Poll: Paying for dates

[TheCruxis]

Doesn't this really depend on who ask who out on a date? If the woman asked the man out to dinner she should pay and vice versa. Ofc in the society of today it's much more common for a man to ask a woman out on a date then the other way around because womans/girls are for some reason not expected or encouraged to take initiative.

If either of them (or both) is a bit short on money though I think splitting the cost is a good idea.

 

[gazumped]

I sort of got it drilled into my head by my mum that if you let a guy pay for you YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A PROSTITUTE. I mean, I think that's kind of harsh in a lot of situations (e.g. he asked you out, you're broke and he's rich, the second of those examples my mum was actually in once and she still insisted on paying her own way) but there are indeed some girls I've known who are simply outraged if the boys they date don't buy them lots of stuff, which I feel reflects kind of badly on my gender as a whole and shames us.

So I try really hard to pay my own way. My boyfriend does have a job (albeit not the best paid one but then he lives with his parents so has zero outgoings) while I'm a poor student. So I'll accept a treat every now and then, particularly if we've gone somewhere that I've only agreed to because I know he'd enjoy it (somewhere with his mates, usually). But it's been about a 45/55 balance of who pays. Sometimes I'll pay for a whole meal, sometimes he'll pay for a whole meal (it's easier than paying separately, but if it's a first date you can't be sure they'll be able to pick up the check the next time!)

EDIT: Speaking of who-asked-who-out on dates, women who aren't afraid of breaking the tradition of 'the men are supposed to ask!' tend to be women who also aren't afraid of breaking the tradition of 'the men are supposed to pay!'
Not always, though, of course.

 

[sumanoskae]

In the situation you presented, I don't understand why the man always has to prove himself and the woman is just assumed to be worth his time.

So I think it's a silly tradition, like chivalry in general. If you're going to be nice, just be nice, to women and men. Neither gender deserves better treatment than the other, and you shouldn't have to be pressured into being a decent person by gender roles.

If you want to be nice, you can offer to pay, weather you're a man or a woman. And you certainly shouldn't be expected to shell out what precious little cash you have because of your gender.

 

[RagTagBand]

Depends how I'm feeling, how things are going, little details, None of that "The man should pay" horseshit.

None any of that equally ridiculous "Whoever asks pays" nonsense either as that basically just boils down to "The man should pay" in practice, it also implies that the asked is doing the asker a favor, throwing them some sort of patronizing bone, or that the asker has to resort to bribery to get them to go.

The offer of a date is not "Have a free meal/movie/etc on me", it is "Lets spend some time together". If they can't afford it, fine, do something cheaper or that doesn't cost money, but if "You better pay for me" is a dealbreaker, or they consider paying for their own food "Rude" then I wouldn't want to date them anyway.

 

[Phasmal]

Does this even still happen?
I suppose it must do or there wouldn't be so people going `Damn women, expecting to be paid for!`.
I've never had a guy pay entirely for a date. Oh, no wait I think my boyfriend once paid for a meal on my birthday (and I took him out on his birthday too).
But other than that, our money is split evenly.
I hate people buying things for me, and if they were doing it just because I'm a girl that would be even more annoying.

Remember, if women like it, it's chivalry, if they don't, it's sexism.

Damn women, its almost like they're different people, instead of the Hive-Mind we all know they are.

 

[AngloDoom]

Does this even still happen?
I suppose it must do or there wouldn't be so people going `Damn women, expecting to be paid for!`.
I've never had a guy pay entirely for a date. Oh, no wait I think my boyfriend once paid for a meal on my birthday (and I took him out on his birthday too).
But other than that, our money is split evenly.
I hate people buying things for me, and if they were doing it just because I'm a girl that would be even more annoying.

It does happen in a surprising amount of people. I assumed that, since a lot of the girls I knew were all for equality amongst the sexes, they'd be fine with paying half for their meal.

Nooope.

They would say they didn't want to be paid for, but if I didn't I'd hear about it in a month's time in an argument telling me 'I'm cheap'. The fact that I wasn't springing surprise holidays and meals out on my ex girlfriend every other day was one of the reasons she gave when she broke up with me. It's...oddly important with some people.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

As a first-date sort of thing 'the guy pays' is kind of a rule or, highly advisable if the guy is seeking sex or a relationship or whatever. Once you've been dating someone for however long to be comfortable talking about finances, that's when you can talk about the girl/woman paying. At the moment (personal experience incoming) I pay for the dates I go on with my GF but this is because she doesn't work yet. Once she's worked long enough to not owe any to school, I'll be seeing a few date nights where I could safely leave my wallet at home.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I'd say the one who is asking pays, but as a guy do keep your wallet close because 90% of girls will expect you to pay every time.
It's a social rule hickup that stayed with us and will still persist for some time.

 

[Flames66]

I treat everyone with respect and I expect to be treated with respect in return. Basically, that means You pay for your food, I will pay for mine.

 

[Braedan]

the person who asked the other person out should pay, until a comfortable relationship is formed. This usually falls to the guy since we do most of the asking, but eventually they should split it.

IMO anyways.

 

[dogenzakaminion]

As people have said, the general rule is the person who invited you out, pays. However I think there are exceptions like being student, since its generally known that you are skint broke. Same things goes for established relationships. If I want to treat my gf, I obviously pay, but if it's just like "so wanna eat out tonight?" we usually split the bill. Either way, these things tend to balance out towards the end. Sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay.

 

[Phasmal]

It does happen in a surprising amount of people. I assumed that, since a lot of the girls I knew were all for equality amongst the sexes, they'd be fine with paying half for their meal.

Nooope.

They would say they didn't want to be paid for, but if I didn't I'd hear about it in a month's time in an argument telling me 'I'm cheap'. The fact that I wasn't springing surprise holidays and meals out on my ex girlfriend every other day was one of the reasons she gave when she broke up with me. It's...oddly important with some people.

Just seems strange to me.
I've always been raised to be independant and fair, so all my dates are either on 50/50 basis, or `I'll get this one, you get the next one`.

 

[AngloDoom]

It does happen in a surprising amount of people. I assumed that, since a lot of the girls I knew were all for equality amongst the sexes, they'd be fine with paying half for their meal.

Nooope.

They would say they didn't want to be paid for, but if I didn't I'd hear about it in a month's time in an argument telling me 'I'm cheap'. The fact that I wasn't springing surprise holidays and meals out on my ex girlfriend every other day was one of the reasons she gave when she broke up with me. It's...oddly important with some people.

Just seems strange to me.
I've always been raised to be independant and fair, so all my dates are either on 50/50 basis, or `I'll get this one, you get the next one`.

Oddly, at least one of the women who are as I mentioned (they expect a man to pay) were raised similarly, and they would preach the idea, but when it came to a meal they thought it was "less romantic" if the man didn't pay. They felt as if the man "didn't care enough" if he didn't pay.

Naturally, they all revealed later on to be mostly horrible people, but it got to the point where I used to try and pay for everything even with girls I was convinced don't care - just in case they turn around and throw it in my face later on. Thankfully, I've realised those women aren't the type for me and I shouldn't bother with them, but there are a lot of issues that have arisen like that in a few areas I've lived in.

Hell, half my girlfriends have tried to hit me when angry and when I told them I'd hit them back they burst out crying. Some people are still going through the growing-pains of cultural change, I guess.

 

[Knight Captain Kerr]

You pay for your food, I pay for mine. Simple.

 

[darksakul]

I like to point out that it is now 2012.
Yes it is tradition for the men in the relationship to pay the bill. Then Tradition went down the toilet long ago.

But keep in mind in the 21 century where empowerment is a big issue. Depending on the woman; you might insult her by refusing to let her pay.

There is nothing wrong with going "Dutch" or both people paying their own way at a date, especially with this economy.

Or if you are in a situation where the woman in the relationship makes/has-access-to more money, there nothing wrong with accepting the fact that she will cover the bill.

 

[emeraldrafael]

I will say this, while its right to be a gentleman and all that jazz, the girl does eventually have to repay in some way or another.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I vote sometimes, Because in my experience if you pay for her every meal, it shows her that you think you have to buy her love, and that you have less confidence in yourself... I tend to split it 50/50 90% of the time, sometimes alternate, they get me dinner next time kinda thing, but usually that's a financially based issue, not trying to be gallant.

Birthday dinners are something I would pay for, but mainly as part of the gift, because of the occasion, not because I'm the guy.

But hey what do I know, I just have an active dating life, a small budget, and 3 women competing for me at the moment.

 

[Cale Lively]

Im thinking that a meal is a bad way to go to begin with. With that amount of time, you might find out you hate her and now have to wait for your food. Food is never a good idea, spring for coffee so you have an out if she ticks you off.

great advice, I also find meeting up for drinks after work is a good way to go. The nice thing about this is that if things go well you can hi dinner or do something else. As for paying I prefer to split the tab on the first couple of dates. Why? because i think its a sign of respect, if you expect me to pay for everything I see it as having total disregard for who I am, you see me as a wallet and free meal.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip.

That's kind of mental.
Threatening or trying to hit your partner is a huge no-no, male or female.
In general, I can't deal with aggressive people, and I'm not aggressive myself. (Sometimes it bothers my boyfriend I never actually seem to get properly angry).

 

[AngloDoom]

Snip.

That's kind of mental.
Threatening or trying to hit your partner is a huge no-no, male or female.
In general, I can't deal with aggressive people, and I'm not aggressive myself. (Sometimes it bothers my boyfriend I never actually seem to get properly angry).

A big problem lies in the double-standards people have toward that sort of thing. I'm not saying by any means that men or women have it worse (because I can only rely on anecdotal evidence from person experience) but a close friend of mine used to be regularly beaten black and blue by his girlfriend, and the one time he resisted (by holding her by the wrists so hard they bruised) she showed it off to all his friends, who promptly tried to kick the crap out of him again. It would have normally been a case of 'manipulative dickhead', but every one of the guys who raged at my friend had seen him being beaten by his girlfriend. She never made any attempt to hide it - she used to punch him in the face and kick him in the ribs when he was laying on the floor anywhere from at home to parties.

The problem doesn't just lie in the individual, it's the people around them who enable such a thing to go on without calling them out on it.