Violent women.

[Char-Nobyl]

Bit of a late reply. Oh well.

No, I don't think I have a skewed idea at all. I know what assertive is, I know what aggressive is.

It's one thing to tell me, and it's another thing to show me. From what I saw, you didn't seem to, but I'll read the rest of the post and see if you show me otherwise.

No, I'm saying both outspoken and physically violent. I'm not confusing anything.

*facepalm*

I'm going to be honest: I didn't anticipate that as a response. I sort of assumed that no one would be asking why guys weren't interested in them while simultaneously admitting to being spontaneously and frequently violent.

Violent and aggressive. I never once described myself as assertive. You're the one who threw that word on me just now.

...well now. This is going somewhere horrifying.

I said it fine. I'm not jumping around. You're the one who made it seem so when you took my word 'aggressive' and replaced with with 'assertive'. If I meant 'assertive', I would have said 'assertive'.

I can be assertive also, however, but that's not what this thread is about.

I thought 'aggressive' was meant to be 'assertive' because I didn't think it was possible for someone to post "I'm loud and violent, why don't people want to date me?" without any trolling intent.

There are many more sentences in this thread.

The contents of a single sentence in a larger body can be very, very significant. It only takes one Holocaust denial to ruin an otherwise lovely dinner party, even if you were a picture of etiquette before and afterward.

You seem to think that being aggressive and having a like for violent playfights is the same as being a sadist. I can understand where your confusion comes from, but it's not my problem.

Not really, no. But when you "get a rise from it," that's sadism, for the same reasons why S&M isn't called a 'hobby' and building model planes isn't called a 'fetish.'

As long as "assaults" were something mutual, something expected, something wanted and with someone I trusted.. then why the heck wouldn't I? If I had a relationship dynamic like that with someone and I enjoyed it, then yes.

Right...but I'm guessing that most people don't want that. And if you're constantly driving at it, they're going to be rather put off.

If you mean "Would you enjoy being with someone who abuses you in ways you are not comfortable with in the least?" then no, I wouldnt like it. But that's also not what I'm talking about at all. To imply that this is what I'm talking about is to imply that I want someone to be terrified of me, that I want them to cower. If I wanted that, I wouldn't be bothered about finding a relationship with someone who had the same desires. I'd just go out and abuse some poor sap, and we wouldn't be discussing it on this thread.

Okay, let me put it this way: for most people, physical violence is the opposite of romance. They don't want to brawl with their significant other for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being the social consequences.

Let's say you have one of your fights, it was entirely mutual, and you both had a great time. The next day, you go out, and you look like you lost a UFC match. You've got plenty of visible bruises, and maybe people will be inexplicably nicer to you, ask you whether or not everything's okay in your love life. It's completely irrelevant whether or not he's got marks, too, because people will assume that he's abusive.

And I don't mean random people you pass on the street when you're together. I mean people that you/he might've known for years. Because people don't date everyone they've ever known, so they have no way of knowing whether or not the otherwise perfectly nice guy they work with beats his girlfriend when he gets pissed off.

So yeah. You can't get a steady boyfriend because you're dissatisfied if he isn't doing something every moral fiber of his being, not to mention societal imprinting, is screaming at him not to do.

That, and you also described yourself as 'outspoken,' which when paired with 'violent' usually just means 'loud.' So I guess I gave my bottom line near the start of this post: you are loud and violent, and even getting past that, most guys have nothing to gain and potentially everything to lose from indulging your wishes.

 

[emeraldrafael]

I like a girlw ith a little bite in her. As long as she keeps in check. And no, thats no some chauvinistic view about how women should be bottled up and remain in the kitchen while men get to be rough and tough and drink and swear and stuff.

It just means that she should be able to control it, like men are expected to. I'll be honest, a girl with some bite makes the sex a little better (for me at least). shell have enough back bone to give a guy attitude right back to him, and because i dont fight girls, I know that she can fight my battles if a woman wants to fight me (sorry, theres just no way you can be a man and look good coming out of a fight with a woman win or lose).

So yeah. i basically have the same policy as violent men. If theyre overly so, I want nothing to do with them. Unfortunately I cant apply full policy because the policy with men extends to say that if they continue to be overly so and obnoxious about it their face needs a good introduction with the pavement, and like is aid, I dont fight/hit girls. I also have the same policy that if a woman abuses a man for her personal gain, whatever the reason, she is scum of the earth, just like a man would be if the situation would be reversed.

 

[funguy2121]

I've been using these forums for a while, but (1) have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.

I'm going to be straight with you guys. (2)I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

What I've found is, though, (3)that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like (5)men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and (6)I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.

So I come to you. (7)What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? (8)Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. (9)why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. (10)But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. (11)I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

The trouble with binaries is, they always privilege one over the other.

(1) I wonder why you would have to change your screen name? It sounds as though you no longer wanted to be associated with people who named you as a friend on here, in which case my first reaction is "relax, it's just the internet." And why so afraid of those who don't share all of your values? Do you not think that you have something to learn from them?

(2) This actually sounds sexy. Not trolling you or hitting on you sexy, but actually, metaphysically, mentally sexy. Until I considered the title of the thread.
Do you really think that hitting someone, or injuring someone, or breaking their shit, is a sign of strength, or anything you described therein? Does it not point to unresolved personal issues and nothing more?

(4) Well, Escapists are generally not happy when women state that they still don't have all the same rights as men. Actually, the majority of Escapists don't seem all that bothered by the plight of women anywhere. This perception is probably an exaggeration of the truth, but I'm sure you've been in a thread about women before - it's a playground of misogyny. My question is: why do you think you can't be an aggressive person AND a pacifist? Or do you mean pushy and violent when you say aggressive? And why do you equate standing up for what you believe in to beating the shit out of someone?

(5) Men are like that until we grow up some and realize that we should be taking care of our own domestic/hygeine needs (hooray for my spelling). If you're bitching because they want someone to listen to them, you should stop paying attention to verbal gender role propaganda and take the same advice that everyone always gives us guys: listen more, and you'll get more out of her. So listen more, and you'll get more out of him.

(6) Again, what do you mean? You deviated from who you are by BEING with someone? Or by being affectionate and attentive (which is pretty close to the dictionary condition of a lover)? Would you rather spend out your days in an institution or self-sequesterment, writing about how much better you are than all the lovey-dovies that you don't need anywho? Clarity, please.

(7) Answer: women who aren't afraid to stand their ground, women who stand up for their selves and for what they believe in, are unbelievably hot. Women who tear shit up and act crazy may be hot for about a weekend - long enough to screw them and then change the locks. You asked.

(8) "Subtlety." Again with the binaries. Sanity is underrated. A well-grounded, fully-formed-on-their-own person is underrated.

(9) Would you think me rude if I asked you to kindly come down from your cross? Binaries are bullshit, they are two-dimensional thinking, they are a trick your mind plays on itself to keep from doing any actual hard work. And it's always a nice touch to add a bit of self-appointed martyrdom. Why be cold and unfeeling or rageful, scary and violent toward others, but be sad and pitying towards yourself? That's not an insult, it's an honest question.

(10) I take it you don't mean wrasslin'. In which case it's probably time to consider why you get a rise out of it, and why you excuse it as a game. You need help, not enablers.

(11) This is a sorry excuse hiding within a very real issue that cannot help you confront what's keeping you from having the sort of relationships you describe. The answer must begin and end with honesty with yourself. Or something. Either way, violence from anyone is a sign of a weaker mind and you should think better of yourself.

 

[funguy2121]

snip

Will you be my friend? That was so much better stated than my own post.

snip

To the both of you: I didn't even get to this point and I had a long post. Trust a Bible Belt dweller (in case you're not Yanks, I live in Texas): depending on where you live, it can either be the wrong cop or any cop. If there's a domestic disturbance, either no one goes to jail or the guy goes to jail. I had a vengeful, opportunistic, violent whirlwind of a sociopath for a girlfriend, and when I finally got away from her, I cut my losses - a couple thousand dollars' worth of losses, at the time just about everything I owned. I told a co-worker about this, when I found out that I'd have to spend at least $900 to take her to small claims court and that without receipts I still may not have much of a chance, and she said that it's best just to stay away. My co-worker told me that she had quit drinking after she assaulted her fiance's best friend, who never touched her once, and that he was about to lose his visa over it. She said that she went to the judge and the county clerk numerous times and that every time they told her that SHE was the victim and was just blaming herself. The friend, who ultimately was deported, was hospitalized the night of the assault.

So yeah, OP wants a guy to secure a prison cell for himself, in an environment where they find out why one ends up there, and where rape is rampant. Forget reason. I'm not sure OP deserves to be with someone.

 

[funguy2121]

From my perspective, women with masculine qualities typically get applauded for showing strength and femininity. However, a male with feminine qualities is instantly looked down upon and ostracized.

Because we're still favoring the masculine side of the coin. Hell, I've seen it in lesbian relationships. Binaries are your enemy.

 

[Still Life]

-Snip-

Well, I can go on a spiel about gender roles and the culturally contingent values posited upon gendered individuals in a society, but I'd much rather give you a qualitative reply as a young (22) male.

I personally approach women like I do with men. Not with some crude, gender-homogenized ideology, but with respect for every individual and their differences. This is not to say that I get along with everyone, but it allows me to better communicate and understand a person.

I'm personally attracted to strong women, who have wits and are assertive; free thinkers who are comfortable to develop their own personalities and not become trapped by social expectation. I also appreciate a woman who's able to step back and re-evaluate a position in case of error. Although I don't like undue and/or uncontrolled aggression, I like it when a woman stands up for herself and tells someone to go fuck themselves when the situation calls for it.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

We are who we are. We should never need to conform to anothers ideal of 'normal' or 'proper'.

If someone can't accept you for who you are, then why should you respect their opinion if they can't respect your lifestyle.

 

[ultrachicken]

I don't like violent people of either gender. I have no desire to be around someone who gets angry and aggressive for no reason.

EDIT: And I find your particular brand of whining rather ridiculous. I do believe that there are strong societal gender roles that need to be knocked out of their place, but to most people, violence is a turn off, regardless of what genitals their partner has. You're blaming your romantic problems on sexism when it's just a naturally unpopular trait you possess.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. As someone who has struggled greatly with " seeing red" for my entire life, I can tell you violence is not something to be taken lightly. People have a built in fight or flight response, and you never know when that can be set off. I never viewed violent tendencies as a " good thing", I was ashamed and embarrassed when people told me what I had done. I did not enjoy being called " slugger" and " tazmanian devil" after I had a defensive reflex reaction. These reactions were the complete opposite of my normal behavior, people were shocked when these things happened. Fostering violence rather than "redirecting it" is harmful to yourself and others. I am a very peitite female, was always an honors student, always laid back and a very happy, well adjusted personality and well liked. I was elected for positions in my class. I was a cheerleader until I broke another cheerleader's nose in one of these incidents. She touched me without gaining permission and I broke her nose. I have never instigated a fight, but if I was threatened, or I saw someone else being harmed, I did not think I didn;t even remember my actions. I just reacted, and often the only things I could remember were many events in my life that caused me a great deal of pain. It was uncontrollable, unrestrained pure rage.

The last incident I ever had was over 10 years ago. I was jumped by 3 girls much larger than me. I was only 98 lbs at the time, and the one who first attacked me was over 200lbs. I sent two of them to the hospital, and knocked my ex on the ground when he tried to pull me off of them. The last thing I remembered at all was being pushed into a fence. But apparently after that I knocked two teeth out of the girls mouth, broke her nose, black eyes, and was going to put my heel through her face when they tried to snap me out of it after I threw the girl on my back over a fence. This isn;t funny. This is very ugly. It is embarrassing and not something to be proud of. If they hadn't snapped me out of it, I could have killed someone. This is not "cool", it is horrifying.

From that point on, I realized it was a serious issue, and have removed all violence from my life. When I left my ex I promised myself I would never allow petty arguing or violence in my life again. I have learned to redirect frustration and anger into " positive energy" rather than just stomaching the pain until it explodes. A good way to do this is convert it into sexual energy, but not " violence". Sure some " roughness" is awesome, but nothing that would seriously hurt someone. My sweety now absolutely loves it. He starts complaining about something, and I just go bust out the toys pop on the porn and he forgets whatever he was a sniveling about. The first time I did that, he just sat there with his mouth open and disbelief on his face. It works so much better than arguing about things that don;t really matter in the long run. LOL

Instead of trying to focus on " maintaining violence" it is better to try to redirect it. Violence causes nothing but pain for everyone involved.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

We are who we are. We should never need to conform to anothers ideal of 'normal' or 'proper'.

If someone can't accept you for who you are, then why should you respect their opinion if they can't respect your lifestyle.

Violence is poison. It isn;t a matter of "conforming for others" it is a matter of moving beyond a very bad habit. You do not become weak when you walk away from violence. You become strong.

If it is harmful to yourself and others, maybe you should reevaluate your addiction/ problem.

This was a hard lesson learned for me, as I described in my above post.