Wanting another guy's girl

[Brad Shepard]

Hey everyone,

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who is in this boat. There's a girl who I'm pretty much besotted with but she's been in a really long relationship with another guy that doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

Anyway, I'm good friends with this guy so I would never want those two to break up as they're really good together, but at the same time I really wish I was with her.

So have you guys ever had an experience like this / are experiencing this?

P.S - Girls, I know this can work the other way round too, it would be good to get your thoughts too.

Ho boy, Ive been here, (Thank god not now though, no offence) It can be rough, trust me, but if it doesent look like its going to end, its best to move on, your only causing yourself pain and problems by thinking there might be a chance with her. (This comming from the guy whos dated at least 3 of his friend's exs) its never worth it.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Excellent taste, good sir.

Find someone else? That probably the best possible way of getting over this kind of thing. I've never been in a situation like this myself, but I like to think I wouldn't do anything dishonourable.

He was in the hospital for quite a while.

Sure.

 

[MakerOfRoads]

I'm not justifying sleeping with a mate's girl. I'm justifying taking a girl from a mate.

I would never sleep with a girl who is still in a relationship, but i have no quarrels with convincing a girl to leave her guy.

I'm sure your friends would be very happy to know this.

Sure fire way to show your appreciation to your good friends, convince the woman they love that they would be better off without them.

And you say I have no right to preach about morals...

 

[UltraBlumpkin]

Go for it! No regrets!

 

[Woodsey]

Bros before hoes, depending on how close you are.

Why choose one, when you can have both?

I said "depending on how close", and it's gotta be pretty close.

 

[MarlaminLTarmiko]

Oh if only polyamory was common practice. Anyway, It would seem from your description the girl in question is quite happy in her current situation, so I'd say leave it and pursue someone/thing else.

 

[stabnex]

Been there. Done that. Took her. Lost her. Now she's a complete slut who's into abusive guys.

 

[Kathinka]

Hey everyone,

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who is in this boat. There's a girl who I'm pretty much besotted with but she's been in a really long relationship with another guy that doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

Anyway, I'm good friends with this guy so I would never want those two to break up as they're really good together, but at the same time I really wish I was with her.

So have you guys ever had an experience like this / are experiencing this?

P.S - Girls, I know this can work the other way round too, it would be good to get your thoughts too.

been there, seen it, with reversed gender though, obviously.

when i was 16 i met this guy when on holliday at the see. i know it's horrible, horrible kitsch, but this love at first sight thingie? that's exactly what happened to me. i looked at him and i knew in the first second i had to be with him.
after talking to him for a bit however it turned out that he had this girlfriend, since two years. the most gorgeous, cutest thing, tall, long legs, thin, beautyfull raven black hair, imaculate skin, perfect breasts. so, frankly i thought that i was screwed. still, i talked to him. and no clue how i did it, but still the same day i somehow talked him into being with me.

it's been six years now that i tricked him into this relationship, we're still together and i'm happyer every day that i have him.

so, tl;dr: go for it, talk to her, if you think she's worth it. it can work, worst thing that can happen is that everything remains in status quo .

 

[Count Igor]

I'm in a similar situation myself except that my friend's boyfriend isn't really a friend of mine. I still don't want to break them up though. They might break up on their own though. They were very close about a month ago. I'll just wait and see like I've always have. I've fancied her for a long time but she's always had a boyfriend in one form or another. So I've never really been able to get my foot in the door so to speak.

Wow. That is, word for word, EXACTLY the same as me!
Life-Snap!

OT: Joo gotta plant drugs in his pocket! That way they get broken up, aye? ...

Obviously kidding. Stop tat. Waste of good drugs.
Kidding again!

 

[MakerOfRoads]

And you say I have no right to preach about morals...

Yes. yes i do, because what i did couldn't land me 5 years in prison.

But could land you in the hospital with no sympathetic friends there to help you.

I'm not saying I'm a saint, what I am saying is as far as morals go, you surely can't be far from me.

What I did is bad, yes, but he should have know better.
What your doing, is paramount to utter betrayal.

Say what you must to feel better, you'll know I'm right when it happens to you.

 

[Kathinka]

worst thing that can happen is that everything remains in status quo .

I agree with you on almost everything, but this i take issue with. Worse things CAN happen as a result of this, he's friends with the guy and if he handles it wrong he could be alienated from his entire social circle.

true, did not think about that. point taken.

 

[Griffolion]

Hey everyone,

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who is in this boat. There's a girl who I'm pretty much besotted with but she's been in a really long relationship with another guy that doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

Anyway, I'm good friends with this guy so I would never want those two to break up as they're really good together, but at the same time I really wish I was with her.

So have you guys ever had an experience like this / are experiencing this?

P.S - Girls, I know this can work the other way round too, it would be good to get your thoughts too.

been there, seen it, with reversed gender though, obviously.

when i was 16 i met this guy when on holliday at the see. i know it's horrible, horrible kitsch, but this love at first sight thingie? that's exactly what happened to me. i looked at him and i knew in the first second i had to be with him.
after talking to him for a bit however it turned out that he had this girlfriend, since two years. the most gorgeous, cutest thing, tall, long legs, thin, beautyfull raven black hair, imaculate skin, perfect breasts. so, frankly i thought that i was screwed. still, i talked to him. and no clue how i did it, but still the same day i somehow talked him into being with me.

it's been six years now that i tricked him into this relationship, we're still together and i'm happyer every day that i have him.

so, tl;dr: go for it, talk to her, if you think she's worth it. it can work, worst thing that can happen is that everything remains in status quo .

Lol I love how you say you tricked him into it. You must be quite the catch if you lured him away from his (now) ex?

 

[AugustFall]

Just never act on it. Ever, doesn't matter if you two were meant to be together. You will lose your friend and most likely any friends who know him. It's a dick move.

I'm sure you wouldn't but I'm sure it could be tempting.


Edit: Most of the reason this happens is because the person who is going after the other guy's girl doesn't have a lot of female contact. His friend brings around a girl who probably has similar interests and the he doesn't have to approach her or do any of the work himself.

In the words of Nathan Explosion: "You wanna meet girls? Go out and meet them. Don't take mine."

 

[DracoSuave]

This subject enrages me.

I suspect none of the people who say "Go for it", or, "Yeah I've done it before, fuck the other guy" have actually had a woman cheat on them.

Happened to me once, and I swear by the life in me it will never happen again.

I'm lucky I got away with what I did.

He was in the hospital for quite a while.

I informed my then wife that it was over, and I inform every subsequent girlfriend of what will happen if she cheats on me. She is taking another person's life into her own hands when she contemplates it.


Long story short, don't do it people.

You may think her boyfriend is just a tool, drug addicted scumbag, whatever...

Doesn't mean he wont kick the shit out of you when he finds out.

Let me get this straight.

You are preaching morals to other people.

And yet you are gloating that you got away with a crime that should have gotten you put in JAIL for YEARS. And you are saying that you would do it again. And implying that you would do something worse if it happened again.

Sure is Supreme irony in here.

You have no right to be enraged.

You've confused 'Good advice for personal safety' for 'moralizing' then proceeded to moralize him for it.

It's good advice; the guy might get angry and get punchy. In this case, it's a double betrayal, a friend, and a lover. No right to be enraged? Emotions aren't about rights, guy. He didn't have the right to respond the way he did, but honestly? That didn't stop him.

That aside... my advice is really simple.

Do NOT persue that girl. One of two things will happen:

1)

Either all your efforts will be futile; How you feel right now? Multiply that by ten. Instead of pining, you'll be pining AND feeling like your attempts are worthless.

2)

You succeed. This is actually the worst case scenario, as now you've managed to bag yourself a girl who has shown that when something cooler/nicer/flashier/better dressed comes along, she will leave a good relationship for it. Relationships are built on trust; good luck with trust on this one. Then either she's going to have a 'OMGWTF' moment and run back to her first boyfriend, who will probably be working to get her back, or she'll settle in with you... and you'll always know that no matter how happy she is... she could always leave for 'the next big thing.'


Of course, you could beat the odds, and she could actually be leaving a zero for a hero... but this guy is your friend. Dude, if he's such a loser, you'd not be friends with him.


Thing is, at the end of all this, you're not in love with this girl, you're infatuated. And infatuation fades. It sucks, but it's fleeting, and you just need to forget about it. Stick her in the friend box, and move on. You'll never get a good girl friend by poaching off others.

 

[Brad Shepard]

It's never worth it

OY! Speak for yourself mate.

The way I see it, it can only cause pain and suffering for all involved.

Mind you, last time i saw it was with my buddy who has a very very creepy side to him (More or less stalked this girl for 3 years)

 

[Kathinka]

Hey everyone,

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who is in this boat. There's a girl who I'm pretty much besotted with but she's been in a really long relationship with another guy that doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

Anyway, I'm good friends with this guy so I would never want those two to break up as they're really good together, but at the same time I really wish I was with her.

So have you guys ever had an experience like this / are experiencing this?

P.S - Girls, I know this can work the other way round too, it would be good to get your thoughts too.

been there, seen it, with reversed gender though, obviously.

when i was 16 i met this guy when on holliday at the see. i know it's horrible, horrible kitsch, but this love at first sight thingie? that's exactly what happened to me. i looked at him and i knew in the first second i had to be with him.
after talking to him for a bit however it turned out that he had this girlfriend, since two years. the most gorgeous, cutest thing, tall, long legs, thin, beautyfull raven black hair, imaculate skin, perfect breasts. so, frankly i thought that i was screwed. still, i talked to him. and no clue how i did it, but still the same day i somehow talked him into being with me.

it's been six years now that i tricked him into this relationship, we're still together and i'm happyer every day that i have him.

so, tl;dr: go for it, talk to her, if you think she's worth it. it can work, worst thing that can happen is that everything remains in status quo .

Lol I love how you say you tricked him into it. You must be quite the catch if you lured him away from his (now) ex?

no, i'm really not^^ i love him a lotm sure. but he could have pretty much any girl out there; still against all odds he settled for me.

but that's not important, what i was trying to say was that i think you should talk to her about how you feel. it might not go anywhere, but if it works...if i could do it, so can you.

 

[Hader]

Leave it be. Trust me, it's not worth it in the end, if bridges are burnt and people hurt. At most, ride it out and see what happens. Don't intervene.

 

[Palademon]

I'd say maybe say it just to get it out there, then move on. Afterall, the oppurtunity of it happening is based on her decision, not his. She is not a property. But yes, you care about your friend so even if you do choose to mention it, don't let it get in the way of your friendship. Hopefully your friend may understand and will not alienate you, because their fear of anything happening will (once again) be based on the woman's choice.

Keep in mind I'm a bit more of logical than emotional person. If she decides to be with you and it turns out to be better, then she will be better for it, but your friend may be worse off. In my mind this is not a dick move, but trying to undermine their relationship in devious ways would be.

 

[FoolKiller]

Please refer to Love Actually. If you have to do something about it, do that.

 

[pigmypython]

Who doesn't lust after another person even if it is not going to happen? Just you and 6 billion others friend.