Poll: Paying for dates

[Zen Toombs]

Depends.

Did you ask the other person out? If yes and it's the first date, curtsey would say that you should pay. However, if the situation requires, you may ASK if going Dutch is acceptable.
If you're the askee: you should assume you're going Dutch unless your date says otherwise.

Past that, it should be something that is discussed between the people who are dating.

Of note: I never used gender pronouns. The above rules apply to both boys and girls. Stay classy Escapist!

 

[AngloDoom]

I'm curious about what everyone here thinks about a guy paying for a girl's meal when you go out on a date. Especially for guys who are in college and really have a tight budget. But also pertaining to people of all ages.

I have had a lot of heated debates with my friends recently and would like to know what you guys think. Is it a silly tradition or does it show that a guy doesn't have a "stingy heart"?

I'd personally say it's a silly tradition, however every time a girl has offered to pay, or even go halves, I've immediately had the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a voice cry "IT'S A TRAP!" in my head. Hell, I had one girl leave me because I couldn't afford to take her out places, despite working the only job I could get at ridiculous hours just to have enough food to survive and still managing to take her out places.

In short, I think if someone expects you to pay for everything, they're clearly not worth it in the end. However prevalent this tradition may be, I see no reason why I should support anyone's goal to freeload off of a loved one.

EDIT -

I think it'd be interesting if the poll was divided up by sex too, and see what the results show.

 

[requisitename]

If I invite someone out, I pay for both. If someone invites me out, I pay for mine and often theirs if they'll let me. I'm not at all comfortable with someone else paying for anything for me, ever. But, that's my own hangup. It doesn't pertain to anyone else.

When I was young and broke I had a couple of friends who'd invite me out and I'd tell them, "No, I don't want to go out." They'd badger me and I'd tell them, "No. You know I'm broke." and sometimes they'd talk me into it anyway, offering to pay and telling me that my company was more than worth it. Which was fine. I didn't take advantage of it and I was always appreciative. Little did I know that they were keeping a running total of every penny they'd spent on my food or drinks or whatnot the whole time I'd known them only to throw it back in my face later on in the relationships. Never again, no fucking thank you.

 

[thylasos]

Depends on how she feels about it, really. I'm quite happy to pay, as a rule.

Hell, I'll pay for the meals of friends whose pants I'm not trying to get into, if I've got the money. Often I don't, admittedly, but if I can, it's a nice thing to do.

 

[Arakasi]

I say half 'n' half. Equal roles and all.
I suppose that could count as never, but I picked 'sometimes', I mean, even I feel generous occasionally.

 

[vxicepickxv]

It depends on who has the money. In my current relationship, I have the money. We don't go out to eat very often though, so there is that.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

I always pay. Though it's getting to the point where I'll just cave if they insist on paying for their meal.

Yep. I contributed to the conversation in the most boring way possible.

 

[KiloFox]

when my boyfriend and i were first going out (we're both male for the record) we split the checks. i paid for my meal, and him for his. there was no question as to who paid. now that we live together and share an income (i had to move from California to live with him in Florida) he pays for meals we eat out (which is a rarity) as i don't have a job yet. (still looking) but i cook at home so i still do my fair share. or try to anyway

 

[JoesshittyOs]

When I was young and broke I had a couple of friends who'd invite me out and I'd tell them, "No, I don't want to go out." They'd badger me and I'd tell them, "No. You know I'm broke." and sometimes they'd talk me into it anyway, offering to pay and telling me that my company was more than worth it. Which was fine. I didn't take advantage of it and I was always appreciative. Little did I know that they were keeping a running total of every penny they'd spent on my food or drinks or whatnot the whole time I'd known them only to throw it back in my face later on in the relationships. Never again, no fucking thank you.

Ohh yeah...

I have a friend like that. He's the cheapest bastard I know.

I went out on my birthday, and he was the only one who came with me to watch a movie a few months back. I ended up paying around 15 bucks for movie snacks on him, yet I never really expected anything back from him.

Yet he pretty much forces me to go do something every week, and every time I tell him I'm broke, yet he won't squeeze a penny out for me. Makes me go to some shitty movie I don't wanna see, and then never chips in for a ticket. He's a shisety asshole.

 

[anian]

It would be a nice and fair world if the rule of thumb is - the one who invites, pays. Saddly, I think in most (not always) cases guys are expected to pay, in those cases, as was mentioned in HIMYM (I think), all I'd like is a reach (for the check), just a reach for it to show you don't really mind paying.

 

[lettucethesallad]

I'm a girl and I really don't see the point in expecting a guy to pay. He's probably as broke as I am. On a first date, I'd probably opt to split the bill. Now, if he insists to pay, then I'll let him, but just expecting him to haul out the wallet and take care of business is one of those things that just sets gender equality back to the 50s.

In my last relationship my boyfriend payed half the time when we were out, and I payed the other half. Worked just fine.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Well I'm used to paying for both of us because my ex never really used to have money, so I don't mind doing that. Or at least just paying for myself.
It's a silly tradition that the man should pay, especially if the lady can afford it.

I feel really bad when people buy me stuff ;-; Even on my birthday.

 

[beniki]

Well, out here in Vietnam, paying for dinner is just the way the guy shows he cares. I don't know if that's backward... makes sense to me.

Perhaps that's sexist, but if a girl is going to pitch a fit over a display of generosity, I'm not really sure I want to continue dating that girl.

 

[Colour Scientist]

If we decide to go to out for a meal, we both pay.
If he takes me out for a meal, for an occasion or something, he pays.

That's how my boyfriend and I work anyway.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Paying for the girls meal makes it a date.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

It's funny to see how everyone suggesting you are a cheap bastard for not paying, here in Sweden you pay for what you order individually. Isn't that the logical thing to do?

 

[Lost In The Void]

You ask the person out; you pay for it all; me I don't mind paying since I make more than enough to not hurt footing a cheque or two. Whatever works for you I guess.

It's funny to see how everyone suggesting you are a cheap bastard for not paying, here in Sweden you pay for what you order individually. Isn't that the logical thing to do?

One could also for example show, that traditionally its logical to show a woman you ask out, that you are indeed able to provide, sustainable income being one of those things sorta necessary to create a family, if that is what you're looking for.

Or it could logical that the woman would want to pay to prove to a man that she didn't need to be taken care of and if they got together the pooling of resources would result in a more economically proficient family.

Or better yet it could be logical to pay for a meal on a date because you asked someone out and its considered the polite thing to do in many Western nations.

Its easy enough to say this is the logical way, but in reality, logic is varied from person to person and culture to culture. Some people think its logical that a God made the world, some people think its logical to believe that evolution did it.

Perhaps I'm overthinking what you just said, but it is a pet peeve of mine when people say that "X" is the logical way to do things.

 

[Kermi]

When I was dating my wife, I'd pay. That was my choice. If I was not able to pay, I probably wouldn't have been dating, or I would have made it clear I couldn't pay so we could either agree to pay our own way ahead of time or arrange a date that wasn't too expensive.

 

[SirDeadly]

My girlfriend refuses to tell me what she wants so I can't order and pay for her.

 

[manic_depressive13]

If I invite someone out, I pay for both. If someone invites me out, I pay for mine and often theirs if they'll let me. I'm not at all comfortable with someone else paying for anything for me, ever. But, that's my own hangup. It doesn't pertain to anyone else.

I'm the same. I'm far from rich, but I'm not going to resent someone over the price of a meal or a movie ticket. Unfortunately there are people who like to make a huge deal out of every dollar, so I usually pay for both myself and whoever I'm with. Not just to show I care, but to prevent it from becoming a point of contention in the future.