Poll: Would you date a transgendered person?

DazBurger

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May 22, 2009
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No, never... EVER!

I find it admirable that other people can do this, but I get nauseous thinking about it for some reason. Sorry, but I do! Can't help it!


Also... Don't really believe in all that "born in the wrong body"-deal, with what iv gathered it sounds more like a fetish to me.... But then again, I respect their wishes and wish them happiness like I would any other.
 

Malgan

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Jun 23, 2009
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Transgendered people are quite a wide in variation. As a gay person, I would need someone who has the right equipment downstairs, sounds, acts and looks like a man. Would probably not date if I knew that he used to be a girl, but I'm mature enough to admit that I would probably reconsider if I had a few dates before I had gotten to know.

If it's one of those who does not define himself as a man nor a female, then I wouldn't care. As long as the personality and genetalia matches my preferences.

I'm prejudiced, but who isn't.
 

D Moness

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Sep 16, 2010
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bahumat42 said:
D Moness said:
VoEC said:
As a pre-op transgender girl (aka MTF) who just started transitioning and tried to kill herself last year (after which I came out) the answers of some people here quite sadden me.
Yeah kind of the reason i usually avoid these topics (since they pop up once in a while). After a few very fruitless discussions with others a long time ago on this forum I just gave up for my own piece of mind.

I am saddened by the replies that say i support them but do not see them in the gender they identify with ... to me that is not supporting it.
how so?

supporting somebodies choices doesn't mean agreeing with them.
Your more than welcome to do whatever you want. Is the crux of it, but the issue of not being attractive to me for whatever reason is infringing on my rights to do what i want.
I do not care if you are attracted or not to a transgender , like i do not care what cis-person you are attracted to. Attraction is something personal that nobody else can change for you. That was not what i was saying at all.

What i said is that by denying to refer to a transgender person the gender they identify with (aka still referring to the gender before the procedure) is NOT supporting them, it is tolerating it. You tolerate the fact transgenders want to change their body to the gender they identify with. If you really would support them you would refer to the gender they identify with. This has nothing at all to do with feeling attracted to a transgender or not.
 

GistoftheFist

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Funny how people scream about it being 'rape' if they had sex with a trans person then find out they are a trans person. Try taking responsibility for your actions.

Also notice that the topic says 'date' not 'sex'.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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D Moness said:
I am saddened by the replies that say i support them but do not see them in the gender they identify with ... to me that is not supporting it.
You can't force someone's thoughts or opinions.

Just because someone altered themselves from man to woman or woman to man doesn't mean you can expect everyone around them to simply flip a switch in their brain and immediate, from balls to bone sorta speak, accept them as 100% woman/man. The human mind doesn't work like that.
 

Da_Vane

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Kendarik said:
Da_Vane said:
Kendarik said:
I don't think I could ever look at them and REALLY see any post op as "their new gender". They will always be victims of a mental illness and medical misconduct to me. As such I will treat them with respect and I will be the first to support them in obtaining equal rights and good treatment, but they will never really be their new gender in my mind.
So you don't support them then? This is the very first decision everybody really needs to make when dealing with another human being - the moment you decide they will NEVER be their new gender in your mind, you have undermined their rights. That's like saying you have decided that they will NEVER be a human being in your mind. You don't have to be dating someone to make this decision - it is common courtesy.

This is as far as I bothered to read. You start off by ignoring the fact I did say I supported them, and then you tell me how I'm supposed to think, and then you go on to say I don't think they are human.

Clearly you are just looking to find an enemy and rant, you aren't looking for anything resembling a conversation.
Not really - clearly you have no idea what the point of my post was, which was why you didn't read it. It's a lot easier to dismiss it as someone trying to find an enemy and rand, rather than looking for a conversation, because then you don't have to actually engage in a conversation with someone who can clearly outhink you on this issue.

The simple fact is that you SAY you support them, and then state that you will NEVER see them as their chosen gender. The two are mutually exclusive.

That's not support - that's ambivalence. That's like saying you support someone's right to steal your things, but you are still going to stop them. You don't actually support them - you aren't helping them, you have no intention to helping them. You just want to sound like you are, because to say that you are now will make you sound bad. That is what we call Lip Service.

I never claimed that you didn't think they weren't human - but what you stated was akin to deciding that they would never become human. That it was an absurd decision to make that was demeaning and denying of their rights, and demonstrates exactly why you don't support them despite saying that you do.

However, given your sudden defensiveness and the assertion that I have actually inferred that you did think they were not human, I will hazard a guess that I have touched a raw nerve, because you DO actually think this way. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong.
 

D Moness

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bahumat42 said:
If you want to paint me as a villain for that go right ahead.
I won't. I gave my opinion , you replied to it, so i explained how i thought about it. It is a topic we will never see eye to eye too. Also the first line of my previous post, if it came over harsh, it wasn't the intention.
 

dsh

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Casual Shinji said:
Da_Vane said:
Kendarik said:
I don't think I could ever look at them and REALLY see any post op as "their new gender". They will always be victims of a mental illness and medical misconduct to me. As such I will treat them with respect and I will be the first to support them in obtaining equal rights and good treatment, but they will never really be their new gender in my mind.
... That's like saying you have decided that they will NEVER be a human being in your mind. You don't have to be dating someone to make this decision - it is common courtesy.
There is a difference between tolerating and accepting.

Tolerance is something you do out of common courtesy. Acceptance is personal act.

I'll tolerate anyone who wishes to change their sex, but that doesn't mean I have to accept the gender they've become.
I'm a little late to this party and I think Casual Shinji already said it best but the unfairness of Da Vane's straw man really irritated me and I feel that attacks like this are one of the primary stumbling blocks to having meaningful dialogue about topics like this. Compared to the attitudes of the general population, Kendarik's comment seems rather progressive to me - a great many people would be happy to deny legal rights to the members of the LGBT community - but gets attacked for what amounts to an alleged thought-crime (thinking transgenderism is a mental illness and preferring not to date a trans person, but supports giving trans people full rights - all discrimination is internal). Even when I skimmed that 'racial dating preferences' poll, there didn't seem to be half this vitriol when people admitted to preferring to date certain races. No one was up in arms to brand those people racists. Everyone has preferences and respecting (the right to have) those is arguably just as important as respecting the rights of people different from us, a point with which Kendrik agrees (again, see Casual Shinji).

EDIT: I was typing 'heads down' and didn't see Da Vane's last reply but I still think that it's persecuting someone for a thought crime. When we hear (usually older) people who say, 'I am/was/raised a racist but I support racial equality' it seems that they get praised for overcoming their internal biases and taking the moral high ground. Yet in this similar case we want to burn them at the stake for being so inconsiderate.

As for those saying that a trans person doesn't need to disclose their history, I thought that relationships are built on trust and respect, and judging from the responses here, transgenderism as a relationship criterion is obviously extremely important for a great many people here, who would view lack of disclosure as a very large breach of trust. Do trans people have an obligation to full disclosure? I'd say no. But I feel that they take full responsibility for whatever fallout occurs from failing to disclose this fact and have no right to feel that they've been betrayed. People need to remember that not everyone shares their ideals and opinions.

OT: As for me, I feel that it would depend on circumstances, but off the cuff, my initial preference would be 'no'. Call me old-fashioned but I would like to have and raise full biological children with my mate - I find the whole process fascinating. If science progressed to the point where this was possible with a post-op trans person then I'd take that into consideration, just like I'd reconsider if I met someone (trans or otherwise) who was so attractive to me that it would overwhelm this default desire to have children.
 

ImperialSunlight

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I am male (gay) and would be okay with a relationship with a transsexual (FTM) if I felt strongly enough about them. The difficulty with sex would be a problem but I could get past that. I'm more "strong male-pref" than strictly gay so I don't have much of a problem with them having been a woman.
 

WolfThomas

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Dec 21, 2007
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Guy here, depends, haven't really been put in this situation. I think obviously if I was attracted to them in the first place is important. So given that I'd probably give them a shot but I couldn't promise them that some weirdness wouldn't arise.
 

Da_Vane

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Casual Shinji said:
D Moness said:
I am saddened by the replies that say i support them but do not see them in the gender they identify with ... to me that is not supporting it.
You can't force someone's thoughts or opinions.

Just because someone altered themselves from man to woman or woman to man doesn't mean you can expect everyone around them to simply flip a switch in their brain and immediate, from balls to bone sorta speak, accept them as 100% woman/man. The human mind doesn't work like that.
Nobody is 100% man or woman anyway, but that is besides the point.

For me, the concern is not about whether people see transgendered individuals in their chosen gender or not, but the fact that some have stated that they will NEVER see them in their chosen gender.

While it is understandable that you cannot force opinions and that such adjustments can take time, the fact that people are ruling out acceptance completely, without even knowing, is undermining both their own ability to evolve and adapt, and those of the transgendered people they are dealing with.

This is the very basis of the bigotry that is transphobia - it is the wilful ignorance and the stubborn refusal that borders on an internal decision that they will never be able to cope and make that switch. They they will never allow it to become normal. That they will never tolerate this decision. This is the very basis of intolerance.

It is not hatred, abuse, or victimisation that causes intolerance, but the simple-minded refusal of the ignorant to accept people as they are, because they believe their their own impressions and their own opinions are more right and more valid than other peoples, even when it creates distress and sadness for other people.

It is the refusal of acceptance that acts as a barrier and prevents transgendered individuals from completing their transitions, and being able to fully move on with their life. The idea that they can start a journey that they will never be able to end because society refuses to let them and accept them as such, in case it undermines who they are. A society that refuses to accept others because of their own insecurities.
 

D Moness

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Casual Shinji said:
D Moness said:
I am saddened by the replies that say i support them but do not see them in the gender they identify with ... to me that is not supporting it.
You can't force someone's thoughts or opinions.

Just because someone altered themselves from man to woman or woman to man doesn't mean you can expect everyone around them to simply flip a switch in their brain and immediate, from balls to bone sorta speak, accept them as 100% woman/man. The human mind doesn't work like that.
I know , I also do know it is getting more and more in the open. To bad it is still surrounded by incorrect/ misinformation. Maybe we get there in the end slowly but surely.

I just have a few very strong opinions about this subject.
 

CrystalShadow

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bahumat42 said:
Melanie McGreevey said:
bahumat42 said:
Melanie McGreevey said:
Monkeyman O said:
No way in hell. I am not gay. And if I ever did date a post op job and he neglected to tell me until after we crossed the physical line then I would have no problems with beating him into the ground.

You wanna do that sorta shit, thats fine. Just do not try to get me involved.
the definition of a bigotry fueled hate crime.
whilst his reaction is an over reaction i feel its only fair that people should be made aware of it pre "the act". Just courtesy. As far as lying goes thats a pretty big one.
agreed, but honestly is it lying? or just not revealing the facts, to me those are different.
See with small facts that would be the case, but with the big stuff (std's.cults,gender status, evil exes) id expect a little advance notice. Now we all have different views on these things, but personally i usually go in with an open attutide and tell them anything which could be considered important.

It is a personal issue and people will act differently with it, but im quite in the mindset of do unto others as you would want done onto yourself.
See, on a practical level, I'm terribly conflicted about this. For my own safety, especially around idiots that say they'd threaten violence about something like this, I'd have to say something in advance.
Yet, assuming it doesn't stand out like a sore thumb that I'm not a normal woman (and if that were the case, would I really nead to explain it?)

In any event, it's difficult to know when the right moment is to mention something like this, because it's not something most people really need to know.

For that matter, on some level I find the idea of telling you is me tacitly going along with a view on the matter that I simply don't agree with. Which is to say, I'm normalizing an attitude to the matter that I find reprehensible, and somewhat disgusting.


But whatever. I can't stop people reacting badly to it, so I have to consider this for my own safety, if nothing else. I just wish I didn't have to.

Anyway, every time this subject comes up, you get a whole brigade of people saying "You're not really a woman", based on some really bizarre reasoning, that, when you really examine it closely makes very little sense.

When you ask them to explain it, you rarely get an explanation that has any real factual merit, and usually degenerates into some kind of magical essense of gender that people supposedly have with no real practical basis to it.

To begin with the number of people that can't even seem to spot the difference between sex & gender is quite embarrassing. (Here's a clue. Gender is quite trivial to change, when you realise what it actually refers to. Sex is what all the surgery and hormones and the like are about.)

But when it comes to actually getting a definition of either out of a person, you soon realise they'll quote you all manner of half-truths, and details that sound great on paper, but are completely inconsistent with actual reality.

I have yet to hear a definition that doesn't make a mess even of regular, ordinary people that don't have any gender identity issues whatsoever. Let alone ones that account for those that do.

But hey, if any of you think you have a definition that makes any actual sense, by all means. Surprise me. Just remember, think carefully about how you actually determine who is who on a day-to-day basis... Because if you think it through you might be surprised by the implications.