Poll: Do you believe the Friend Zone exists?

Lilani

Sometimes known as CaitieLou
May 27, 2009
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I know a situation where someone develops romantic feelings for a friend but that friend does not reciprocate can occur, as I've been on both ends of that situation.

But I don't like the name "friend zone" because it implies that it's somewhere you were put by deliberate or ill intent, and that there is a way to get out as long as you open the right doors and take the right paths. Neither of these are true: if your friend doesn't share your feelings, that's just because things work out that way sometimes. Not everybody you like is bound to like you in return. And if you truly aren't their type, there is nothing you can do to change that. People will either like you or not, there's no secret keys or passwords to unlock their hearts.

The only way to put your "friend zone" situation to rest is just to come out and tell them how you feel. If they reciprocate then you can go on and have your relationship. If they don't, then get over it in whatever way you need to. If you need to stop being friends with them or at least stay away from them for a while, then do it in the most respectful way possible.
 

DudeistBelieve

TellEmSteveDave.com
Sep 9, 2010
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1Life0Continues said:
There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

Seriously. The bitching and whining by entitled men that think you can input 'kindness coins' into women and sex will fall out is disturbing.

You either respect her as a human being with thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires, including the fact she isn't interested in you as anything more and never will be, or you're a fucking tosser who doesn't deserve her friendship in the first fucking place.

End. Of.

Sheesh.
Ya know, I ask this because such an accusation has been thrown at me before. A girl I liked was hurt that I brushed her off after she rejected me.

Sex is important in a relationship but wise it always the notion just because a bloke wants someone to be with them that's the ONLY motivation?

Like fucking-aye, I told her I fancied her, she said no, and at that time (as I do now) I don't want to remain friends because it fucking hurts being around them and I'm unfortunately a real big heart on the sleeve kind of ************. I don't have a pokerface.

I know guys that have chased pussy for pussy sake, and it's never made sense to me, cause those same guys have little humans they have to feed and support for two decades.
 

Jadak

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Nov 4, 2008
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First, to define what the "friend zone" is, and what it is not. (I'm going to assign female = not interested and male= friendzoned for the sake of making this easier to write, and it's the usual example, but note that it can apply to either gender)

So, being friendzoned is when a woman does not develop (or loses) sexual/intimate feeling towards a male friend, despite that fact that this guy is 'their type' and would otherwise be regarded as an object of sexual interest if say, encountered as a stranger in a bar.

In other words, simply making friends with a girl and her not wanting to fuck you does not qualify as being friendzoned. That's just her not wanting to fuck you, same as someone who isn't her friend whom she does not wish to fuck. Being friendzoned requires that, should the guy and girl not know each other and meet anew, a desire to fuck would be present. Thus, the reason for not wanting to fuck in the present time must be attributable to the existing friendship having altered perceptions or decisions such that either
a) the girl no longer regards the guy in the context of fuckability, or
b) is intentionally choosing to ignore desires to preserve the friendship status.


So, is it a thing? Of course. Scenario 'b)' is the one typically complained about. And yeah, if you've been friend zoned in that manner, it's bullshit and I say just try push through it. Just keep in mind that she might just not want to fuck you regardless, and it's hard to know if this scenario is the case with certainty unless she actually tells you. So... Try not to be a dick about it unless you have some reason to thing she would actually be interested.

Now, the more unfortunate scenario a, is also a thing a much harder to do anything about. It's a variation of the same thing that happens within family. Say you have a sexy sister, do you want to fuck her? Are you interested in having a relationship with her? While exceptions are certainly possible, growing up with that specifically non-sexualized relationship tends result in both parties simply not regarding eachother as fuck objects.

Friendships can do the same thing. Given the right combination of experiences and duration in a non-sexualized context, it's entirely possible for people to come to categorize eachother in a context lacking a fuckability rating. If this happens, good luck, you may as well be her brother, and getting around it will be convincing your step-sister to fuck you,.
 

Maze1125

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Oct 14, 2008
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No.
If you're so annoyed about the fact that someone doesn't want to have sex with you that you that you're willing to belittle your own friendship with them by using the term "friend zone" then you're not really their friend and, therefore, cannot be in a friend zone.
 

jovack22

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Jan 26, 2011
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It definitely does, there are females I wouldn't dream of ever wanting a fling with who I'm content with as being friends for various reasons, who I've sensed interest from.
You can be sure the same goes true for females, probably to a much stronger degree given biological drives.
 

Piorn

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Dec 26, 2007
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It definitely exists and I have observed it in the way my sister talks about a few of her male friends. She doesn't call it "friendzone", but she showed genuine surprise when confronted with their sexuality, as she firmly believed they had none.

But the term "friendzone" has lost all meaning by now, because it quickly became an easy excuse for inept men to justify their lack of success, even though it only rarely applied.
It's also not a binary thing.
 

keniakittykat

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Aug 9, 2012
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I think it does. For example, I've had some friends of mine fall for me in my lifetime, and I just couldn't see them in a romantic way. It's just weird, uncomfortable and a bit wrong to see them as any more than a good friend, or to be with someone that feels more like family than a love interest, making a relationship impossible.

Therefore I proved the "friendzone" exists because, in a way, I created one.
 

thewatergamer

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Aug 4, 2012
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Hoo boy this again?

Well here is my two cents,

What it basically comes down to is their are two kinds of "friend zones"

The internet friend zone and the Shakespearean "unrequited love"

The internet friend zone is a guy or a girl (yes I'm sure girls do this as well as guys) get's upset and angry when someone they want to have sex with rejects them, this reaction is childish and pathetic

Then comes the "unrequited love" version, in which Person A is friends with Person B and Person A eventually develops *gasp* romantic feelings for Person B, and Person B does not return those feelings but "still wants to be friends" Person A is obviously going to be sad and upset by this response but usually doesn't harbor any bitter feelings towards Person B, if they do then they fall into the former category of "friend zone"

The problem is both sides of the "debate" are trying to mix these two ideas together, you have on one side people claiming that "the friendzone is just a place people whine about being when someone refuses to fuck them and anyone claiming to be in it is an asshole and pathetic" and you have the other side "people are too damn picky, If I'm nice to somebody I deserve a good fucking"

Both of these ideals are toxic and need to go away, so really this shouldn't be a debate, the friend zone exists but not in the way that alot of people would have you believe
 

Reasonable Atheist

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Mar 6, 2012
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Leon Declis said:
Albetta said:
Yep. I put girls in them all the time.
Yep, this.

And in my much younger days, I was in it too.

I have a theory about it; it's TV and Hollywood's fault.

Men are now taught that if you want to be the perfect boyfriend, all you need to do is be her friend. Doesn't matter if she rejects you, doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend, doesn't matter if she says no. Look at any and every Rom-Com or Romantic movie. He hangs around, he keeps helping her, he keeps being nice. It starts from Disney and works all the way through to the Hunger Games or Twilight.

It's also on T.V; Ted was friends with Robin, Barney was friends with Robin, Ross was friends with Rachel, J.D. was friends with Elliot, Leonard was friends with Penny, etc. The running theme was all they had to do was be nice, be supportive, let her walk over them and eventually she'll realise how nice you are and come running.

So nowadays, boys look at this and think "Oh, is this how you get girls? Because I sure as hell don't understand them."

They don't understand when they're rejected, that's probably it. They think "No, I really like her, all I have to do is not give up!" like TV and movies has taught them time and time again.

The anger comes when they realise that people really don't work this way, and they feel like they've been tricked, when they've only really been lied to by the media; the poor girl did nothing wrong, and the guy simply wasn't taught better.

That's my theory, anyway.
1Life0Continues said:
There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

Seriously. The bitching and whining by entitled men that think you can input 'kindness coins' into women and sex will fall out is disturbing.

You either respect her as a human being with thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires, including the fact she isn't interested in you as anything more and never will be, or you're a fucking tosser who doesn't deserve her friendship in the first fucking place.

End. Of.

Sheesh.
So, you guys do not think women are more attracted to men they have feelings for, based on how they are treated by those men? Sounds like someone is disillusioned.

I have personally done this, thrice. My current girlfriend of 1.5 years (we never argue) was a originally a friend who i put kindness coins into until sex fell out. Don't judge me bro.

The friend zone exists and does not need to be a negative thing. Really that hard to escape from, unless maybe your jerk instincts are uncontrollable.
 

Wall Meat

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Sep 6, 2014
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erttheking said:
I believe that's possible to have romantic interest in a friend who does not return the feeling. That's all.
This, pretty much. I mean, call it unrequited love, the friend zone, whatever. I don't necessarily think it's a misogynist concept, but maybe people underestimate how nice it is to even HAVE a friend, male or female, and that's the kind of sad.

Friends with benefits zone is the best zone tho
 

verdant monkai

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Oct 30, 2011
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Yeah a mixture if things can make it happen.

Usually its some obsessive loser who doesn't know how to move on, and look for someone who actually wants to go out with him. I mean come on You aren't Romeo and Juliet mate, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

With the girl it's slightly different.

The girl is either

-Too nice to tell him to fuck off and find someone else, and doesn't take advantage of him.
-Stupid and takes advantage of him because she is blind to the fact he is only being taxi/personal confident/gay best friend because he's obsessed with her.
-A complete witch. Who takes advantage because she knows full well he is obsessed with her.

No idea how the friend zone works for girls, I've just seen these situations happening and suffered the teenage angst of the friend zoned guys.
 

Belaam

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Nov 27, 2009
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TheCorpseMan99 said:
What if the feelings are genuine from the start? What if you're honestly hoping for a fulfilling relationship that's more than just physical? Have you ever considered that possibility?
"Feelings" in a relationship are mutual. One way feelings are more stalker than relationship. The problem is that many people who gripe about the "friendzone" have tried for a romantic relationship, been shot down, and then blame the other person for "not seeing how great they are". At best, it's condescending.

insaninater said:
1) There's nothing wrong with trying to get into people's pants, sex is healthy, men and women can potentially enjoy it, we're not in the 30s.
First off, their comment was it is wrong to be friendly with someone just to have sex. Your argument is not addressing their comment at all. Secondly, while the 30s were not the orgy of the 20s, they weren't all that uptight.

2)Unrequited love is a tragic thing, yea, anyone in that position is going to be emotionally hurt and lash out, that doesn't make them 'fucking scum', that makes them a victim.
Lashing out at someone who isn't attracted to you does NOT make you a victim. It makes you an asshole. Possibly a psychotic asshole if you think lashing out is going to have some sort of gain to it.

3)Heh, entitled. Because it's such a crime for men to want to feel wanted and emotionally fulfilled or desired by another human being.
Holy crap there's some baggage here. Nope, it's entitled to assume that because someone wants a fulfilling relationship with someone else, they are entitled to get it without involving the judgement of the person they are attracted to. Pretty much the textbook definition of entitled there.

If there was a way to make me homosexual i'd take it without a second thought just for shit like this. God forbid we think being kind towards someone can potentially lead to a loving and fulfilling relationship, clearly that makes people fucking scum right? It's the not-scum like you who emotionally manipulate people into fucking you the socially acceptable way, by making them feel insecure about themselves or treating them like shit to make them want you that we should all emulate, huh?
Entitled jerks are entitled jerks whether they're trying to force someone of the same or opposite sex to return their feelings. Those who think otherwise are just as likely to be gay friendzoned as straight friendzoned.

4) So her thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires matter, but his don't? Typical double standard bullshit.
In a relationship, both matter. I've turned down female friends who wanted more because I wasn't interested. I've been turned down by female friends when I wanted more. Either way, that was it. Relationships are not, or at least should not, be things that you bully and guilt trip the other person into joining. If you are interested in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't want it, that's the end of the story. Likewise if they are into you, but you aren't. Not sure why this is a difficult concept.
 

Lilani

Sometimes known as CaitieLou
May 27, 2009
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Silk_Sk said:
Yes, it exists. And contrary to what that implies, it's actually the most desirable relationship to have with a woman. A strong romantic relationship can only happen if there is a stronger friendship, so you need to stop looking for a romantic relationship altogether and just make friends with people. After a few years, maybe you'll have a best friend who uplifts and supports you and you do likewise. That friendship must be strong enough to survive romance. If so, ask that person to marry you. The relationship did NOT just become "something more." You're still best friends. That's what a working relationship is. Friendship. You should never try for anything else. Just be friends without hoping for something more. That's the only way you're guaranteed to find someone worth spending the rest of your life with.
I agree that often the best and most stable relationships come from friendships, however that doesn't mean you should just eliminate the line between friendship and relationship. It doesn't work that way. I was friends with my boyfriend before we started going out, and while I still consider him a "friend" there are things I would do with him as my boyfriend that I would not do with my other friends. It IS something more, and to continue to call it just a friendship is just not correct.
 

Keiichi Morisato

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Nov 25, 2012
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my problem is that many girls assume that i am gay, and sadly so do many gay men... i get hit on by men a lot, but never have i been hit on by a woman.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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thaluikhain said:
Zachary Amaranth said:
It's funny this is cycling back in during #gamergate.
Hadn't thought of that, but then, does it ever really go away? Always something along the same lines.
We have these cycles of people whining about women in gaming (which GamerGate totally isn't about), then we get "friend zone" and "why can't I find a girl who likes what I like" threads en masse. It's happened a couple of times. I thought of this specifically because I had predicted it to a couple Escapists a few days ago. Granted, one thread is kind of premature, but it still amuses me because timing.
 
Jan 27, 2011
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It exists. It's just that a lot of people misattribute it.

The friend zone is when you have a romantic attraction to someone, they lead you on in some way (possibly because they DO want a relationship with you) and then it turns out that one or the other of you doesn't actually have romantic feelings for the other and would rather that it just be a friendship.

It sucks and it's real. It happens to girls too. Normally, it's fine and you can still be good friends, although in extreme cases, it ruins friendships too.

However, a lot of people call "Oh, she was actually interested in this other guy instead the whole time and just wanted a close friend", or "I am too chicken to ask her out and when I finally DO ask 2 years later I do so in a way that is totally insecure and fearful which turns the ladies off, so she'd rather just be friends" or "Wah I did lots of nice things for her why she no let me in her pants?" the friendzone, which is why it's such a prevalent term these days.

I say this as someone who got what I call a SEVERELY delayed friendzone. I was in a relationship with my GF for 3 years, and that last year she spent miserable because she no longer had feelings for me, but was too afraid of "ruining everything and hurting her 'almost-perfect' BF" to mention the problem, until a year later when she cracked from her self-imposed misery, dumped me, and said she just wanted to be friends (while assuring me I was the most perfect boyfriend ever, but she just wasn't feeling anything for me). This was after assuring me more than once that her occasional "cold-shoulder" kind of moments during that year were just periods of stress. I don't see how to describe that as anything OTHER than a delayed friendzone.

..Yeah. I don't speak to her anymore. Which is a shame, since she was a really cool person too. But it hurts just seeing her face in pictures on my friends facebook news feeds. Even 6 months later and after I underwent a massive attitude change. >_>
 

Drake Barrow

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Jan 10, 2010
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It exists. My observation is that it's mostly lack of communication, combined with an inability to read situations or body language. People (gender not relevant) are not rational. They don't actually tell other people what they want, and they don't speak it clearly without ambiguity. And, to make it even more fun, the other person rarely likes having things laid out for them in that manner. Lack of clear communication + unclear expectations = Rejection City, population: one friend.
 

Mandalore_15

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Aug 12, 2009
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Well yeah, it's pretty unequivocal. If you are romantically interested in someone and they know about it, but choose to maintain a friendship with you regardless, you are in "the friend zone". That's literally all it means.

Of course, insult may be added to injury if they start to take advantage of your affections for perks (such as gifts, help with work etc.).