What would you give to an alien?

[Faux Furry]

Myself.




As an ambassador,guide to various repositories of data(essentially, a living add-on to search engines) or cultural curiosity,of course.

It isn't as if I have anything better to do than entertain or educate complete strangers and they hardly come stranger than beings from another planet.

 

[ThePenguinKnight]

Poop, they say everything comes down to poop.



Anyone? Eh? Eh?

 

[Sean Hollyman]

I'd give them some dubstep and a few dancing chavs.

Get the hell away alianz!

 

[Sonicron]

The entire first and second seasons of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
They'll either love us, fear us, or stop bothering us (because they'll be spending all their time searching the moon for Luna).

 

[Kerboom]

Beer? ***** please, when you wanna ruin entire civilizations it has to be Irish Whiskey.

Actually, I'm Irish, and I have to say, the Scots are better than us at the whiskey making business. Though I suppose really, we should just send them a selection of beverages and let them try for themselves.

I'd just like to interject for a moment.

See, you're wrong here. Scotch isn't whiskey. It is, however, whisky. There's a bit of a difference.

While the drinks are similar, generally the Irish ones taste the least like paint stripper.

OT: Hm... I'd hand them a copy of Lord of the Rings and bore them to death let them see that we can write stories.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

McDonalds, Starbucks, and Subway all blended up together so they'd become addicted to our shitty food.

 

[FilipJPhry]

Come to north Idaho you won't think that for long.

That's...... north Idaho. I really don't know why did you reply with that. Is the USA really that fucked up or is it because most Christians outside the U.S. are actually normal, accepting and helpful people?

Most christians outside of America are normal people who don't quote the bible every 5 seconds, but then, Christianity is dieing off in the UK.

I would give the aliens a list of all the greatest quotes in history. Like:
Science flew us to the moon, religion flew us into 2 towers.

I'd actually say atheism brought us Chariman Mao and Stalin and religion brought us the Renaissance.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

AIDS. What? Don't judge me, aliens are sexy!

OT: Probably a trivial piece of our technology, like a video game console, or a cell phone. Assuming they didn't already have things like that already.

 

[TitanAura]

A bible. They'll be laughing for days! =D

Thank you for reassuring my belief that atheists on the internet are more bigoted and obnoxious than most Christians I've met in real life.

FYI, agnostic.

And in this context, I feel I am not being particularly mean, okay maybe a little since I did specifically mention the bible and I'm certain a great many Christians would not take kindly to the belittlement of their faith but I chose the Bible because it would be the most immediately recognizable to an English speaking layman. Be it Bible, Koran, Veda, Talmud, whatever.... what POSSIBLE significance could our earthly religions mean should aliens appear and virtually shatter all preconceived notions of faith, god, and our place in the universe? Do you honestly think they could take ANY of them seriously?

And a harmless joke about a religious belief does not a bigot make. That would be like calling me a racist for laughing at an ethnic joke. Fine, it's uncouth and disrespectful, but it's just a stupid fucking joke. In the immortal words of Avenue Q; "We laugh because they're based on truth."

 

[Bernzz]

Okay so, right under this thread was the thread titled "Calling all metal-heads."
I quickly scrolled past, and the titles combined. The combination made me WHAT.

"Would you give head to an alien?"

That aside, probably give them alcohol. See what happens to 'em.

 

[Reginald]

I'd link the visitors to 4chan. That'll ensure they steer clear of us.

I'd actually say atheism brought us Chariman Mao and Stalin and religion brought us the Renaissance.

Except Mao and Stalin didn't actually do anything in the name of atheism, they just happened to be atheists. You're applying the logic similar to that used the media to persecute video games after the Columbine massacre. The shooters just happened to like video games, the video games didn't make the shooters kill anyone. Furthermore, religion isn't the sole contributor to the development of the renaissance. Nostalgia for the classical age was a larger factor. Don't turn this into a religious pissing competition.

 

[The Funslinger]

A bible. They'll be laughing for days! =D

Thank you for reassuring my belief that atheists on the internet are more bigoted and obnoxious than most Christians I've met in real life.

OT I'd give him/her 4chan. For the lolz.

Greater Internet Fuck-wad theory, my friend.

I'm an atheist. Please don't lump me in with him.

Anyway, I'd use fantasy media to build a careful documentation convincing them a large portion of humanity has vastly destructive magical powers. Let's see em work up the balls to invade then.

And I agree, 4chan would either have them run away. Or kill us all with fire. Or a compromise and block us from the rest of the universe with a force field, South Park style.

 

[hanzkidz]

Somethign to really confuse the aliens, so they'll spend many hours going "WTF IS THIS?!!"

 

[Iron Criterion]

I'd give them two books; one on the history of dinosaurs and the other would be the biography of Ernest Hemingway.

They'll connect the dots. And mankind will be spared.

 

[The Funslinger]

I'd link the visitors to 4chan. That'll ensure they steer clear of us.

I'd actually say atheism brought us Chariman Mao and Stalin and religion brought us the Renaissance.

Except Mao and Stalin didn't actually do anything in the name of atheism, they just happened to be atheists. You're applying the logic similar to that used the media to persecute video games after the Columbine massacre. The shooters just happened to like video games, the video games didn't make the shooters kill anyone. Furthermore, religion isn't the sole contributor to the development of the renaissance. Nostalgia for the classical age was a larger factor. Don't turn this into a religious pissing competition.

Agreed. I don't usually get involved in stuff like this, but: the Crusades, the Northern Ireland Troubles, the vast majority of terrorism, the Palestine vs Israel conflicts, validation for the extermination and segregation of Native Americans, and persecution of anybody who even came close to suggesting Atheism for centuries in Europe.

Point is, every group has its dicks, and religion's dicks have always found it easiest to be the most vocal ("God is on my side", etc) and then equally, I've heard a lot of atheists (even on this website) going on about how they would violently stamp out religion of they had the power. Hell, I once saw a guy suggesting capital punishment for marriage. What. The. Fuck.

 

[HarryScull]

Id show them a documentary/montage all the movies of humans beating the shit out of aliens and at the end it will say fuck of back to mars

 

[BlackEagle95]

Get every historical expert together and give them the complete history of Humanity, good and bad. I'd then ask them to do the same.
No idea how we're gonna translate this, we'll find a way.

 

[A Weakgeek]

My reproductive organ. Even if its not humanoid, I like the challenge.

 

[Sam Warrior]

A glass of water, the glass shows we can make semi complicated stuffs (being as its already in a space craft of some kind), and water is damn important for life and we have lots of it.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Give them an archive of Kevin Smith's Smodcast Podcasts. Pretty much everything about humanity, our thoughts, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, are all in there.

If theres an aggressive alien race out there, we're fucked anyway. But if there is even another alien thats mildly-violent like we are, I think it's worth attempting to contact them and trying to form some sort of relationship with them. We wouldn't feel so alone anymore.