Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

Drake the Dragonheart · Oct 8, 2015

Granted you are the worst pro vogue in the world.

I wish I knew everything!

UltraDeth · Oct 8, 2015

Granted, including the fact you're going to die

I wish everything was canon

Skatologist · Oct 8, 2015

Granted, including all those porn people wrote about you and Quasimodo! >

I wish I had PubClub.

FPLOON · Oct 9, 2015

Granted, it's not coming from any registered user on The Escapist forums... and I taking all your money, too...

I wish I could spend a day with Spongebob!

UltraDeth · Oct 9, 2015

Granted, but you're both underwater and you drown

I wish I had a universe wide empire

Wary Wolf · Oct 9, 2015

Granted, but micromanaging it all is a *****.

I wish I was immune to food poisoning. Mostly my own. Yeah...

UltraDeth · Oct 9, 2015

Granted, now you can't taste the food

I wish I literally tasted a rainbow

Skatologist · Oct 9, 2015

Granted. It tastes like toxic, dirty water that makes you sick.

I wish I was skillful at cosplaying and costume making.

FPLOON · Oct 10, 2015

Granted, all you can do well is make yourself look too ugly to admire from afar...

I wish to surf at Point Break!

UltraDeth · Oct 10, 2015

Granted, but you fall off the board and drown

I wish for discounts everywhere I shopped

FPLOON · Oct 10, 2015

Granted, you can only shop at the Literal Shit Emporium...

I wish the spell worked this time!

Skatologist · Oct 10, 2015

Granted, but it has a monkey's paw effect.

I wish I was a speed reader and writer.

FPLOON · Oct 11, 2015

Granted, only through the art of bad fanfiction...

I wish to kill the next bad guy!

UltraDeth · Oct 11, 2015

Granted, it's you

I wish all of Earth's armies unified

Skatologist · Oct 11, 2015

Granted, it's against an alien invasion that we could never beat.

I wish I had a jean jacket

FPLOON · Oct 12, 2015

Granted, it's made out of your dead skin cells...

I wish the next book adaptation doesn't suck enough to become popular because it sucks...

Drake the Dragonheart · Oct 25, 2015

Granted, they adapt the worst book ever.

I wish James Brown was still alive.

UltraDeth · Oct 25, 2015

Granted, he retires due to old age

I wish my moustache grew faster

The Almighty Aardvark · Oct 25, 2015

It grows faster, but now it grows backwards.

I wish I had a violin

[sub]EDIT: Oops! Accidentally quoted[/sub]

FPLOON · Oct 26, 2015

Granted, it will always lack strings...

I wish I got the jest of the situation!