Poll: Paying for dates

[Colour Scientist]

If we decide to go to out for a meal, we both pay.
If he takes me out for a meal, for an occasion or something, he pays.

That's how my boyfriend and I work anyway.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Paying for the girls meal makes it a date.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

It's funny to see how everyone suggesting you are a cheap bastard for not paying, here in Sweden you pay for what you order individually. Isn't that the logical thing to do?

 

[Lost In The Void]

You ask the person out; you pay for it all; me I don't mind paying since I make more than enough to not hurt footing a cheque or two. Whatever works for you I guess.

It's funny to see how everyone suggesting you are a cheap bastard for not paying, here in Sweden you pay for what you order individually. Isn't that the logical thing to do?

One could also for example show, that traditionally its logical to show a woman you ask out, that you are indeed able to provide, sustainable income being one of those things sorta necessary to create a family, if that is what you're looking for.

Or it could logical that the woman would want to pay to prove to a man that she didn't need to be taken care of and if they got together the pooling of resources would result in a more economically proficient family.

Or better yet it could be logical to pay for a meal on a date because you asked someone out and its considered the polite thing to do in many Western nations.

Its easy enough to say this is the logical way, but in reality, logic is varied from person to person and culture to culture. Some people think its logical that a God made the world, some people think its logical to believe that evolution did it.

Perhaps I'm overthinking what you just said, but it is a pet peeve of mine when people say that "X" is the logical way to do things.

 

[Kermi]

When I was dating my wife, I'd pay. That was my choice. If I was not able to pay, I probably wouldn't have been dating, or I would have made it clear I couldn't pay so we could either agree to pay our own way ahead of time or arrange a date that wasn't too expensive.

 

[SirDeadly]

My girlfriend refuses to tell me what she wants so I can't order and pay for her.

 

[manic_depressive13]

If I invite someone out, I pay for both. If someone invites me out, I pay for mine and often theirs if they'll let me. I'm not at all comfortable with someone else paying for anything for me, ever. But, that's my own hangup. It doesn't pertain to anyone else.

I'm the same. I'm far from rich, but I'm not going to resent someone over the price of a meal or a movie ticket. Unfortunately there are people who like to make a huge deal out of every dollar, so I usually pay for both myself and whoever I'm with. Not just to show I care, but to prevent it from becoming a point of contention in the future.

 

[TheCruxis]

Doesn't this really depend on who ask who out on a date? If the woman asked the man out to dinner she should pay and vice versa. Ofc in the society of today it's much more common for a man to ask a woman out on a date then the other way around because womans/girls are for some reason not expected or encouraged to take initiative.

If either of them (or both) is a bit short on money though I think splitting the cost is a good idea.

 

[gazumped]

I sort of got it drilled into my head by my mum that if you let a guy pay for you YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A PROSTITUTE. I mean, I think that's kind of harsh in a lot of situations (e.g. he asked you out, you're broke and he's rich, the second of those examples my mum was actually in once and she still insisted on paying her own way) but there are indeed some girls I've known who are simply outraged if the boys they date don't buy them lots of stuff, which I feel reflects kind of badly on my gender as a whole and shames us.

So I try really hard to pay my own way. My boyfriend does have a job (albeit not the best paid one but then he lives with his parents so has zero outgoings) while I'm a poor student. So I'll accept a treat every now and then, particularly if we've gone somewhere that I've only agreed to because I know he'd enjoy it (somewhere with his mates, usually). But it's been about a 45/55 balance of who pays. Sometimes I'll pay for a whole meal, sometimes he'll pay for a whole meal (it's easier than paying separately, but if it's a first date you can't be sure they'll be able to pick up the check the next time!)

EDIT: Speaking of who-asked-who-out on dates, women who aren't afraid of breaking the tradition of 'the men are supposed to ask!' tend to be women who also aren't afraid of breaking the tradition of 'the men are supposed to pay!'
Not always, though, of course.

 

[sumanoskae]

In the situation you presented, I don't understand why the man always has to prove himself and the woman is just assumed to be worth his time.

So I think it's a silly tradition, like chivalry in general. If you're going to be nice, just be nice, to women and men. Neither gender deserves better treatment than the other, and you shouldn't have to be pressured into being a decent person by gender roles.

If you want to be nice, you can offer to pay, weather you're a man or a woman. And you certainly shouldn't be expected to shell out what precious little cash you have because of your gender.

 

[RagTagBand]

Depends how I'm feeling, how things are going, little details, None of that "The man should pay" horseshit.

None any of that equally ridiculous "Whoever asks pays" nonsense either as that basically just boils down to "The man should pay" in practice, it also implies that the asked is doing the asker a favor, throwing them some sort of patronizing bone, or that the asker has to resort to bribery to get them to go.

The offer of a date is not "Have a free meal/movie/etc on me", it is "Lets spend some time together". If they can't afford it, fine, do something cheaper or that doesn't cost money, but if "You better pay for me" is a dealbreaker, or they consider paying for their own food "Rude" then I wouldn't want to date them anyway.

 

[Phasmal]

Does this even still happen?
I suppose it must do or there wouldn't be so people going `Damn women, expecting to be paid for!`.
I've never had a guy pay entirely for a date. Oh, no wait I think my boyfriend once paid for a meal on my birthday (and I took him out on his birthday too).
But other than that, our money is split evenly.
I hate people buying things for me, and if they were doing it just because I'm a girl that would be even more annoying.

Remember, if women like it, it's chivalry, if they don't, it's sexism.

Damn women, its almost like they're different people, instead of the Hive-Mind we all know they are.

 

[AngloDoom]

Does this even still happen?
I suppose it must do or there wouldn't be so people going `Damn women, expecting to be paid for!`.
I've never had a guy pay entirely for a date. Oh, no wait I think my boyfriend once paid for a meal on my birthday (and I took him out on his birthday too).
But other than that, our money is split evenly.
I hate people buying things for me, and if they were doing it just because I'm a girl that would be even more annoying.

It does happen in a surprising amount of people. I assumed that, since a lot of the girls I knew were all for equality amongst the sexes, they'd be fine with paying half for their meal.

Nooope.

They would say they didn't want to be paid for, but if I didn't I'd hear about it in a month's time in an argument telling me 'I'm cheap'. The fact that I wasn't springing surprise holidays and meals out on my ex girlfriend every other day was one of the reasons she gave when she broke up with me. It's...oddly important with some people.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

As a first-date sort of thing 'the guy pays' is kind of a rule or, highly advisable if the guy is seeking sex or a relationship or whatever. Once you've been dating someone for however long to be comfortable talking about finances, that's when you can talk about the girl/woman paying. At the moment (personal experience incoming) I pay for the dates I go on with my GF but this is because she doesn't work yet. Once she's worked long enough to not owe any to school, I'll be seeing a few date nights where I could safely leave my wallet at home.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I'd say the one who is asking pays, but as a guy do keep your wallet close because 90% of girls will expect you to pay every time.
It's a social rule hickup that stayed with us and will still persist for some time.

 

[Flames66]

I treat everyone with respect and I expect to be treated with respect in return. Basically, that means You pay for your food, I will pay for mine.

 

[Braedan]

the person who asked the other person out should pay, until a comfortable relationship is formed. This usually falls to the guy since we do most of the asking, but eventually they should split it.

IMO anyways.

 

[dogenzakaminion]

As people have said, the general rule is the person who invited you out, pays. However I think there are exceptions like being student, since its generally known that you are skint broke. Same things goes for established relationships. If I want to treat my gf, I obviously pay, but if it's just like "so wanna eat out tonight?" we usually split the bill. Either way, these things tend to balance out towards the end. Sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay.

 

[Phasmal]

It does happen in a surprising amount of people. I assumed that, since a lot of the girls I knew were all for equality amongst the sexes, they'd be fine with paying half for their meal.

Nooope.

They would say they didn't want to be paid for, but if I didn't I'd hear about it in a month's time in an argument telling me 'I'm cheap'. The fact that I wasn't springing surprise holidays and meals out on my ex girlfriend every other day was one of the reasons she gave when she broke up with me. It's...oddly important with some people.

Just seems strange to me.
I've always been raised to be independant and fair, so all my dates are either on 50/50 basis, or `I'll get this one, you get the next one`.