I'm going to go ahead an apologize right now if this post ends up being too long, rambling, or unnecessarily personal (in a TMI kind of way,) but hopefully somewhere in what I'm about launch into will be enough to glean some semblance of the answers you're looking for.
Welp, here goes.
First of all, the Escapist forums are probably not the best place to turn for constructive, and in particular, practical, relationship advice (but it is oh-so-tempting to peruse through the relentlessly curiosity-piquing thread titles that litter the right side of my browser when I come here to watch ZP.) I get the general feeling that most of the posters here are comparatively under-experienced and don't have the scope of interactions to really catch some of the more finicky problems, and it's not that I some panning low-opinion of the crowd here, merely that I find I am often surprised to discover how incensed and outraged the average response is in many of the posts regarding even slightly controversial topics in that tricky arena of human romance, and I'm pretty convinced that this kind of idealization mostly comes from a naivety regarding how things often end up really going down (in this very thread it seems every other post is all, "violence is always bad in a relationship!" which has a nice idyllic ring to it when you haven't been exposed to a wide enough spectrum of violence to know when it is and is not malicious.) On the other hand, I'm mostly damaged goods at this point, such to a degree where I'm shocked when I find myself in a relationship where I'm not being abused, and am pretty much conditioned to expect it, so you'd be wise to keep that context in mind.
(Quick aside: my current girlfriend is the only girl I've dated who, after more a couple weeks, hasn't started hitting me on a regular basis. Usually when I start seeing someone pretty seriously it doesn't take long before they notice that I unintentionally flinch at any sudden movement, and when they ask about it I tell them I'm used to being hit, and they all go, "awww," and "that's so terrible," and whatnot while I shrug it off. It doesn't usually take long before they play-hit me or something and then I guess the idea just catches, and when they realize they can get away with it they do it more often and more forcefully until it becomes a thing. Apparently I just invite being hit? I'm pretty resilient, having smashed up a good number of bones and had a great deal of considerably more damaging things happen to my person than most people are able to muster at a moment's whim so, comparatively, being hit on a regular basis doesn't really register. I think for most of the people I've dated it's something like having the desire to kick a kitten, and then realizing you can do so without actually needing to feel bad afterwards about the kitten being hurt, and this combination of elements becomes irresistible. Since the girl I'm dating now has made a living rehabilitating problem horses, and is quite familiar with forcibly shoving around large brutish creatures one still sincerely cares about, the abstract desire to do so I guess seems significantly lessened. The astute reader wonders, if I'm so oblivious to physical pain, why then do I flinch in the first place? The answer is that I'm not flinching in expectation of injury, but as an intentional suppression of the instinctual impulse to strike at things that surprise me; it only takes one time of accidentally punching your girlfriend when she jumps out from behind a door at you (this video presents the phenomenon pretty well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26uEZHm7prY ) before you build some mechanism of making damn certain you never do it again. Net of the story, I'm pretty fucked up, apparently.)
Preamble aside, I've see no problem with a little bit of violence to mix things up in my relationships here and there. As most people have pointed out, the main issue you're probably having is not strictly with finding someone who isn't averse to a violent and aggressive woman, but rather someone who has no problem with you being assertive and dominant in your own right, which generally, in the scope of most kinds of relationships, would be the truth of the matter. But you've held to the case, and I think I might be pretty on board with what you're getting at, that you do in fact mean violence, and where I think people get lost is because what you're referring to is not the "torturing and maiming an innocent animal" kind of violence, but (to use a metaphor that has has probably less resonance here than in nearly any other context,) the "being a linebacker about to run down and pummel a wide receiver," kind of violence. In the first case it is a cruel and vicious violence, in the second, it is the goal of one or the other participant to avoid being injured and there is a real and present threat of injury, but everyone is knowingly placing themselves in the "violent" scenario because it is exciting and bringing that kind of excitement to the a relationship is actually a thing that some people seek out. Fewer of them, probably, than the average, but they're out there.
By example, I dated one girl for nearly three years and while there were a lot of ways in which the relationship was not healthy (mostly in terms of parasitic co-dependency that lingered in any of our interactions for years even after we broke up,) the physical aggression that we each brought to the private aspects of our romance was not one of them. We're both driven, highly demanding and opinionated people and verbally we argued pretty much endlessly, so the ability to mutually come to some manner of consensual assault was actually a fairly safe manner for us to enact our aggressive tendencies productively. Foreplay often involved wrestling with and attempting to forcibly strip the other person, to the point where if anyone had ever walked in on us it would likely look like a rape was going on, with the caveat of not being able to tell who was raping who.
So, certainly, I think I can appreciate, at least approximately, what is meant when you say you're looking for a relationship where you can express not only assertiveness and personal passions, but indeed a degree of aggression and violence, and would like to extend that there are people out there, harder to find as they may be, who will assent to such a relationship (some of whom are probably even not as crazy as I am, though I would hope that this is generally true in most cases.) What you'll probably discover though, is that it will take some mining and endeavor on your part to find them. Most people don't go about thinking to themselves, "why yes, I am the kind of person who will engage in physical battle to attain the privilege of removing your bra, or even, as it may be, the right to decide which milk we buy (or the last slice of pizza or whether the evening is spent watching Project Runway or Top Gear, or you know, whatever,)" it tends to be a kind of emergent occurrence that comes about only in the right combination of people in a relationship.
The problem you face is determining what kind of people in particular will yield a higher chance to rise to meet your aggressive nature, rather than be alarmed by it, timid of it, or turned off by it. In my case I don't go about looking for a violent woman to beat me up on a regular basis a necessary condition of who I date, because while I can appreciate that kind of exchange, it isn't one of the driving qualities in who I chose to be with. I do look for some who could beat me up, or at least give a run for my money, should push come to consensually thrilling shove. Which is to say I'm most attracted by women who are determined, motivated, driven, physically capable, and in making me look like a lazy lout by comparison, inspire me to work harder in my own goals. The irony of all this is that outwardly, I have no problem playing the effeminate, emotional, creative type (what with being an artist and all) and allowing any supposed claim to masculinity be undercut by dating someone who could take me to the floor if she wanted (my current girlfriend is actually a little intimidating in this regard, having the kind of disposition that allows one to spend 60 hours a week manhandling angry 1200 lbs animals that can kick the doors off an Escalade, which is funny considering she's probably the least "violent" among most people I've dated with any degree of seriousness.) (I say "outwardly" as though I am not often, in fact, an effeminate, emotional, creative type, which I obviously am, see: "parasitic co-dependence," above.)
The, hopefully useful, takeaway for you is that to find the kind of person you're looking for you may have to look in some paradoxical locations. The stereotypical, macho-aggressive linebacker in my I'm-disgusted-I-would-even-reference-football metaphor above, though fundamentally synchronized with the potential mindset you're interested in, is far and away also stereotypically turned off by aggressive women types. Some people have mentioned BDSM, and while I can understand it not being really what you're looking for (more fun facts, my current GF apparently has historically taken the role of a dominatrix from time to time, and yet, totally not my thing... she is fortunately cool with this,) it will probably be as a peculiar personality quirk, possibly even thought of as fetishistic, that the individual you're hunting for will express. My advice? Shop around, no one window-displays the kind of thing it seems like you're wanting (again, "I like long walks on the beach and also having fights that might leave bruises" isn't the kind of thing you're probably going to find on an okcupid profile,) and it could end up being surprising who might fit neatly with your degree and intensity of aggression. I would obviously solicit people highly involved in the arts (look for sculptors, the kind of people who bend around metal and use a blowtorch on a regular basis, they're often amenable to putting their bodies through physical peril, while being, typically, more well read than say, a lumberjack) though would warn that most of the mix will be those who use the template of "being artistic" as a social identifier (it pains me to say it, but, see: "hipsters,") rather than being inexorably drawn to a creative desire despite the input and opinions of any other living creature, and you'll probably want to be looking toward the latter category. You might try doctors (or, really, for the best instant fix of high intensity bursts of probably aggressive passion, med students, who unwind hard as shit on the occasions when they actually get a chance to unwind,) or people of any other highly demanding and self-assuring trade.
What you'll most probably find is that the right person is the kind of person who doesn't need you, and doesn't need their social position established by any external source and is self-assured enough to look for a mutual competitor, rather than a trophy or a mother or someone to look after the house or organize the bills. You could say this, conceptually, is the basis of many ideal relationships, but you're probably also looking for someone with enough intensity that the usual day to day activities are just on the pale side of blase. See: Randian Objectivists, but probably those who are nihilistic enough to have rejected that fulfillment will actually come from material wealth and are looking for deep and vivid enough stimulus to pierce through the burden of all their wasted intellect. One way or another it will probably end up being someone with some penchant for abuse (even though you've said you don't want someone who will let you abuse them,) because even with those who strive most adamantly for success there is a degree to which that intensity wells from a degree of self-abuse in the form of constantly pushing themselves beyond reasonable limits. Probably not on this list, and likely part of the reason why most of the response you've got here is in line with "violence=bad," are gamers, as gaming, fundamentally, is a way of mitigating the immediacy of aggression onto some abstracted framework (see: "ragequiting;" a gamer will more likely ragequit an argument they don't want to have, where a power hungry business executive will flip out and punch you in the face. Or buy your entire livelihood and undersell you into poverty. You know, more forward, one way or the other.)
Alternatively, having trudged your way though this intractable bit of hyper-advice, you may decide what you're looking for is actually slightly more upward of normal in which case maybe accountants, maybe that's what you should look into.
