Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only express it through nothing...

I wish for a bionic arm!

 

[Sapphirewave]

Granted, but you're also missing a leg and your brother's soul is trapped in a suit of armor.

I wish that I did not have any more wishes.

 

[tilmoph]

Granted, you lose the capacity for desire or ambition of any sort

I wish I had a profitable talent

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can no longer leave your boring cubicle... Your talent is too profitable for you to stop working...

I wish I could use all parts of my brain at the same time!

 

[UndisputedX]

Granted but you're brain is the size of a pea..

I wish I could sing!

 

[Sapphirewave]

Granted, but the world around you is now deaf.

I wish to always be able to find a loophole.

 

[tilmoph]

Granted, you can always see loopholes to any deal, but you can never use them

I wish I could alter my past

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's only through your memories, which doesn't effect anyone else... (So, yes, they still remember what you did last time...)

I wish to be a cucumber instead of a banana!

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Have this free condom hat. You're going to go places, kid!

I wish I had a clementine.

 

[tilmoph]

Granted, but it has the face and talks like Clementine from The Walking Dead, and you have to eat it

I wish I could regenerate lost limbs

 

[Sapphirewave]

Granted, but this also works on lost/cut hair and fingernails, so have fun for the next few months before things start to get out of hand.

I wish for the results of this wish to being mutual satisfaction to me and the person who grants it.

 

[Barbas]

False, because we are feeling petty today.

I wish for a new set of armour for my character.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will lower your overall skill set to the point that it's in the negative numbers...

I wish I knew who was following me!

 

[Sapphirewave]

Granted, I wanted to drag it out a little longer, but I'll get your murder over with tonight.

I wish I had free internet.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted! I would need your soul please!

I wish I could shapeshift!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted, you can take any basic shape from an elementary geometry textbook you'd like, but cannot combine shapes or use abstract math to try and craft new shapes

I wish I was the world's most brilliant medical researcher

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, this will cause every other medical researcher quits, leading to a major decline in actual medical development... since all you can do is research and nothing more...

I wish I passed the test!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted, you do have that weird disease we were testing for. It shall now be called FPLOON's Syndrome.

I wish I was a snappier dresser.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, we thought you meant "snapper dress", so now you look great as a snapper fish in a dress...

I wish I was the next Revenger!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted, you are the star of the 1990 film The Revenger. I honestly see no way to ruin this wish further.

I wish my best friend's phone would actually work