's really getting to me. The last two girls I met, one asked for my number and never called and the other has ignored every call I made. This is getting frustrating! And going to a club to meet girls just seems like instantly giving the wrong impression.
Also this. It gets kinda depressing when all your friends are dating and your always the third wheel. Don't get me wrong I don't want to date just for the sake of dating, but it would be nice for awhile at least.
 

EBHughsThe1st

New member
Nov 18, 2009
1,343
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I hate these fucking sheets. These fucking sheets make everything too hot, and they're all crinkly. And stiff. And somehow a little damp. They're not comfortable at all. But I can't push them back. I can't. I can't just stuff 'em back and forget about it so I can sleep. They're uncomfortable.

But, for something bigger, how about those individualists? Those people you see throughout the internet who have to have the differing opinion so they're different. Or unique. Or sometimes smarter. I love how there's an entire culture dedicated to hating something popular. Especially when it comes to religion. I respect the decision to not believe in something. Now shut the fuck up about it. Basically, someone has to voice how it's all an illusion, or that humanity doesn't need false hope, or how much smarter they are because they don't follow it. Why would you post that? It's like shouting out "LOOK AT ME! I'M DIFFERENT! I CAN POINT OUT MINOR INCONSISTENCIES AND THAT MAKES ME CLEVER AND SMARTER AND FAR SUPERIOR!" What do they hope to accomplish! Nothing. They just want to look down on people.

Speaking of which, I'm tired of superficial branding in flame wars. I am the argumentative type, I will not lie, and I love a good argument. But I also like to give a bit of criticism too if I feel like it. So, I was watching a shitty sonic recolor video and made a comment about the writing. The writing in this video was absolutely terrible. No grammar. No logic. No sense. Characters were two-dimentional archetypes. Plot a total fucking mess. Just..ugh. But, I simply commented on something that didn't make sense and then I got the response "Look. It's a troll with no life." Seriously? Fucking....why? Immediately these people want to take some kind of high position over someone so they try to brand someone as a troll or lifeless loser. One time I even got this:

"does trashing other people's stuff really give you a feeling of accomplishment? This says your just a jerk who has nothing better to do, I know it the story sucks, but I feel bad for you, since this is going to probably be the highlight of your life, trashing other's work, have fun in misery you call life."

Pity. Wow. This girl knew nothing about me and instantly she tried to "tell me off and make me realize how much I suck." Just...ugh. Annoying.
 

Trippy Turtle

Elite Member
May 10, 2010
2,119
2
43
JCBFGD said:
I'm now living with the after-effects of bullying. Did you know there were after-effects? I sure didn't! But apparently they are. They include: social anxiety, hyper-vigilance (I never let my guard down; I'm always on the look out for threats), loneliness, low self-esteem, and trust issues. I also have a very mild phobia of laughter; whenever I hear laughter, the first thing I think of is, "Goddamn it, they're talking about me! What'd I do, and how can I fix it??", and the second thing I think is, "Those worthless fucking shits, I don't even know them!" I say "mild" because this only happens at school. I also think I'm kinda thin-skinned, but I've heard that most bullying victims feel as though they are. So yeah, that's what I live with every day, and I can't stand it. I don't like to talk about it (except anonymously in a place designated for such purposes, such as here), either. I've got this idea in my head somehow that talking about my problems with others just bothers them and wastes their time because no one cares (another after-effect maybe?). This is actually the first time, in fact, that I've ever talked about this. I admit it, I've occasionally contemplated suicide, but that always leads to, "What does it accomplish? You have dreams, don't you want to achieve them?" Thank [deity] for that thought process!
That is pretty much me but instead of bullying it was more I am the easy target that everyone occasionally has a go at rather then a few people always doing it. Especially the laughing, whenever someone laughs I automatically check to see what I am wearing, etc.
 

InsomniJack

New member
Dec 4, 2009
335
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0
Well, even though I think I'll just end up venting more to myself than to others, here goes:

It's been over 3 years since I was ejected from college by my parents. I know that I was burning out. I was starting to lose focus on what I wanted to do. But I had always planned on going back to school. I've seen what happens to the folks that don't finish school. Even though I could have SOME bit of opportunities with my AA, I want to actually get a degree. Not just that, but a degree that I know I can be good at. Cause if there's one thing I learned from my time in a four year college, it's that you will fail if you don't have a complete clue in what you want to do, no matter how much you want to do it. I regret having wasted a year on a degree that I ultimately had no hope of getting; moreso, I regret that I wasted my parents money on it. I know they tell me they'll support me, but it's been so similar to other events in my life, there has to be a line.

Also, I don't have a job. I start to freak out when it comes to finding a job because I start going in this vicious circle of "I need a good job. But I don't have the experience/schooling to get one, so I gotta get to school. But I can't make it to school with what I've got now, so I need to get a job. But I don't have the experience/schooling...", and I start to panic. It's not like I don't want a job; I do. But I guess the slacker in me is a little stronger than my drive to get a job. It got awkward when seeing friends of the family who would ask me what I'm doing now. At this point, I've started telling them that I work at my parent's apartment complex. Because technically, I do. And I guess that's also how I justify staying there as well, since I help them with their business.

But I don't want to be living with my parents for the rest of my life. I want to have my own life. And just recently, after a talk with a guy at my church, I discovered something about me that I hadn't realized before. Now the pieces of the puzzle had cleared up and pulled closer to forming the picture, by me looking into the field of journalism instead of my previous major Music, and at a state school, so it would be cheap. I had a plan. Better than that, I had confidence in myself. Or at least, enough to get me motivated to get the ball rolling.

So when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, things changed rather considerably.

I've become despondent. Distant. I desperately want to continue on my plans, but with the recovery process my mom is going through, I'm afraid that things will all go to hell if I'm not there to assist my mom or my dad during this trial. My mom has told me that I shouldn't stay because of her, but I just don't know anymore. I feel like a terrible person because I still think about wanting to move on with my life, that I want to get away from it and try to carve my own life out. At this point, I have no idea how to proceed.

And now I sit here, while my mom is at the hospital recovering from a perforation that was found in her stomach two days ago as well as possible pneumonia, with my dad at her side for the better part of those two days. And I'm here at the apartments, with a possible glimpse into a future where I'm still taking care of the apartments once they're gone, a somewhat uneducated simpleton who never got his life back on track, never found a significant other (even though I've become extremely jaded at the thought of love), never got a chance to truly LIVE.

That's why, when people ask how I'm doing, I tell them "I'm trying to live."

I don't know what to do anymore. I want it all to end, but I'm worried of what will begin to take it's place. I'm afraid any other plan I make will get swatted down by something much bigger than what I can manage. It's cowardly, yes. And I wish I was different.

I wish things were different, really.

Sorry for the long wall of text. It's understandable if you don't read it. My life kinda has that recurring theme of non-interest from other people. At first, I hated it. But after having gone through it enough times, I can manage through it.

Still have urges to scream at people I try to say something to and they walk on by having not heard me, though.
 

Valagetti

Good Coffee, cheaper than prozac
Aug 20, 2010
1,105
0
0
If you call Houses house of whining, this may happen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOHW8hTTYws&feature=player_embedded
 

master_luke_kay

New member
Mar 31, 2011
3
0
0
i hate overly religious people who don't listen to any logical argument one once said "the dinosaur fossils are fake and Charles Darwin is a dick"

Don't get me wrong i have no problem with religion its just the few people like the one i mentioned that gets on my nerves.
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
18,855
15
43
tthor said:
I'm beginning to hate some of my friends. i have a lot of female friends, most of which are very much anime fangirls, and, frankly, its getting a bit annoying. they show a disturbing level of obsession with certain shows, certain characters, and especially yoai.. i don't mind yoai, not interested in it, but don't mind... but their utter OBSESSION with it is honestly disturbing me. this can't be psychologically healthy..
I just looked up what Yaoi was....

ugghhh I regret it now
 

Anthony Wells

New member
May 28, 2011
363
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0
im tired of FUCKING NOOBTUBERS in modern warfare 2. and CAMPERS damn all campers to fucking hell and dam,nation itself!!! i keep running into them god its so goddamn frustrating..and akimbo'd rangers..fuck people who use them!! ugh..ok much better now
 

icame

New member
Aug 4, 2010
2,648
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0
1 MORE THING!

Why does this other girl that I've talked to online for years have to be so far away!? The only time we can ever meet is at PAX east -.- Last time I couldn't even find her for a while despite being on the phone with each-other (Might have had something to do with me forgetting to mention I was cosplaying..)

I'm in a bit of a conundrum over her anyway... I like her more then my real gf (Sad, I know.) Her parents know me by name, as do some of her friends. Hell, I talked to her mom once when she wasn't home because she wanted to ask me if she had said anything was wrong at school. I speak to her for hours on end, nearly every day, and despite all this, I can only see her once a year.

*Sigh*

I need some happy pills right now, talking about this has gotten me depressed :/
 

Xeraxis

New member
Aug 7, 2011
178
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0
There are really some things that have been pissing me off lately which I shouldn't be, as more stress upon myself is really unhealthy.

The fact that TV is barely watchable anymore because it's full of bogus reality shows and idiots getting paid for doing things that are absurd or just plain stupid (Jersey Shore anyone?)

Also the frustration of having women not attracted to me WHATSOEVER has been an time-strained issue for a good while. People always keep telling me "You need to have confidence bro" and blah blah useless generic cliche phrases. Well, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET CONFIDENCE IF I HAD NONE TO BEGIN WITH?! SHOULD I PULL OUT OF MY ASS?

Another thing is with me recently finishing high school. Yeah it was a great feeling to get it done but I hated (somewhat) the fact that throughout all 4 years I pretty much was an outcast. Transferring to many different schools during my youth didn't really set ground on having long-lasting friends. Everyone around me was either mental, stuck-up or just so fake that I just decided to forget it and focus on finishing so I can go to college (where hopefully things will change for the better in every way)

Also, one final thing. People who CONSTANTLY ask if I play basketball. Just because I'm 6'4" DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO PLAY BASKETBALL. STOP ASKING ME THIS I HAVE OTHER THINGS I WANT TO DO.

I guess that helped get rid of some frustration. Excellent idea for this thread, OP
 

vance32

New member
Aug 5, 2009
89
0
0
Im tired of all these damm girls at school singing Average music Horribly and when you tell them
there horrible at it you just became the #1 jackass in school and for 3 years it gets annoying.
Also why do girls want a jobless prick instead of a guy who has a job and dosent make you wear slutty clothes.
 

scorptatious

The Resident Team ICO Fanboy
May 14, 2009
7,403
0
0
Hmm. I like the idea this thread has going. Bookmarked.

I am honestly tired of living at home with my parents and manchild of a brother. At the same time though, I don't have the necessary skills to live properly on my own. So I'm stuck here for God knows how long. On top of that, I have no idea what I want to do for a living, so I'm just wandering almost aimlessly through college.

I also still can't seem to get over this girl from back in High School. I thought I moved on from her, but I still end up thinking about her and how I missed my chance to go with her to the Senior Ball.

Also did I mention how much of a manchild my brother is?

Finally, on a much lesser note. I FUCKING HATE SPIES IN TF2. Demomen aren't much better either.

So yeah, thought I'd let that out there. Once again, nice thread idea.
 

JCBFGD

New member
Jul 10, 2011
223
0
0
Trippy Turtle said:
JCBFGD said:
I'm now living with the after-effects of bullying. Did you know there were after-effects? I sure didn't! But apparently they are. They include: social anxiety, hyper-vigilance (I never let my guard down; I'm always on the look out for threats), loneliness, low self-esteem, and trust issues. I also have a very mild phobia of laughter; whenever I hear laughter, the first thing I think of is, "Goddamn it, they're talking about me! What'd I do, and how can I fix it??", and the second thing I think is, "Those worthless fucking shits, I don't even know them!" I say "mild" because this only happens at school. I also think I'm kinda thin-skinned, but I've heard that most bullying victims feel as though they are. So yeah, that's what I live with every day, and I can't stand it. I don't like to talk about it (except anonymously in a place designated for such purposes, such as here), either. I've got this idea in my head somehow that talking about my problems with others just bothers them and wastes their time because no one cares (another after-effect maybe?). This is actually the first time, in fact, that I've ever talked about this. I admit it, I've occasionally contemplated suicide, but that always leads to, "What does it accomplish? You have dreams, don't you want to achieve them?" Thank [deity] for that thought process!
That is pretty much me but instead of bullying it was more I am the easy target that everyone occasionally has a go at rather then a few people always doing it. Especially the laughing, whenever someone laughs I automatically check to see what I am wearing, etc.
That sucks, dude. Sorry to hear that. I'm kinda "the easy target" amongst my friends, but then again, a lot of our conversations involve making fun of each other. But then, I know it's all done in good spirits, so it's not as bad as being "the easy target for everyone"...

Point is, I feel bad for you.
 

OrokuSaki

New member
Nov 15, 2010
386
0
0
I've been holding back for MONTHS on this one, but seriously FUCK NORTH CAROLINA!

There's nothing here, my landlord's a dick, my friends all live in New York, my family all lives in New York, I used to fucking live in New York fucking city and I moved away for A GIRL. A girl that I APPARENTLY didn't really know and who is APPARENTLY a two-faced ***** with no personality who can somehow begrudge me BREATHING if it doesn't fit into her perfectly scheduled day. I have, no lie, watched her just write people off for the most petty shit. "Oh he cheated me out of a dollar, so we're never going to see him again."

I ALMOST made a friend, but she pretty much broke him up with the chick he was dating, causing him to move back to Virginia because he "Hit on her" 3 FUCKING YEARS AGO! I can't stand it and she seems to be in a fucking bubble world where everything's dandy. My closest friend is a cat, I have no job, I have nothing to do, I sit inside all day and play games and read comics. She hates everything I do, doesn't give me a moments peace, and doesn't have shit to say. I want to run her through with a railroad spike covered in barbs and pull her back and forth from one end to the other until her body is just a bunch of shredded skin.

Also 99.9999999999% of the population here is racist and all my friends are black. My best friend came to visit and they practically ran him out of town. Fuck North Carolina with a rake covered in bees.
 

Rouzeki

New member
Feb 11, 2009
77
0
0
Hmm... let me see.

Penguins. hollywood, STOP IT. STOP IT NOW. do a movie about dung beetles.

To the MNK/DNC tanking Briaeus- STUN HIS FREAKING TP MOVES.

It makes no sense how a 3-man next to us can blink/bounce tank the mob, meanwhile im there with a full alliance, but I end up having to main heal the guy (who has no defensive skill) while we watch him run around the whole area during the "I GO PEWPEW" phase. there's a reason I quit stress-healing in MMOs.

This also goes to all the people out there who herp-derp attack blindly- tanks in league of legends, extra monsters on page burns for no good reason, and anyone else. STOP IT!

if groups of people worked remotely in better sync, id have a better "day job".

I'm sick of Corporate BS. Im sick of nickle and Diming DLC, and sequels where the makers LOSE features. When I want to play a fighting game, I expect more then freaking time attack, survival, multiplayer and arcade WHEN I SPENT 50-60$ on the game! I'm sick of seeing the same old shooters 15,000 times. the only shooter I've bought since 2001 was Painkiller.

I hate HD,, Blu ray, and 3d (the last one in both movies AND GAMES). These things are fscking albatrosses over the game industry, and I've always enjoyed the games that can't or won't do these things for something different. the amount of money put into this programming leaves you with less to put elsewhere. as a mechanics player, so long as the game looks right for its graphics, I don't need special texturing, and I wish more people didn't gawp at it.

I really wish people would work together more, but the more I look around, the more disheartened I get each day. in my years ive been a games and gaming activist of sorts, spreading the word about good games, and trying to get people to see the potential of them, like they did in my life. like the Extra Credits folks, but much less inarticulate. When they came along it was a breath of fresh air for me, and it made me want to KEEP doing this. I once thought that there was a chance that if I kept telling people about good things, they'd go for them...

but as the bigger specters become more known to me, I realize that while I may be not the only person now, we have a lot more to do, and it almost seems insurmountable to me. the Diablo III always online thing is such water under the bridge to gamers I know who ARE savvy, that it makes me shudder to think what the Joe everygamer is gonna do on release day. DO they understand the implications of what they even purchase? do they care? or will they reason with it.

"it prints money!" indeed, and this time, the consequences seem damning. Movies may be writ in stone now due the formula being figured out, but here as the tech continues to alter, its OUR right as consumers that we point out WHEN things should change. but on this one the fact I even have to chide the company which GAVE me my gaming through my father on how not to segregate gamers baffled me so hard I was shocked to tears. It broke my silence on these forums because I HAD to say something. my inner child weaps OPENLY at blizzard, despite the fact I know things can change. thing is, its almost worthless to fight a power player like them. who even cares now?

I see my gaming for the overall arrangement of EVERYTHING in a game and around its interface. the average gamer seems to just see graphics, and perhaps core game play. nothing wrong with it, but when you don't care for minor features, it leads to companies being able to pinch you and the collective fan-base. they are testing limits. SHOW THEM when you can't stand for it!

I'm only 21, and i feel like I'm too old. maybe the gamer like me is already gone. maybe I'm just being sentimental. but is it to much to ask to see potentially good games not get hamstrung by the greed of their development heads?

My apologies if I offend anyone here- I was drawn to the venting thread immediately because ive just got a lot of frustration airs right now.
 

smithy_2045

New member
Jan 30, 2008
2,561
0
0
I absolutely adore this girl I know fairly well, and my inaction for the past 3 months is fucking with my head. I would give so much to make this work, if only I knew what to give. I can't stop thinking about her, and my dreams always end up about her in one way or another. I just need something to go my way so I get some confidence, so I don't constantly second guess myself and act so depressed all the time.
 

pwnzerstick

New member
Mar 25, 2009
591
0
0
FUCK ALL MY TECHNOLOGY!!!! First off my 360 gets jacked by some fucking low life so I buy one off of my friend for $100 bucks, the catch is that it comes with a usb drive instead of a hard drive. So one month after that the hard drive gets filled up half way through an update. The system registers it as complete, but it isn't so it fucks up the internal hard drive, I must have spent about 50 FUCKING HOURS on tech support trying to fix the damn thing. And now I have to send it in to microsoft for another $100 bucks. Not one week after that, the gpu on my desktop and laptop die at almost the exact same time. Now I'm stuck raging on the escapist forums until one of them gets fixed.
 

Dirzzit

New member
Apr 16, 2009
309
0
0
Xeraxis said:
There are really some things that have been pissing me off lately which I shouldn't be, as more stress upon myself is really unhealthy.

The fact that TV is barely watchable anymore because it's full of bogus reality shows and idiots getting paid for doing things that are absurd or just plain stupid (Jersey Shore anyone?)

Also the frustration of having women not attracted to me WHATSOEVER has been an time-strained issue for a good while. People always keep telling me "You need to have confidence bro" and blah blah useless generic cliche phrases. Well, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET CONFIDENCE IF I HAD NONE TO BEGIN WITH?! SHOULD I PULL OUT OF MY ASS?

Another thing is with me recently finishing high school. Yeah it was a great feeling to get it done but I hated (somewhat) the fact that throughout all 4 years I pretty much was an outcast. Transferring to many different schools during my youth didn't really set ground on having long-lasting friends. Everyone around me was either mental, stuck-up or just so fake that I just decided to forget it and focus on finishing so I can go to college (where hopefully things will change for the better in every way)

Also, one final thing. People who CONSTANTLY ask if I play basketball. Just because I'm 6'4" DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO PLAY BASKETBALL. STOP ASKING ME THIS I HAVE OTHER THINGS I WANT TO DO.

I guess that helped get rid of some frustration. Excellent idea for this thread, OP
Confidence comes out your ass, thats why it's confidence.