What is being homophobic?

[mitchell271]

Okay firstly let me clear up where I'm coming from, I'm your typical heterosexual male aged in his 20's. And I have a dilemma - you see, I absolutely love the sight of two women kissing or getting it on. It's rather arousing, if not simply plain damn sexy as hell.
But the sight of two GUYS kissing makes my brain have a fucking seizure. I can't help it.

You're not homophobic. I'm the same way, it just seems a little strange to my brain, but I actively support gay rights and many of my friends are homosexual, bisexual or transsexual and they're all awesome people! Think of it this way, do you feel uncomfortable an amputee or a special kid? Most people try to look the other way because it's something unconventional. Feeling slightly uncomfortable does not make you a bad person.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

Case in point, I bet a lot of women find the idea of two guys getting it on quite sexy/arousing. It has to be true judging by all the stuff I find on DeviantArt (yes, that site, deal with it ) drawn-up by female artists, and all the comments by female fans. [/spoiler]

Don't forget the thousands of slash/yaoi fan-fiction of male characters who aren't gay getting it on.

 

[Ultra Man30]

Snip

No, I do not believe that you are homophobic, it just seems to me that you are attracted to girls and not guys, which is why you like two girls kissing and not two guys. It's just not something you are interested in. I don't have any scientific sources or anything like others in this thread, it just seems that simple. As long as you don't really have a problem with two guys being together romantically, then I think you are in the clear.

 

[101flyboy]

OP, it seems like you have some soul-searching to do. It's a bit odd that it makes your stomach churn, but I don't honestly know if it's homophobic or not. Chances are, if you think the answer is, "yes" then it's probably, "yes".

I can't say I fully understand homosexuality. I think there are lots of really attractive guys out there, but I'm not sexually attracted to them (except Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling).

On the same note, I can't tell you why I think girls are attractive. I just do.

And because I can't explain why I find a petite brunette extremely attractive, I don't expect any of my gay friends or co-workers to be able to explain why they are attracted to the types of people they are attracted to. They just are.

And that's fine with me.

Ding ding ding. We have another winner!

We don't know the entire mechanics of why people are gay, why people are straight. Sexuality is a complex thing. It's not black and white. It's hard to sometimes relate to things you don't personally connect with.

I understand why you like girls. You're straight. That's pretty much all it comes down to, on all sides. There isn't much to understand outside of that. Some of us are gay, some are straight, some are bi, are pan, are asexual. It is what it is. Why people try to make more out of it, or find disgust in other forms of sexuality that isn't their own, I don't know, but we should all be as relaxed as you appear to be with sexuality.

 

[Tragedy's Rebellion]

Think of it this way, do you feel uncomfortable an amputee or a special kid?

Sooo you practically equated being homosexual with being disabled or mentally challenged...

It's interesting how people can support and feed each other false reassurances. Of course it's not YOU that's the problem, it is THEM for being *unconventional* and *special*. That's not a reasonable or healthy attitude at all. Feeling slightly uncomfortable when two men kiss doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a puppet of your and other people's insecurities.

 

[101flyboy]

You're not homophobic. I'm the same way, it just seems a little strange to my brain, but I actively support gay rights and many of my friends are homosexual, bisexual or transsexual and they're all awesome people! Think of it this way, do you feel uncomfortable an amputee or a special kid? Most people try to look the other way because it's something unconventional. Feeling slightly uncomfortable does not make you a bad person.

Yeah, but Aaron said he finds it disgusting and basically horrifying. Being uncomfortable with something you're not used to is understandable. Of course it will throw you for a loop when you're not used to it. Hell, I was thrown for a major loop the first few times I saw same-sex couples kissing. It didn't compute in my mind. But you eventually get over it for the most part/completely. Or you simply swallow your feelings and repress them.

That's way, way different than saying "homosexuality is gross" or "same-sex kissing is gross". That is homophobia. That isn't some discomfort in a setting you're not used to. It's you targeting homosexuality out as wrong/gross/disgusting/etc.

BTW, being gay ain't the same as being an "amputee" or "special kid". I wasn't going to call you out on that, but there is literally zero difference between a gay man and straight man beyond the gender they are attracted to. So to think one is somehow disgusting and the other isn't is irrational.

 

[101flyboy]

Of course, OP's not homophobic, he's just a straight male

Fun fact: A lot of women don't like seeing women kissing either.

Finding something unappealing and finding something gross are not the same things.

 

[101flyboy]

You don't see gay people making threads about how homosexuality disgusts them. That should tell you something. They may not find heterosexuality appealing. I definitely don't like vaginas. But I don't care about them enough to make a thread about how "disgusting" it is. And then ask if I'm being offensive or not. So why do many feel the need to say that homosexuality is gross? And then say "I have gay friends" and think that absolves them? You're obviously either very obsessed or very disturbed by homosexuality (and to be disturbed you must be quite obsessed).

People really need to look in the mirror and stop thinking that it's the same-sex kissing and homosexuality or somehow they being straight are the reasons why they have the biases they do. I know too many straight people who don't have such biases and such a wall of discomfort. Pull it together. Stop making excuses for yourself.

 

[zehydra]

Of course, OP's not homophobic, he's just a straight male

Fun fact: A lot of women don't like seeing women kissing either.

Finding something unappealing and finding something gross are not the same things.

Oh? They aren't?

 

[101flyboy]

If you are grossed out by the thought of kissing someone who is the same sex as you, you are a heterosexual.

If you feel that the sight of two men or two women kissing is something young children should not be allowed to see, but it would be okay for them to see a man and a woman kissing, you might be a homophobe.

If you feel awkward when two homosexuals display their affections for each other publicly, you're a heterosexual.

If you feel angry in that situation, or physically sick, you might be a homophobe.

If you can talk to a homosexual person without constantly thinking about their sexual orientation, you're a heterosexual.

If you don't want to be in the same room with a homosexual, possibly because you're worried about "catching the gay", you might be a homophobe.

That help?

Homophobia=Irrational fear of, aversion towards and/or discrimination/hatred against homosexuality/homosexuals.

Your examples aren't quite right. Being anti-gay and being homophobic are similar but not the same things. Many aren't anti-gay but definitely homophobic.

 

[AdamRhodes]

snip

It really seems like you just want to label everyone as being homophobic and anti(ish)-gay.

I wasn't going to call you out on that, but there is literally zero difference between a gay man and straight man beyond the gender they are attracted to. So to think one is somehow disgusting and the other isn't is irrational.

The comparison has already been made between two gay guys making out and two ugly people of opposite sex making out, with both being called "disgusting". What you seem to fail to understand is that two guys making out, to a straight male, will always be the same as two ugly people making out. Because (to use your own words) they're not ATTRACTED to either. Therefore, it is not entirely irrational to have the same reaction to two ugly people as two gay guys. Your comments would seem to indicate you think the aversion is to the individual; you're wrong.

 

[101flyboy]

Of course, OP's not homophobic, he's just a straight male

Fun fact: A lot of women don't like seeing women kissing either.

Finding something unappealing and finding something gross are not the same things.

Oh? They aren't?

No. Finding something unappealing would be............being uninterested in it. Not really liking something. It doesn't attract me in any way. I don't relate to _________. It doesn't connect with you, but disgust is a different level. Disgust is more severe. To even get to the point of disgust takes work, IMO. How exactly can you arbitrarily denote something as disgusting when you've never done it? And when other people do that very same thing and you DO NOT find it disgusting in those situations? It's a mental warp. That's a clear cut defensive mechanism. It's insecurity.

 

[101flyboy]

snip

It really seems like you just want to label everyone as being homophobic and anti(ish)-gay.

No, not everyone. But a major majority of straight people do have homophobia within them. I'd say about 70-ish%. A lot of gay people have internalized homophobia within them. We live in a homophobic world. That's how it is. People are indoctrinated into homophobia. You can totally be OK with homosexuality, same-sex kissing on a conceptual basis but your instincts, your subconscious state tells you it's wrong. It's hard to break, but it can and has been broken and is being broken. But it's about admitting you have a problem instead of making excuses for it.

The comparison has already been made between two gay guys making out and two ugly people of opposite sex making out, with both being called "disgusting". What you seem to fail to understand is that two guys making out, to a straight male, will always be the same as two ugly people making out. Because (to use your own words) they're not ATTRACTED to either. Therefore, it is not entirely irrational to have the same reaction to two ugly people as two gay guys. Your comments would seem to indicate you think the aversion is to the individual; you're wrong.

Ugly is not an identity. Is that hard to understand? I don't find a man and woman kissing gross, and I don't find two women kissing gross. Most gay people do not literally believe a man and woman kissing are disgusting. So no, it's not about sexual orientation. Heterosexual sexual orientation means you're predominantly/completely attracted to the opposite-sex. That does not equal finding homosexuality disgusting. That does not equal finding two men kissing disgusting. It means you're not attracted to it. You're not interested in it. That does not equate to disgust.

The aversion is to the sexuality, and that's an irrational aversion. The aversion is to homosexuality. That's exactly what homophobia is.

 

[Aglynugga]

snip

It really seems like you just want to label everyone as being homophobic and anti(ish)-gay.

No, not everyone. But a major majority of straight people do have homophobia within them. I'd say about 70-ish%. A lot of gay people have internalized homophobia within them. We live in a homophobic world. That's how it is. People are indoctrinated into homophobia. You can totally be OK with homosexuality, same-sex kissing on a conceptual basis but your instincts, your subconscious state tells you it's wrong. It's hard to break, but it can and has been broken and is being broken. But it's about admitting you have a problem instead of making excuses for it.

The comparison has already been made between two gay guys making out and two ugly people of opposite sex making out, with both being called "disgusting". What you seem to fail to understand is that two guys making out, to a straight male, will always be the same as two ugly people making out. Because (to use your own words) they're not ATTRACTED to either. Therefore, it is not entirely irrational to have the same reaction to two ugly people as two gay guys. Your comments would seem to indicate you think the aversion is to the individual; you're wrong.

Ugly is not an identity. Is that hard to understand? I don't find a man and woman kissing gross, and I don't find two women kissing gross. Most gay people do not literally believe a man and woman kissing are disgusting. So no, it's not about sexual orientation. Heterosexual sexual orientation means you're predominantly/completely attracted to the opposite-sex. That does not equal finding homosexuality disgusting. That does not equal finding two men kissing disgusting. It means you're not attracted to it. You're not interested in it. That does not equate to disgust.

The aversion is to the sexuality, and that's an irrational aversion. The aversion is to homosexuality. That's exactly what homophobia is.

You are so smart I bet you believe everythign you say is true wait probably not you probably think some crazy stuff about people I bet alot of what you think about other people is the stuff in your head leaking out into the world you might not want that to happen because then you look crazy.

 

[alandavidson]

Why people try to make more out of it, or find disgust in other forms of sexuality that isn't their own, I don't know, but we should all be as relaxed as you appear to be with sexuality.

I tried to make sense of homosexuality for a long time. It's different than how I think, and it's big part of my nature to want to understand people who are different than I am. I had a friend in high school who was openly gay and very conflicted about it (this is in the "bible belt", in case you were curious). We were talking one day and he asked if I knew why he was gay. I didn't have an answer for him because at the time I was 14 and was still trying to figure out math, let alone relationships. It wasn't until much later that I realized that there really wasn't an answer, he was gay because he just was. Sadly we're no longer in contact. He was a few years older than me and moved as soon as he got the chance, and eventually we just drifted apart.

I had another friend in high school who was known for being rather promiscuous with the ladies, so it was a bit of a shocker when he "came out". We were working out one day, and being the curious person that I am, I asked "at what point did you know that you were gay?" His answer was a little surprising to me at first.

"I think I've always known. I just thought that if I was with enough girls, had enough sex, did all the things I was supposed to do, then I would be able to fix myself. Coming out really wasn't me realizing that I'm gay, it was me finally admitting it to myself."

The more I think about it, the more his answer makes sense to me. I still don't understand his sexuality, but I don't question it, and we're friends to this day.

Making sense of things is human reaction, I think. We want to know why, and if we can't understand "why", we label whatever it is as a threat. I still want to make sense of many things I will never be able to make sense of. Why does my cat hate me on Saturdays? Why do I think girls with olive skin are drop-dead gorgeous? Why is staring into a fire so relaxing?

The trick that I've found is not to stop wondering, it's to decide which questions are important to answer.

In the OP's case, he found a question that he wants to answer. Now he has to look inside himself and see if he's actually willing to answer it.

 

[101flyboy]

When I see two women kiss, I don't feel anything. It's like, OK, whatever. Yeah. Disgust? No. Why is that? Why is that for the majority of gay people, living in a straight world, that we can see these images of heterosexuality DAILY, pushed on us, without much care. And no dirty looks. No turning away. In fact, acting more insecure seeing ANOTHER gay couple/person than straight couple kissing?

People, you are socially indoctrinated. When there are straight people on this very page saying it doesn't disgust them to see two guys kissing, why are you still trying to justify that mentality? You have been indoctrinated and you don't want to admit you have a problem. You don't want to admit you may be a little homophobic. Which is understandable, because I'm sure you have gay, bi, etc. friends and family you love. We all have flaws. But part of being an adult is addressing them and fixing them. It's being done worldwide, and it's something everyone should do, just to better themselves and remove a burden they shouldn't have. And wouldn't have.

 

[101flyboy]

You are so smart I bet you believe everythign you say is true wait probably not you probably think some crazy stuff about people I bet alot of what you think about other people is the stuff in your head leaking out into the world you might not want that to happen because then you look crazy.

So when all else fails, turn to insults, I guess.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Homophobic is a dumb word. I don't know its etymology but it was probably made up as a label for anyone visibly against gays, which fear doesn't necessarily have anything to do with.

 

[Aglynugga]

You are so smart I bet you believe everythign you say is true wait probably not you probably think some crazy stuff about people I bet alot of what you think about other people is the stuff in your head leaking out into the world you might not want that to happen because then you look crazy.

So when all else fails, turn to insults, I guess.

You would have to guess because you did not read I said probably it is just my opinion but you probably think weird stuff about people and it shows because you write things that are just you thinking about other people what you have in your head. But that's ok everyone does that.

 

[101flyboy]

I tried to make sense of homosexuality for a long time. It's different than how I think, and it's big part of my nature to want to understand people who are different than I am. I had a friend in high school who was openly gay and very conflicted about it (this is in the "bible belt", in case you were curious). We were talking one day and he asked if I knew why he was gay. I didn't have an answer for him because at the time I was 14 and was still trying to figure out math, let alone relationships. It wasn't until much later that I realized that there really wasn't an answer, he was gay because he just was. Sadly we're no longer in contact. He was a few years older than me and moved as soon as he got the chance, and eventually we just drifted apart.

Although you didn't answer the question, there is no problem in that as you put it, he is who he is, because that's just who he is. What's important is that you were a truly supportive, accepting friend and that means a lot, especially given you lived in the Bible Belt. That's really major.

I had another friend in high school who was known for being rather promiscuous with the ladies, so it was a bit of a shocker when he "came out". We were working out one day, and being the curious person that I am, I asked "at what point did you know that you were gay?" His answer was a little surprising to me at first.

"I think I've always known. I just thought that if I was with enough girls, had enough sex, did all the things I was supposed to do, then I would be able to fix myself. Coming out really wasn't me realizing that I'm gay, it was me finally admitting it to myself."

The more I think about it, the more his answer makes sense to me. I still don't understand his sexuality, but I don't question it, and we're friends to this day.

That happens A LOT. In fact (not tooting the horn just saying) I can say I've been with guys who are ladies men, or are the guys that girls throw themselves on. And they think if they play the straight game that they'll be straight, or that others won't suspect they are gay. Of course it doesn't work that way. You can only lie forever. You can only deny forever. You can't change who you are innately. And you can portray the straight man image, but you're going to eventually slip up. Being gay, and considered attractive by peers, you see this dynamic. Some so-called straight guys checking their friend out on the sly, checking you out, and that no-one notices.

It's understandable you don't understand on an individual level. I don't really get the attraction to boobs and vagina. Because I don't find it appealing. But that's because I'm gay. It's not because there is something wrong or disgusting with boobs and vagina.

In the OP's case, he found a question that he wants to answer. Now he has to look inside himself and see if he's actually willing to answer it.

The the case with all forms of prejudice. That's the threat at work here. Do I really want to ask myself these tough questions? Am I ready to see the reflection in the mirror? People tend to like to blame others for their dilemmas, or not even admit they may have a problem. It takes a strong person to admit their weaknesses.