Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Barbas]

Granted. You are now deaf. Shoulda seen that one comin'!

I wish I had a chocolate bar.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted. It's healthy and taste bad.

I wish Family Guy was better.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Fox cancels it three episodes from now for being too clever.

I wish The Simpsons was done.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it cause the end of the entire animation medium as we know it...

I wish you were a pineapple under the sea!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

A talking sponge with an incredibly grating laugh moves in and now he hates you with a burning passion.

I wish Pixels had been good and Adam Sandler found his comedic talent again.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, but thanks to nuclear radiation I turn into a sentient Pineapple and make a awfull song that will get stuck in your head.

I really wish to have a fish.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will eat you in your sleep...

I wish for Star's wand!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but you are ill-equipped to use it

I wish I had a horseshoe moustache

 

[Barbas]

Granted. It's a literal horseshoe. Stand still while the horse aims...

I wish I had fried rice.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but it's fried Scottish style in lots of oil

I wish I didn't sweat so much

 

[Fractral]

Granted, to keep cool you now expel moisture from your nose.

I wish I was more dextrous.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only achieve it once you're dead... Clever, right?

I wish I was on the show Baggage!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

granted, but you are so awful the show is cancelled immediately.

I wish a movie would be made that does for video game movies what The Dark Knight did for comic book superhero movies. I wish we could finally have a good video game movie.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you're never allowed to see it.

I wish to be in a loving relationship. With you.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

um, I don't love.

moving on.

I wish for an endless supply of tacos!

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, Sonata Dusk will be eating all those tacos... especially on Tuesday...

I wish everyone's death was telegraphed in slow-motion!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but they can't be viewed on telegraphs

I wish I could throw knives

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, every time you throw a knife it destroys something you love.

I wish I could use Force Lightning.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Every time you use it, it shrivels your skin.

I wish I knew how to turn Bud Light into gold.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, but this causes runaway inflation driving the beer sellers out of business.

I wish I had a cyborg limb.