Violent women.

[IrisEver]

Why would you even want to label yourself as "violent woman"? An hot headed? If you dont get your own way do you lash out? How violent are you? Your thread reads like you are trying hard to be against the supposed norms of a woman....even though those norms are unreal and have been unless you lived in the 40's where woman were meek housewives only. Just sounds like your bragging and going out of your way to say how different you are even though this will just alienate you from others. As if that makes you unique. But many woman like play fighting and will stand up for themselves and not be meek. Most woman are like this. Ive date woman that are very feminine and love a good play fight in the bedroom and also wont take crap and will stand up for themselves when needed.

Me, i want a woman to be a woman. To be confident and be herself. Not a woman that acts bossy, who gets angry and violent just because someone disagrees with her or if she cant get her own way. No guy wants that. Would you prefer to date a weak man that you can dominate? Or would you prefer a hot headed male and spend your relationship arguing about everything because both of you wont back down?

I want to label myself as what I am. If you think I'm bragging, fine. I simply wanted to start a discussion, so I did. If this alienates me from others, fine.

Odds are I'm not unique with how many people there are in the world, and I never implied that I was.

I want the opposite of a weak man.

'Sorry' is something that happens to other people.

I like you.

 

[maninahat]

I'll reverse the question: Do women want "violent, short tempered" men? I don't think a lot of people in general like hot headed personalities. Agressiveness comes across as boorish, or arrogant, or controlling, or unwilling to compromise. All of those are bad qualities. Being strong in the face of adverse conditions, that is a desirable quality. Being submissive is not necesarily a bad quality, and you won't get far in life by refusing to submit to a boss or people you want to cooperate with. As long as their requests are reasonable, just compromise a litte and go along. It has nothing to do with showing weaknesses of the gender.

 

[Estocavio]

Bluntly, where I Box, a Woman came in. A real Tough-Girl Stereotype. She DEMANDED to Spar someone, and about 30 seconds in, She was gone. As in, stepped back and left the building.

Bottom line is, its usually an outlet for something else.

 

[ensouls]

Expectations of the "fairer sex". That's basically it.

Then again, violence is never a good thing. You may be happy with it, but if your partner isn't, then you're just being selfish and childish. That really won't help you win someone over.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't happy with it. As I said, I'm not the sort to shank someone in the street and I'm certainly not talking about outright abuse. I don't want to abuse anyone, and wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the way I treated someone made them feel bad. I don't want to treat someone badly.

Okay, in terms that people may understand about what I mean when I say violence.. Playfights, for instance, although my nature does go beyond that. I don't mean going absolutely apeshit on a trembling figure in the corner of the kitchen, that's not what I mean at all and find people who act in such a way scum.

You haven't found the right person, I think.. I'm not quite the same way - I'm probably overly polite and cold to people I don't know well - but when I do know you, I am perfectly willing to be more enthusiastic in anger and happiness. My best friend in college had balloon fights with me all the time (still have a scar from that xD) and my fiancee and I just marathoned Bruce Lee movies and had faux kung fu fights during the slow scenes.

I think it's just considered immature more often than violent, but I don't mind playing like that. It's fun, and I have confidence in my own intelligence and levelheadedness. If I took it too seriously, did it all the time or had an honestly short temper with people I'm sure it would bother them more.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

'Sorry' is something that happens to other people.

I like you.

Everyone likes me, I'm a lovable larrikin.

 

[Qitz]

And also wont cry if I pull him off the couch by his legs during a movie.

First thing out my mouth would probably be "WEEEEE!" Followed by a huge *THUD*. I hope you didn't actually have someone cry because of that.

As for why women deal with a more subservient type of women, all I can guess is that it's left over ideals from the 40's where Man = breadwinner, Woman = home maker though some do still enjoy that type of relationship.

Also, it could be that most people are simply shocked by your actions, since you seem to be quite a rarity compared to most of the women they've met so far. Or they simply take the first impression as "Well she must be like this all the time then" which can be worrying.

One thing that's good to do is introduce them to you in stages. I don't mean start out pretending to be innocent right off the bat then turn into your normal self, I mean start out with small samples. If a guy your talking to says something you don't agree with, say so. Don't jump out with the whole thousands list of why you think it's a dumb idea. Same with the play fighting, give em a small shove now and again, don't start it off with a smash to the skull.

 

[k-ossuburb]

Snips

Personally? It's fine if you can hold your own intellectually and physically as it means that I don't have to tip-toe around your feelings or feel like I have to be the one who always has to carry the heavy shit. However, that doesn't mean I'd like that all the time, common sense is enough to say that nobody would want someone to be aggressive to them constantly as it would just get annoying after a while.

So, I guess my reasons against it are that some people would like a break from that crap and, if they're going through something that makes them emotionally vulnerable, like the death of a loved one or even if they've just had a hard day and are feeling a little down, then obviously they don't want to have to come home to someone who's only going to make them feel worse.

 

[drisky]

As long as you aren't being an abusive girl friend its all good. Confidence is something I look for in a women, it pulls me out of rut and gets me to take some action rather than just sulk. Its good to have someone who isn't afraid to push me. I'm generally passive which is a turn off to most women, but I don't want to be any thing else, so I understand where you are coming from. But If you act out side of a perceived gender role its harder to find a relationship, that doesn't mean its over it just means its harder. Since my issue is passive+passive=nothing gets gone, it works the same way with two aggressive people, if neither is willing to back down from an argument. My idea would be to possibly lower expectations of the other person rather than changing who you are.

 

[New Frontiersman]

Being aggressive or strong isn't a problem, the reason some men don't like that in a woman is they feel that aggressiveness is not a traditionally feminine quality. Some guys just prefer girls that are conventionally feminine and passive. On the other hand there are some men who may find that attractive. You were right to break up with that guy, you shouldn't have to change yourself to fit into a relationship. I'm sure you'll find someone who's right for you.
Personally I would have no problems dating a strong woman. I don't know how I'd feel about an aggressive woman though, mostly because I'm a fairly non-confrontational type, so my personality and hers might not mesh so well, but maybe it would, I don't really know.

On the other hand, the way you described yourself doesn't sound particularly violent, but I don't think violence is a desirable personality trait. In men or women. Again some men might find violence attractive in a relationship, I think there's a fetish for that actually, so you'd probably find a man who is attracted to that in a woman if you looked. It really depends on how violent you are and in what ways.
But I do not think I would date a "violent" woman though.

Don't despair though, I'm sure that someday you'll find the right guy for you, who will accept you for who you are. And if a guy doesn't like your aggressive personality, than he probably wasn't the guy for you.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Same with the play fighting, give em a small shove now and again, don't start it off with a smash to the skull.

Bah! One of the best girlfriends I ever had smacked me in the face with a beer bottle when we met.

 

[IrisEver]

Same with the play fighting, give em a small shove now and again, don't start it off with a smash to the skull.

Bah! One of the best girlfriends I ever had smacked me in the face with a beer bottle when we met.

I like her.

 

[pubbing]

Expectations of the "fairer sex". That's basically it.

Then again, violence is never a good thing. You may be happy with it, but if your partner isn't, then you're just being selfish and childish. That really won't help you win someone over.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't happy with it. As I said, I'm not the sort to shank someone in the street and I'm certainly not talking about outright abuse. I don't want to abuse anyone, and wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the way I treated someone made them feel bad. I don't want to treat someone badly.

Okay, in terms that people may understand about what I mean when I say violence.. Playfights, for instance, although my nature does go beyond that. I don't mean going absolutely apeshit on a trembling figure in the corner of the kitchen, that's not what I mean at all and find people who act in such a way scum.

Well as long as you don't go for the balls I think that is OK. Once you go for the balls you are definitely crossing the line. Also don't go crying abuse if your partner accidentally pops you one in the heat of the moment.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

I want to label myself as what I am. If you think I'm bragging, fine. I simply wanted to start a discussion, so I did. If this alienates me from others, fine.

Odds are I'm not unique with how many people there are in the world, and I never implied that I was.

I want the opposite of a weak man.

Maybe bragging was the wrong word. Also, i meant you alienate people in the real world who may be turned away from you if you label yourself violent and hot headed, not here on escapist. But normally people wouldnt say im violent and hot headed as if its something to be proud of. Most would see them two character traits as a flaw. Something that can cause issues in a relationship. I know you re defined violent as in playfighting, being physical for fun with a partner and not as in attacking them to cause harm in an argument out of anger. An standing up for yourself and your opinion in an argument is fine, but 'hot tempered' sounds like you might blow up at the littlest thing that annoys you. Like if i forgot to buy milk you would go nuts on me.

You want a strong man, but a strong man wont accept your hot headedness. You would keep clashing, arguing over little things and make each others life a misery because neither of you will back down. You want someone who can deal with your mood swings and with your aggresive nature. But if they were equally aggresive and hot headedness, the same as you, then it will cause problems.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

Can't speak for men, but when I go lesbian, I prefer fiery, aggressive, and hot-headed. Bonus points if the woman in question also has red hair. Knowing some form of martial arts is also a plus.

As to men, I have no idea. I'm a mouthy little *****, but I'm not violent or particularly aggressive, thus I haven't experienced your particular problem. I have seen examples in other women who seem to have that problem, but then, when that occurs, I usually end up hitting on them so... yeah. ^^;;

 

[Moromillas]

No one wants to be with THAT kind of person, the person you need to walk on egg shells around just to make it through the bloody day.

Not a case of finding someone who is just like Mum, jesus christ. It's finding someone you get along with, and actually enjoy or even love spending time with them.

 

[Xaio30]

I like women who say what they want to say, whatever other people may think.
As for hitting others: What The Fuck? Go join a martial arts club and get rid of all that energy.

 

[Char-Nobyl]

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

...right, you might have a skewed idea of what 'aggressive' is versus 'assertive.' The latter is a good thing. The former, usually not so much.

What I've found is, though, that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are.

My concern is that you're not talking about "strength [and] conviction." If the thread title is any indicator, you're confusing "outspoken" with "physically violent."

Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist.

Ugh. Again with the telling word choice. "Pacifist" does not mean "passive." It means "not-violent." What are you trying to describe yourself as? Violent, or assertive?

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

You're still jumping around a lot when it comes to what exactly you're referring to. We can't make any statements without knowing what you're talking about.

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

...wonderful. If I'm working off this sentence alone, apparently you're a sadist. And that's not a positive character trait regardless of how "fine with who [you] are" you might be.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

From what you've described, you seem to think that being an impulsive sadist is somehow the same thing as being, say, outspoken.

Look at it this way: would you enjoy dating someone who routinely assaults you? And then says that "I get a rise from it"? Also, just for future reference, that's a euphemism for erections. And unless I'm horribly mistaken, that's probably not the appropriate choice of words for your attitude.

 

[IrisEver]

snip

I'm happy with who I am, whoever that me is. If there's something I see wrong about me, I'll change it. I wont change just because someone else sees something wrong with me, though, if I don't agree with their judgement.

Am I proud of being a opinionated and hot headed person? Yes I am.

You say a strong man wouldnt accept my hot headedness. Why? Because being hot headed is the only sort of strength, so it means he must be hot headed too? I think not, sir. If he is, then we'll see how it goes. If he's not, then it doesnt mean he's not strong. That's like saying only tempermental women are strong, and not any other.

 

[Whateveralot]

Agression is bad. The fact that you're a woman does not excuse you for being agressive or hot-headed at any time, nor does it make you unique or more capable of handling yourself.

That being said, I don't mind if a girl is straight on or subtle since if you care for someone, you're supposed to practically read their minds anyway. You're asking the wrong question here. It's about being open to people. Being agressive in the process is just unnecessary and frankly, it doesn't get you anywhere.

You sound like someone that likes to beat her significant other in an argument. Good luck with that.

 

[The Funslinger]

Honestly, I'm not a fan of overly passive women. I dated a girl for a long time who's tastes miraculously were the same as mine at any given time. It didn't matter the topic. If I liked it, she liked it. If I didn't like it, she condemned it.

I'm a guy, but one thing I make a point of doing in the relationship is say, watching the film she wants to watch. This is partly that I'm hard to really bore, I'm usually happy just spending time with a significant other, so we'll usually do what they like. I'd say it's more politeness than lack of backbone. A huge reason for it is growing up with older sisters, and staying with various aged relatives. As such, if it's something someone else wants to watch, I can somehow enjoy it. That said, if it's utterly my choice, I'll turn my nose up at "three hookers and their mother and the city" and "America's Next Dumb Bimbo" every time. But when it's chosen by someone else, I have a miraculous ability to watch anything, and even feel minor disappointment if it's suddenly turned off.

That said, I am usually drawn to the fiery women. There's a good balance in relationships between caring for each other and challenging each other. And the assertive ones are usually fun to have a laugh with (provided it's not just assertive strictness).

My oldest sister has had a long term boyfriend for a while now that I hope she marries. He and I get along famously. We're both gamers and geeks, much to my sister's agitation. Great guy. He's totally her *****, though.