Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[spartandude]

Ok im a guy but im bi and go to some gay pubs aswell as hit on women so im going to answer this.

Nice guys can get the girl!
Oh sure there is not doubt that there are girls who like jerks especially in school. but still its not about whether your nice or a jerk (most of the time this is) its about how you carry yourself. I used to be really shy badly dressed and what not and only a couple of girls or guys ever paid attention. Now i dress quite well and i appear to be much more confident and this works very well for me, and im nicer than ive ever been.


also one thing i see some "nice guys" doing is idealising women and treating them like they're on a differnt level, this is doomed to failure!

 

[Risingblade]

Damn I'm glad to be a jerk

 

[Alade]

Some girls (read: masochists) do prefer jerks, most however simply want a confident and self assured man, who isn't afraid of taking matters into his own hands.

Fact is, jerks/Douchebags always appear very confident on the outside, whether they are or not.

Also, other things tend to matter: Looks, clothing style, attitude. You've got to pick your target audience and adapt to it.

 

[Roald Groenen]

The point is that you need to make VERY clear that you're interested. I know, that's annoying.

This. Oogkleppen af.

 

[Lance Arrow]

You want chicks?

Go get chicks.

Learn some cheesy pickup lines and hit a downtown bar or nightclub or something. The saddest thing is that it's really that simple. Or maybe that's got something to do with where I live.
But if you're looking for something a little more long-term, I'm afraid I can't help you.

 

[370999]

Some advice.
Just be completely honest with the women your after.
If they can see your not full of shit and tell it like it is that can attract the chicks as well.Best part is you dont have to compromise your self proclaimed 'nice guy' tag.
You wont get every woman your after but you'll get enough not to starve.

It also saves you time if you ask them out fairly quickly. Asking is free and after a while getting rejected doesn't really hurt (at least for me, still kinda stings but not a huge pain) while being in a tortured not-relationship would, especially as you buy gifts and the like which is costing you.

IMHO there is nothing wrong with buying a woman flowers to get her to sleep with you. She might not want to and you move on. If any girl wants to buy me something to sleep with her I wouldn't consider that an insult. there is something wrong about wnating a girl to sleep with you and not telling her and trying to steadily wear down her resistance.

 

[Remleiz]

A wise man once said...

Treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen.

In other words you can be a nice guy but it depends on the type of girl you're after.

 

[MasterV]

Pssst, newsflash.

It doesn't matter that you're nice. That's not the problem for having difficulties finding girls.

The problem is that you're BORING. Yep, you heard me. Girls go for the "bad boys" because they seem more interesting than an introverted homunculus.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Girls are always interested in nice guys. Get close with the girl you like, even if she has a boyfriend. If she has a problem, she will come to you and will appreciate your kindness and maybe start liking you.

I have a girlfriend due to me just being a nice guy and being myself...which isn't a nice guy as such. But she knows what I'm really like, and she likes it, so I can be myself.

I found out this week as well, that a girl I used to like, who is now my closest friend, liked me about a year and a half ago, but didn't want to jeopardise our friendship.

 

[General_Potatoes]

The girls at my school like complete douches. And that is the reason I will never date in school. Also because, I have noticed that guys who have GFs are failing in classes and the same for girls.

 

[Stefan Papp]

its not about being nice or bad. just be interesting, fascinating, funny and patient

 

[kayisking]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

Of course we do, do not lose hope. I am a autistic teen with an IQ 138 and the manners of a posh English gentleman. If I can get a girlfriend, everybody can.

 

[LostTimeLady]

Speaking as a female who is in a relationship with a nice guy (for nearly half a year I might add too) your day will come and when it does that girl is one lucky girl.
I do think it's a matter of 'carpe diam' as I can imagine it's a bit daunting asking someone out.
Good guys get the girl in the end and when she sees you treat her right then you've got her for the long term.

(P.S. it's actually a matter of genetics, in the end, a woman wants stability and a caring and loving environment (in general, there are some women who don't want that but those are in the minority). Jerks can't give that but nice guys can.)

 

[Mad Scientist]

I've never met a nice guy who claims that women like jerks.

The trouble is, the world is full of Nice Guys. It's possible that women are confusing you with one of them. Nice Guys are too timid to ask girls out, so they get passive-aggressive about it. They form a friendship with a girl not because they like her as a person, but because they want to date her. They're nice to her in the hopes that that will somehow magically make her fall in love with them, as if she should buy their friendship with romantic or sexual favours. These men look like genuine nice guys on the surface, at least for awhile, but Nice Guys are in reality creepy dicks. They either never ask a girl out or they form a fake friendship around eventually asking her out, and then get all upset when she's not interested, as if they think being friendly somehow entitles them to the romantic interest of whomever they like. They frequently confuse their creepy, entitled douchebag actions with being a good person and get confused when the object of their desire dates more straightforward men who didn't attempt to emotionally manipulate her.

Too much interaction with Nice Guys might make women wary of you, even if you're being genuinely nice.

 

[Mr S]

Not a girl but I would just like to say that I am rather distrustful of anyone claiming themselves to be "nice". A lot of them aren't. Just saying.

Also: The obligatory "Not this thread again."

On a bit of a tangent for anyone interested, however. I will say with relative authority (based on experience) that even mildly autistic people don't really have a snowball's chance in Hell, especially if crowds and loud noises throw them off (not uncommon). You would be amazed at what the medically certified inability to flirt, recognize flirting, consistently recognize emotions from facial expressions or pick up on any of the million social queues which apparently make up the bizarre cat-and-mouse game people have made out of relationships can do to hurt your chances. Being confident or outgoing simply fail to matter when you lack these basic abilities and can't do anything about it. This also has the unfortunate side effect of giving you a very good reason to fear other people (I've heard they can smell fear).

I'll just leave this here. [http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice2.shtml]

Thank you so much for posting that. I've been trying to find it again for ages, but I couldn't remember the name.

Well ain't that just peachy. I AM mildly autistic and I have huge difficulty noticing if people are flirting back or whatever. Well since you've claimed.there's no hope for me anymore I'm just gonna go head and become a monk or whatever

 

[Mad Scientist]

Who said I wasn't? Why can't I be her protector? What the hell am I there for if I'm not supposed to be the one who sticks up for her when she feels too insecure or hurt to do so? Letting her just be hurt? That's dumb.

You're there to be her equal and somebody she enjoys spending time with (and vice versa).

If she wants support from you, good; you should support each other when wanted. But if you're stepping in for her when she doesn't want you to, or crowding her with unwanted support when she wants to be alone, you're not being a nice and supportive boyfriend, you're being an intrusive dick. It's really a question of whether you're helping a person you love and respect (and accepting such help in return) or chivalrously defending someone because you think you should be the stronger of the pair and it's your job.

 

[Floppertje]

snippity snip snip

helpful post is helpful, thanks bro. I think I've actually got most of it down. I think my biggest problem is that I'm really awful at reading women. when I'm talking to one at a party, I never know when to ask her to dance, when to get closer, when to kiss her (although the last bit went by itself the one time it happened)
also, I apparently think girls are interested too soon. there was this girl who asked me to go with her to the train station after a party, which I took to mean 'I don't want to say goodbye just yet', so the next time it happened I asked her out, and she was totally surprised (and, due to a personal crisis, panicked and gave the worst possible answer. EVER.). then there was this other girl who I could've sworn was flirting with me. except she was British and apparently flirting works differently there. who knew girls were wired by postal codes?

 

[DeadeyeDuck89]

Hi all,

I'm a Brit, with (and I think this is a huge stroke of luck) a steady, attractive girlfriend.

However I do think there's something to this post. It does appear that all the girls are only really interested in the stereotypical "strong, sporty asshole". Now I won't for a minute pretend that I'm not an asshole sometimes, but then who isn't? The fact is I have tried for over 2o years to be as kind and considerate as I can, and has it gotten me anywhere (my girlfriend and I got together in August 2010)??

Like hell it has.

 

[slippereend]

I'm female, Dutch and wondering what kind of girls you go after. What kind of people are they?

 

[DeadeyeDuck89]

Selvec, you may have just hit the nail squarely on the head, as they say. But the problem, how do you go about "outing" the douchebag? Because in my experience (and I don't mean to generalise here) a startling percentage of women don't seem to see past the muscles/car/money until it's too late. And by then, it is just that, too late.

I maintain that do make an excellent point though.