Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Simone of Epica]

Granted. They are the size of electrons.

I wish I lived in a castle in Romania.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. Dracula throws you out and blankets the land in terror and darkness like the world has never seen before.

I wish real life had cheat codes.

 

[Simone of Epica]

(Nooo, Gary Oldman! I thought what we had was special!)

Granted. But the entry pad is somewhere on Mars.

I wish mankind had a Mars colony already.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it's a hell-hole (I want planetary colonies, too)

I wish everything was brilliant

 

[Simone of Epica]

Granted, but your preferences immediately shift so that everything suddenly isn't brilliant.

I wish for a bottle of 500 mg vicodin.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it filled with my [salty] backwash... Yum!

I wish I could make it rain on them holes!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It is acid rain.

I wish it would be proven beyond any doubt one way or the other, whether or not god exists.

 

[Simone of Epica]

Granted. God exists, but abandoned us ages ago.

I wish for the technological singularity.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's more paper-thin than the weekday newspaper...

I wish I saw the director's cut of The Crow!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It is awful.

I wish we had cybernetic enhancement technology, and I was the first candidate.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you're recycled into a coffee machine

I wish I lived in a palace on Mount Olympus

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, Hercules will "accidentally" destroy it...

I wish you'd stop breathing down my neck, Janice!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. Janice is now breathing down your pants.

I wish I had superpowers.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can't control them fast enough to not kill yourself in the process...

I wish I could crack that whip!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it hits you in the face

I wish I could have Tacos for breakfast

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it greatly offends Psychic Taco and his girlfriend... and you don't want to offend Taco's girlfriend...

I wish I was a Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

The teenage mutant ninja turtles view you as a cheap knock off and beat the stuffing out of you.

I wish instead of dying everyone ascends like Master Oogway.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, just like Master Shifu, everyone would be super skeptical to the final words of anyone's "acends", thus leading to everyone basically beating the shit out of someone else because, unlike the movie, not everyone is as durable as Po the Panda...

I wish for eternal li-JOHN CENA!!!!!!!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. meeting him in person is extremely dissapointing.

I wish FPLOON would ruin a wish of mine without killing me in doing so.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, the ruination simply robs you of all your power

I wish Professional Wrestling was more like a fighting game without long term injury or death