Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[kailus13]

Granted. You reincarnate as a slug, knowing everything that happened in your previous life.

I wish for pyrokinesis.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only light yourself on fire... and, if I'm not mistaken, you're not immune to fire...

I wish for a children's version of American Pie!

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. But, I mean, there isn't an age restriction for cannibalism through pie, is there?

I wish for my beautiful dreams and my reality to be switched.

 

[Malbourne]

Granted. Too bad they're not lucid. Man, would it be fun to join in on those dreams!

I wish I had insurmountable charm.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but it only works on bees.

I wish I could be a genius chemist who makes a ton of money selling meth.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted. Good luck Gale.

I wish spoiling TV shows was a literal crime.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted, but it even explaining the premise of a show is considered spoiling. And punishable by Crucifixion.

I wish I was the player character in Fallout New Vegas

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but you suffer a game breaking glitch and are deleted from existence.

I wish I had the motivation to go pick up the sock I tried to throw in my laundry hamper but instead threw in my closet.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Edit:

Captcha lied to me. Said it hadn't posted.... ignore this one.

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. You now also have the motivation to do all of your household tasks. Thus, you never use your computer ever again, due to too much work.

I wish I could do homework at the speed of dark.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but you become confused as to what that means and end up just sitting around contemplating it.

I wish I could be the head of a billion dollar bees company.

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. The new genus of bee discovered in South America, called the "Dollar Bee", causes extreme fear and poisonous death on sight. And you've got a billion of them swarming around your office. Good luck!

I wish I was the king of the world and master of the universe.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but you killed everything in the process so you're completely alone... forever.

I wish Rob Ford hadn't made our politics look so hilarious.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted. You get George W. Bush instead.

I wish I knew what religion was correct.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted. Scientology welcome you!
By the way, did I mention you get brain damage?

I wish for a unlimited candy machine!

 

[kailus13]

Granted. It's broken, and can never be fixed.

I wish for a cute plushie!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. But the plushie is actually possessed. And you will die a mystyrious and horribly painful death one year from now.

I wish I was a powerful and mighty god.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, you are Zeus... in action figure form.

I wish that my cold was over.

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. *Sets on fire*

I wish I wasn't so easily distracted by the internet.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted. NO MORE INTERNET. EVER.

I wish the internet was back.