Violent women.

[Arbi Trax]

I love hanging around with girls like this. I tend to give my fair share of cutting remarks (jokingly), and the ones that can take it and dish it out are fun to hang around with.

I'd never date them though.

In my case, being bolshey and a bit rough around the edges gets you friendzoned. Not sure why.

 

[honestdiscussioner]

I think you should steer away from from "violent" and stick with "aggressive". Guy or girl . . . violent generally means hitting or hurting people and I don't think that's what you really mean anyway.

If you're telling us you're not happy as a nurturing person and would rather be aggressive . . well you've answered your own question. It may take years, but you'll find someone who appreciates that in you.

 

[DonMartin]

I generally don't like aggressive people. No, wait, even "like" is too strong a word. Im not too fond of aggressive people, I suppose. I do my best in every situation I feel is getting tenser to calm everyone down with a joke or something the like. Man or woman makes no difference.

When it comes to aggressiveness in a partner, (which would be a woman, since I am straight) I am generally more attracted by the more laid-back. Sure, short arguments and stuff like that cant always be avoided with anyone, but I like it when people dont blow it out of proportion. I think Im really just describing an average-tempered person, come to think of it.

 

[Treblaine]

My only real problem with play-fighting is that, well, the average woman (no offense) is so feeble, physically speaking, that even most of the ones who say "I like to play-fight!" really mean "I want you to defend yourself as gently as possible and make me feel like I'm accomplishing something!"

Isn't that what the "play" part is?

Don't be so surprised that play-fighting is so different from real fighting. The problem I see with guys over playfighting is their ego gets in the way, they can't just let the girl have some fun they take it like a serious challenge to their strength.

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

I don't mean he should act aggressive. I simply mean that he wouldn't sway or run from a woman with a more aggressive personality. He would enjoy a woman initiating a 'playfight'. I mean simply enjoying a certain relationship dynamic.

Thank you for your insight. I do see a lot of people here saying they admire women who are not pacifists. Unfortunately, I still look like a sociopath! That's my fault. I think another problem is that, perhaps, maybe I'm just not 'usual'.

Forever alone.

I obviously don't know much about you, but I did go out with a girl who was kind of wild and often tried to engage me in aggressive playfights. And I did get sick of her after a while. The problem was that, although she seemed to think of herself as aggressive and self-assured and confident and assertive (which is what attracted me to her in the first place), she was actually really insecure and clingy beneath it all. But I'm not sure if that had anything to do with being aggressive.

I do know that there was one time we had a spontaneous, epic wrestling match in a park, and we ended up tearing up each other's clothes and having sex in the bushes. And it was great.
And I'm a fairly mild-mannered guy, so if I can end up being convinced to do that by a girl, any guy could.
But, like I said, she had some other problems.

 

[Skoosh]

A strong personality is fine, nothing wrong with that, and there are plenty of men out there that want an opinionated, strong woman. If you like violence, awesome, lots of guys will enjoy it with you. If you want to say "haha, shut up, asshole" and not think you're a *****, you're in luck! Lots of guys want their girlfriend to be a friend.

Physically, it's a completely different story. If you do get physical, there's a very likely chance HE has to stifle himself to make sure you don't get hurt. In general, woman are much smaller and weaker than men, and it's really annoying having someone punch you when you can't hit back, like a yappy dog. Now you may very well be pretty buff and can take a hit. If so, that's fine, although most men find muscular women unattractive because, well, muscle is a more masculine thing. Some men like it though, so shouldn't be a problem finding a partner if that's the case.

There's one girl I know that really annoys me. She always talks about how she can kick my ass because she took martial arts lessons. What she doesn't seem to factor in though is that I have actual fighting experience, at least 60 more pounds of muscle, and nearly a foot taller than her. It wouldn't be close, but I have to just stand there when she does her play-punches to make sure I don't hurt her. Don't be that person and everything should be fine.

 

[Vidiot]

IrisEver:
My wife and I play-fight all the time, to the point of sparring. I think a big part of it is that men of this generation have been raised to believe that women are either a plaything (douchebags) or too far on the other side of the spectrum and are afraid to even raise their voice let alone a hand in self-defense for fear of being labeled abusive.

I've seen women who abused their submissive husbands to the point of stabbing or breaking bones, then telling the police that the man was the aggressor. Without fail, the man was put in jail (or prison in 2 of the cases I knew) and the woman was found without guilt.

Short version: It's a balancing act. Some men will beat the hell out of you if you challenge them, others will cower and snivel, but you sound like you need someone with a spine who you can butt heads with.
Keep looking, and be yourself. The right ones will come back because they like a challenge.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

To be honest I think your use of the word "violent" is thoroughly misplaced here, I really don't know why you would use that word unless English wasn't your 1st language.

English is my first language and when I say violent, I do mean violent. A quick temper, although I'm certainly not irrational and petty. Hot tempered. Aggressive. Likes that sort of interaction and bonding. Conviction.

Good-natured violence. Not beating each other up out of pure, malicious anger. I'm not talking about out of control violence or scumbag abuse.

Nah, I'm not explaining myself well.

That isn't violence, you might be hot tempered, aggressive, and enjoy play fighting, but that isn't violent. You might just about be able to scrape saying you had a violent temper but that's about it. I can understand what you're saying, you've explained it fine, just not with the word "violent".

 

[Raesvelg]

Don't be so surprised that play-fighting is so different from real fighting. The problem I see with guys over playfighting is their ego gets in the way, they can't just let the girl have some fun they take it like a serious challenge to their strength.

I'm aware of what it is, thanks. I'm also aware that it's really easy to hurt people when there's a significant disparity in size/strength, and while it can be fun in small doses, if it's a constant thing, eventually, it gets tiring and mistakes get made. And then people get hurt.

 

[Brandon237]

I myself am a pacifist, I have trouble even being friends with other guys who are overly aggressive. I think this renders my opinion... invalid. Each to their own I guess. My gf is more vicious than I am, not in capability but in how how she uses it. She has no qualms about hitting someone, I on the other hand avoid violence wherever possible in real life. Animated / videogame / in my head, BRING ME MORE >

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

Violent people aren't necessarily bad people, but they can sometimes be difficult to be around. For someone to come across someone who has impulsive tendencies towards violent actions, they may do their best to steer clear of those types of people.

However, the only issue is that: alienation. Many people don't expect to come across some sort of conflict every time they are out on the town, and they will definitely stray away from those who may seem/are violent. This makes people who are not necessarily violent, but come with a short-fuse and a tendency to let their fists do the talking.

Unless you hang around a "tough crowd" or people who are willing to put up with your violent tendencies/demeanor, it will be difficult to interact with people in other social mediums (work, relationships, vacations, etc.).

Personally, you are who you are and no one should dictate who you should be or behave in society. Only know that your actions can get you in some undesirable situation and problems (like with any other lifestyle you chose to live your life). I have no problem with violent people, but once I feel like our relationship is being effected by violence, then I'm out, plain and simple.

 

[IrisEver]

I like to be able to get into it and hurt, and I readily accept the possibility of being hurt myself in his retaliation. I am including pain infliction in my version of 'playfighting'. I wouldnt treat a man that way if he didnt want to allow for a certain amount of pain in the sparring, though. Not a pain fetish, just an allowance for the simple fact that aggressive sparring equals pain infliction a lot of the time. Again, I wouldn't even touch someone if they didn't want to be touched. If I had a relationship with someone, for instance, and it turns out that they didn't want to playfight at all.. I would never force them into it. I wouldn't even try and talk them into it if they were obviously against it.

But we probably couldnt be in a relationship either. It's in my nature to interact this way, along with the non-physical aspects.

I obviously wouldn't want to go all out and bust his face so he had to have a face transplant. I wouldn't flap my hands at his face or slap. I'm pretty sure that passes the point of him believing I respect him, and I couldnt destroy someone I loved. And again, that's not what Im talking about anyway.

 

[Zakarath]

I like a girl who is strong-willed and has a sense of adventure, but I don't think I'd like a violent one, simply because I'm not particularly violent either. Stand up for what you believe in, but physical violence should never be necessary.

 

[AwesomeNinjaPowers]

I'm like you a happyily, sensible violent woman and if anyone dosen't like it well they can take a long walk off a short pier =D

 

[DeltaStrata]

Oh well. Forever alone.

Is there a reason you keep saying things like this? To be straightforward, assumptive, and rude, for a woman so dead-set on appearing strong, you seem awfully quick to try to garner pity. It's quite incongruous.

Let me elucidate on that...

What upsets me more is a man taking one look at me and thinking I'm weak -- especially if it's the sort of man I could have a relationship with who wants a more hotly tempered character, but he rejects me based on something far from reality. I'm quite short and feminine looking. It stings when it's assume you're not who you are, and even get rejection from it.

This statement, coupled with your vehement assertions throughout this thread that, no, you are, in fact, violent, leads me to believe that your aggression and hot temper are not an intrinsic aspect of your personality, but rather, something you have developed due to feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Put differently, you have something you're desperate to prove: That you're not weak. And in order to prove it, you affect the polar opposite, behaving aggressively and violently so as to appear strong (the polar opposites approach is a tactic a lot of people employ without even realizing it, myself included).

Unfortunately, this tactic fails, and you have already experienced firsthand why. Being violent doesn't make you appear strong, it only makes you appear dangerous. And while a strong woman is attractive to most men, a dangerous woman will actually repel them. It has to do with survival instincts; people don't want to be involved with things they have good reason to believe will cause them harm. They generally don't walk near fires because they don't want to get burned; they generally don't walk near the edge of a roof because they don't want to fall off; and they generally aren't attracted to someone who is physically violent because they don't trust that person to maintain enough control and/or sympathy to not hurt them. Note I'm using the actual definition of sympathy here, ie sharing & understanding the feelings of others, and not the synonym for 'pansy-ass pity' most people think it is.

Of course, this is all speculation. I've never met you in person, and I've read maybe two thousand words you've written online; that's hardly enough to claim I have an effusive understanding of your psyche, and I won't pretend otherwise. But it's something worth considering.



As for your qualms with guys wanting to be 'mothered', I've observed males behaving as such, and I agree, it's usually annoying and frustrating. The males I've seen in those situations are generally only in the relationship to fulfill their own selfish desires, to boot, so all the more reason to get the hell out. Which is not to say such a relationship dynamic is inherently bad; there are probably both men and women who want something like that. But I think it's important to differentiate between wanting to be coddled and wanting to be...open, I suppose is the best word. Cutting straight to the point, men in Western society are expected to never show any feeling whatsoever. It's an archaic and ridiculous standard, but it's there. With that in mind, many men, whether they realize it or not, seek out relationships with people they feel comfortable expressing their otherwise-repressed feelings to. But if they can't do that with a significant other, then...with whom? If a woman does to them the same thing society does, deriding them when they're trying to be real and honest about their feelings, then they aren't going to want to pursue a relationship with that woman.

 

[ChaoticLegion]

I've been using these forums for a while, but have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

What I've found is, though, that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

Really it all boils down to one thing, social expectations and expected roles from a by-gone era.

In general, the modern day society isn't as set in this mind set as it once was, but as with all things, it takes time in order for an entire social mind-set to change.

While I am aware that the type of woman you have described above is still rare (per-se) to encounter, I personally find such women to be a refreshing break from the stereotypical and socially expected norms and believe that many men (and women) are also of a similar mind set.

In terms of advice to you, I can say nothing more than be yourself (regardless of whom others may want you to be, even loved ones)and you shall, in time, find like minded individuals who appreciate you for who you are.

 

[IrisEver]

snip

That is quite an in depth study of me considering how little you know of me, especially considering it's over the binds of the internet. I wont say much on that though, as I do find armchair psychology interesting.

And don't offend me by saying I want pity. I don't blame you for not recognising "Forever alone" as tongue in cheek, as it is only the internet after all. Although I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would use that phrase seriously over the age of 17, and it's probably quite strange that you took it seriously.

My violent nature and hot temper is not about "appearing strong". I am strong, and I pride myself on that, but strength is a seperate thing as everyone here -- including myself, which you seem to have missed -- has pointed out. This is about closeness, relationship dynamics, and my nature. About how I simply could not find myself having a relationship with someone who couldnt accept that side of me, because they expected me to be more passive as a woman or because they didn't share the same values.

 

[HardkorSB]

I've been using these forums for a while, but have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

What I've found is, though, that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

Unless you really want to abuse men both physically and/or mentally, I wouldn't use the word "violent". I think that what you mean (correct me if I'm wrong) is that you want to be dominant, even intimidating in your relationships, to use your charisma to "force" your point of view onto a man, to which I can safely say that there are plenty of men who are in fact looking for that these kind of women. I was in a similar relationship for a while and from my experience, there was something sexually and emotionally gratifying about being under a woman (metaphorically speaking).
What you have to understand however is that intimate relationships are ones which require a lot of compromise. Sometimes a man likes when a woman is sweet, gentle and caring, when she mothers him. You don't have to change your whole personality to fulfill these needs but you have to at least be willing to become that other person every now and then, just to make him feel better. In return, you can expect him to do similar favors for you.
I guess that some men do find dominant women scary but it mostly comes from their own insecurities rather than the women. Some were spoiled by their mother (and other women in their childhoods) and simply expect other women to behave the same way out of habit. Other feel like they will lose their manhood and become "castrated" if the woman takes the lead in a relationship. I suppose it's impossible not to mention the influence of religion. In the Abrahamic ones (and maybe some others, I don't know the specifics of the lesser known ones), women are the inferior sex so if a person is deeply religious, they tend to follow the "man works and is the head of the family, woman takes care of the house and the children" route.
It's really complicated and it would take me hours to explain every aspect of it so I'm just going to stop there. There are whole books on the subject so feel free to explore the topic more thoroughly.

I hope my input was helpful.

 

[Bloedhoest]

I like to be able to get into it and hurt, and I readily accept the possibility of being hurt myself in his retaliation. I am including pain infliction in my version of 'playfighting'. I wouldnt treat a man that way if he didnt want to allow for a certain amount of pain in the sparring, though. Not a pain fetish, just an allowance for the simple fact that aggressive sparring equals pain infliction a lot of the time. Again, I wouldn't even touch someone if they didn't want to be touched. If I had a relationship with someone, for instance, and it turns out that they didn't want to playfight at all.. I would never force them into it. I wouldn't even try and talk them into it if they were obviously against it.

But we probably couldnt be in a relationship either. It's in my nature to interact this way, along with the non-physical aspects.

I obviously wouldn't want to go all out and bust his face so he had to have a face transplant. I wouldn't flap my hands at his face or slap. I'm pretty sure that passes the point of him believing I respect him, and I couldnt destroy someone I loved. And again, that's not what Im talking about anyway.

From what I've read I find you rather interesting.

While I am aware that the type of woman you have described above is still rare (per-se) to encounter, I personally find such women to be a refreshing break from the stereotypical and socially expected norms and believe that many men (and women) are also of a similar mind set.

Sir, you are correct.