Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[FaithorFire]

snip

The answer is simple. Whether (strait) women admit it or not, or even realize it, they are sexually draw to men who appear strong.
In our current society, physical strength is not as essential a trait, so women want a man of social strength or intellectual strength (the latter is how I won my wife-to-be, by delivering academic beat-downs in the philosophy and comparative politics classes we shared).
The women who are drawn to "douchbags" are really women who've been mistrained (by women in their lives) and fail to understand the difference between manipulation or assholery and meaningful strength.

So ask yourself, are you "nice" or just weak?
My advice to you is this: stand up for yourself, be self-reliant, and find something useful to get damn good at, and don't to pander to random girl's needs for attention.
Make a man out of yourself and the women WILL come
Hopefully the RIGHT woman will find you

**I really don't want to sound like an ass, (of course I will though) but the tone of this post suggests you may be the "pandering to their need for attention" type

so yeah, BUILD YOURSELF and stop worrying

 

[Nanaki316]

I went out with a lot of bad boys as a teenager but I've been settled with a genuinely "nice" guy since I was 18 now.
I think as a teen you like the danger these guys can bring. Those sorts of boys are still attractive, but only in movies or on TV for me. You don't want a bad boy for the long run.
So don't change at all, if you're a genuinely nice guy you'll find a woman who wants you for what you are and doesn't give a shit about any of these trends x

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

not trying to sound offensive, but where do you live where there is not a middle school?

just curious. i know other countries call it differently, but if you are in the U.S. i am in utter shock.

Middle school for me is 4,5,6 and Junior High School is 7,8. However I know that other places have different grades in middle school so I try to clarify. This make more sense knowing its a 15-16ish year old rather than a 9-12 year old

EDIT: I am from the US, I was raised in Maine

ohhhh gotcha, well from everyone i've heard from (so family and family friends) middle school = junior high school, elementary is k-6th grade


and 15-16? 7th and 8th graders are usually 12-14 years old (my brother is one right now i should know)

Damn did I get it wrong? Sorry I was trying to figure it out in my head and I guess I counted wrong, my apologies

ha no big deal, i also was thinking and i remembered i didn't get my license until i was a junior in high school so there was no way in hell i'd be 15 or 16 in middle school lol

still, fun information is fun to learn i suppose.

 

[spartandude]

Ok im a guy but im bi and go to some gay pubs aswell as hit on women so im going to answer this.

Nice guys can get the girl!
Oh sure there is not doubt that there are girls who like jerks especially in school. but still its not about whether your nice or a jerk (most of the time this is) its about how you carry yourself. I used to be really shy badly dressed and what not and only a couple of girls or guys ever paid attention. Now i dress quite well and i appear to be much more confident and this works very well for me, and im nicer than ive ever been.


also one thing i see some "nice guys" doing is idealising women and treating them like they're on a differnt level, this is doomed to failure!

 

[Risingblade]

Damn I'm glad to be a jerk

 

[Alade]

Some girls (read: masochists) do prefer jerks, most however simply want a confident and self assured man, who isn't afraid of taking matters into his own hands.

Fact is, jerks/Douchebags always appear very confident on the outside, whether they are or not.

Also, other things tend to matter: Looks, clothing style, attitude. You've got to pick your target audience and adapt to it.

 

[Roald Groenen]

The point is that you need to make VERY clear that you're interested. I know, that's annoying.

This. Oogkleppen af.

 

[Lance Arrow]

You want chicks?

Go get chicks.

Learn some cheesy pickup lines and hit a downtown bar or nightclub or something. The saddest thing is that it's really that simple. Or maybe that's got something to do with where I live.
But if you're looking for something a little more long-term, I'm afraid I can't help you.

 

[370999]

Some advice.
Just be completely honest with the women your after.
If they can see your not full of shit and tell it like it is that can attract the chicks as well.Best part is you dont have to compromise your self proclaimed 'nice guy' tag.
You wont get every woman your after but you'll get enough not to starve.

It also saves you time if you ask them out fairly quickly. Asking is free and after a while getting rejected doesn't really hurt (at least for me, still kinda stings but not a huge pain) while being in a tortured not-relationship would, especially as you buy gifts and the like which is costing you.

IMHO there is nothing wrong with buying a woman flowers to get her to sleep with you. She might not want to and you move on. If any girl wants to buy me something to sleep with her I wouldn't consider that an insult. there is something wrong about wnating a girl to sleep with you and not telling her and trying to steadily wear down her resistance.

 

[Remleiz]

A wise man once said...

Treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen.

In other words you can be a nice guy but it depends on the type of girl you're after.

 

[MasterV]

Pssst, newsflash.

It doesn't matter that you're nice. That's not the problem for having difficulties finding girls.

The problem is that you're BORING. Yep, you heard me. Girls go for the "bad boys" because they seem more interesting than an introverted homunculus.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Girls are always interested in nice guys. Get close with the girl you like, even if she has a boyfriend. If she has a problem, she will come to you and will appreciate your kindness and maybe start liking you.

I have a girlfriend due to me just being a nice guy and being myself...which isn't a nice guy as such. But she knows what I'm really like, and she likes it, so I can be myself.

I found out this week as well, that a girl I used to like, who is now my closest friend, liked me about a year and a half ago, but didn't want to jeopardise our friendship.

 

[General_Potatoes]

The girls at my school like complete douches. And that is the reason I will never date in school. Also because, I have noticed that guys who have GFs are failing in classes and the same for girls.

 

[Stefan Papp]

its not about being nice or bad. just be interesting, fascinating, funny and patient

 

[kayisking]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

Of course we do, do not lose hope. I am a autistic teen with an IQ 138 and the manners of a posh English gentleman. If I can get a girlfriend, everybody can.

 

[LostTimeLady]

Speaking as a female who is in a relationship with a nice guy (for nearly half a year I might add too) your day will come and when it does that girl is one lucky girl.
I do think it's a matter of 'carpe diam' as I can imagine it's a bit daunting asking someone out.
Good guys get the girl in the end and when she sees you treat her right then you've got her for the long term.

(P.S. it's actually a matter of genetics, in the end, a woman wants stability and a caring and loving environment (in general, there are some women who don't want that but those are in the minority). Jerks can't give that but nice guys can.)

 

[Mad Scientist]

I've never met a nice guy who claims that women like jerks.

The trouble is, the world is full of Nice Guys. It's possible that women are confusing you with one of them. Nice Guys are too timid to ask girls out, so they get passive-aggressive about it. They form a friendship with a girl not because they like her as a person, but because they want to date her. They're nice to her in the hopes that that will somehow magically make her fall in love with them, as if she should buy their friendship with romantic or sexual favours. These men look like genuine nice guys on the surface, at least for awhile, but Nice Guys are in reality creepy dicks. They either never ask a girl out or they form a fake friendship around eventually asking her out, and then get all upset when she's not interested, as if they think being friendly somehow entitles them to the romantic interest of whomever they like. They frequently confuse their creepy, entitled douchebag actions with being a good person and get confused when the object of their desire dates more straightforward men who didn't attempt to emotionally manipulate her.

Too much interaction with Nice Guys might make women wary of you, even if you're being genuinely nice.

 

[Mr S]

Not a girl but I would just like to say that I am rather distrustful of anyone claiming themselves to be "nice". A lot of them aren't. Just saying.

Also: The obligatory "Not this thread again."

On a bit of a tangent for anyone interested, however. I will say with relative authority (based on experience) that even mildly autistic people don't really have a snowball's chance in Hell, especially if crowds and loud noises throw them off (not uncommon). You would be amazed at what the medically certified inability to flirt, recognize flirting, consistently recognize emotions from facial expressions or pick up on any of the million social queues which apparently make up the bizarre cat-and-mouse game people have made out of relationships can do to hurt your chances. Being confident or outgoing simply fail to matter when you lack these basic abilities and can't do anything about it. This also has the unfortunate side effect of giving you a very good reason to fear other people (I've heard they can smell fear).

I'll just leave this here. [http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice2.shtml]

Thank you so much for posting that. I've been trying to find it again for ages, but I couldn't remember the name.

Well ain't that just peachy. I AM mildly autistic and I have huge difficulty noticing if people are flirting back or whatever. Well since you've claimed.there's no hope for me anymore I'm just gonna go head and become a monk or whatever

 

[Mad Scientist]

Who said I wasn't? Why can't I be her protector? What the hell am I there for if I'm not supposed to be the one who sticks up for her when she feels too insecure or hurt to do so? Letting her just be hurt? That's dumb.

You're there to be her equal and somebody she enjoys spending time with (and vice versa).

If she wants support from you, good; you should support each other when wanted. But if you're stepping in for her when she doesn't want you to, or crowding her with unwanted support when she wants to be alone, you're not being a nice and supportive boyfriend, you're being an intrusive dick. It's really a question of whether you're helping a person you love and respect (and accepting such help in return) or chivalrously defending someone because you think you should be the stronger of the pair and it's your job.