"Today, I had to choose between the first lieutenant of my hyperadvanced space ship and my gunnery chief - who I'm madly in love with - to detonante a bomb which could potentially save billions of lives. Then the ***** guilted me over it when I let her live. FML."
- Shep324
"Today, I stepped out of my ship on a rescue mission on an unknown world. Five minutes later, I was up to my tits in possessed corpses and some crazy blue ***** stole all my ancient, priceless equipment. FML."
- kills_headcrab_jellyfish_for_a_living
"Today, I woke up on a train, completely unaware of who or where I was. After being yelled at by a lot of strangers who claimed to know me, it was decided that I was going to liberate the human race from an alien empire. Alone. Worse still: to do this, they gave me a crowbar. University did not teach me enough. FML."
- TheFreeMan
"Today, I woke up with the intent of celebrating my sister's birthday. After running some errands, I bought her a gift and gave it to her. Moments later, everyone I ever knew was dead and I was homeless and on fire. Trust me, your day wasn't that bad. FML."
- Does not chase chickens
"Today, I woke up and my knees and tongue were gone. A few hours later, I learnt I was going to be a cake. On the bright side, I got a sweet ass gun... that can't shoot anything. FML."
- cubelover2190