Tyra Banks Fancies Herself the Next J.R.R. Tolkien

Georgie_Leech

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Nov 10, 2009
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I-
4#

$%^#*
-but-- y-
#$?
-no- er- w---ro--



In all seriousness, you don't become a popular author by writing the same old thing that every author and their dog have written about at some point. The addition of models is not justification for the waste of paper this will cause.
 

Elesar

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Apr 16, 2009
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I...I...I...
You know what, just no. Fucking no. No comment on this, because there IS no comment that can sum this shit up. I mean Sweet Zombie Jesus, what am I supposed to say?
Oh and Ms. Banks, I know Mr. Tolkien based his fantasy novels (very loosely) on his own life, but there are 3 things you should understand:
1) He had more writing talent in his pinky-nail than you would have if you multiplied your writing talent by a billion.
2) He was not batshit insane.
3) LotR was an allegory for his time in World War 1 (no, really it was). So he had something interesting to write about.
 

Dragunai

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Im unashamed to say I, myself, am aspiring to become an author someday in the fantasy genré and I am slowly reaching my goal, wheather or not I succeed is a different matter.

Heres how this ties together -

Tyra is using her fame to get this thing off the ground so garbage or not some poor publisher is going to be coerced into making it. Next your going to have the mindless army of wannabe models buy it because each hopes theirs will have the golden ticket ito the world of being a cocain fuelled, diet pill popping, anorexia "no its just a diet" denying HARLOT.

"every girl in the world wants to go."

This is the part that disturbs me the most, Why would ALL girls want to go there? is Tyra specifically black balling all the tomboys and dark goth chicks who consider modelling to the apex of "being barbie" and thus a total embaressment to their gender.

As someone said earlier in this thread - the intoxibella will most likely be drunken models doing card tricks and this is just tragic. Who is she fooling with the intoxibella? thats quite possibly the worst name for an elite caste of magi I have ever heard!

Modelland, at least she is being shameless about her source material and I am glad she is staying within the boundries of her own realm of expertise.
Sadly this doesnt amount to much any person with an IQ over 15 would want to read however I should imagine girls of a similar age value most likely WILL read this for the aforementioned sell out reasons.

The reason I feel so enraged is because of the Tolkien reference. The man was a genius, his work was beyond his era and his translation of Nordic folklore into workable and unstandable fiction which has now translated into Dungeons and Dragons which in turn is responsible for the modern age of Fantasy gaming and movies (such as world of warcraft) and her thinking she could be his equal with "Modelland" is just offensive to anyone who can actually read.

Lord of the rings, The tales of Tom Bombadil and so on are all works of art, his story structures wrought to be deep and clever with all the needed highs and lows in the action. He created a whole world for us to escape into which as we all know resulted in a series of hit movies and videogames.

Frankly this whole thing is obscene and I have to say im surprised she can even read let alone write. I wonder if she realises a trilogy is 3 books...
 

Dragunai

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Jaded Scribe said:
She's a vile human being, and this series will be a stain on the literary world worse than Twilight.
By comparison Twilight is a work of art...
 

Michael Wilbur

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Mar 19, 2010
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Modelland? MODELLAND?! That's like something a grade-schooler would come up with for a Barbie fanfiction!
This really just pisses the hell outta me, mostly because it's guaranteed to sell well just because of the name. How's a fantasy/science fiction author supposed to be taken seriously in a genre home to ... *twitch* Modelland?
 

rewood4

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Apr 30, 2009
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Dear lord, models contribute the least to society. And why would 'every girl' want to be one, isn't that a bit one sided?

Edit: Also, i have a feeling it will be largely 'ghost written'.
 

Bek359

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Feb 23, 2010
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superbatranger said:
Bek359 said:
teh_pwning_dude said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

*puffs*

...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Quite the hilarity. Christ she's ugly, though.
Indeed. The gap between what the fashion industry thinks is attractive and what real men think is attractive is a vast one.
Yea, because everyone in the fashion industry love, but loooove anorexic 20-year old bimbos.
Exactly. I would much rather have someone like, say, Kaylee from Firefly, who is not a classic "hottie" in fashion industry terms, but is still rather nice to look at, while having a pleasant personality and depth of character to them, and whom you could conceive of having a meaningful human conversation with, than someone like Megan Fox, who turns heads everywhere she goes, but with a poisonous personality whose every word makes me want to beat myself to death with a wooden ladle, as a girlfriend. And keep in mind, this is Megan Fox, who is considered attractive by a large percentage of men (myself not included). I have even less desire to date someone with the same acrid personality, but looks emaciated and bitches if she finds a single ounce of excess body fat on her.

Message to the fashion industry: It's okay for you to have real, healthy women in your ads! Just make sure they are reasonably pleasing to look upon and that they aren't skeletons or hippos and we'll be fine! Not shitting you or anything! Men like real women, not Combine Stalkers! Although, to be fair, I think the Stalkers are a little less synthetic.
 

Fox242

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Nov 9, 2009
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Is she really that desperate for fame? These Modelland (oh I'm sorry, I mean Model Land) books are probably going to bomb more than anything that we have ever seen...I hope.
 

Yokai

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Oct 31, 2008
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Wha--I can't...why would...how is this even-n-n-ngraaaaargh
[HEADING=1]
DOES NOT COMPUTE
[/HEADING]
That has got to be the most singularly horrible premise I have ever heard. I weep for the future of fantasy writing.

Well, I'm actually slightly relieved, because when I read the headline, I thought she had actually said something along the lines of "These books will turn me into the next JRR Tolkien." Thank god that's not the case. Tyra Banks writing fantasy novels is an insult to Tolkien's legacy.
 

major28

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Feb 25, 2010
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my only question is ,how many?... how many mushrooms was somebody on when they thought "dude that tyra banks should make a fiction novel about models and itll be like harry potter" let me answer my own question 14 and thats the really powerful african kind
 

SenseOfTumour

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Jul 11, 2008
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On the bright side, it won't actually be written by her, they'll have an army of 'Ghost writers' then she'll have to go back to college for a year to learn to sign her name, for the book launch, and it's ready to go.

Honestly tho, it bugs me how anyone famous is suddenly allowed to be an author, and not just allowed, but encouraged. I mean, is it 3 or 4 'autobiographies' that Jordan has cranked out now, and what is she, 30?

I've always been kind of reverent towards books, I find it very hard to throw one away, I'd always prefer to give them away, or send them to a library or charity shop, but damn, I go into a popular bookshop now, and I wish I had 5 minutes with a flamethrower when I see the WALLS of Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, (still) Jade Goody, and Sharon Osbourne biographies, along with the celeb diet and exercise books, and all the crappy TV spin offs, from all the fashion, auction, gardening and health shows.

I'm not saying you can't have two careers, musician, actor, model, etc, AND author, just that it's ridiculous that you get the amount of publicity you do for some shoddy half written biography, when there's good authors trying to break into the market and get known for actually crafting good fiction.

Yes, you can apply that to pop stars in movies, actors doing cds, etc, too.
 

avelmen1889

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Dec 30, 2008
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personal i think this may turn into an Oprah best seller due to emence amounts of bribes, and it will enevitably turn into a useless pile of owl pellets, despite all the soccer moms buying this for their children in hopes of them being supermodels. but despite all our combined rage we arent going to have much impact
 

zeeky130

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May 5, 2010
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Formula wise I think it sounds like a way to basically print money.

Hot and well known author + situation that every tween girl wants to be in + incredibly bad text that any English professor would run screaming at the sound of + bunch of publicity by daytime talk shows = publishers down payment on a new house.

Tyra, you are already rich. Please stop and get help for the messiah complex that you obviously have.