Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but the outcome was predictable, nudge, nudge.

I wish I was cute as an anime

 

[Wary Wolf]

I'm sure you already are but...

Granted! OH NO! HERE COMES THE TENTICLE PORN!

I wish the hay fever would go away

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, now it's a flu

I wish I could wake up in a big bowl of Wine Guns every Sunday

 

[Wary Wolf]

Granted, but you meant to say wine gums, I assume? Too bad! You get guns made out of wine! Bad quality wine! And also you sleep through every Sunday!

I wish birds would pick other cars than my own to crap on

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, this leads to bird shooting in your neighbourhood

I wish I could camouflage

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you now have to "breath through your skin" while "inadvertently" getting objectified...

I wish I was "hooked on a feeling" in space!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you're attached to a Fulton recovery balloon in SPAAAAAACE!

I wish all problems can be cured with pornography

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it ironically does not cure the inclusion of better pornography...

I wish the rap battle wasn't rigged!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, the contests shoot each other instead

I wish I had a fleet of superior aircraft

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they all crash into each other due to inexperienced flying...

I wish it didn't take that long to know how I met your mother!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, I see nothing to object to

I wish I could make a good cup of coffee

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you drink it out of a poisoned cup...

I wish I could record more than 100 shows at a time!

 

[blue heartless]

Granted, but only post-lobotomy patients watch them.

I wish, dear Trish that I hadn't flushed that fish.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, dear Trish ends up killed by a zombie fish instead...

I wish I could bond with my co-father!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

He has you surgically bonded to his body.

I wish for Belgian waffles.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they're made in China...

I wish I wasn't "it"!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, now you're a non-entity

I wish to try the best food in the world

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, due to bias subjectivity, it's actually the worst food in the world to just you...

I wish I was fly like that other guy!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but it looks like you're trying to hard

I wish I had contingency plans when something goes wrong

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you will always lack other plans, thus always causing internal and external confusion, when something goes right...

I wish I could vogue like a pro!