Poll: Do you believe the Friend Zone exists?

[Westonbirt]

The whole reasoning behind the idea of the "Friendzone" is an immature way to look at relationships, where the woman is somehow by denying sex to the man denying what is perceived to be the natural and expected progression of a relationship and also implicitly proposing that a non-sexual relationship is necessarily less valuable than a sexual one. Ad to that that people occasionally suggest that it's in most instances a consciously malicious trick on the part of the lady and you get something I can't possibly get behind.

 

[Strain42]

Yes, but not in the way much of the Internet seems to think the term applies. The Friend Zone is not just what quote unquote nice guys say they've been put into because a woman refuses to have sex with them. That makes the Friend Zone sound like some weird folklore. I'm not saying that doesn't happen, but that's not what the Friend Zone is...that's just guys pouting.

This is what the friend zone is, and because it's not gender specific, I'm going to avoid pronouns.

Person A and Person B are friends. Person A develops romantic feelings for Person B (when this happens is sort of irrelevant. They could have wanted to date from day one, it could come down the line, doesn't matter too much) Person A confesses these feelings to Person B. Person B doesn't have romantic feelings towards Person A but wants to remain friends. For the record, regardless of what people may say, Person A is well in their right to be upset by this news, so long as they don't use those hurt feelings to be a jerk to Person B.

Nobody can tell me that "doesn't exist" or "that's just something guys make up" because that scenario happens all the damn time. That's what the friend zone truly is. It's when you have romantic feelings for a friend, and they do not return them. It's pretty simple.

 

[Something Amyss]

It's funny this is cycling back in during #gamergate.

No, I believe in the fact that some feelings are unrequited, but I don't believe people have a `friend zone` they put people in.

Basically this. There's no real methodology or anything like that.

Just logically, most people in our culture are going to be involved with at most one person at a time. The number of relatioships they will have are almost a given to be larger than the number of romantic relationships.

Most of your friends probably want to be friends. This is not so much a friend "zone" as it is sort of the nature of human interaction.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

I believe it is possible for a person to have sexual intentions behind their friendliness toward another while the other person is unaware and only desires good friendship with them.

I also believe it is possible for a person to be aware of another persons romantic feelings and lead them on with implied flirtation for the sake of favors and attention with no intention of reciprocation.

I also believe sexual intentions and romantic feelings can be two different things in one person's mind and the same in another's.

 

[aba1]

There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

Seriously. The bitching and whining by entitled men that think you can input 'kindness coins' into women and sex will fall out is disturbing.

You either respect her as a human being with thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires, including the fact she isn't interested in you as anything more and never will be, or you're a fucking tosser who doesn't deserve her friendship in the first fucking place.

End. Of.

Sheesh.

It goes both ways its not like women don't do the same thing or even if they didn't that the same rule wouldn't apply to them.

 

[QuicklyAcross]

It exists not in the sense of owing but rather in the responsibility of the person being pampered to say: No, just stop, its not going anywhere.

Think back to some point in your own life when you didnt like someone. Would that person being nice to you change your view of them? Probably not, you made up your mind so if you just accept the way they try to kiss your ass and somehow gather positive points, tell them that it simply does not work

 

[TheCorpseMan99]

There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

What if the feelings are genuine from the start? What if you're honestly hoping for a fulfilling relationship that's more than just physical? Have you ever considered that possibility?

 

[QuicklyAcross]

There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

What if the feelings are genuine from the start? What if you're honestly hoping for a fulfilling relationship that's more than just physical? Have you ever considered that possibility?

Thats still only YOUR perspective and YOUR feelings.
You can hope but you cant demand or guilt someone into it by a simple:
Oh, ive done these things for you and ive been this good of a friend to you because i have a genuine emotional connection to you which i want to take to the next level and if you dont then that is wrong in my opinion and its not what i deserve after going through all of that.

ninja, please

 

[Pyrian]

"Friend Zone" has long since turned into a semantic problem since virtually everyone seems to mean different things from the same term. The original implication (man I'm old) was that a woman would not date a friend because they were a friend. This behavior/rule was always highly unusual, however.

 

[Thaluikhain]

It's funny this is cycling back in during #gamergate.

Hadn't thought of that, but then, does it ever really go away? Always something along the same lines.

 

[Uriel_Hayabusa]

I've always thought of ''friendzone'' as something used humorously (ie. expressing schadenfreude) as opposed to more sinister meanings I've seen assigned to it. Example: ''Oh, she doesn't want to date you? Haha! You got friendzone'D!''

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that the word's used in that way as well; but to paraphrase the late George Carlin:

There is nothing wrong with the word "friendzone'' in and of itself. It's the bitter, entitled jerk using it that you ought to be concerned about.

 

[Mangue Surfer]

Exist, of all tipes. Female fz, male fz, gay fz.
It's ok, when you are young and don't have experience, don't really know what do to with all these feelings and situations. But then, you grow old, level up, logic says you should be able to have more mature relationships.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

I don't believe in the "friendzone", mostly because it's a concept penned by guys who felt cock-blocked by a girl who just wasn't sufficiently interested. Earning anyone's friendship is a serious accomplishment; why should it be minimized or ridiculed, considered as a sign that you didn't get to first base? Guys who complain about being friendzoned seem to me like they might be insecure.

That said, I have to admit that Mister Torgue's use of the term in The Pre-Sequel made me laugh.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

I'm a little confused as to how a concept can 'exist' or not, but I digress.

It's basically just unrequited love, so of course it actually 'exists'. The zone idea comes about because most guys believe that once a woman declares you as being a friend and not a romantic partner, it's almost impossible to ever be seen as a romantic partner in the future, hence you are 'stuck in the zone'.

Obviously opinions vary wildly over how true or untrue that idea is, though in my experience it's not that rare for people who started off 'just friends' to eventually end up married.

 

[Denamic]

It exists, but it's a place you put yourself into, not something that happens to you.

 

[DarthSka]

Well, I was in a relationship for five years until she recently broke up with me and gave me the whole, "I want us to still be friends," line. So yep, I have experienced it.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I don't, not since I realize it's basically from the start weather your physically attracted to someone or not. That's half the battle right there, and if someone doesn't find you attractive nothing else matters. And you know, attractiveness is a fickle thing, theres no definite thing.

Ya know, so it stopped being "well I played this game and I lost" type deal. No, the women that turned me down I didn't have a chance with from the start. I was trying to do an impossible task. I'm sure there are girls out there that would find me attractive, it just wasn't the ones I was trying to get with. Fair enough.

This is a sidenote, but... this is sort of an area of my life I've all but given up on. I aggressively don't want children, and I don't want to get married either. The entire idea of relationships is just dumb, to throw your complete faith and trust in another person that can just wake up one day decide they want out, or that they cheat on you. Time, money, feelings all wasted. Fuck that noise.

So it's like, ya know I'm sure someone reading this has those negative feelings from being rejected. Trust me, yo. Just let it go. Nothing good can come out of it.

Yep. I put girls in them all the time.

Yep, this.

And in my much younger days, I was in it too.

I have a theory about it; it's TV and Hollywood's fault.

Men are now taught that if you want to be the perfect boyfriend, all you need to do is be her friend. Doesn't matter if she rejects you, doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend, doesn't matter if she says no. Look at any and every Rom-Com or Romantic movie. He hangs around, he keeps helping her, he keeps being nice. It starts from Disney and works all the way through to the Hunger Games or Twilight.

It's also on T.V; Ted was friends with Robin, Barney was friends with Robin, Ross was friends with Rachel, J.D. was friends with Elliot, Leonard was friends with Penny, etc. The running theme was all they had to do was be nice, be supportive, let her walk over them and eventually she'll realise how nice you are and come running.

So nowadays, boys look at this and think "Oh, is this how you get girls? Because I sure as hell don't understand them."

They don't understand when they're rejected, that's probably it. They think "No, I really like her, all I have to do is not give up!" like TV and movies has taught them time and time again.

The anger comes when they realise that people really don't work this way, and they feel like they've been tricked, when they've only really been lied to by the media; the poor girl did nothing wrong, and the guy simply wasn't taught better.

That's my theory, anyway.

This times a million.

 

[Lilani]

I know a situation where someone develops romantic feelings for a friend but that friend does not reciprocate can occur, as I've been on both ends of that situation.

But I don't like the name "friend zone" because it implies that it's somewhere you were put by deliberate or ill intent, and that there is a way to get out as long as you open the right doors and take the right paths. Neither of these are true: if your friend doesn't share your feelings, that's just because things work out that way sometimes. Not everybody you like is bound to like you in return. And if you truly aren't their type, there is nothing you can do to change that. People will either like you or not, there's no secret keys or passwords to unlock their hearts.

The only way to put your "friend zone" situation to rest is just to come out and tell them how you feel. If they reciprocate then you can go on and have your relationship. If they don't, then get over it in whatever way you need to. If you need to stop being friends with them or at least stay away from them for a while, then do it in the most respectful way possible.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

Seriously. The bitching and whining by entitled men that think you can input 'kindness coins' into women and sex will fall out is disturbing.

You either respect her as a human being with thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires, including the fact she isn't interested in you as anything more and never will be, or you're a fucking tosser who doesn't deserve her friendship in the first fucking place.

End. Of.

Sheesh.

Ya know, I ask this because such an accusation has been thrown at me before. A girl I liked was hurt that I brushed her off after she rejected me.

Sex is important in a relationship but wise it always the notion just because a bloke wants someone to be with them that's the ONLY motivation?

Like fucking-aye, I told her I fancied her, she said no, and at that time (as I do now) I don't want to remain friends because it fucking hurts being around them and I'm unfortunately a real big heart on the sleeve kind of ************. I don't have a pokerface.

I know guys that have chased pussy for pussy sake, and it's never made sense to me, cause those same guys have little humans they have to feed and support for two decades.

 

[Jadak]

First, to define what the "friend zone" is, and what it is not. (I'm going to assign female = not interested and male= friendzoned for the sake of making this easier to write, and it's the usual example, but note that it can apply to either gender)

So, being friendzoned is when a woman does not develop (or loses) sexual/intimate feeling towards a male friend, despite that fact that this guy is 'their type' and would otherwise be regarded as an object of sexual interest if say, encountered as a stranger in a bar.

In other words, simply making friends with a girl and her not wanting to fuck you does not qualify as being friendzoned. That's just her not wanting to fuck you, same as someone who isn't her friend whom she does not wish to fuck. Being friendzoned requires that, should the guy and girl not know each other and meet anew, a desire to fuck would be present. Thus, the reason for not wanting to fuck in the present time must be attributable to the existing friendship having altered perceptions or decisions such that either
a) the girl no longer regards the guy in the context of fuckability, or
b) is intentionally choosing to ignore desires to preserve the friendship status.


So, is it a thing? Of course. Scenario 'b)' is the one typically complained about. And yeah, if you've been friend zoned in that manner, it's bullshit and I say just try push through it. Just keep in mind that she might just not want to fuck you regardless, and it's hard to know if this scenario is the case with certainty unless she actually tells you. So... Try not to be a dick about it unless you have some reason to thing she would actually be interested.

Now, the more unfortunate scenario a, is also a thing a much harder to do anything about. It's a variation of the same thing that happens within family. Say you have a sexy sister, do you want to fuck her? Are you interested in having a relationship with her? While exceptions are certainly possible, growing up with that specifically non-sexualized relationship tends result in both parties simply not regarding eachother as fuck objects.

Friendships can do the same thing. Given the right combination of experiences and duration in a non-sexualized context, it's entirely possible for people to come to categorize eachother in a context lacking a fuckability rating. If this happens, good luck, you may as well be her brother, and getting around it will be convincing your step-sister to fuck you,.