Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Barbas]

Granted. All your accounts have been deleted!

I wish I had a more pleasing salary.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. However all the money is in cash from the Confederate States of America, Siam, the Second French Empire, and Trans-Jordan.

I wish Harry Turtledove would write a book series set in Brazil.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, his new series editor is E. L. James and the movie adaptation would rival such films like A Serbian Film...

I wish I knew who was and/or wasn't a robot!

 

[TheVampwizimp_v1legacy]

Granted; turns out everyone is a robot and now you are all alone...

I wish I had laser eyes!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. But you can't switch them of and they burn through your eyelids.

I wish I was very good at dancing.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but you can never stop dancing.

I wish I was better at braiding hair.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Boom - scissorhands.

I wish I had a caravan deck.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you will be shot if you so dare as to try to look and/or touch it...

I wish for the best camping experience!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted, but on the way home you get eaten by a bear.

I wish I was a falcon.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. The other G.I. Joes only pretend to listen to or respect you.

I wish I my popovers were done.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you are forbidden from eating any popovers ever again... including the one's that are done cooking...

I wish I was an extra on Lost!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted, but you can't find the set.

I wish I had a pretzel.

 

[Barbas]

*MMBLEEEEEHEHAAAAARGH* Here, I made this one earlier.

I wish for a relaxing massage.

 

[FPLOON]

I wish I was an anime intro!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted but you have shitty intro music and get replaced after only 4 episodes.

I wish an anime protagonist who isn't a whiny kid.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. They're a surly teenager instead.

I wish for a fish curry.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. It's made from you.

I wish for any of my previous wishes to not be ruined.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, this wish will be totally ruined in the process by not complying to your current wish... *mic drop*

I wish for a intergalactic orgy [of evidence of an orgy]!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. Sadly you tripped over your dropped mic, broke you hip, and couldn't take part.

I wish for a quiet evening with a good book, a smooth drink, and a choice cigar.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you are attacked by a lion, ripped open by a tiger, and eaten by a bear! "Oh my..."

I wish I knew what the fox said!