SuperMse said:
I fail to see why you guys are responding so vehemently against this. Is it because someone said the magic f word? No, not that one, the other one. Because this ad campaign is victim blaming at its best. It's telling women to avoid getting raped as opposed to telling men not to rape. It's making them the problem, not the rapists. That's wrong. Why make this ad as opposed to making ads saying "Don't get drunk and take advantage of women, ya prick." I mean, imagine if you were raped while drunk and then someone said it was your fault. How would you respond? All you were doing was having a typical fun night out. It's the rapists fault for raping you, not the other way around. Yes, you should always take precautions to protect yourself, but isn't always walking around in fear of rape counterproductive to having a fun night out? Should you not party on the grounds that you might be raped, just like you shouldn't drive a car in case a drunk driver hits you? Of course not.
Rape is the rapist's fault. Target your ads at them, not the victims.
I agree on most parts except a few.
This advertisement is putting all the onus of safety on the woman. I.e., if you don't watch yourself, you could have something terrible happen to you. The wording might be harsh, but this is actually an appropriate message. When driving your car, you ought to be taught to be a defensive driver regardless of your sex/gender. You ought to leave yourself a way to get away so that you may, if need be, avoid being plowed by some drunk on the road. This is called awareness. It is necessary for safety.
However, telling people to be in control of their safety is not the same as telling others to be conscientious of others' safety as well. In other words, teaching people to be a defensive driver does *NOT* make it okay for people to drink and drive (the logic fallaciously applied as "it's okay if I drink and drive, because everyone else is looking out for him/herself.")
Now the analogy starts to fall apart a bit because let's say that now men are the only ones who are capable of drinking and driving; they're the only ones who get drunk on the road. They're the only ones who can be dangerous. It's not that women don't drink, it's that they aren't dangerous when they're drunk. I would feel very insulted if people told me, "Hey, don't drink and drive" because this is something I already know. It is an ideal already woven into my moral fiber. Same with "Don't rape." You don't need to tell me this.
In fact, even saying "Don't rape" misses the issue entirely. It implies that men have the urge to do such and only after they're told not to do they ascent to give up their primal urges. That's crap. Saying "Don't rape" I'm arguing is just as silly as saying "Don't get raped."
What ought to happen instead is a radical reevaluation of how we talk about sex and how intercourse is thought of - i.e. when it becomes okay to have sex - what is consent.
I think the onus for this ought to be on men. Men should have to ask, "Would you like to have sex?" (Or some variation that doesn't sound so creepy?) This firmly places the act of consent into a dialogue. The woman must either ascent to his request or reject it.
Current sexual standards seem to play out as the guy essentially forcing himself onto the girl until the point at which she says, "No" or just lets it happen. This is problematic for several reasons. Primarily, it is problematic in that saying nothing does not equal consent. If the man asks first, then there is a clearly defined consent or rejection.
It may sound less romantic, and it may be depending on your definition of romance, but relationships are acts of communication. Intimate relationships have way more at stake than friendships do. If a friend showed up at your house and ate your food until you told them to stop, that person would be a terrible friend most likely.
I think we need to decouple this idea that sex is magical from the act of sex itself. Sex is strange, passionate, violent (at times), kinky, awkward, and so many other things. But it is a standard biological procedure. Talking about it doesn't destroy its sanctity. Asking about it doesn't lessen its appeal. And, I'll be honest, asking a woman to have sex and hearing her say yes is kind of akin to that first time you ask a girl to dance. Except with sex. Nothing sexier than having a woman say she wants you.
*Note*: This does not apply when alcohol is involved. The simple rule should be: If you drink, don't ask for a ride... Err... You know, something that says "Don't drink and sex." But with a rhyme. Preferably.
Agree/Disagree/Neither/Both?