Tyra Banks Fancies Herself the Next J.R.R. Tolkien

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

I bet Tyra wont even be the actual writer, she may be the assistant ghost writer or something. Just enough to get her name on the cover, but not enough to do any actual work.

If it's in Valley Girl speak I will read it whenever I need a good laugh at the genuinely "serious" moments.

 

[Treblaine]

Why would anyone want to read a fantasy story that involves supermodels?

OK... you might have a point there. (very droll)

 

[Treblaine]

Modelland

Chapter One

It was a dark and stormy night. Penelope, Tyra and Blanche held hands and huddled together in frightedness.
"Oh," said Penelope. "I wish it was nice and sunny and not stormy at all."
"Me too." said Blanche.
"I also wish this was the case," said Tyra. "I wish we were somewhere nice and sunny all the time, where there are no ugly, poor or socially inadequate people."
"Yes." said Blanche.
"Some where really really nice, a land of the beautiful and pure. Some where we can all be happy all of the time, and not suffer horrible things that we do now. because, like all teenage girls we suffer so." said Penelope.
"I agree." said Blanche.
"Someplace wonderful, a magical land where we can all be free and . . . free." Tyra clapped her hands together, breaking both her wrists. "I know! We can go to Modelland!"
"Modelland?" said Penelope.
"Yes! Modelland! It is a magical place full of only beautiful people and nothing else." said Tyra.
"But how do we get there?" said Penelope.
"We can only get to Modelland if we really really want to. We all have to shut our eyes and wish upon a star and sing 'somewhere, over the rainbow' at the top of our voices. oh, and you have to give me $30.
"That sound good." Said Blanche, handing over the $30.
"Here you are." Said Penelope, giving Tyra $30
"Now," said Tyra "join your hands and shut your eyes. I'll be right back, I just need to go do something vague in the other room."

Blanche and Penelope shut their eyes as tight as they could and sang out the lyrics for somewhere over the rainbow as load as they could into the dark and stormy night. As sure as pie, when they opened them again they found themselves in a dark and cold room with the lights turned out.
"Tyra? Tyra?" called out Penelope.
"Are we in Modelland yet?" Said Blanche.
"I don't know for sure." Said Penelope. "Maybe we haven't sung long enough."
"Yes, that must be it," replied Blanche.

And so Penelope and Blanche sang all night long, all the while thinking how wonderful Modelland must be.

to be continued.

well . . . probably not.

If it is THAT dumb it may be worth reading, out loud, as we all laugh and make it well known how much we consider Tyra a complete joke.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

...and with this grim piece of news, I have resolved either to become an author myself or, kill myself when this outsells The Holy Fucking Bible which I'm sure is what she's aiming for...

Anybody here interested in reading a novel about a homeless heroine attic?

 

[Bat Vader]

I think Model Land will sell pretty well since it is being written by Tyra Banks but it will most likely cause peoples eyes to bleed. Hopefully Tyra never even dares to think she is better than J.R.R. Tolkien or else millions of literature fans will scream for her blood. I hope so anyway.

 

[Gildan Bladeborn]

I only wish I still retained enough faith in humanity to believe this was actually just a clever joke. Oh for a return to that glorious naivete, where I could chuckle and think to myself "self, this couldn't possibly be a real thing - what a hilarious prank somebody is pulling, ho ho!".

Now I'm wondering just what the underlying motivation and rationale behind this travesty is - does Tyra actually think this "story" she plans to tell is something even capable of possessing merit? Or is she aware there is no possible way a series about Modelland (Model Land!) could be good and yet is doing it anyways because of a a cynical understanding that her target audience is phenomenally stupid?

Because it's down to one or the other - either Tyra is just genuinely crazy (that animated .gif isn't really helping the case for her sanity, egad!), or she's shrewdly realized teenage girls are not discriminating consumers. Either way, she's still a horrible monster for doing this.

 

[McNinja]

I read the title of this thread instantly thought NO.

From what I can see here, Tyra is writing some kind of young fantasy book for women. Apparently Tyra assumes all girls want to be models. Ah, arrogance.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

^ it won't be even nearly as competent literally as the above sample from King Crab, but King Crab isn't already famous for being a moody ****, so no book deal, KC, sorry.

There's a new radio show which made me think of this, 'So Wrong It's Right' on the BBC, hosted by Charlie Brooker, and it's a panel show where guests have to come up with the worse possible idea for a theme.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00s943r/So_Wrong_Its_Right_Episode_1/

(probably only available in the UK, sorry.)

David Mitchell came up with a reality show where they take one person, and in a spin on 'Brewster's Millions' they have to be utterly abhorrent, and do everything that can to lose all the friends they have thru rudeness and nastiness. If they manage it, and end up utterly unloved and friendless, they win a new, more glamourous group of friends, a billion pounds and their own island.

Now to me, it sounds like Tyra Banks is a previous winner, along with Simon Cowell and about a dozen other people I could name.

 

[Icehearted]

Which way is she looking in Tom's photo?

Or izzat one of those "derp" shoops?

Edit:
I can already tell this isn't going to go over well with readers....

 

[Anticitizen_Two]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- oh, that's rich.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[Toaster Hunter]

Tolkien is turning in his grave. While I'm not a fantasy elitist, this is just an insult to the genre.

 

[dalek sec]

I forget, is she that model who hits her assitances with her cell phones? Let's see if she puts that in the damn story....

This is just insulting to the genre and any decent writer who has ever lived or will ever live.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Basically, Tyra Banks wants to write the next Lord of the Rings.

Your wildest dreams have come true!!!!

What....I don't even? The fuck? Is that a real clip?

She's literally writhing with happiness at all the attention. "YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Jesus, there are so many things wrong with that woman. It's like she's trying to brainwashing them. I'd be worried about that book, but I think It'll be a while before she masters typing. I'll probably be dead.

EDIT: Wait, she was saying "You get vasiline" not "you can't believe it". Just realized that. But does it really make a difference?

 

[Soulfoodman]

This is cause for serious concern. Other people reading this while we ignore it is going to really hurt us.

Just to be clear, I think both her and this idea of her's is stupid, but she is free to do what she wants. Seriously, just ignore it and read something else. Like Lord of the Rings.

 

[Antidrall]

Well ladies and gentlemen, reality has been fractured. Tyra Banks is attempting to write a novel, There are chickadee's skateboarding on pianos out my window, Jesus is actually some fat kid in wisconsin, my blood has turned to vodka and my brother has stopped smoking pot. Welcome to the world of ass backwardsery

 

[TheDoctor455]

Ugh...
Great...
As if there weren't ENOUGH stupidity in the world.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

My brain will stop hurting eventually right? Right?

Also, "every girl in the world wants to go to Modelland"? I know for a fact that nearly all, if not all, my female friends would call bullshit on this.

 

[khaimera]

I would normally make some joke regarding her writing skills and her contributions to society. However that really wouldn't accomplish anything and I would only gain the same amount of satisfaction as I would from not shitting myself in public. With that said I hope she does well *cough*. OH DEAR GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I TYPED THIS STRAIGHT FACED!

Best joke of the thread.

I'd make one myself but I'm too busy watching the finale of ANTM, you know what I'm talking about.

 

[reg42]

Wow... That just sounds awful. The scary thing is that people will buy it.

 

[KillerH]

I could say what's wrong with this idea, but if I shared it, I would get banned from the internet for life.