Poll: Is your virginity worth saving?

[Eppy (Bored)]

Sex is an important aspect of a successful relationship. The whole "Christmas present" thing strikes me as a kind of objectification perpetuated by the Catholic youth groups of the '90s/'00s (dated a girl from that stratum in high school, it was off-putting).

Don't go throwing it out as fast as you can (realistically, the majority of men will when presented with the opportunity, regardless of whether they think they will or not), but don't wait until you're married. Marriage is a semi-permanent and damn expensive contract, the success of which is largely based upon your compatibility with your partner. This includes physical compatibility. Fall in love with somebody and lose it that way, under ideal circumstances. If you end up marrying that person that's great; statistically speaking you won't, but you now have learnt valuable lessons about life and the nature of other human beings and you can go have the next one more successfully.

EDIT: @ The guy above me

The morning after pill is generic now, it costs forty bucks. If you apply and store a condom properly the statistical likelihood of it rupturing is less than one percent. Ten bucks for a 12-pack, forty for the pill if one of them breaks, so you're out fifty bucks at most.

 

[Hazy]

I would never marry a person without having sex with them first. Physical intimacy is a huge part of a relationship. If your partner can't get you off, that spells trouble down the road.

 

[N3squ1ck]

I would say, don't wait, I mean if you get a bit experienced your not-yet found perfect person will thank you for being better at it?

Also it is sex and sex is awesome and...

... you really can hear that I changed my status back to single this week, I guess?

 

[theblindedhunter]

Then I'm wording it wrong. That wasn't my intent. I should have said smart for what is in my best interests.

Point is, I'm in no financial condition to risk pregnancy, and neither is she. Yes, I know birth control options exist, but there are always chances that they fail. So quite frankly it's a hell of a lot easier to just avoid the whole possibility.

As for people who have sex with multiple partners, far be it from me to judge. Hell, go for it. Have a blast. Just be responsible about it. STDs are not to be fucked with (pun completely intentional).

Just to say, if both people involved use protection and use it properly, the chances of pregnancy should be statistically impossible. Birth control has something like a 97% success rate, I think, and condoms I've seen tend to be claimed around 70%, but that is mostly just reliant on whether they were used right or not. Past that, pregnancy can be a damn fickle thing anyway.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

It's not anything inherently sacred to me, but odds are I won't have sex until I get married. And my girlfriend feels the same way. Again, it's nothing special. It's called being smart.

Why smart exactly? I don't see how that's a factor. You basically just called anyone who has had sex with more than one person stupid

Then I'm wording it wrong. That wasn't my intent. I should have said smart for what is in my best interests.

Point is, I'm in no financial condition to risk pregnancy, and neither is she. Yes, I know birth control options exist, but there are always chances that they fail. So quite frankly it's a hell of a lot easier to just avoid the whole possibility.

As for people who have sex with multiple partners, far be it from me to judge. Hell, go for it. Have a blast. Just be responsible about it. STDs are not to be fucked with (pun completely intentional).

Fair enough, that makes a bit more sense.

I just want to make a point unrelated to your post. If a girl is on birth control that doesn't make her a 'slut who sleeps around'. There are many female only conditions that can only be treated by it such as endometriosis. Just keep that in mind when you get to know a girl guys.

 

[SextusMaximus]

Virginity is not a thing. It is a concept, saving it is pointless.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I wouldn't (and haven't) save it just for marriage because it's something that can make or break a relationship... after having sex with someone some relationships can get weird... some people really like it, and want it more, whereas some people don't like it and would rather avoid it. This can lead to stresses and strains which ultimately can help cause a relationship to fail!

Also... I make my relationship choices... So I would only cheat myself and my own morale by NOT sleeping with someone!

 

[Hagi]

Can we get a third option?

Yes, if you want to. No, if you don't want to.

Your virginity is yours and yours alone. If you value it then save it. If you don't then don't. Simple as that. Just don't go around judging other people for whatever choice they make, whether it's to value it or not.

Personally still have mine, but I don't really put any value into either still having it or one day losing it. I'll do whatever I feel comfortable with and I believe to be right. Don't really give a shit where that leaves my virginity.

 

[Dr. Crawver]

I think "saving it" is the wrong sort of concept, at least in my eyes. It's nothing sacred or important as far as I can see (though I would never pressure anyone else if they thought it was). I just see it being more important as to not waste it. Rather than just saving it for that one person, that person you marry, who may even still not be the right person for you, divorces and bad marriages do happen, I see it as more important to just have your first time with someone who means something and is important to you, someone you won't regret doing it with. My relationship with the girl I lost my virginity to ended about 4 years ago, and we don't see each other much, if at all anymore, but I don't regret it in the slightest. I have my memories, and it still means a lot to me. I don't think you have to spend the rest of your life with the girl for it to be meaningful.

 

[NoeL]

Last thing where I come from, we believe that fornication is just as bad as Adultery, don¡¦t ask me why, I didn¡¦t write the Bible, I¡¦m not trying to guilt or convert anyone, I¡¦m just trying to help you guys understand my belief system;

This is a little off topic, but shouldn't you think the question of "why" is a little more crucial than you do? I mean, don't you want to know why you should or shouldn't do things? And can you really say "we" believe X when you apparently don't (can't believe something before you understand it)? Or by "we believe" do you mean "it's a tenet of the religion I was indoctrinated into, and those around me want to keep it, even if they don't understand it either"? Sorry, but... sheeple, man... can't stand 'em.

To answer your poll, that would be a big fat "negatory!"... erm, or "no". To use your Christmas present analogy:

Let's say you wait and wait for your Christmas present, thinking it'll be the best thing ever, and when you finally unwrap it you find the gift itself is pretty underwhelming (maybe it's a book you've already read or something). Now, imagine instead of waiting patiently you went through Santa's sack, checking out what kind of gifts were out there, trying a few out, exchanging them when you felt they weren't quite what you wanted, before eventually settling on a gift that you love and could enjoy the rest of your life. Does it ruin the surprise of finally unwrapping after patiently waiting? Sure, you could say that. But is the thrill of a lucky dip really worth the benefits of road testing to find a gift you know you'll be satisfied with? And if the lucky dip doesn't work out for you, will you regret spending your one and only youth waiting around for Christmas when you could have been playing with your toys all year instead?


When I was younger, I wanted to save my virginity for my first serious girlfriend. I thought it was something special, and I wanted to share it with someone that meant a lot to me. That girlfriend never came, and I ended up losing my virginity to a girl I met online and shacked up with for a weekend on a drive interstate (and she fucking ROCKED in the sack! Couldn't have asked for a better first time, even though I was completely pathetic (as you'd expect)). After finally doing the deed and getting slapped with the harsh reality that sex - like most things in life - requires a bit of practice before you get good at it, the concept of "virginity" as some special gift that you should hold onto and only unwrap it when you're with someone you love faded away. Like anything new it's exciting, and you'll never forget your first time, but I don't regret not waiting (and slightly regret the opportunities before that weekend I'd given up in my quest to remain chaste and pure).

So for all the virgins out there, my advice would be to seize the opportunity when it presents itself. Don't lie about being a virgin though, because then she might be expecting more than a couple of seconds. Unless she's a real ***** she'll be cool with it and not humiliate you afterwards.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

I can already tell this is going to be one of those threads.

I'll just say this: it's your business. People keep saying that virginity is a valueless concept, but I don't know why. Losing your virginity means it's your first time experiencing something wonderful and exciting. Maybe you value the concept of marriage more than this archaic "baptism into adulthood" stereotype that society keeps pushing on the younger folk. Maybe it's for religious reasons, in which case I respect your decision to follow your beliefs.

Sex is a beautiful thing, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be seen as a very special thing that you only do with a person you have strong emotional ties to. I absolutely don't believe in this "don't use it, you lose it" mentality. Sex should be done out of your own personal discretion, not to keep up some imaginary quota.

To be honest, even I don't follow the standards that I just set, but that's because I have my own standards. However, I never rushed into it. Not once. You set your own standards. Don't let anyone tell you different.

 

[In Search of Username]

No, because I don't ever intend to get married and even if I did it wouldn't be significant enough to me for me to save my virginity for. Live a little.

 

[Daveman]

I don't see any reason to save it but that doesn't mean give it away ASAP. Just have sex if you want, or don't, I don't care. I'm sure it mattered once upon a time pre-incredibly wide availability of contraceptives but nowadays there doesn't seem to be any point. From what I hear good relationships mean good sex lives where both people are happy with what they're doing and both sides are attracted to each other. It's be stupid to wait until AFTER you're married to find out if you're both, I dunno, "sexually balanced" or something.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

i will defend my virginity to the death if you touch it i will

i dunno flip out violently

this stopped being funny before i finished typing it

sex isn't a big deal and neither is virginity unless you're a giant tool or too young to realise worrying about this shit is stupid
the concept of "saving" it for marriage is bewildering because it levies this big fucking significance on something that really doesn't warrant it at all. have it if you feel like it, don't if you don't

 

[Sprinal]

I was also wondering if you guys also feel that most wives would appreciate the fact that their husbands saved their virginity for them as a gift to her of loyalty, patience and self-disciple; and same for the husbands appreciating the fact that his wife saved her virginity for him as a gift as well.
Last thing where I come from, we believe that fornication is just as bad as Adultery.

What you have there is actually two different reasons.

The former in my eyes (as an atheist) it is far more valid than the second.

I agree with the first one despite the fact that I 'lost it' in a one night stand just after I turned 18. Regardless I do agree about the idea of loyalty. So my current girlfriend and I waited until we had sex. So I suppose that makes me a hypocrite.
However the idea of waiting until the wedding to me simply means I would get married at 18 and then regret that for many years to come. So that is why I will now only do it when I do love someone but not once I've married them.

But with your second reason. The Adultery one. If you marry a second time (after divorce or tragedy) then does that count that as adultery in your eyes; like it is classed in the Sermon on the Mount? Not because that is what is said there. But because you should only ever be intimate with one person?
Not trying to have a go at you or anything but I am just interested to know.

 

[Naeras]

Each to their own business. If someone wants to not have sex until marriage, good for them. I'm not one of those, though. A relationship doesn't automatically get more serious just because you got married(hello, divorce statistics), so I do consider losing out on a lot of fun until after an arbitrary ceremony is kind of a waste, especially if the relationship itself is solid.

As for one night stands and previous girlfriends, I've had a couple. And so has my current girlfriend. My sexual past is none of her business, and vice versa. Except for the fact that the experience we've gained has come in handy.

 

[Simonism451]

In my long years on the Escapist, I've found out that people tend to take sex and penisses waaay too seriously.

In short: That's a no. Sexual pleasure is not a limited commodity that somehow loses its worth if used excessively.

Besides: Virgins tend to be kinda bad at sex, so to use your present-metaphor its kinda like excitedly waiting for christmas just to find a steaming turd wrapped in pretty paper under the tree. Sure, the anticipation might have been nice but at the end of the day you're left with no anticipation and a pile of shit. (For the good of all of us, please don't make me make any further metaphors.)

 

[someonehairy-ish]

Short Answer: [HEADING=2]Haha... no.[/HEADING]

Long Answer: Being a virgin is only significant if you make it that way. You can dress it up as special or symbolic but the reality is that all it means is that you haven't done something. It's like making something out of the fact that you've never been drunk, or gone snowboarding...
So yeah, feel free to save 'it' (an intangible thing) for your future wife, but consider whether future wife might better appreciate a man who actually knows what the hell he's doing with his pork sword...

I would have a different opinion if you'd said 'I want to save it for when I'm in a stable relationship.' The reason being; if you don't know what you're doing in the bedroom and you don't know the person you're with, then that is only going to end badly. Confidence is important, but if you aren't experienced enough to be fully confident then you need to be with someone you trust completely.

Also I think that marriage is mostly an outdated ritual and really only significant in that it is a public display of love. There certainly isn't any sacred bonding involved, but I suppose it's nice to have that experience with someone. In any case, as soon as you take any particular god(s) you might worship out of the equation it becomes a lot less important.

 

[Something Amyss]

There is no proper day to unwrap your present.

The first time you do anything can be special, but not necessarily special enough to save. I don't regret not waiting until marriage, and my girlfriend is actually happy I didn't.

...Verrrry happy, if you know what I mean. >.>

 

[BOOM headshot65]

I will take the invisible 3rd option of "do as you wish."

And my "do as you wish" is "I am waiting until I am married. Period." sorry, but no amount of "it's fun" "thers only a 1% chance of problems with protection" and "your first time will be terrible. You hear me?! TERRIBLE!!" will get me to change my mind. I (will) married her because she is my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't give 2 shits about how "terrible" my first time will be.