Violent women.
- Thread starter IrisEver
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Maybe bragging was the wrong word. Also, i meant you alienate people in the real world who may be turned away from you if you label yourself violent and hot headed, not here on escapist. But normally people wouldnt say im violent and hot headed as if its something to be proud of. Most would see them two character traits as a flaw. Something that can cause issues in a relationship. I know you re defined violent as in playfighting, being physical for fun with a partner and not as in attacking them to cause harm in an argument out of anger. An standing up for yourself and your opinion in an argument is fine, but 'hot tempered' sounds like you might blow up at the littlest thing that annoys you. Like if i forgot to buy milk you would go nuts on me.IrisEver said:
You want a strong man, but a strong man wont accept your hot headedness. You would keep clashing, arguing over little things and make each others life a misery because neither of you will back down. You want someone who can deal with your mood swings and with your aggresive nature. But if they were equally aggresive and hot headedness, the same as you, then it will cause problems.
Can't speak for men, but when I go lesbian, I prefer fiery, aggressive, and hot-headed. Bonus points if the woman in question also has red hair. Knowing some form of martial arts is also a plus.IrisEver said:
As to men, I have no idea. I'm a mouthy little *****, but I'm not violent or particularly aggressive, thus I haven't experienced your particular problem. I have seen examples in other women who seem to have that problem, but then, when that occurs, I usually end up hitting on them so... yeah. ^^;;
No one wants to be with THAT kind of person, the person you need to walk on egg shells around just to make it through the bloody day.
Not a case of finding someone who is just like Mum, jesus christ. It's finding someone you get along with, and actually enjoy or even love spending time with them.
Not a case of finding someone who is just like Mum, jesus christ. It's finding someone you get along with, and actually enjoy or even love spending time with them.
...right, you might have a skewed idea of what 'aggressive' is versus 'assertive.' The latter is a good thing. The former, usually not so much.IrisEver said:
My concern is that you're not talking about "strength [and] conviction." If the thread title is any indicator, you're confusing "outspoken" with "physically violent."IrisEver said:
Ugh. Again with the telling word choice. "Pacifist" does not mean "passive." It means "not-violent." What are you trying to describe yourself as? Violent, or assertive?IrisEver said:
You're still jumping around a lot when it comes to what exactly you're referring to. We can't make any statements without knowing what you're talking about.IrisEver said:
...wonderful. If I'm working off this sentence alone, apparently you're a sadist. And that's not a positive character trait regardless of how "fine with who [you] are" you might be.IrisEver said:
From what you've described, you seem to think that being an impulsive sadist is somehow the same thing as being, say, outspoken.IrisEver said:
Look at it this way: would you enjoy dating someone who routinely assaults you? And then says that "I get a rise from it"? Also, just for future reference, that's a euphemism for erections. And unless I'm horribly mistaken, that's probably not the appropriate choice of words for your attitude.
I'm happy with who I am, whoever that me is. If there's something I see wrong about me, I'll change it. I wont change just because someone else sees something wrong with me, though, if I don't agree with their judgement.SonOfVoorhees said:
Am I proud of being a opinionated and hot headed person? Yes I am.
You say a strong man wouldnt accept my hot headedness. Why? Because being hot headed is the only sort of strength, so it means he must be hot headed too? I think not, sir. If he is, then we'll see how it goes. If he's not, then it doesnt mean he's not strong. That's like saying only tempermental women are strong, and not any other.
Agression is bad. The fact that you're a woman does not excuse you for being agressive or hot-headed at any time, nor does it make you unique or more capable of handling yourself.
That being said, I don't mind if a girl is straight on or subtle since if you care for someone, you're supposed to practically read their minds anyway. You're asking the wrong question here. It's about being open to people. Being agressive in the process is just unnecessary and frankly, it doesn't get you anywhere.
You sound like someone that likes to beat her significant other in an argument. Good luck with that.
That being said, I don't mind if a girl is straight on or subtle since if you care for someone, you're supposed to practically read their minds anyway. You're asking the wrong question here. It's about being open to people. Being agressive in the process is just unnecessary and frankly, it doesn't get you anywhere.
You sound like someone that likes to beat her significant other in an argument. Good luck with that.
I'm a guy, but one thing I make a point of doing in the relationship is say, watching the film she wants to watch. This is partly that I'm hard to really bore, I'm usually happy just spending time with a significant other, so we'll usually do what they like. I'd say it's more politeness than lack of backbone. A huge reason for it is growing up with older sisters, and staying with various aged relatives. As such, if it's something someone else wants to watch, I can somehow enjoy it. That said, if it's utterly my choice, I'll turn my nose up at "three hookers and their mother and the city" and "America's Next Dumb Bimbo" every time. But when it's chosen by someone else, I have a miraculous ability to watch anything, and even feel minor disappointment if it's suddenly turned off.Link_to_Future said:
That said, I am usually drawn to the fiery women. There's a good balance in relationships between caring for each other and challenging each other. And the assertive ones are usually fun to have a laugh with (provided it's not just assertive strictness).
My oldest sister has had a long term boyfriend for a while now that I hope she marries. He and I get along famously. We're both gamers and geeks, much to my sister's agitation. Great guy. He's totally her *****, though.
Sheesh... end of the day, if both people are having fun and aren't actually damaging each other, who really gives a fuck?
I've had girlfriends who liked a bit of playfighting... and, hell, as long as they accepted some basic rules, I was fine with it... the rules being (1) family jewels are off limits, (2) if I'm not in the mood it doesn't happen and (3) if they get too serious it stops immediately.
I've had girlfriends who liked a bit of playfighting... and, hell, as long as they accepted some basic rules, I was fine with it... the rules being (1) family jewels are off limits, (2) if I'm not in the mood it doesn't happen and (3) if they get too serious it stops immediately.
I have enough trouble with violent males to worry about violent females.IrisEver said:
I don't suppose it is a problem to me as - get ready to be utterly shocked - I am a straight man who DOES NOT THINK OF EVERY WOMAN AS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR SEX!
I have great love for women, all women, without the next for the context of men or relationships with them. I am impressed by women being strong and independent, and frankly I get mad when they aren't. I definitely don't want to be mothered or be waited on.
Feminine violence is manageable and logical. But violent males, fucking hell, they are too much bullshit, they will fight, hurt and kill for no reason other than for the resulting suffering. They're god damn selfish in the extreme and seem to have a phobia of weakness, even in others; they'll beat up a little ginger kid just because "he's a little *****". Bullies like that can rot in prison for the rest of their life for all I care, and I have never ever seen any woman violent enough to victimise those they know are weaker than them.
Sometimes I wonder if this planet would be better off if all the males went extinct. Not through mass dying, that would be a tragedy, but just that male babies weren't born any more. Or like only one-in-5 babies born were male.
No, I don't think I have a skewed idea at all. I know what assertive is, I know what aggressive is.Char-Nobyl said:
No, I'm saying both outspoken and physically violent. I'm not confusing anything.Char-Nobyl said:
Violent and aggressive. I never once described myself as assertive. You're the one who threw that word on me just now.Char-Nobyl said:
I said it fine. I'm not jumping around. You're the one who made it seem so when you took my word 'aggressive' and replaced with with 'assertive'. If I meant 'assertive', I would have said 'assertive'.Char-Nobyl said:
I can be assertive also, however, but that's not what this thread is about.
There are many more sentences in this thread.Char-Nobyl said:
You seem to think that being aggressive and having a like for violent playfights is the same as being a sadist. I can understand where your confusion comes from, but it's not my problem.Char-Nobyl said:
As long as "assaults" were something mutual, something expected, something wanted and with someone I trusted.. then why the heck wouldn't I? If I had a relationship dynamic like that with someone and I enjoyed it, then yes.Char-Nobyl said:
If you mean "Would you enjoy being with someone who abuses you in ways you are not comfortable with in the least?" then no, I wouldnt like it. But that's also not what I'm talking about at all. To imply that this is what I'm talking about is to imply that I want someone to be terrified of me, that I want them to cower. If I wanted that, I wouldn't be bothered about finding a relationship with someone who had the same desires. I'd just go out and abuse some poor sap, and we wouldn't be discussing it on this thread.
Im glad you are your own person, and strong enough to be yourself. Thats confidence, and men love that. Dont change. I guess this could be just a disagreement on how we see words, and how we use them. If you are a strong woman, and wont back down and will voice your opinion and argue it to the end if thats something your believe and feel strongly about. Then i applaud you. And all men should want a woman that isnt afraid to stand up for what she believes in. I think its just i see 'hot tempered' as in someone that will go crazy angry and over react over little things.IrisEver said:
I say be yourself. Like the saying goes, its better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who your not. Or something like that.
I have and when it does happen it tends to leave all but the most brutal and vicious men behind in the dust for shear sadism.Treblaine said:
Didn't read the whole thread, sorry. Normally I'll read every post to make sure I'm not stepping on anybody's toes. But I wanted to get my opinion in here as quick as possible.
I think I see what you're saying. There's nothing wrong with who you are. In fact, I'd say it's pretty attractive. Most men would love a tough, strong willed woman. I know I would.
You remind me a lot of an ex-girlfriend of mine. She was really affectionate, kind and loving - but the first thing she did on our first date was punch me as hard as she could in the face. She wanted to see if I could take a punch. We used to take the piss out of each other a lot, like gentle mockery and that. If this ever got out of hand, or if one of us pretended that it got out of hand - we'd end up wrestling and mock fighting with each other. Laughing all the way through.
I wish I could tell you that I won most of them. I wish I could tell you that.
I tell ya if this girl was monogomous I'd still be with her now. She's one of my closest friends now though, so it all ended well.
So yeah, I don't think you're wrong at all. Most mature, sensible men don't want a mother figure anyway.
But I will say that no matter what your personality is, there's always going to be a lot of people that hate it. That's just par for the course when you assert yourself. It doesn't matter what gender you are. My ex-girlfriend from above for example didn't have a lot of friends and very few men could see past her 'punch in the face' test on the first date. But those friends she did have, and those men that stayed with her, were more loyal and trustworthy than a legion of casual acquaintances.
Your assertiveness and aggressive nature is very attractive (and I imagine most people have said the same thing already, so sorry if I'm repeating a point) and somebody is really gonna love you someday. Not like the fake love that a lot of relationships end up drowning in. You know what you want in a partner which is more than many of us can say. Go for it! Best of luck!
I think I see what you're saying. There's nothing wrong with who you are. In fact, I'd say it's pretty attractive. Most men would love a tough, strong willed woman. I know I would.
You remind me a lot of an ex-girlfriend of mine. She was really affectionate, kind and loving - but the first thing she did on our first date was punch me as hard as she could in the face. She wanted to see if I could take a punch. We used to take the piss out of each other a lot, like gentle mockery and that. If this ever got out of hand, or if one of us pretended that it got out of hand - we'd end up wrestling and mock fighting with each other. Laughing all the way through.
I wish I could tell you that I won most of them. I wish I could tell you that.
I tell ya if this girl was monogomous I'd still be with her now. She's one of my closest friends now though, so it all ended well.
So yeah, I don't think you're wrong at all. Most mature, sensible men don't want a mother figure anyway.
But I will say that no matter what your personality is, there's always going to be a lot of people that hate it. That's just par for the course when you assert yourself. It doesn't matter what gender you are. My ex-girlfriend from above for example didn't have a lot of friends and very few men could see past her 'punch in the face' test on the first date. But those friends she did have, and those men that stayed with her, were more loyal and trustworthy than a legion of casual acquaintances.
Your assertiveness and aggressive nature is very attractive (and I imagine most people have said the same thing already, so sorry if I'm repeating a point) and somebody is really gonna love you someday. Not like the fake love that a lot of relationships end up drowning in. You know what you want in a partner which is more than many of us can say. Go for it! Best of luck!
My only real problem with play-fighting is that, well, the average woman (no offense) is so feeble, physically speaking, that even most of the ones who say "I like to play-fight!" really mean "I want you to defend yourself as gently as possible and make me feel like I'm accomplishing something!"
Being assertive, aggressive with your opinions, I've no problem with any of that. But someone who occasionally instigates physical conflict for fun had best be aware that, for me, it's very much an exercise in extreme control. If I respond, I have to be very careful, because I'll probably have around 100 lb (or ~46 kilos, if you prefer) of bone and muscle on you. I'm a big guy.
If I choose to move as fast as you do, you could get hurt quite easily.
Being assertive, aggressive with your opinions, I've no problem with any of that. But someone who occasionally instigates physical conflict for fun had best be aware that, for me, it's very much an exercise in extreme control. If I respond, I have to be very careful, because I'll probably have around 100 lb (or ~46 kilos, if you prefer) of bone and muscle on you. I'm a big guy.
If I choose to move as fast as you do, you could get hurt quite easily.
Well tbh I like women who can think for themselves, are opinionated, and don't take crap from people. If i talk some good smack and her response is a witty retort or a mild slap on the arm or chest, it's a good thing. (I assume that's the kind of playfighting you're talking about?) Problem is, those type of women aren't really interested in me bc i'm rather timid and can't provide the excitement they tend to crave.
There's also the question of how far she would take it. You never know if that aggressiveness is part of being well rounded, or a sign of instability. If she's willing to hit for fun, how far would she go when angry? Would she punch me in an argument when I was showing no signs of physical violence myself? I've seen a couple women do this w my friends and frankly it scares me. I honestly don't know how I'd react if my gf hit me and i never want to find out.
Also, on a subconscious level, men tend to go after women like their mothers just like women tend to go after men like their fathers. In both cases it's because parents mold their expectations of what the opposite sex should be. That's also why people with bad parents are more likely to end up in bad relationships. I always wondered why some of the coolest women I know are with some of the biggest douchebags i've met and don't dump their sorry asses until shit gets way too real. Well, that is my answer as well as yours, OP.
It also doesn't help that i spent my teens living with my mother and was subjected to many romcoms, so even hollywood has skewed my perception of what women are/should be, as well as what they expect from me -_-
There's also the question of how far she would take it. You never know if that aggressiveness is part of being well rounded, or a sign of instability. If she's willing to hit for fun, how far would she go when angry? Would she punch me in an argument when I was showing no signs of physical violence myself? I've seen a couple women do this w my friends and frankly it scares me. I honestly don't know how I'd react if my gf hit me and i never want to find out.
Also, on a subconscious level, men tend to go after women like their mothers just like women tend to go after men like their fathers. In both cases it's because parents mold their expectations of what the opposite sex should be. That's also why people with bad parents are more likely to end up in bad relationships. I always wondered why some of the coolest women I know are with some of the biggest douchebags i've met and don't dump their sorry asses until shit gets way too real. Well, that is my answer as well as yours, OP.
It also doesn't help that i spent my teens living with my mother and was subjected to many romcoms, so even hollywood has skewed my perception of what women are/should be, as well as what they expect from me -_-
Men who don't realize women are equal to them in terms of willpower (but often times don't exert that willpower unless situation or circumstance calls for it) are egotistical pricks.
Men who cower upon the realization that a woman possesses equal willpower aren't men, they're pussies. Anywho, I need to eat lunch now.
...and on a side note, I know two lesbians at work and the gym, and they're the most independent and self-assertive women I've met. They're dedicated, they're tough, they're reliable, and on the whole two of the most distinguished women I know. Why do I bring it up? Dunno, but they're strong, just like many women are, but instead of containing that strength, they openly display it.
It's all about personality. Some people have personalities other people like, and some have personalities other people hate. Some peoples personalities are what cause them to like or dislike others with certain personalities, and sometimes people with a certain personality are considered pussies by others. Kids that go into my gym and walk around with their heads hunched and shoulders sloped don't get any respect by me unless they show the strength to straighten up and have a little dignity and courage--my god I'm going way off topic here, I need food.
...in short, showing your personality is a good thing. Self-assertion is a good thing. The fact that you're strong and show it doesn't make you egotistical, it's just you advertising your talents. Nothing wrong with that.
Men who cower upon the realization that a woman possesses equal willpower aren't men, they're pussies. Anywho, I need to eat lunch now.
...and on a side note, I know two lesbians at work and the gym, and they're the most independent and self-assertive women I've met. They're dedicated, they're tough, they're reliable, and on the whole two of the most distinguished women I know. Why do I bring it up? Dunno, but they're strong, just like many women are, but instead of containing that strength, they openly display it.
It's all about personality. Some people have personalities other people like, and some have personalities other people hate. Some peoples personalities are what cause them to like or dislike others with certain personalities, and sometimes people with a certain personality are considered pussies by others. Kids that go into my gym and walk around with their heads hunched and shoulders sloped don't get any respect by me unless they show the strength to straighten up and have a little dignity and courage--my god I'm going way off topic here, I need food.
...in short, showing your personality is a good thing. Self-assertion is a good thing. The fact that you're strong and show it doesn't make you egotistical, it's just you advertising your talents. Nothing wrong with that.
I'm sure you can... >.>IrisEver said:
Terribly sorry, I couldn't resist.
Honestly, I think I would prefer raw upfront 'aggression' (placeholder while I think of a better word) to the sneaky, back stabbing ways of other females. Certainly the energy expended would be good for the figure of both parties. But, can't very well say, never really experienced it.