Poll: Am I to blame

[Resetti's_Replicas]

They got drunk and were acting irrationally, there was only so much you could do to help them. I don't think it's healthy for you to obsess of assigning blame; nobody was perfect in that story, and it's time for them to do something constructive instead of obsessing over the past.

 

[EeveeElectro]

The only one who is to blame is the arsehole who attacked them. Women should be able to walk (I'm assuming) a short distance to get a taxi regardless of what they're wearing or how much they've had to drink without some sick twat attacking them.
The girls SHOULD have been more cautious and waited for you but that's not victim blaming - this could have easily happened to a man, there's people out there who just hurt others no matter what gender. I've made my male friend share a taxi with me because he was smashed out of his face and I knew he wouldn't have been able to fight someone off. You warned them and it was their choice to leave. Unless you strapped them to a chair there's nothing else you could have done.

It sounds like the girls are just giving their side of the story. They're probably too embarrassed to admit "he said we should wait but we didn't listen and got everyone else to have a go at him." Or maybe they were too drunk to remember. It also surprises me people were siding with them because I would have told them to stay with you if we were in a bad neighbourhood.
It's their word against yours and because they came out worse people will probably believe them over you although you were sober enough to know what really went on.
Explain what really happened to anyone who asks and hopefully they'll see your side of it. Your friends do sound awful though, it might be time to find some new ones.

I hope the girls learn from this. Thankfully they seem okay but hopefully next time they won't drink so much until they're past the point of logical thinking and try blame someone who tried to help them. It's always the attackers fault. They shouldn't have to worry about things like this but the amount of sick people out there it's always better to stay safe when you go out.

 

[Phrozenflame500]

You're not to blame and the two girls aren't to blames. Skimpy clothes =/= an excuse to rape, the attacker is really the only one to blame in this situation.

That being said, your brother's two lady friends are complete assholes.

 

[drummond13]

This seems like a very incomplete story.

Why were they angry at you for offering them a ride home? Why did other people get angry at you at that point as well? Why do they blame you the next day for the choices they made, since they're friends of yours? Why did you let your brother get drunk to the point of vomiting when you were clearly sober enough to monitor him?

Without know exactly what was actually said and done this is an impossible question to ask. How are any of us supposed to know if you are to blame if we're only getting one side of the story, and a very vague one at that?

 

[Lionsfan]

Did you contribute? Yes. Those girls were your responsibility.

Those women are not his responsibility. They are adults not kids.

His brother was an adult, not a kid, he's not OP's responsibility.

Scenario:My brother and two lady friends went to a bar I'm the driver so no alcohol for me,all three of them get wasted my brother more so than the girls he get's so bad that he runs off to the toilet to throw up to the point where it would not be possible to get him into my car so I decide to wait a bit intill he's safe to travel.

The two girls decide that they want to leave immediately and refuse to wait for my Brother who I can't leave behind,so they say they are going to walk and find a taxi,I warned them not too go and instead to please be patient and wait 15 minutes more because it exceptionally late, they are both drunk,both wearing revealing clothing and we are not in the best neighborhood all of which could make them targets to an attack.

It at this point that I get yelled at for victim blaming/shaming and that I'm degrading them,encouraging rape culture ect ect at this point some other people join in on the yelling at me so I give up and tell them to leave and they do while I go back to the toilet to check on my brother to see if he's better yet.

Well as it turns out they were attacked as I was to find out today luckily they were able to escape with some minor bruising and nothing else, but here's the catch-they blame me completely for what happened to them due to the fact that I let them leave alone and are now trying to turn my other friends against me.

So I ask you Escapist Am I to Blame?

Count me in for the "You're making this up" group.

You lost me when the supposedly drunk girls (as well as random strangers in a bar) started yelling at you about Rape Culture, and degrading them, etc etc. A- Drunk people are never that coherent. B- Rando's in a bar wouldn't jump in and start accusing you of being a patriarchist.

Also, your profile says that you're from Australia and what I assume is just a spelling mistake, and that you're in Sydney, and not Sydeny. If it's anything like every other big city I've been too, and some smaller cities too, then there would have been an almost roving fleet of Taxis circling the bars. It wouldn't have been hard for them to walk outside and hail one down, or for you to call one and have it come pick them up, or walk them outside to grab one while your brother is puking in the bathroom.

I'm assuming he was constantly puking every minute or so, because otherwise there was really no reason he couldn't have gotten in the car and traveled. The walk to the car would have helped him recover faster, and if the car happened to be very close then the two girls just could have waited inside the car.

So yeah, to sum it up, this scenario is too perfect. It's just like that politically correct firing thread we had a few weeks ago. Everything just fits together so perfectly for the OP and we're all supposed to sit here and call the girls idiots or something. So I voted yes you're completely to blame, because you made up this silly scenario

 

[krazykidd]

It's completly their fault . They didn't want to listen . So they decided to leave in skimpy outfits in a place dangerous enough to get attacked . If you ask me , they should have gotten MORE hurt . Being stupid and drunk doesn't mean you can blame the same person who tried to prevent that from happening . So no you're not to blame .

 

[CriticalMiss]

I don't see how you could possibly be to blame. You asked them to wait a reasonable amount of time, they chose not to heed your advice and by chance were attacked afterwards. So if anything it's kind of their own fault. I guess it could be argued that you didn't call a taxi for them but if they were sober enough to walk then they should have been sober enough to call their own cab.

If they are trying to paint you as the villain then they're quite pathetic. You didn't attack them (I hope) and you tried to keep them safe, no way they should be blaming you but I guess it's easier for them than accepting their own faults.

 

[Kaxbe]

Blame that you carry:

??

Blame that they carry:

??

Blame that the attacker carries:
He attacked them.

Don't blame yourself for something that someone else did to your friends. I'm sure you did all that you could have. If you are in earnest, those two will eventually forgive you.

 

[SaetonChapelle]

You are not to blame dear. You tried to help them, tried to encourage them to make the right decision. As adults, they should have known that two young girls walking out, intoxicated, can be easy targets. When partying late at night you should always be with others. Anything can happen. They should have been responsible enough to know this. I wouldn't stress too heavily. I feel bad for the two girls, but they knew the dangers.

Everyone always thinks "It won't be me". /face palm

 

[Wintermute_v1legacy]

It's completly their fault . They didn't want to listen . So they decided to leave in skimpy outfits in a place dangerous enough to get attacked . If you ask me , they should have gotten MORE hurt . Being stupid and drunk doesn't mean you can blame the same person who tried to prevent that from happening . So no you're not to blame .

Wow, I also agree that it's their fault but holy shit, to say that what happened to them was not enough is going too far.

Anyway, like I said, saying "it's the attacker's fault!" and "people should be allowed to go wherever they want without crime!" is cute. Of course it is the attacker's fault, but you have to MIND YOUR SURROUNDINGS. This isn't victim blaming, this is fucking common sense. "Oh but they were drunk!" Yes they were, and yet they were able to decide to leave on their own. They could have also decided to stay there with OP. How about people start taking responsibility for their actions. They left of their own free will, they didn't want to wait another 30 minutes for you. If you're in a shitty area of the city and you decide to walk around at night, YOU ARE EXPOSING YOURSELF TO RISK, it doesn't matter if you're wearing revealing clothes or not.

I live in one of the 50 most violent cities on the planet, so answer me this. Would you walk around in a neighbourhood you KNOW is dangerous wearing $500 dollar shoes and taking pictures with your iPad? You probably wouldn't, because you're not stupid.

Like I said, you make choices, in this case, they made a terrible choice and look what happened.

 

[V8 Ninja]

Let's get this out of the way first; the attacker is the first offender. That guy is an asshole and he should be punished for his behavior.

As for the more grey aspects of this situation, it's wrong for the girls to blame you. As we've established, the attacker is the asshole in this situation. You clearly weren't trying to take advantage of the girls and, under the girl's (drunk) discretion, they decided to not wait to ride with you and your brother. Admittedly you should have not mentioned the line about revealing clothes, but otherwise you seemed to give off the impression of trying to be reasonable and helpful.

 

[Jenvas1306]

In my opinion the OP is sure not to blame, neither are the girls, the only one responsible is the attacker himself.
But putting yourself at a risk is really not the smart thing to do, if you know its a bad neightborhood you might not want to get so wasted, you might want to carry some pepperspray.
That you mentioned their clothing doesnt sound like you called them sluts to me, it is just something that you thought would put them even more at risk and you tried to reason with them, which is sure way more respectful than treating them like little children.

 

[bluepotatosack]

The attacker is to blame for the incident. But, they are absolutely in the wrong for saying you should have done more to stop them from leaving. If you tried to physically stop them, I'm fairly certain that would constitute assault.

Although, bringing up the way they were dressed was completely unnecessary.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Maybe it's got nothing to do with 'blame'. Maybe the girls are hurting emotionally because they've just had a traumatic experience and they just want commiseration. They are probably also feeling a little powerless from suffering a personal violation. I'm sure they would love to punish their attackers, but that's probably not an option, and you just happen to be the misdirected target for their justified anger.

So answer this: have you said sorry? Not "sorry it's all my fault", but "I'm really sorry for what happened to you" and "I'm really sorry I didn't try harder to stop you leaving". Follow those sincere words up with "I really hate that things are bad between us now...I really hope those bastards get what they deserve. But for now, is there anything I can do to help you get over it?" You have now shown them that you are also angry, and shown them who the anger should be directed at.

Then ask them if they want to go get a coffee or icecream or something. You will have tried to repair your friendship. If they choose not to take the opportunity, that's their bad, and they are people you can do without.

Fucking. Thank. You. You. Glorious. Bastard.

OP have you ever been the victim of a crime? I have, a crime committed against my person. I felt shitty and ashamed and angry there was no justice for me and no one with power seemed to give a fuck enough to do anything about it. I was irrational and thankfully I forced myself to move on and not lash out at my friends who tried to make it sound ok when i really wasnt ok.

Maybe your friends are feeling the same way I did, which is no excuse for blaming you because youre not at fault at all and did nothing actively wrong, but you should try and understand WHY they are feeling this way. Be clear you are not saying "I told you so" or rubbing it in that if they had listened to you they would be ok. Im sure they regret it big time and reminding them that their mistake cost them an assault will make them feel ultra shitty. Be nice, offer a hand and offer sympathies. Like the guy i quoted above said, ask to get some coffee or an ice cream, let them know you dont blame them at all and are sorry something so shitty happened. Say youre willing to do anything within reason to help them at the moment. Being assaulted rattles peoples minds pretty damn seriously. Its normal to be kinda irrational at this time. Its also normal to be offended by it. But try not to take it personally and instead offer a hand.

If they continue to be rude cut the ties. Just try and be understanding of their situation.

 

[bounty90]

The core of the problem is that the girls didn't carry weapons. It's every free persons responsibility to upheld the law and that cannot be done without carrying at least a pistol for self defense. The reason the attackers were able to attack were not because of the choice of clothing the girl made, where they walked, at what time they walked or any other factor than the fact that the attackers had more force at their disposal than the girls had. Any discussion of morality goes out the window the moment perpetrators have the capacity to do what they want without repercussions, it would be like discussion the morality of a hurricane destroying someones home.

He lives in Australia, do you even know anything about gun law's there? There strict and besides that I don't know about you but i don't think having a bunch of drunk chicks running around is the best idea.

 

[Reeve]

I haven't read the whole thread so I'm sure someone has already asked: Did they report it to the police?

Edit: I voted "the attacker is to blame" by the way.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Obviously the weight of the blame is with the attacker, but they should have been more cautious. You did the right thing; you tried to get them to be sensible and it would have been impossible for you to manhandle them (someone would probably think you were trying to attack them). Ultimately I think it's pretty sexist to entirely blame their clothing for being attacked, but it was very stupid of them.

 

[afroebob]

What could you have done differently? You told them to wait, you told them they would be in danger and your brother wasn't able to go. You could leave your bother or give them the option to either wait for you or leave. Drunk or not, they made their decision. I'm not blaming them, I'm just stating the facts, and your only responsability was to make sure that nobody drove home drunk. You went more than out of your way for your brother and gave them a choice. As such you are 100% innocent.

 

[soren7550]

Well, by and large, it's the attacker's fault for attacking them, and just a bit their fault for not listening to you. You had to stay with your brother, and they didn't feel like waiting a few minutes for you to help him, even though you warned them not to go out on their own in their state.

And as said before, they sound like a pair of cunts for blaming you for this. Ditch 'em.