So, my family basically thinks I am a loser

ChildofGallifrey

New member
May 26, 2008
1,095
0
0
Playing online games with other people is every bit as social as going out to clubs and drinking (cheaper too at $15 a month vs. $15 a night).

I never go out either (with the exception of after a show, but that's more of a "I'm jazzed up and couldn't possibly sleep" thing). I only had 4 real friends in high school (friends that I still want to be in touch with, as opposed to everyone from my class that keeps finding me on facebook), and all we would do on the weekends is go to one of our houses and marathon-game until the sun came up. It's social, and we're having fun. Who give a damn if it's not the thing that guys our age normally do? I much prefer drinking at home with people I trust than being out surrounded by strangers.
 

Nightvalien

New member
Oct 18, 2010
237
0
0
ninjastovall0 said:
If your parents are happy with who you are......youve done something terribly wrong.

So good job comrade, i say we stick together and put down the last generation. What did they do that was so great. 70's 80's.... puhlease... forget them
this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^a thousand times this until the end of our days.
 

Serving UpSmiles

New member
Aug 4, 2010
962
0
0
Are you my double? because that's me exactly but a lot younger, Currently I'm in a high school where no one invites me out to parties whatev and all my friends at school usually play with me on Xbox Live.

And my parents are assholes to me for spending most of my time on the computer "Go outside for gods sake"......fucking hate them...
 

Laurie Barnes

New member
May 19, 2010
326
0
0
Fuck your family. If I have learnt anything by busting my ass, it is that you can't actually please anyone but yourself. Others will always expect more, and inevitably more than is fair. So fuck em. If you are truly happy with how things have turned out for you, why change it? If you aren't happy, then you got work to do.
 

Ensiferum

New member
Apr 24, 2010
587
0
0
Master Steeds said:
this is going to be quite a long, erm, kind of down post, so if you are not a fan, click away.


quick profile of me just to put it in perspective:

i did used to go out a lot when i was like 13-16 with my high school friends, hell i would even go as far to say i was popular, but im now 17 attending college studying games development with like 13 other people, most of which are nerds like myself, and i have left all my high school friends behind except my best friend, who does the same course as me.

My college is far away from where i live, so it's difficult to go out with my friends from college due to cost of getting to where they live etc, plus i dont even like going out drinking, or going out at all really, i prefer staying at home watching a movie or playing some online games with friends

I have always been somewhat shy around new people and dont really show my real self until i have been friends with the person for a long time, this has become much more of an issue the older i have got, i have next to no self esteem, and because of this, i dont go out much.



Main Thread:

Anyway, i was downstairs watching TV, and i hear my mum and dad and sister talking about me in the garden, i muted the TV so i could eavesdrop (not a good thing i know)

i basically heard my dad saying that i should be out having fun, going out on the town etc with my friends, and my sister agreeing with him

My mum tries to defend me, but in a shitty way, saying "well he doesnt have many friends anymore, he left them when he finished high school, he doesnt keep in touch"

Then my Dad is like, "well why not, i used to go out all the time with my friends when i was his age"

this basically went on for like 10 minutes, both of them basically saying i am a no life loser with no job or money etc

now to be fair, i havnt really been avidly looking for a job, mainly due to me being not so good with the whole meeting new people because i have no self esteem, and i know i should, but i have been to some interviews and i just get all nervous and fidgety etc.

now i am fine with not going out getting drunk etc, its not my thing, and dont get me wrong, i love my parents, they have provided for me, and gotten me lots of nice stuff, and i am super grateful for that, but it isn't nice to hear your parents basically think your a loser


now im not looking for sympathy, because to be frank, i hate it, i just wrote this because i needed to vent a bit.

So has anything like this ever happened to any of you? is anyone here like me? (i know there are probably loads of people that have had similar experiences, if you're one of them, lets hear your story)
I had much the same experience during the years that I transitioned from highschool into college. Essentially what's happening is that you're experiencing the "generation gap," in other words your parents are having a difficult time understanding what you're doing with your life because in our current technology-based society things are a lot different than they were even 20 years ago when they were your age. Really all that there was to do back then was to go out and drink or w/e. They didn't have wide access to online multiplayer communities and as much in the way of home entertainment that we have now, so they can't understand why you would want to stay in and play videogames even though it gives you much more enjoyment than going out and partying.

I honestly don't think your parents have disdain for you because of the way you spend your recreational time, after all you could certainly be doing much worse like getting high every night or w/e, but they're probably just legitimately concerned that you aren't living a well-rounded life. My advice would be to do everything you can to prove them wrong; be confident and determined with everything you do and show them that you're just fine with the way you spend your free time. Eventually, though they may still may not understand, they'll see that you aren't simply wasting your life and will come to respect you. Work on building up your self esteem as much as possible and people will respect you regardless of what you do, because in order for people to respect you, you need to respect yourself first.
 

The Serpent

New member
Jun 20, 2011
129
0
0
Well my mother basically told me that exact stuff to my face. Many times.

I know my friends have said stuff like that behind my back. But I am completely comfortable with my level of loner-ness. I also know for a fact that I am good company, that people like me, and that I can have any friend I want. That is the main goal. Being an extrovert is for extroverts. Don't let them make you ashamed of being an introvert. For some reason they all try, yet I never see an introvert giving extroverts crap for having to need other people around them at all times, lest they turn into sand from loneliness.
 

Insanityblues

New member
May 15, 2011
28
0
0
I myself am looking for a summer internship. Of course, bein who I am, I waited till the last possible minute to start looking. I also have a really hard time calling people I don't know over the phone. I'm always afraid to accidentaly offend people by saying the wrong things or screwing up some hitherto unknown protocole. I have asperger's syndrome, others who have it, being unaware of conversational conventions just say whatever pops through their mind, completely unhibited. I, however, am aware that I am unaware of these conventions, and am therefore paralyzed by fear of unintentionally upseting the people I talk to. Conversations, to me, are kinda like crossing landmine riddled field....

...anyway, as for your story, well my point is, I know how you feel... other than that though...

Your family thinks you're a loser, well prove 'em wrong!
 

dillinger88

New member
Jan 6, 2010
133
0
0
Hmm, can't say I've experienced that. However, if I had, I would move the fuck out. That would show them. I moved out when I was 18 for university, I'm now 23 living with my GF about 150 miles away and my parents couldn't appreciate me more when they see me.

So, yeah. Move far away and they'll soon be like "shit our son's a bit independent, isn't he?".

EDIT: I should also mention that my 'friends' from home were assholes so I didn't go out much. It was the best of a bad bunch as I lived in such a small town. Now I have awesome friends because I've found like minded people. The fact I had to move so far away to find it doesn't bother me. I'm so much happier now.
 

JochemDude

New member
Nov 23, 2010
1,242
0
0
Had that often, moved out because of shit like that. My counter-arguments were normally that unlike them, I had a job, wasn't fat, wasn't alcoholic, didn't have a criminal record, played an instrument, had some quality friends instead of only family and neighbors, had a successful relationship, had good self control and was a serious K1 fighter. Let's just say we didn't argue long.
 

manaman

New member
Sep 2, 2007
3,218
0
0
So then you start out justifying your actions to the crowd, which tells me even you think that, at least in some way, it's not all good in the hood.

Then you start out telling the crowd how you where eavesdropping on your family (your entire family) having some quality relations time with each other from the couch. I'm sorry but it's reading to me that the family might be more right then you want to let on.

Don't let it bother you, if that's how you want to live your life, and you can afford to do it on your own, then live it that way. But don't paint it into a pretty picture then tell everyone they are wrong for thinking you sitting around all the time and not having any contact with people is not the best course of action for you.

Don't have friends in your class, well then go out and meet other people. Find a hobby and find other people with the same hobby. There are a million other places to meet people then your work and school.
 
Apr 5, 2008
3,736
0
0
Your 17 and already at college? I thought in the US high school went till 18? Are you 2 years ahead of everyone academically then? If so, fair play and to heck with what everyone says.

In a way your parents are right, but not entirely. They have your best interests at heart and love you unconditionally, more than anyone else you'll ever meet in your life. On that basis, the part where they're right...I have always been quite shy also, but at 17 was lucky enough to have a large social circle, one of the earliest mobile phones, a car and a part-time job. This meant we could (and did) go out plenty. Socialising is an incredibly vital part of the human experience as well as contemporary living.

I realise it's harsh to hear criticism from the people you value most in the world and I'm sorry they said those things. The solution is a thicker-skin which in turn means being more confident in yourself, but that is considerably easier said than done. You are who are you and enjoy what you enjoy. But you could perhaps prioritise your hobbies. Earning money or your studies are vitally number one (with studies trumping work every time), followed by socialising second. Everything else is after those and when one of the items higher up the list comes calling you should drop the lower one in favour of the higher.

You shouldn't let yourself feel lessened by their words. Take it as advice but disregard if you genuinely believe they're wrong. Only you can decide your priorities and if you know what you want and where you want to be, go for it and best of luck to you. Your own self-worth is more valuable than anyone else's view of you.
 

___________________

New member
May 20, 2009
303
0
0
Welcome to the club, pull up a chair and grab a beer. That's most families for you. So...just shrug and tell'em to sod off or something.
 

Ordinaryundone

New member
Oct 23, 2010
1,568
0
0
Your family doesn't think you are a loser, they are just worried that you seem to have severed ties with all your old friends. My family was the same way for a while after I went off to school, especially once I graduated. If you don't like it, try and get in touch with your old friends, or just go out and do something. I recommend going to a hobby store, or some other place you like, and just talking to people. If they are there too, it usually means they share an interest so you already have something in common!

Also, believe it or not, a job really is a great way to meet people. At the very least, it builds camraderie by giving you all something to bond over griping about.
 

Fbuh

New member
Feb 3, 2009
1,233
0
0
From what you say, I did not gather that they were calling you a loser. It sounded more as if they were concerned for your social well being. Perhaps you should have this conversation with them, so they know what is going on. Rather than just making assumptions, you should see what they have to say fist hand.
 

eyesonflux

New member
Sep 13, 2010
99
0
0
Hey at least your family wont say that you are an unloyal(?) greedy traitor like they think my sis is :).
 

holy_secret

New member
Nov 2, 2009
703
0
0
Depending on how much/if you love your family, you should consider cutting the bonds between them. I did so. Never been happier.
I don't love them though (abusive assholes), so it wasn't really an issue.
 

DanielBrown

Dangerzone!
Dec 3, 2010
3,838
0
0
Yeah, simular thing happened to me.
When I was 13-16 I had tons and tons of friends. I was also extremly popular with the opposite sex(just bragging a bit). Was out drinking several times a week, often skipping school to go drink some beer in a park. Caused my grades to suffer, but I had the time of my life. We still hung out after we had begun in new schools, though eventually we broke contact.

After dropping out of the new school and taking a sabbithcal I had lost all contact with my few remaining friends and my current girlfriend. I ended up playing WoW every day for a year and never went outside. My mom bought tobacco for me and if she wanted to do something during the weekends I just sent my sister instead. During my complete sheltering at home I noticed that I begun to be more and more afraid to go out. I used to have the window open all the time, due to my indoor smoking, but all of sudden it terrified me.
When I started in the new school it was even worse. I had gone from socially hyperactive to the socially awkward guy and was in complete panic whenever I was outside. I got a friend though and it's all thanks to him that I managed to stay in school for the remaining three years... I am really grateful for that, in spite of him being a pretty bad friend.

As with my old school we kept in touch for a while but without the school keeping us togeather I guess we realised that we didn't have that much in common, so we broke contact.
Now it's been two years and I'm still doing nothing but sitting around at home. Trying to fight my social phobia, but every time I make some progress I fall back even more.
I suppose my mom is fed up with me, but she doesn't show it. She has never been intrested in either my sisters or my life - but considering that I'm pretty much just a leecher now you'd think she would react.

Sorry for the wall of text. Had to vent a bit as well.
 

Denizen

New member
Jan 29, 2010
259
0
0
It was by your own definition that you labeled yourself a loser. You might find out that it was simply them worrying about what you're up to. I'm assuming you're currently off-semester in college so that means you're not busy or doing too much. It's probably a misunderstanding on your part and theirs as you and they are reaching conclusions. After all, parents tend to overreact like this because they don't know what you're thinking. Help them out if you know what I mean.

So all in all, it seems to be a simple misunderstanding and you might want to re-evaluate what it means to be a loser. Also consider that idleness does beget de-motivation.