Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Your luggage gets hacked and when you open it you get hit with a colossal e-bomb.

I wish I was the dragon warrior!

 

[UltraDeth]

You are eventually slain by the dragon slayers.

I wish there was no fear of death.

 

[UltraDeth]

It's the only redeeming feature in an underwhelming film.

I wish I was selected to perform heroic acts with major benefits.

 

[JohnZ117]

Your accounting skills help to save a major charity, no one outside the charity cares to learn cause it bores them.

I wish for a better personal computer.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

Granted, but you'll never be able to afford it or the parts to make it.

I wish I could stop feeling lonely.

 

[UltraDeth]

You are surrounded by literally everyone in the world.

I wish America could protect the world from everything.

 

[Living_Brain]

The proliferation of American armed forces plunges the world into martial law. Though they could protect the world from everything, America could not protect the world from America itself.

I wish people weren't suicidal

 

[UltraDeth]

They're homicidal.

I wish I had the Midas touch.

 

[Borty The Bort]

They're homicidal.

I wish I had the Midas touch.

You get enslaved by a wealthy businessman who exploits your ability

I wish I was Gandalf, wizard powers and all.

 

[UltraDeth]

You fall to your death protecting someone.

I wish I could shapeshift into animals.

 

[Living_Brain]

You shape-shift into a <a href=http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/bold-spikeless-hedgehog-massages-nelson-6a.jpg>spineless hedgehog

I wish for a prestigious college degree

 

[UltraDeth]

A degree in Dermatology.

I wish I was of academic mind.

 

[UltraDeth]

Everyone wants a position of authority, then everything thing falls apart due to a case of too many chiefs and not enough Indians.

I wish crime was at an all-time low.

 

[Living_Brain]

It is. As private prisons lose inmates, they bribe law enforcement to make more offenses punishable and you end up in jail for jaywalking.

I wish macs performed up to their price point.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

They will for *exactly* 365 days then they crash.

I wish Scalebound wasn't cancelled.

 

[UltraDeth]

It's critically successful, yet a huge commercial failure.

I wish mech suits existed.

 

[Living_Brain]

They exist, but you never get into proper military position to use one. And you're a Ukrainian as Russia invades with their mech army. It's not gonna be fun

I wish for pollution to go away

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

It is now forever all contained in your living space.

I wish I could be paid to swear about video games for the internet.