Wanting another guy's girl

[PatrickXD]

From my limited experience in life (far more restricted with irls, specificaly) I'd say that you should leave well alone and let them be. It is not your place to intrude upon that, just be their friends. If you really have feelings such as that for her, then you will want what she wants, which, unfortunately, is not you.

 

[Kukakkau]

Yes - she was my best friend and I wasn't really that good friends with the guy

Anyway she led me on for a while, always calling me with relationship bitchings

Then eventually she started cheating and sleeping with someone else and threw me and her boyfriend out of her life

Answer - it isn't worth it just leave her be

Plus side is I'm good friends with her ex now even though she can burn in hell for all I care

 

[SilverUchiha]

No. But I have been the other guy. Let me just tell you this much, if you two really are friends (like good friends), just stay out of it completely. My friend, essentially, took a girl out from under me and I'm still pissed at him for doing that.

 

[Wolfram23]

I've been in this situation... except I didn't know the guy at all. But yeah met a girl at my 18th bday party. Turns out she was my next door neighbour for like 4 years but I had never seen her before. She also goes to the same school I attended junior high, except 1 grade below me. Anyway, a bunch of my friends still go there so they invited her over.

We became pretty close, chatting on the phone a lot at night and even sneaking out to meet up in the middle of the night. But she had a boyfriend... and well she told me she wasn't feeling it and all that jazz so I kinda played on that. She broke up with him. We made out and fooled around a couple times. She was my graduation date, but at the after party she kind of avoided me (bit more to that, she wasn't actually avoiding me she was with a mutual chick friend who was avoider her date lol) but late in the night she ended up pulling me aside to tell me she liked some other guy all together.

That definitely hurt lol. Took me a while to get over her. First love and all that.

But yeah that's about it. I mean I've thought how hot friend's gf's are, what they'd be like in bed and such but never seriously considered it.

EDIT: Oh! Hah actually funny story. My girlfriend introduced me to some of her friends, we went out for drinks. I got fairly drunk and was chatting with one of her friends for a while. So next thing I know my gf tells me this girl is constantly on my FB page and being bitchy to my gf out of nowhere! Things kind of settled down, apparently this girl appologized for being wierd... and then, just recently, she's started seeing a guy who creepily looks almost exactly like me! I mean, it was shocking for me to see his picture. A few years ago I had a little goatee and longer hair ("hockey hair") which was curly. This guy has the exact same hair I had, and his face is so similar. It's wierd!! The only major difference is his teeth/mouth... but like same nose, similar eyes and overall face. Awkward! Luckily tho this girl hasn't made any advances on me.

 

[lee1287]

Happening now, Her fiancee si a dick and cheats on her and uses her, but she "loves him" then texts me sayign he hurt her again. Ya think? Women be crazy.

 

[AfroTree]

I've been in your exact situation.

Also making out with her behind his back (mostly in his house too).

Also he's never found out about it.

Also he was (and still is) my best friend.

Also they broke up 6 months later for unrelated reasons.

Also i'm with her now.

Life's good sometimes.

And yes i know i'm a scumbag.

Well that's just -

And yes i know i'm a scumbag.

Dandy!

I kid

OT: non, although that's mainly 'cos I don't really look for it / care for it.

 

[Chefodeath]

Hey everyone,

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who is in this boat. There's a girl who I'm pretty much besotted with but she's been in a really long relationship with another guy that doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

Anyway, I'm good friends with this guy so I would never want those two to break up as they're really good together, but at the same time I really wish I was with her.

So have you guys ever had an experience like this / are experiencing this?

P.S - Girls, I know this can work the other way round too, it would be good to get your thoughts too.

Trust me, they always break up. You've got biology working for you, Humans are by nature promiscuous and always end up getting bored with each other. Anyone who wants to try arguing the existence of the "long and happy" marriage, I'll be quite happy to contest that myth

Edit: Anyone else have "Jessie's Girl" stuck in their head because of this thread?

 

[GeorgW]

Dude, just let it go. It will never end well. I do know of it having worked for one of my friends (both were in a relationship before), but it's very rare and the relationship was rocky ever after.

 

[BrionJames]

I'm right there with you pal. A co-worker of mine, who I've been close to ever since I started working there and has always been kind of flirtatious with me, recently admitted to me that she was attracted to me. I told her I felt the same way. However, she's in a long term relationship with someone she loves. After getting to know the guy a bit, he seems like a really decent person. Ultimately, I decided to just let it go, the way I felt that is. We were friends before and I don't want to be that asshole whose trying to snake his way into some kind of relationship. It's still a bit awkward at times hanging out with the both of them, but...drinking helps :-]. If you really appreciate her as a friend, I say let it be. No reason to continue dwelling on those feelings if you don't feel it's right to act on them.

 

[bulbasaur]

This subject enrages me.

I suspect none of the people who say "Go for it", or, "Yeah I've done it before, fuck the other guy" have actually had a woman cheat on them.

Happened to me once, and I swear by the life in me it will never happen again.

I'm lucky I got away with what I did.

He was in the hospital for quite a while.

I informed my then wife that it was over, and I inform every subsequent girlfriend of what will happen if she cheats on me. She is taking another person's life into her own hands when she contemplates it.


Long story short, don't do it people.

You may think her boyfriend is just a tool, drug addicted scumbag, whatever...

Doesn't mean he wont kick the shit out of you when he finds out.

Let me get this straight.

You are preaching morals to other people.

And yet you are gloating that you got away with a crime that should have gotten you put in JAIL for YEARS. And you are saying that you would do it again. And implying that you would do something worse if it happened again.

Sure is Supreme irony in here.

You have no right to be enraged.

Pfft shows what you know, id totaly do the exact same in his situation. If a guy cares about a girl having another guy steal them would mess with their head its possibly the worst feeling ever. Any guy who steals a girl totaly deserves a serious beating. And the same goes for a guy cheating on his girlfriend. Cheating or making somebody cheat is a massive dick move, i totaly condone the the beating of people that do it.

 

[OrokuSaki]

Happens all the time, but there is one thing you should know, I'm not saying to INCITE the events leading to their breakup, but if they break up, go for it. If she's happy leave her be, but don't blow her off.

You see, everyone claims "Bros before hos" but that's clearly a lie, relationships ALWAYS change things and you know it as well as I do. And honestly, if you REALLY care about her, life's too short to not take the opportunities presented.

My advice: Be a friend to them both, bide your time, and if the situation ever presents itself, go for it. Until then, try to focus your attention elsewhere without ignoring your friends.

 

[mortalsatsuma]

Yeah, happened to me. Fancied my best mates girlfriend, then I was at a party with her just after they broke up. We both drunk a lil bit so were "in the mood" Ended up kissing, a lot then she pulled me down onto a bed, at which point, unbelievably, I came to my senses and realised how stupid I was for doing what I was about to let myself do. We are now just really close friends, although annoying starting to get feelings for her, plus I think her new boyfriend is a drug addicted twat.

Why did you stop, they were broken up right? I don't see the problem...

I know it seems odd but I don't know, it just felt wrong. She had been going out with my best friend for over two years and they'd only been broken up a couple of months. Plus, My best friend, myself and her all go to the same college. Would just have been so so awkward for the both of us.

 

[trooper6]

Pfft shows what you know, id totaly do the exact same in his situation. If a guy cares about a girl having another guy steal them would mess with their head its possibly the worst feeling ever. Any guy who steals a girl totaly deserves a serious beating. And the same goes for a guy cheating on his girlfriend. Cheating or making somebody cheat is a massive dick move, i totaly condone the the beating of people that do it.

And that's a way to go to jail. You may think someone deserves physical violence who isn't a physical threat to you, but the law doesn't agree. And mental healthcare professionals recommend people who beat up other people because they are mad go to anger management and get professional help. And my mother said to my sister, any man who gets violent like that is not a man you should ever date.

So. If my sister were dating a guy that warned her in advance that he couldn't control his anger and may get physically violent, I'd insist she leave that guy immediately...and so would my entire family and all her friends.

Now for the other side of the story, the "I'm a scumbag" part of the story. My mother's had another piece of advice (besides don't date violent people). That was this: If they person you are dating tells you they are an asshole/scumbag/*****, believe them, and then don't date them.

So all three of y'all (Bringer of Illumination, Maker of Roads, and bulbasaur) are not allowed to date my sister.

 

[darkorion69]

I have felt this way, particularly recently. At the heart of the matter is this : Do you follow your heart and take a shot at your own happiness or take the moral high ground and sacrifice your happiness unknown to the couple in question?

When I was in my 20's I had no compunction 'liberating' a girl that I had feelings for. It did not make me many friends, but I preferred loving relationships over bromances back then. Back then I stole (though I hate that word...to me it implies ownership of a woman) a few girlfriends.

Now that I am in my mid 30's I just don't go through the hassle of pursuing a woman already in a relationship. When I don't get them away it sucks for me, and when I do get them...the relationship is seldom as good )or as long term) as I had hoped it would be.

My advice to you is to distance yourself from the friend and the girl you like that he is dating. Find other things to do and wait until you hear that they broke up. If you relay like this girl and want to be with her, you will have to risk alienating your friend by dating his ex-gf...which is almost as bad (in the bro-code) as stealing her away.

Bottom line...friendship or love...often in life you cannot have your cake and eat it too...

 

[DarkMorford]

Same boat here, slightly different creek.

I've been friends with the girl for about two years, and for the past year or so we've gotten together to hang out just about every Friday night. I pick her up from work, we have dinner at some point (sometimes I cook, sometimes we get fast food, occasionally we'll go someplace a bit nicer), and we usually hang out at my apartment until after midnight. Pretty much a dating-style scenario by most standards.

At one point during the summer, though, she informed me that she had a boyfriend. The twist here is that she'd never actually met the guy in person; he lived all the way across the country and they'd met online. This raised all kinds of red flags for me, but I figured I had to let her make her own decisions. About a month later, she flew to the East coast to meet him and bring him back. Currently, they're living in the same house, if not the same room.

She and I still do our usual Friday-night thing, and he joins us every once in a while. Now I'll grant that I'm heavily biased?and I don't know what they get up to when I'm not around?but it still seems that she and I act more like a couple than she does with her "boyfriend." And, talking to some mutual friends, I've found that opinions range from not liking him at all and thinking he's creepy to wondering just why they're together in the first place (since it seems the only people who have any idea are the two involved) to being surprised that the relationship has lasted this long.

I'm still into her, and it feels like she's at least a little bit interested in me. (If not, she's doing a very good job of bluffing.) Her current relationship seems doomed to fail, and I feel like I'd have a decent shot with her when it does. But the waiting?and trying to piece the puzzle together for myself?is killing me.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who is in this boat. There's a girl who I'm pretty much besotted with but she's been in a really long relationship with another guy that doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

Anyway, I'm good friends with this guy so I would never want those two to break up as they're really good together, but at the same time I really wish I was with her.

So have you guys ever had an experience like this / are experiencing this?

P.S - Girls, I know this can work the other way round too, it would be good to get your thoughts too.

Yeah, I've been there. Actually, I'll do you one better (or worse, whichever).

So, as probably everyone in the forums knows by now, I'm bi. Several years ago, there was this really really attractive girl in the theater department who I wanted really badly. We had wonderful chemestry, she was great to hang out with. So I asked her out. Turns out, she wasn't gay (or bi) and had no interest in me (but still wanted to be friends). I also had this male friend who I liked, (I was totally crushing on him), and I would flirt with him a lot, but he wasn't all that interested in me because he saw us as just friends and he wanted his first time to be with someone special who he was in love with. Fair enough.

So this girl, who I like, and this guy, who's my friend, who I like, meet each other through me - and start dating. And start sleeping together. I should mention that I was in a co-ed dorm, and his room was across the hall from mine, so when I went out to the bathroom or whatever I could HEAR them having sex when I walked past his room. This goes on for months - I got so frustrated that I started going out with this other guy who I had no real interest in (he asked me out, so I figured what the hell) just so I could have a distraction.

So not only were two of my friends dating, and not only did I want to date both of them, but I'm the one who accidently introduced them to one another and got them to start dating in the first place. Cue the Alanis.

Anyway, yeah, that situation always sucks. My heart goes out to you - and hopefully my former misery will make you feel slightly better due to the schedenfreuda (sorry, can't spell german words worth crap).

 

[F'Angus]

Just seems to keep happening.

 

[meowchef]

Take her. Who better than a friend to take care of your lady?

 

[Legion]

I think it has happened to the vast majority of guys at some point in their lives, and I imagine the same for women/girls too.

Although I have never had it happen to someone who was already in a relationship.

To clarify: I have been attracted to people who then entered relationships, but I have never felt attraction to someone who was already in one.

My brain/body seems to switch off the hormones in that situation.

Handy really.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

snip

I know you didn't mean anything by it, but people aren't prizes to be won or stolen. If she likes you and wants to break off the old relationship, she'll do it on her own.